Volume 15: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Subtitle: Get a Clue Inspectore!!!

2nd Subtitle: The Apocalypse Comet

Special Dedication:
To the memory of a creative genius

Richard Henry "Peter" Sellers, CBE, 1925-1980

ABC Late Night News
Good Evening, this is Louise Franco King substituting for Bernard Van Vlymen. And now, tonight's news. For the third time in a week, major art works have been stolen from a European museum. The Prado Museum in Madrid, Spain, was in a panic earlier today. Over 3,000 visitors and staff were evacuated from the museum after what turned out to be a smoke bomb set off fire alarms. By the time the Madrid Fire Department cleared the smoke, two great paintings worth a combined $20 million euros were missing. Missing were View of Toledo, 1597 by El Greco and Cucumber Still Life (Bodegon de los Pepinos) by Melendez. It was said that Spain's King Juan Carlos weeped upon learning of the loss. The King declared he would bring the great Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli into the case at his own expense as a matter of national pride. Rapposelli currently is in Paris investigating the theft of the Mona Lisa, perhaps the most treasured icon of art in the world.
Meanwhile, security has been tightened at art museums throughout Europe. Beware to Las Panteras Rosas, you have no hope of another successful strike! The world is united from Tokyo to Johannesburg to Oslo to Rapid City, S.D.

Bodegon de los Pepinos (Cucumber still life). Melendez's mastery of light is evident as the tomatoes and cucumbers amass luminosity in the foreground yet he chose dim light for the background. Tomatoes seem to have different standards today than in Meléndez´s time.

View of Toledo, 1597 by El Greco as viewed by the
Las Panteras Rosas just before they stole it.

In Detroit, the last pair of dancers was selected to meet already qualified Ron Turkal and Jennifer Lopez. Ponche Covarrubias and Christina Aguilera, performing the Mexican Hat Dance, were eliminated in a close competition. Cajun zydeco music put Liz Pack Jones and Leonardo Di Caprio into the finals. However our Reporter to the Stars, Colleen Murphy Cripe has an interesting twist on this story. Come in Colleen in Detroit.
Colleen: Hello, Louise. And a twist it was. A twist of the ankle of Leonardo DiCaprio on the final move of his dance has resulted in a high ankle sprain. Leo was under an huge ice pack and lying flat on his back when we talked to him. He said that he hopes to dance next week in the finals, but doctors told him that these types of sprain are very touchy and they would not know if he could compete until later in the week. Liz Pack was holding Leo's hand and telling him not to worry and that he was magnificent tonight in getting the team to the finals. Under competition rules, if a dancer cannot perform, a previously designated alternate may take their place. However, Liz Pack would not reveal her alternate and insisted that a replacement was only hypothetical at this point.
Back to you, Louise.

NBC Studios, The Tonight Show
Ed McMahon: Our guests tonight include snowboard champion Linda Haney Pearcy, Genuine Fake Psychic Madame Zaza, the number one ranked chess player in the world, William Hertan III, and a musical appearance by Nuns for Fun. First, a word from our sponsors at Fusano Olive Oil which now comes in fragrant bath soaps....
(After the break)
Ed: So, Danny, you will be taking a two week leave from the show for a European trip.
Dan McMahon: I will indeed, Edward. I am going to take time to get in touch with my family roots in Ireland and Scotland. My Uncle McTavish McMahon will be my host at our ancestral castle in Ireland. I also will be competing in the ancient Highland Games in Scotland.
Ed: What will you be doing at the Highland Games?
Dan: Not many people know that I am 2nd ranked in the USA in the ancient sport of caber tossing, Ed.
Ed: Wow! That is the event where you pick up a telephone pole size piece of wood and try to toss it as far as you can?
Dan: Yes, it is. Enough about me, let's bring out our first guest, Billy Hertan, and talk chess with the Grand Master who recently beat an IBM supercomputer.

Danny McMahon as Father Inferior playing with Nuns for Fun on the Tonight Show. Danny gave lessons to Eric Clapton and Jerry Garcia when they were starting in the business, but now he is a legend in his own right.

Oval Office, The White House
Jude Hawkes: Gentlemen and Judy, may I present to you, Mr. Lamont Cranston. Some of you may know him by his nom de plume, The Shadow. Lamont this is the Vice President, Bob Guerrero, Security Chief of Staff, Pete Herron, Special Agent Rich Corona of the FBI, Inspector Judy Brouillette of Homeland Security, and Star Fleet Captain, Brian Grimshaw. Let's get right down to business, please be seated. Lamont is there anything that you can do to help avert the destruction of Earth by the Poirier Comet?
The Shadow: President Hawkes, I do have a plan. I have called in several superhero colleagues to assist and they should be arriving soon. Your executive secretary, will notify us when they arrive. Is the Enterprise, Jr., ready to take us to the comet?
Brian: Lamont, refueling is underway and we can be ready to fly at 2300 hrs.
Over the intercom is the voice of Executive Secretary to the President, Charlene Brash Vlamina: Madame President, The Shadow's guests are here, may I show them into the office?
Jude: Thank you, Charlene, please bring them in here.
Lamont: If you will allow me to introduce my fellow Super-Heroes? (Jude nods approval). This is Tom Marsh-Mellow Man Marsh, he has the ability to stretch himself out into incredible shapes and tolerates contortions you have never seen in a lava lamp. (Tom bows). This is Liz Wingfoot Healy Zander, with her Mercury Wing-feet she can fly acrobatic maneuvers at speeds faster than Mach 4 even in the void of space (Liz hovers above the table to curtsey, then settles back down). And finally, a man after my own shadowy self, is The Black Magister, Steve Spadero. (The Black Magister growls). Steve is the last true alchemist on Earth. He can expand the quality of any element into super-elements. If you want copper with increased conductivity, The Black Magister is master. If you wish to have steel with the consistency of rubber, but retaining its strength, no problem.
Bob Guerrero: Excellent. But what exactly is your plan to stop the apocalypse comet?
Tune in next time to see the plan in action.

______________________________________________

Convent Nurtures Corpse Flowers For Unique Purpose

Mon Feb 5, 2:15 PM ET. The Shadow Press Newspapers
San Diego (Reuters) – “Carefully regulated greenhouse conditions have tricked the world's smelliest plant into blooming in the middle of the northern hemisphere winter at our convent”, Sister Joyce Hampel, CSJ, told reporter Joan Goss Commons. We call our propagation of corpse plants, the Garden of Eden Project.
A Titan Arum or Corpse Flower, native to the island of Sumatra in the southern hemisphere, has been encouraged into a phenomenal growth spurt and into flower -- an event that usually happens only once every six to nine years. "The Titan, standing at 5 and a half feet tall is the largest flower in the world and gives off a revolting stink, hence its name" said Sister Joyce with a wink and a smile to our roving reporter who had placed a clothes-pin to seal her nostrils before venturing into this interview. "The smell is a cross between rotten cheese, dog poo, and something dead", continued Sister Joyce. The flower is pollinated by flies that are deceived into approach by the smell of rotting flesh. The confused insects crawl over the flower and spread pollen. "Tonight the flower you see here will be in full bloom -- as will the stench -- and that will last several more days. But in three days it will have started to die back, and we hope to induce the next greenhouse plant to bloom. We already have two more arums in the greenhouse about to flower. When this bloom dies we will entice the next plant to bloom with the right combination of light, water, temperature, and nutrients thus keeping the convent wafted by a stinky odor plume perpetually."
So why this interest in corpse plants here at the convent? Formerly the good nuns were plagued by break-ins at the convent. The San Diego Police Department seemed unable to offer protection. However, since keeping corpse flowers in bloom, the nuns have not had a single attempted robbery. "We have the world’s largest collection of the plant, so robbers, muggers, and evil doers beware, this stench is unbearable". The sister’s condition themselves to the scent with exposures to concentrations and gradually build up tolerance to full strength. It is just a matter of will power and devotion to detail to raise these rare and unusual plants and to acclimate oneself accepting the smell according to Sister Joyce. Unfortunately, visiting Sister Anselma (formerly known to some readers as Diane Scollard) has not had the benefit of the acclimation period, but she handles the situation with a stout spirit. Looking on the bright side at another benefit of the odor, there are no more door to door salesmen for two blocks downwind of the convent.

ABC News Special Late Breaking News: Although Liz Pack Jones will only state, "No comment", when inquiring reporters inquire who she will be dancing with in the finals of Dancing with The Stars next week, ABC news obtained this photograph inside a Hollywood dance studio from famed paraparazi, Larry Cappel. You be the judge of what Liz may be planning.

Dance Partners?

Shadow’s Trivia Question: Who closed his TV Show by saying: Goodnight Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are (and walked offstage in a series of spot lights)? First answer to bonafrank@yahoo.com wins a prize supplied by Danny McMahon.

Credits for Volume 15:

Scchief Bloggologist: Robert M. Johnson

Graphic White Wizard: Daniel P. McMahon

Powder Blue Sub-Wizard for Graphics: Frank J. Bonaccorso

Hey, how come we don’t have graphics by Leonard DiTrapani?

DiTrapani (left) offered a bid that was way higher than McMahon or the guy on the right!!!

That pulls down the curtain on another episode!

Oh, but wait, our new inductees into The Shadow’s Super Fan Hall of Fame for this week are:
Chris Belle Monroe and Dave # 11 Gieg

Housekeeper: You've ruined that piano!Clouseau: What is the price of one piano, compared to the terrible crime that has been committed here.Housekeeper: But that's a priceless Steinway!Clouseau: Nyot Anymeur.

To be continued......in Volume 16

Volume 14: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Subtitle: Howling with the Wolfman!!!!!!

2nd Subtitle: Sweden-Poland Federation vs. USA,
its ski box derby time!!!!!

Radio Station XERF, Del Rio, Texas.
Patrick Lucatorto: Ready, Bob? We are on the air in 4, 3, 2, 1, go.
Bob (Wolfman Jack) Smith: Aaaaooooooooh. Have mercy, this is the Wolfman from downtown Del Rio, Texas. Are you ready to rock? We’re going to start with a song from Barbara Broeski Tennis that goes out to her friend Terry Boyle Southwick. Here comes the Beatles singing, Paperback Writer. (Cut to music)

Bob (The Wolfman) Smith, cult hero to many of us Alemanians. He blasted our airwaves with an illegal 500 KW transmitter from Mexico loaded with spicy humor and great music. May he rest in peace in Rock n Roll Heaven.

Wolfman: Have mercy, Terry, I hope you enjoyed that. I'm the Wolfman, and I got a caller on the line. Gimme dat caller Patrick?
Pat: Wolfman, your next call is from the Bordeaux region of France.
Wolfman: All da way from France, where folks are fermentin' some heavy-duty grape juice. Have mercy. Hello, who is this?
Caller: Hi, this is Adie Poirier Shaheen.
Wolfman: Hello Adie. Have mercy! Aaaaaooooooh. Are you the same Adie Poirier that just discovered that new comet?
Adie: Why yes, thank you. I'm celebrating my comet discovery with my son, Andrew, here in Bordeaux.
Wolfman: Comets are HOT, HOT, HOT. Ya hear me, baby. Who is your request going out to surprise?
Adie: My request if for a dear old high school friend, Bob Johnson. Would you please, please play, Please Mr. Postman by the Beatles?
Wolfman. Have mercy. Are you waiting for a letter long overdue from Bob?
Adie: I am Wolfman, except now-a-days, it's an email he hasn't sent. I haven't heard from Bob in a while.
Wolfman: Alright, Please Mr. Postman goes out to Bob Johnson from the lovely comet lady, Adie.
And Bob, if you don't write to this lady, I am going to whiz on you, man. Don't make me do that Bobby. Play it Patrick. (Cut to music).

Wolfman: We are live on station XERF from Del Rio, Texas. I have a bit of sticky goo on my fingers from eating a Coultas Gooey-filled Pretzle. Mmmmm, it is finger licking good, the way only my main man, James Coultas can make them. Next time you have a craving for a pretzel, buy the best, by the Coultas brand. Have mercy, baby. I have Leo Restrich on the line. Leo are you wearing one of your eye-ball popping Hawaiian shirts there in Simpsonville, South Carolina?
Leo: I am indeed Wolfman. How did you know that?
Wolfman: The Shadow told me. What is your dedication song?
Leo: Please play Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders singing, It’s a Groovy Kind of Love and send it out to my heart-throb in Moraga, California, Linda Byrne.
Wolfman: You got it Leo, Aaaaaooooooh! Howl with me Leo, Aaaaoooooh! (Cut to music)

Wolfman: We are back from Del Rio, Texas, and I have to tell you about my favorite party nuts. Black Stetson Pistachio’s are grown right here in Texas by The Black Hat himself, Ken Matwickzak. That’s right, the former coach of the Dallas Cowboys. Ken seasons his pistachios with Molidor's "Super-duper Sock-it-to-me Sockerooni Sauce" to give you that flavor you crave to death baby and with wholesome and nutritious nuts. Pistachio nuts are loaded with natural iron and calcium and there is absolutely no cholesterol but lots of fiber. Patrick and I eat them all the time in the studio. In fact, we are knee deep in pistachio shells right now. Patrick can you help me do a little sweeping after the show. We got to clean up our act, man.
Pat: Sorry Wolfman, I have to donate blood right after the show. Anyway our next dedication request is an email from Volcano, Hawaii, Wolfman.
Wolfman: A-loooooooo-haaa Hawaii. Who is it from?
Pat: Its from Frankie Joe Bonaccorso.
Wolfman: Oh, Frankie Joe, that bat expert guy. We had him on the show last year telling us all about bat pollination and seed dispersal. Bats are way cool, dude. Aaaaaooooooh, Frankie Joe. What's dat dedication Frankie Joe be wanting?
Pat: He requests Dean Martin singing That’s Amore go out to the lovely Gilmore girls, Johanna and Christina Marie. And he has a PS on his email, please blow them kisses from me Wolfman.
Pat: Wolfman: Ok, from batman to Johanna and Chritina Marie, I am blowing kisses. Here’s howling at you girls. Aaaaaooooooh. (cut to music --- When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.)
Wolfman: I am the Wolfman here with Patrick Lucatorto. Hey, Patrick, who would you like to dedicate a song for?
Patrick: Since you asked, Wolfman, play Tony Bennett singing the Charlie Chaplin composed classic, Smile, and send it out to Charmaine Haley and Teri Arteaga. (cut to music---"life is all worthwhile if you just smile")
Pat: Doesn't that song bring a tear to your eye, Wolfman? Let's change the tone for our final song dedication. This one is from Jay Pelzer. He requests you play, Surfin' Safari, for his buddy Andy Kotnik. Andy is in a body cast from a surfing accident but he is improving rapidly. (Cut to music) That was a great show Wolfman. I'm outta here. See you tomorrow.
Wolfman: Hey Patrick, take care my man. You da best mixer in da business, baby.

Patrick Lucatorto, The King of TV and Radio Sound Mixing.

Playboy Mansion Basement.
Cha Cha Faitel: Peggy, you are welcome to stay at the mansion just as long as you want.
Peggy Jones: Oh, just until the divorce papers are finalized. Anyway, I am dying to know why Bobbie Mosher is coming here.
(A butler shows Bobbie Mosher into the room.)
Bobbie: Hi girls. Sorry to intrude on short notice, but I am really worried about the time machine. You don't know this but I made a few adjustments to the machines without Greg and Terry knowing. I always have kept an eye on those two. (Bobbie tells the girls about her long history of adjusting defects to Mock-Pokorski space craft and time machines, about hiding behind the drapes the day Mona went time traveling, about Elvis on the moon, and about the death of Elvis at the hands of the purple aliens).
Have you checked on the status of the crew that went to the Cretaceous, Cha Cha?
Cha Cha: Why, I haven't but that is Terry's responsibility. Say, he was called away on family business soon after the time machine left. Maybe we should check the instruments. We have a GPS unit with an atomic clock on the Monarch that can transmit location and time period. Come this way. (At the instrument panel.) Oh dear, the Monarch seems to be out of place and time.
Bobbie: These instruments place them in central Italy in 79 AD.
Peggy: Isn't that the year Vesuvius went ballistic? (The three ladies look at each other, no one speaking when suddenly Poof!, an Angel hovers over the tree ladies)
Angel Paula Carabelli: Ladies, you have a back-up craft ready to travel. Go rescue our friends! I am taking a risk being her without permission from a higher authority. I have to get back to heaven before anyone misses me. Now, quit standing around and go. Poof – Paula disappears. Poof again! Angel Paul Frysak appears: (looking around) Was Paula just here? (But no one is there to answer, as Cha Cha is pulling the door of the Monarch II closed with Bobbie and Peggy already fastening seat belts.
Poof! Carabelli is back in heaven. Poof! Frysak is back in heaven. The two angels exchange high fives.
Paula: What took you so long, Paul, you need a little more practice on your Poofing!
Frysak: (shaking head and laughing) Whatever?

Aboard the The Trident of Neptune, Flagship of Pliny The Elder.
The ship is headed east toward Herculaneum and Mt. Vesuvius with the fleet following. Pliny the Elder is dictating his observations of the eruption and Pliny the Younger, his nephew, is recording his words on wax tablets with a stylus.
Frank B: Gaius Plinius, may I offer the use of my Nikon 10 x 42 binoculars to view the volcanco. (Hands binocs to Pliny). Look through the eyepieces here. Now, focus by turning this knob.
Pliny: Why, this is remarkable. It is as if I were right on the cone of Vesuvius? Frank, we must have one of your American craftsmen immigrate to Rome to manufacture these for the empire. (Frank thinks he won’t explain that these are Japanese binoculars).
Pat Dolan: How close are we going to get? Shouldn’t we be heading in the other direction? (And then Pat has to head for the rail to spew forth some of his oysters.)
Chris Gilmore: Look, people on shore are waving us to approach. We need to help them.
Elder Pliny: Your heard the lady, Captain. Make for shore there. People are in need. We must board as many as possible. Captain, instruct all vessels in the fleet to pick up the refugees, then head south to Stabiae.

The dotted yellow line shows the route the The Trident of Nepture took with the two Plinys and the Alemany Monarchs as they sailed and rowed from Misenum to Stabiae.

After The Trident of Neptune loads refugees on the coast between Herculaneum and Pompeii, the vessel is rowed toward the more distant and hopefully safer town of Stabiae. During this part of the voyage, Pliny the Elder is having acute respiratory problems. The ash and sulfur in the air are discomforting to everyone, however, Pliny has had a history of respiratory disease. He goes into coughing fits and collapses.
Alan Shows: I am doing everything I can for him, Frank.
Frank: I wish there were something more we could do. I find myself very attached to this old geezer. And he did save us from the mob back at Misenum. We are almost to Stabiae. Hopefully we will find the air better there.
(But the air was not better at Stabiae. It was while the Monarchs were in Stabiae that Mt. Vesuvius belched a humongous plume of ash and stone into a column that must have risen several thousand feet into the air).
Dave Nehen: (whispering to Alan and Frank) We know from history that Pliny the Elder dies from respiratory problems during this day. What can we do to save ourselves?
(At this very moment, a time machine lands in Stabiae. It is the Monarch II. From the vessel emerge Bobbie Mosher, Cha Cha Faitel, and Peggy Jones.
Christina, Kathy, Art, John, Pat, Dave, Bill enter the Monarch II, Cha Cha works the controls. Frank and Alan have a quick conference with Pliny the Younger. Frank gives young Pliny a present of his binoculars and a pez dispenser. Finally, Alan and Frank enter the time machine carrying a body swathed in sheets. A few more seconds and Poooooof! The Monarch II disappears from Stabiae just as rather large fragments of pumice rained from the sky. Look for yourself. The explosion is peaking.

Pompeii is doomed. Sure hope the time machine cleared the kill zone in time.

Junfrau, Switzerland.
Announcer Frank Laurie: May I have your attention. The race will commence in 1 minute. The USA ski box, Red Baron, is driven by Robert Johnson and his putschers are Mike and Steve Modugno. The Polish-Swedish ski box, Swedish Silver Bullet, is driven by Marilyn Gadomski and her putschers are, Daniel Kwapnioski and Renee Olsen Laurent. Spectators are reminded not to cross the course, please stay behind the ropes set by the Swiss Guard.
The ski boxes are in the starting chutes. The King of Sweden, Rex Olliff, hammers on a gong and the race is begun. The Modugnos putsch Johnson into the early lead and the Red Baron is flying down the slopes, but the Swedish Silver Bullet is close behind.
Frank Laurie: At intermediate time check one, USA leads by 0.22 seconds. Gadomski with her laser sighted steering has the better hairpin turn and takes the lead. At time check number two, Gadomski leads by 0.17 seconds. This is anybody's race.
Now the two ski boxes are on the final descent, the finish line is in sight. Then an object falls from the heavens, no not the Poirier Comet. It’s the Monarch II Time Machine out of control landing on the course (Kaaplop!) and on its side just between the two ski boxes each of which are bumped sideways. In fact the Monarch II noses both ski boxes for the win at the finish line. All is confusion around the finish line. Gadomski is out of her ski box and screaming at officials. Johnson is out of the Red Baron and shouting. Mary Ganssle Johnson makes an official protest of the results. Joe Dispenza does not even look up while eating veal scalopine with lemon sauce on the terrace of the clubhouse but asks Frank DePasquale to pass the breadsticks. And out of the Monarch II comes 13 time-travelers led by a dumbfounded Cha Cha Faitel in high heels. The last two out of the Monarch are Frank Bonaccorso and Pliny the Elder, who has been told to answer to the name of Guy Elder. Suddenly, at the barriers just beyond the finish line, an silver dagger strikes a hay bale, missing Bob Johnson's head by inches. The Swiss Guard security detail carrying their famed halbards and headed by Commander Robert Cosgrove, and Sergeants Joe Rende and Bill Pawlak immediately cordon off the scene and prevent anyone from leaving. It will take some time to sort out all this mess. We should check out things in Detroit where Dancing with the Stars is about to take place.

Swiss Guards Rende and Pawlak on inspection before the Jungfrau ski box
race. I hear Joe is a terror with a halbard. Wipe that smile off your face Rende.
Your collar is not straight Pawlak.

Commander of the Guards, Robert Cosgrove.

Cobo Arena, Detroit.
This is Murray Suarez live from Detroit bringing you Semifinal Two of Dancing with The Stars. Let's bring out tonight's first couple, Leonardo DiCaprio and the enchanting Liz Pack Jones. Welcome Leo and Liz. Leo, you keep rolling out the great hit movies.
Leo: Thank you Murray, it has been a good year. I think only Bob Orlando had more industry earnings in 2006.
Murray: And Liz, you look stunning, but can you promise us you won't burn down the arena, tonight. Al Vicuna went a little overboard last week.
Liz: I feel so bad for Al, to go out of the competition on a technicality. But don't worry, Murray, Leo and I are not playing with fire tonight. We will be free dancing to zydeco.
Murray: Strike up the Muy Peligroso Band, Willie Melendres. Let's dance.

Office of the Director, Rijksmuseum
Eugene Rapposelli: Hello, I am Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli, Italian Carabinieri. Allow me to introduce Sub-assistant to the Scchief Inspectore, Diane Mottola Belmont.
(He knocks a miniature Rodan sculpture off a table as he whirls to introduce his assistant, but Diane manages to catch it and set if back on the table).
Susan Gibbons: Glad to meet you both. Director Chris Belle Monroe wants to see you immediately, this way please. (Rapposelli steps into a waste basket as he follows, but does not let that bother him and keeps trying to kick off the waste basket as he enters the Director's office. Introductions are made, Diane gives her old friend Chris a wink. Diane grabs the waste can and jerks it off the foot of the Inspectore. The basket goes flying out of her hands and breaks a large window glass.
On the street below, an innocent tourist approaches the Rijksmuseum entrance. Theresa Anctil Polk, unfortunately has a waste can fall on her head and bumps into a hanging banner which is torn down and wraps around her. Stumbling backwards she falls into a water fountain. Inspectore R., Diane, and Chris Belle all looking out the window are aghast at this scene.
Eugene: My, it is a wonder how some people like that lady can be so clumsy and manage to get through life. Now, Director, you say a painting was stolen. Where was this painting at the time of the crime?
Chris: Over here on the wall behind my desk.
Eugene: Aha! I shall inspect. (He withdraws a large magnifying glass from his inside coat pocket and looks closely along the wall, the floor molding, and then throughout the room.) I compliment you, Director, on having very clean offices. It seems the thief did not leave any clues.
Chris: There seems to have been two thieves, Chief Inspector, and they did leave this calling card. (She hands him the pink paper with the black lettering).
Eugene: Las Panteras Rosas!!! I knew this had all the markings of the world's most clever art thieves. Do not fear, Director, the Italian Carabinieri are on the job (swinging his arm his magnifying glass flys through the air and breaks a glass aquarium holding bright colored tropical fish). Diane, Chris, and Susan scoop fish off the floor, while Eugene thinks about the crime.

Street-side cafe', near the Place de Concorde, Paris, France.
Christi Brecht: (waves to a boy selling newspapers and gives him a euro for the paper). Why look at this, Christine, The Mona Lisa has been stolen from the Louvre.
Chris Carney: Sure am glad we saw it two days ago when we had the chance. Isn’t that a shame? Waiter, another cafe' au lait, si vous plais.
Christi: I spoke with Chris Belle on the phone a little while ago. She seems to have calmed down. She is in the midst of filing all the reports for the insurance claim on the Latona theft.
Chris: We should get back to the hotel and pack if we are going to catch the overnight train for Madrid. I'm looking forward to seeing El Prado, the world's largest art museum.
Hard to choose what to see first there, El Greco, Goya, Reubens, Murillo....Waiter, check please.

Oval Office, The White House, Washington, D.C.
The Vice President: We don't seem to have many options here.
The President is sitting in a leather swivel chair facing away from the VP and staring through windows across the freshly mowed lawn at the presidential seal being trained by animal fitness trainer, Bob Riske. The presidential seal and favored pet is a harbor seal named "Snickers". Finally, the chair swivels and faces VP Robert "Bobby" Guerrero. President Hawkes sighs before speaking.
Jude Hawkes: No we don't have many options, Bobby. The Joint Chief of Staff says he has no effective defense to offer. None of our military branches nor our scientists have anything to help the matter. That means the last resort that I have, (pause) is to use the Orange Phone.
Bob: Jude, you mean the Red Phone to President Putin in Russia.
Jude: No Bob. There is a direct phone line that until now you haven’t been cleared to know about. The Orange Phone! President Hawkes, presses an intercom button. Please send in Security Chief Herron. (Peter Herron enters the Oval Office with a set of keys handcuffed to his right wrist). Pete, let's unlock the safe to the Orange Phone.

President Jude Hawkes. Eat your heart out Hilary Clinton. The Presidential Seal is behind her and the president's pet seal, "Snickers", is nipping at her ankles.

A large portrait of George Washington is taken down from the wall and leaned out of the way against furniture. Pete places a key in a wall safe door. Jude places her key in the lock. The safe is opened and the President reaches for a phone. She picks up the receiver and waits, there is a ringing on the other end of the line.
Deep-throated voice: Hello, I have been expecting your call. Shall I come to Washington?
Jude: Come with all haste. Where is the nearest air force base to your location.
Good, I will have supersonic transport waiting for you at Vanderburg. See you in several hours. Bob, Pete, be here at 2100 hrs for a briefing by our guest.
Bob and Pete: Yes, madam president.

Kulani, Hawaii, The Shadow’s Super Fan Hall of Fame
The Shadow is pleased to announce the first inductees into the Super Fan Hall of Fame. Your name will be written in colored chalk on the Steinback Highway at the entry way to Kulani on the Big Island. A Super Fan is one who is continually emailing the Shadow with praise and suggestions, and participates in special events like the trivia contests, and appreciates humor. The first two inductees are:
Leo Restrich and Teri Arteaga Romero. Congratulations.
Unfortunately, Dave Gieg fell one vote short of the 75% vote of the panelists needed for entry. You should not have insisted on collecting that Super Bowl bet from Frank, Dave.

See you next time, The Shadow

Volume 13: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso
__________________________________

Special Dedication:
To Our Parents,
The Greatest Generation
Upon writing this edition we learned of the
Passing of the mother of Andy Kotnik
Our sincere condolences to the Kotnik Family
________________________________

Subtitle: Goodness, Gracious, Great Balls of Fire.
2nd Subtitle: All Hail, Gaius Plinius Secundus

Rockefeller Plaza, New York City.
Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I am your host, Murray Suarez, for tonight's semifinals of Dancing with The Stars 2007. Our first contestants tonight will be Grammy Award Winner Shania Twain dancing with 2007 champion of the Paris-Dakar Rally, the world's toughest off-road race, Alfred Vicuna.
Murray: Welcome Shania and Al. Al, what is it like in a 7,000 mile Rally across the Sahara?
Al: Very dusty, Murray.

Vicuna and Twain before the Fire Dance.

Murray: I see. Shania what has it been like dancing with Al through the early rounds?
Shania: Al is so light on his feet. He is just like a feather with hips. And he is the sexiest man in racing.
Murray: It's time to dance. What will be your free-choice dance tonight Al?
Al: Murray, Shania and I will perform the Hawaiian fire dance.
Murray: Well this will be a first for our program. Torch-bearers, please light the fire. Maestro, Willie Melendrez, music please.
The Hawaiian Fire Dance is played by Muy Peligroso Band with a Hawaiian drum section of David Krohman, Timothy Kunke, and Michael Marko in grass skirts borrowed from the Alemany wardrobe left from South Pacific. And the dance begins. Shania and Al have incredible jumps and spins over the fire pit. Each is tossed a pair of torches lit at both ends. They dance around each other, tossing torches in the air and catching them. They toss torches between each other. The crowd is in silent awe as the drums intensify in pace. Al leaps high in the air over the torches that Shania holds and pirouettes after landing. They twirl the torches surrounding themselves in a fireball.

Al Vicuna and Shania Twain are hot, hot, hot in a ball of flame while performing the Hawaiian Fire Dance.

Side stage: Ron Turkal sporting a black bow tie with pink polka dots, white sport-coat, and a pink carnation tells J-Lo: Wow, I never knew Al had moves like that. He is the reincarnation of Emmet Smith. And he breathes fire like Puff the Magic Dragon.
J-Lo: Shania ain't bad either. Ooops, was that a costume malfunction?

Misenum, Italy, 79 AD. In the courtyard of a large villa.
Pliny The Elder: Alright, Alan, let's say I do believe you are from a great land far beyond the Pillars of Hercules and across the Mare Oceanus. There is no call to create a panic up and down the Bay of Neopolis that will affect tens of thousands of people.
Alan Shows: In our land, we have made prediction of volcanic eruptions a precise science. I am confident that the volcano will erupt violently within the day. You are a great man of science, surely, you can understand our concern. Gaius Plinius, you must act (Alan stomps his foot). Besides, the people already are frightened.
Pliny: You do have very advanced gadgets. I wouldn't mind taking a ride in your flying machine. And those, what do you call them, walkie-talkies, they are jolly good.

Here is Gaius Plinius Secundus, also know as Pliny the Elder, as photographed by John Barreiro at Misenum on the day Vesuvius erupted.

Pliny used John Barreiro’s camera to photograph John, the Imperator.
When in Rome, do as the Romans, and try to blend with the locals. Hannibal
would not have stood a chance against this determined Roman.

Tim Jordan: These oysters are quite good, Plinius. Try one Kathy.
Kathy Gordon: Somehow, I am not very hungry Tim.
Pat Dolan: (Slurping an oyster) You have to keep your energy up, Kathy (slurp). No telling (slurp) when we may eat again. Look, there comes the rest of our group jogging down the road, Alan. Frank is still the star runner, way ahead of all the others. Why, I remember the time we both ran a 4:02 mile, sophomore year in gym class at Alemany. I barely out-leaned him at the finish.
Alan: Stow it, Pat, we have a serious situation here. Now as I was saying Gaius Plinius, please ready the fleet. Why don't we all go out on your flag ship and make observations of the volcano from the sea.

Military Tribune, Attilius Allanus Shows.
Girls what do you think of those legs? His email is rashows@aol.com

Pliny: Yes, capital idea. I can make observations and put them in my Historia Naturae. Very good!! I must get Pliny the Younger to pack a bag for me. Alan, have all your people transfer whatever gear you have to the docks and I will meet you there. Where is that nephew? (He shouts) Gaius Caecelius?

Meet Octavius Maximus Danaher and Gaius Aurelius Corso Bono marching in perfect synchrony. Is it any wonder that the Roman Empire collapsed? Obviously the centurion on the right has the better pair of legs.

Madame Zazza’s Psychic Parlor, Culver City, California
Madame Zazza: Excuse me Oscar, I will be right with you, please sit down, I just have to finish with this client on the phone:
(Oscar and the two Wally's, Ernsdorf and Franklin, seat themselves. Madame Zazza wears a scarf over her head and wears sunglasses.)
Zazza: Yes, you only have one more online class and I can send you your Genuine Fake Psychic Diploma certified by the State of California Board of Psychics. And may I say sir, that you show more promise than I have seen in a long time. Your premonition and telepathy indices are off the charts. Did you ever attend the Hogwart's School? Oh, you did attend Griffindor for one semester! Thought that might be the case. Now, how did you spell your last name again sir, so that it is correct on your diploma? Aha, P-E-L-S-E-R. Ok, I see your final credit card payment for $199.99 has cleared. That final lesson will be emailed to your shortly. Bye-bye. (Switches phone off)
Oscar, darling, how are you?
Oscar Rivera: Couldn't be better Madame Zazza. And these are my associates that I have told you about. This is Wally, and over there is Wally.
Zazza: Darlings, deeeeeelighted. Wally may I read your palm.
Ernsdorf: That's ok, maybe another time; it still has pine tar all over it from taking batting practice with Jim Dantona this morning.
Oscar: I have to say Zaz that all your predictions were correct, except for that notion you had that a comet was going to destroy earth last week. But the lottery, the horses, the roulette wheel, the football games were all winners. Here is a little token of my esteem for your assistance. He hands Zaz a check for $1 billion dollars.
Zaz: Such a nice round number. (Places check in the bodice of her blouse.) What do you want to play next?
Oscar: Actually, I don't want to play anymore. My goal was to become the world's richest man and Fortune Magazine has declared that to be the case. And I was able to humble Gates, Murdock, and Trump in so doing. I must say your idea to bluff every hand of poker against those guys worked. I never had more than a pair of 8’s the entire night. Now that I have all this money, I am going to give most of it away to charities.
Zaz: (with lifted eyebrows) Each to his own choice. Well, thank you for the generous check Oscar. Either of your friends interested in a fake psychic degree? No? Well, ok then. I will show you out.
(On the street, outside Madame Zazza’s.)
Ernsdorf: Why is it that that woman reminds me of Joann Guzzardi Romero?
Franklin: You know her voice sounds like Joann and wearing that bandana and sunglasses. Hmmm. What about it Oscar? Who is Madame Zazza?
Oscar: Madame Zazza is Madame Zazza. That is all you need to know. Let's go. I feel generous today, boys. Let's go donate a new wing to the UCLA Children’s Hospital.
Then I have to call San Francisco. I think I might just buy the 49'ers after all. Gieg and Borquez retired from Dallas right after coach Matwiczak was fired, so that franchise is going downhill. Oh, and I am giving Marty Molidor 10 million to settle his Taco Bell lawsuit out of court.

Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam.
Chris Belle: (leading a group of students through the galleries) Here you can see the delicate brush strokes used by Van Dyck are quite different from his formative years..... (Alarm bells go off throughout the Museum. Director Belle looks for a security guard to explain the problem?).
Guard Mark Belmont: You had better come with us, Director Belle. (Two guards lead her to her own office.)
Chris: Oh no! How could this happen? (The Breughel painting from the wall behind her desk is missing). On her desk, she finds a pink sheet of paper with black lettering. It reads, "Las Panteras Rosas".
Chris: Cuuuuuurses! The Pink Panthers have struck! (She turns to the head of Security). There is only one thing to do. Quick, call for Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli in Torino!

Late Night ABC News.
This is Bernard Van Vlymen; and now the news:

The auditorium at Rockefeller Plaza burned to the ground this evening. There were no deaths but five people including Shania Twain and Alfred Vicuna are being treated for smoke inhalation. The fire started just before the conclusion of the Hawaiian Fire Dance when embers started a fire in the ceiling tiles. Here is a report by on-the-scene reporter, Pamela Groves Horowitz.
Pam: Hi Bernie. The crowd was disappointed to only see one pair of dancers before this round of semi-finals was shut down. The pair of Twain and Vicuna have been disqualified for not completing their dance. That means that Ron Turkal and Jennifer Lopez go on to the finals in two weeks in Torino, Italy. It's a bad break for Al and Shania. They were doing the fire dance like we have never seen it performed. The biggest applause of the night was just prior to the fire when Shania had a "costume malfunction". That alone seemed to sway some of the judges, especially Prime Minister John Thompson. Replacement judge, Danny McMahon, also said he was ready to give high marks to Twain-Vicuna; but his hands were tied according to the rules because the couple did not finish the dance. Next week, in Detroit, the other semifinals will have Christina Aguilera and Alphonso Covarrubias going against Liz Pack Jones and Leo DeCaprio. That dance-off will determine the final pair to dance against J-Lo and Turkal in the finals.
Bernie: I understand that Dan McMahon is the judge that has replaced Bobbie Mosher. Our viewers know that Mosher is reported missing. Any leads about what happened to Bobbie Mosher?
Pam: No Bernie, Mosher and two friends dining with her poolside at Graceland are still missing without a trace. Her husband John Noreen has offered a $5 million dollar reward for information leading to Bobbie's return. Word is that Oscar Rivera provided Noreen with the reward money.
Bernie: Thank you Pam.

News from Amsterdam:

The modern day Pink Panthers known as Las Panteras Rosas, two super stealthy art thieves believed to be women, have stolen the masterpiece, Latona and the Peasants of Lycia by Breughel the Elder. This painting, valued at $14 million, was one of the crown jewels of art in the Reijksmuseum. It was stolen right off the wall of the Museum Director's office. No leads have been found yet. But world famous international sleuth, Scchief Inspectore Eugene Rapposelli of the Italian Carabinieri is said to be flying to Amsterdam.

In sports:

The Maverick’s Big Wave Surfing Contest in Hawaii was won by Glen Eurich in the final round. Previous leader, Andy Kotnik, wiped out on a 30 foot wave and suffered multiple injuries. Andy is recovering and was able to say that you can bet that we will be back at Maverick’s for next year’s competion.

I guess that about wraps-up our story on Andy Kotnic pictured here. Sure
hope Andy likes milk shakes and chicken soup.

And finally in the news tonight

A new comet has been discovered in the heavens in the Asellius Sector. It was discovered by a volunteer astronomer at the Keck Observatories in Hawaii. The Poirier Comet is named after discoverer Adrienne Poirier. It is predicted that the Poirier Comet will be brighter than Halley's Comet once it approaches Earth. And that's all the news fit to tell. Good night, America.

Approaching the Docks of Misenum.
The Alemany gang is walking toward the docks when suddenly they are surrounded by an angry rabble. Some Misenians start throwing rocks.
John Barreiro: Alan what are they saying?
Alan Shows: They think strangers, us, have angered the gods and that is why Vesuvius is erupting. We are in deep trouble, ouch! (A rock strikes Alan)
(Fortunately, Gaius Plinius and Marcus Attilius are approaching with Pliny’s honor guard of legionnaries.
Pliny: Legionnairies break up that crowd and protect the honored guests. (The legionnaires form up around the Alemanians and with their shields form the legendary Roman "testudo" or protective turtle shell. The Alemanians are under the shields in the middle of the formation and are walked safely to the ship of Pliny.

The Alemanians are under the testudo formation and away from the angry mob.

Aboard USS Enterprise, Jr., headed toward Planet Earth.
Leo Restrich: Is Bobbie resting quietly now.
Judy Brouillette: Yes, I gave her a sedative. She is sleeping.
Kathy Dunlay: I am still shaking a bit myself. I wish we could have gone back for Elvis.
Rich Corona: There is nothing we could have done for him. Once that purple alien slimed him, it was all over. We have seen that before. It is a painful way to go.
Kathy: (in tears) And Elvis had only just re-entered my life. After all these years in which I thought he was dead. And now he is dead on an unknown planet, gazillions of miles from Graceland. Judy, can you give me what you gave Bobbie? I am not feeling well.
Judy: Sure Kathy, come with me honey.
Brian Grimshaw: (Captain, USA Starfleet) Hey, Rich and Leo, come up to the flight deck. You have to see this.
(At the viewing screen on the flight deck). Look at that huge green comet. It appears to be headed toward Earth.
Rich: Whoa, that thing is bigger than Pluto. Brian, you better put on the hyper-drive, we need to get back to Earth and warn Norad, SAC Command, NASA, and The President.
Leo: And besides, Bobbie really wants to make the next round of Dancing with the Stars.

Keck Observatories, Hawaii.
Tom Carnegie: (Shaking head) Your calculations agree with mine Adrienne. Earth is in its path.
Adrienne: I was wishing I had made a mistake. How long until the comet hits Earth?
Tom: Only ten days. I had better notify NASA, they will alert the other appropriate agencies and The President. And remember no leaking this information. Only the President makes the decision to take this public.
Adrienne: Dang, I sure wish the comet that is going to destroy life as we know it wasn't named Poirier.

{To be continued}

Volume 12: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Subtitle: The Volcano, She's A Gonna Blow!
Second Subtitle: Oh, what a work of art?

Shadow's Special Dedication
To Maureen from big sister Chris Belle Monroe,
To Linda from husband John Preble,
To Kathy Gordon from St. Ferdinand classmates,
Three winners against cancer
With love from all of Alemany ‘66
______________________________________________________

A lava bed on the slope of a smoking volcano.
The time machine known as The Monarch is lying on its side, partially smashed. Steam is leaking from the machine. A door on the upper side of the ship opens, two arms emerge and a dazed Kathy Gordon leaps off the machine.
Kathy: It's a sunny day, come out everyone.
One by one, all nine time travelers emerge, no one having more than minor scratches. They gaze around at lava slopes with scattered trees and shrubs growing among weathered basalt formations.
Art Fonseca: Not a great landing. Welcome to the Cretaceous everyone.
Alan Shows: (Sporting a Band-Aid over his left eye) Anyone else need a Band-Aid?
Frank B: We better look over The Monarch. Our transportation home looks a bit worse for wear. There seems to be something familiar about the shape of that volcano cone.
John Barreiro: This is spectacular scenery. I am going to work. (Off he goes taking photos of the landscape and the crashed time machine.)
Chris Gilmore: Oh look there is a teeny, tiny dinosaur.
Bill Danaher: Where?
Chris: It ran under that rock. (Chris and Bill go off to catch it).
Frank: (Shouting and looking chagrinned) May I have everyone's attention before you all scatter over all tarnation. (Everyone is focused on Frank). We are not in the Cretaceous!
Dave Nehen: What makes you say that?
Frank: For one I saw another teeny, tiny "dinosaur" and it's a very modern era lizard know as a skink. Second reason, if you look over there on that shrub you will see a common blackbird which did not evolve until millions of years after the Cretaceous. Third reason, I recognize that volcanic cone. It's Mt. Vesuvius. I visited it in 1976. Vesuvius is a much younger formation than Cretaceous. I repeat, we are not in the Cretaceous, and we are not in Texas. We are in Italy.
Pat Dolan: So we know where we are. And it is way off course from southern Texas. But what year is it?
(Suddenly a prolonged earthquake of about 3.8 Richter shakes the ground and then a large burst of smoke and ash belches out of the volcano).
Dave: Oh my goodness, I sure hope it's not 79 AD.
Art: Why? What happened in 79 AD?
Frank: That's when Vesuvius destroyed Pompeii, Herculaneum, and a few other Roman towns. I believe you can just make out Pompeii down by the sea, there (pointing a finger).
The volcanic activity subsides somewhat. A noise is heard lower down the slope and sounding like wagon wheels. All the time travelers run down the slope to get a view of what is making the noise. And they see.....

Winter Park, Colorado.

There goes X-Games Qualifier Linda Haney Pearcy showing her best form while flying high over the half-pipe.

Linda Haney Pearcy, the woman that replaced Olympic Champ Hannah Teter on the USA team for this International Cup has won the gold medal at Winter Park. Haney Pearcy performed her specialty trick, the Alemany Quad QuadTwisel for the first time in competition and landed it perfectly. Linda perfected the move long ago on her skateboard in 11th grade at the Alemany Quad after school. She explained, "It's a quad quad because it has four revolutions and was first performed by me on a quadrangle. I sure prefer landing on snow rather than concrete." Haney Pearcy easily led the Gold-Silver sweep for the USA. By winning at Winter Park, Linda has qualified for the X-Games at the Matterhorn. Her coach, Mary Langan Doyle announced to the world that Linda would up the ante for the other girls at the X-Games by adding a Quintuple Broeski to her routine. No one, man or woman, has ever landed a quintuple revolution trick in the history of half-pipe. This competition may draw a crowd of 500,000 spectators since it will be held the same day as the much anticipated Ski Box Derby International Championship. If you do not already have a room booked for Zermatt you may as well stay home and watch the finals of Dancing with the Stars where it will be warm and cozy.

A happy Linda with her gold medal at the awards ceremony.

World Champ Haney Pearcy with Coach Langan Doyle contemplating
Execution of the first ever Quintuple Broeski on a restful day in Ireland.

The Paris-Dakar Rally in the Sahara Desert.
Al Vicuna: Please pass me a Red Bull out of the cooler, Father Art.
Father Art Holquin: Here you go Al. Just keep your eyes on the road.
Al: What road are you talking about Art?
Art: That was a joke, Al.

Al Vicuna and his relief driver, Father Art Holquin, out ahead of the pack somewhere in Mauretania and headed for Dakar.

Art: I sure am glad we are almost to Dakar, Al. I really do need to get back to Capistrano and get ready for the dedication of the new basilica.
Al: And you know that I will be there for that Art. Right after I finish winning Dancing with the Stars. Say father, are those swallows ever late in returning to Capistrano?
Art: No Al, every year that I have been at the mission the swallows always return on St. Joseph's Day.
Al: That is so amazing!
Art: Watch out for that on coming bus, Al.
Al: Where? (swerving and fishtailing through the dunes) Would you cut out with the jokes already, Father? Say a prayer for us instead; we don’t need any more flats.

And there they go, passing the lead motorcycles. How can Al and Art lose with Red Bull and Molidor's Sockerooni Sauce as fuel and as sponsors?

Jungfrau, Switzerland.
Rex Olliff: (Shaking hands with Mary Ganssle Johnson) Beautiful day for a race, Mary.
Mary: Yes, it certainly is your majesty. And the course is well groomed. The snow is smooth. Are we agreed that we will run the time trial with both teams starting on the gong. First box over the line wins.
Rex: Agreed on all points. Of course it's a more technical course here with more turns than the Matterhorn, but not as steep. Still, it will be a good test to see how we stand against each other.
Mary: Mighty smart on your part bringing Marilyn Gadomski to drive your box. You have any information on the Nepalese and their new ski box, the Golden Hammer?
Rex: They are still in Nepal and not coming to Europe until a few days before the Matterhorn race. They are a mystery. But I do know that Liechtenstein has a new team planning to enter the derby.
(Crews are bringing the Swedish Silver Bullet to the starting area. A team of dogs mushed by David Surges is pulling the Red Baron to the start).

Snowzilla: Alaska snowman has neighbors fuming
Sat Jan 6, 7:53 AM ET story by Patricia Richards Atnip.
ANCHORAGE, Alaska

Snowzilla may be a smash hit with shutterbugs, but the towering snowman has detractors closer to home. Some neighbors of the two-story high snowman say they're fed up with the hordes of gawkers clogging their street.
When you get 20 people out there in their cars, the whole street comes to a stop and nobody can get through, said Majorie Padour Smith. Snowzilla is visible from the front window of her winter cottage. They just stand out there, in the middle of the road, talking about a snowman. Harrumph! I come here to Alaska for a change of scenery from Gadsden, Alabama, and this is what I get. What is really weird is that I went to high school with the two guys that built this monster. They haven't changed a bit.
Marjorie's neighbor, Thomas Padilla, supervised construction of the original Snowzilla last year. Through the Internet, it became a media sensation, drawing crowds of visitors and TV crews from as far as Japan and Russia before it melts in the spring. This year, Padilla along with high school classmate, Raul Perez, resurrected the snowman and its giant hat. Snowzilla is made from tomato cartons, a corncob pipe, and beer-bottle eyes. At 22 feet, the new Snowzilla is six feet taller than last year's predecessor.

Tom and Raul sure know how to build a snowman.

Slopes of rumbling Mt Vesuvius.
Alan Shows: It's a Roman centurion driving a chariot like there was no tomorrow.
John Barreiro: Madre de Dios, the chariot didn't make that curve and has spilled the man into the gorge.
Kathy Gordon: We need to help him. Let's go everybody.
Alan: Bill, get the medical kit and follow us.
(Seven people are huddled around an unconscious Roman soldier, Christina Marie and Art are calming the frightened horses, Bill Danaher is running to them with the medical kit).
Frank: When he arouses, how will we communicate - my broken Italo-Spanglish, or what?
Alan: I can try my Latin. It's been a long time since Latin IV at Alemany, but I think I can communicate with him. Dave, hold this compression bandage here with pressure. Tim, you better have a look, he lost a couple of teeth. There is bleeding from the mouth. He's going to need your dentistry skills.

The Pearly Gate, Heaven.
Two angels are standing at the gate looking down toward Earth.
Angel Paul Frysak: It looks bad down there.
Angel Paula Carrabelli: It does look bad, but you know we cannot intervene.
Paul: I know, but we can't just let them be trapped in the past with Mt. Vesuvius about to explode. They are our classmates!
Paula: Maybe we should talk to the boss.
Paul: We have to do something. Here comes the boss now.
Archangel Father Thomas Weber: Mr. Frysak, what are you doing here, choir practice is starting. Sister Rosemary and Sister Roseanne are waiting for you.
Paul: But Father.....
Father Weber: Don't say another word. You are supposed to be an example to the new arrivals. Now go without another word.
Paula: Please go, Paul. I will keep watch on our special friends and let you know if things get worse. (Angel Paul flies off to choir practice).

6 PM, ABC News Room, Washington, D.C.
And now the news, this is Bernard VanVlymen reporting from Washington.
Bernie: President Bush will deliver his State of the Union Address tonight.....blah, blah, blah.
Following a commercial break for Gieg's Gold Label Tequila and the new limited edition of Gieg's Picante' Tequila......
Bernie: Fortune Magazine reported today that Oscar Rivera, Jr. became the world's first trillionaire. And that is after taxes. There is a mystery about how Rivera came by all his recent wealth. However, investigative reporter, Mary Chris Checkie Kincaid reports from Los Angeles.
Mary Chris: Bernie, at the same time that Oscar has acquired vast riches, three of the previously richest men in the world all filed for bankruptcy in the space of one week.
Bill Gates is now stocking shelves at WalMart to makes ends meet. Donald Trump was vending those hot giant pretzels on the streets of New York until James Coultas, owner of Coultas Gooey-filled Pretzels, walked up to him and said, "Your fired". And Rupert Murdock is believed living with aborigines in the Outback of central Australia and living off the land. Could these all be connected? We don't know for sure, but Trump was heard by Coultas to mumble, "Why did I ever play high stakes poker with Oscar."
Bernie: Interesting perspective Mary Chris. That's all we have time for tonight. I'm Bernard VanVlymen. I will be back at 10 PM with the Late Night News. May all your news be good news.

Administration Section, Rijksmuseum, Amsterdam.
In the outer office of the Museum Director, two well-dressed women sit admiring the paintings on oak panel walls.
Executive Secretary Susan Gibbons Shirk announces, "The Director will see you now".
The huge wooden door is opened and the two ladies walk into a plush carpeted and huge office furnished in Chippendale. Across the room, the Director smiles warmly and waves her Secretary out. As soon as the door closes, the three woman rush to together laughing and taking turns hugging, jumping, giggles galore.
Christi Brecht Moore: Look at you, Mutt, you are radiant, and nice power pants suit.
Christine Belle Monroe: Well I have to look the part, Jeff. I deal with a lot of the rich and powerful people every day here. Mostly I am involved in fundraising and administrative stuff. I wish there was more time for art.
Chris Carney Stoddard: Mutt and Jeff back together again! It's a long way from 1st Grade at St. Elizabeth's together. Oh my God, is that a Breughel on the wall behind your desk? And over there you have a Vermeer? Oh, what a work of art! Chris, can I get close to the Breughel?
C. Belle: Yes, it is "Latona and the Lycian Peasants" by Jan Breughel the Elder painted around 1605. Our Master's Gallery is being refurbished and the museum had to put it somewhere for a time. Isn't it incredible? Do you know the story of the painting, Chris?
Chris C.: No, please tell us.
C. Belle: Latona is begging the peasants working around the pool for water. She is dying of thirst having been chased to Lycia by the goddess Juno. Juno was angry that Latona became pregnant from her husband, Jupiter. But the peasants, encouraged by Juno, make the water undrinkable. Enraged, Latona curses them, condemning them to live forever in the fouled water. Now look closely at the peasants in the water. Some already have been turned to frogs, even though they still wear the clothes and do the work of people.
C. Brecht: It's so subtle, the tiny figures amid the powerful giant landscape. I am speechless.
C. Carney: But Christine, how did you manage the move from retired art teacher to director of one of the most prestigious museums in the world?
C. Belle: I just sent in my resume and letter of application on a whim. Of course my reference letters included the Lt. Governor of California, The King of Sweden, and the world's richest man (Wink!). I think you know all of them from Alemany. I guess that might have helped some. Hey do you guys remember the time we heard Dick Dale and the Deltones live at the Rendevouz Ballroom?
Christi: Yeah, we sure were wild back then. And don't say I was the gang leader. You both helped us get in enough trouble too on the boardwalk at night.
Chris B. Girls, would you like to have coffee here first or see some of the museum?
C. Carney: Oh please, let's go see some art. Can you show us The Night Watch?
C. Belle: Of course we can see it. Oh, and girls, I have a surprise. I have opera tickets for tonight in the Queen's Box. My treat.
C. Brecht: Christine, you shouldn't have done that. It must have cost you a fortune.
C. Belle: Don't be silly; the tickets are complimentary to the Museum. Rank has its privilege. The opera is La Boehme, with Cheryl Evanson singing on the 111th year anniversary of its first performance. She is touring all the great opera houses, Paris, La Scala, and Vienna. Next month she will perform at the site where Puccini debuted his opera with Arturo Toscanini conducting in 1896.
C. Carney: And where is that?
C. Belle: Why, Torino, of course.
C. Brecht: What a coincidence, Chris and I will be skiing near Torino next month. It's the final stop on our grand tour of Europe. Why don't we all meet there and see the opera again together? Maybe Cheryl will let us take her out to dinner afterwards.
C. Belle: You have a deal. This time you buy the tickets, Christi.
And so Chris and Chris and Christi walked through the Reijksmuseum amid Dutch Masters and are reunited again. (Isn't it incredible what The Shadow Knows?)

Mutt and Jeff with Chris Carney admire a painting. The Night Watch is behind them. They do look like a group that could have caused trouble at Balboa Island. Why they are wearing nametags? Must be a security thing.


The Night Watch by Rembrant van Rijm. It was time you clowns got some culture. Look closely at the lower right near the dog in the shadows to the left of the drum. You can see the stain where Jay Pelzer spilt his coffee in 1975. I know. Bob Johnson and I posted bail for Jay

Mt. Vesuvius (with Latin-English translations to facilitate brevity)
Alan Shows: Sip some water, Centurion. Remain calm, we are friends
Roman Centurion: Thank you, stranger. I must get back in my chariot. I must warn Gaius Plinius Secundus in Misenum that Vesuvius will erupt. He must evacuate as many as possible from the coast with his fleet.
Alan: You believe the eruption will be significant.
Centurion: Yes. The earthquakes already have broken many aqueduct lines that I was inspecting. I know that volcano and it never has acted like that in my life or the life of my father.
Alan: Tell me, friend, we are distant travelers from beyond the Pillars of Hercules and Mare Oceanus, what is the name of your Caesar?
Centurion: Vespasian is Caesar. And my name is Marcus Attilius. I am engineer in charge of the Aqua Augusta like my father before me.
Alan, Frank, and Dave knowing their Roman history all gasp. Horror on their faces!!!
Frank: Then this is the real deal. Vespasian was emperor in August 79 AD, during the great eruption. We are all doomed (volcano rumbles loudly) unless we get to Misenum and onto boats.
Ok, here is our plan. Alan and Tim ride with Marcus Attilius aboard his chariot to Misenum. Pat, you take the gyro up and fly to Misenum. You can carry Kathy in a net below you. The rest of us have to jog behind and make the best time possible. We all need to see Gaius Secundus.
John Barrerio: Who exactly is Gaius Secundus?
Dave Nehen: He is commonly known as Pliny the Elder. At this time he would be the Roman Admiral in charge of the Western Fleet stationed at Misenum. He made a noble effort to record observations of the eruption while at sea and to evacuate many people from the coastal towns. He saved thousands of lives in 79 AD. We can explain more later. Everyone get moving.
(Alan and Tim jump onto the rolling chariot and they are off. Small bits of pumice are falling from the sky and the fumes are becoming worse.)

{To be continued}

Special Notice: Dreamed of climbing Mt. Everest? Diving in a submersible to the depths of the sea bottom? Dunking on Kobe Bryant? Finding a cure for Alzheimer's? Lead guitar with the Eagles? We might even have space on the time machine for visiting the past. If you attended Alemany any time between 1962 and 1966, are a fan, and have not entered the story yet, you can write The Shadow in care of bonafrank@yahoo.com and let him know your fantasy wish. Know a fantasy wish of an Alemany friend. You also can let us know. We might be able to tell your story through our eyes. No promises but we try to please.

Volume 11: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Subtitle: The Swedish Silver Bullet

Volume Dedication:
To the memory of Dr. Figliozzi,
Father of Kit Figliozzi Skelton and
the doctor who delivered your author into this world,
and maybe some of you readers too.

Stockholm Royal Palace.
King Rex Olliff: So the merger of the Swedish and Polish Ski Box Derby teams is settled. You must admit that Swedish technology is superior, but then of course you are the best driver in all of Europe. And, I am so pleased to hear that you are having fantastic results driving prototype 31 of the Swedish Silver Bullet. What the Volvo people have produced is impressive technology, don't you agree.
Marilyn Gadomski Smith: Yes, I don't think I could have been competitive with the Polish ski boxes. I love the new laser steering system on the Bullet. That is particularly awesome. All I have to do is sight the laser off my helmet and that's where the ski box goes. The gyroscopic strut mounts for the skis keep me from bouncing too much while sighting the laser. We are almost ready to take on the USA, although I am not satisfied with our putsching, Johansson drinks too much Vodka, and I may have to replace him with a Polish putscher, perhaps Daniel Kwapniowski.
Rex: You're in charge of personnel, Marilyn, do whatever is necessary to W-I-N - within the rules of course...



The Stockholm Royal Palace: Where King Rex Olliff lives.
With 608 rooms, the Stockholm Royal Palace is the biggest palace in the world still used by a head of state. It houses the Royal Apartments, Hall of State, and Apartments of the Orders of Chivalry, Treasury, Tre Kronor Palace Museum, Armory and Museum of Antiquities. Changing of the Guards takes place Wednesdays, Saturdays and public holidays. This mid-13th Century palace was ravaged by fire in 1697. Remnants of the old castle are in the Museum. New construction lasted from 1697 to 1754. The Royal Apartments are magnificent, ranging in style from baroque to rococo to Gustavian neo-classicism.

Zion National Park, Utah.
Bill Danaher: Training is going well Frank. Dave Nehen is a top marksman with that dart gun, Art and Tim have their timing down with the nets and ropes, Alan has all his medical supplies and his physical exams show everyone is in fit shape. We look good to go whenever Mock and Pokorski tell us the time machine is ready.
Frank B: Good job, Bill. How about the ship-to-ship line-throwing gun? Who have you put in charge of mastering that?
Bill: I'm taking that on myself. That gun has quite a kick, but I can shoot lines with grappling hooks up to 400 ft.
Frank: (Looking up a cliff.) You are almost there Chris, swing to your right.

Chris Gilmore getting in another day of training.

Bill: She is fearless. You wouldn't catch me up there.
Frank: Nor me, that's why Chris brought Kathy Gordon O'Riley into the project as her climbing partner. I look forward to handling pterodactyls but heights scare the shit out of me. I can wait until our bundle of prehistoric pterosaurs comes down to the ground.
Bill: Look south Frank, here comes Tim flying his little gyro-flyer. That should be very handy for scouting the cliffs and finding nests. Pat Dolan is learning to fly it too, so we have a backup.
Frank: You have any doubts about doing this Bill? Now is the time to back out if you do, you do have to consider your family. Annie would be worried if she knew what you were doing here.
Bill: What and miss the greatest science expedition of all time. Everybody is on board. Even Alan is enthusiastic now. He wants to know how a pterosaur heart functions
Frank: Thanks Bill. By the way, Tim is conducting dental checks on everyone this afternoon, we don't need any toothaches in the Cretaceous and he will have minimal supplies if there was a problem once we are in the field.
Bill: He has those mini-laughing gas cylinders he is taking. Why did you want so many?
Frank: Just in case in any big bad dinosaurs need to chill out Billy boy.
(Cell phone rings). Hello, Greg. (He listens) Great. See you day after tomorrow. Well Bill, the new time machine is ready for us...

Tim Jordan flying over Utah.

(Errata: I wish to correct a mistake in Volume 10. I incorrectly transcribed the Shadow's statement that the second cheerleader from the front in the "Dallas Cowgirl Splits" photo was Sue Shannon. Actually, Shadow informs me that Sue is the third cheerleader from the front. The second cheerleader from the front is my chemistry lab partner from ILAP, Kathy Bell. I used to have trouble concentrating in chemistry lab on "game days" when Kathy wore her cheerleader outfit to class. F. J. Bonaccorso)

Sacramento, Halls of the State Capital Building following Cabinet Meeting.
Teri Arteaga: That was a brilliant move to bring Helene (Tina) Cross onto our team as Chief Speech Writer, and the Governor seems to really believe in his heart that we can build a better California both in terms of quality of life and the environment, while at the same time expanding the economy.
Diane Muscolo: Yes, Tina has been brilliant writing slogans like, "There is no Democratic air, and there is no Republican air". Why even a lot of Democrats are buying into our government. By the way we have a 10:00 AM meeting with Arnie tomorrow on endangered species. Frank Bonaccorso will be flying in to brief us on the critical conservation status of the California leaf-nosed bat. He said he could squeeze in two hours with us before he heads off on a major expedition. This will be a hard sell. Arnie doesn't like bats very much, something about his previous role as Dr. Freeze in Batman.
Teri: Well, work is done for today, I think I will head for the kitchen and bake some cookies.
Diane: Oh, no you don't. Remember, the only cookies you are eating for awhile are Oreos. Besides we need to prepare for tomorrow's meeting with Frank, we need to review the candidates for Commissioner of Education; we need to see where Tina is on the speech for the next press conference....
Teri: Ok, I surrender. We can work in my office.

Playboy Mansion Basement
Nine Alemany Grads have their seat belts fastened aboard the Time Machine dubbed The Monarch - except there were only eight seats because Kathy Gordon had joined the crew at the last moment, thus once again Pat Dolan had to ride in a jury-rigged seat in the storage compartment.
Terry Mock: Stand by everyone, 4, 3, 2, 1, launch.....and poof the The Monarch was off to the Cretaceous....

Keck Observatory, at 13,796 ft on Mauna Kea, Hawaii
Tom Carnegie: This lever elevates the scope and this one moves it left or right.
Adrienne Poirier: Thanks for having so much confidence to trust me with the Keck scope, Tom. I feel like I am on such a learning curve here at the observatory.
I mean, I have only been here a week and already I am mapping new galaxies on the worlds largest telescope that cost $140 million.
Tom: You are one of the fastest learners I have ever seen. I have to go check the liquid nitrogen levels down below, go ahead and start searching sector Gama 23-45Q in the Asellius system. I'll be back in half an hour. There's fresh coffee in the pot.
Adrienne: Will do Tom; keep your walkie-talkie on in case I have questions.
(Adrienne begins to photograph new planets and stars in Asellius). Oh my, what is this?
It must be as big as Pluto! I better run a trajectory calculation. Tom will be so proud of me! (On walkie-talkie) Tom, come in, this is Adrienne, and I have a new comet on the scope.
Tom: I will be there soon Adrienne, take as many photos as you can. You know that since you discovered the comet, it will be named after you. Great work!

The observatories on Mauna Kea. Keck Twin Telescopes where Tom Carnegie and Adrienne Poirier work the night shift are right center. Mauna Loa, worlds largest single mountain mass is in background and behind the mountain is Frank Bonaccorso's house where every 66'er is always welcome. Too little snow left for our snowboarders.

Comet Poirier moving rather fast on a trajectory toward Earth.

5,000,000,000 Parsecs Past Pluto on a barren unidentified planet.
Alien voice over ship's loudspeaker: We will soon arrive at our destination; all humanoids must fasten safety belts and prepare to land.
(The saucer lands)
Alien voice over loudspeaker: You will all depart the craft. (A door opens). You will proceed toward the terminal building along the yellow lines without deviation.
(And then, two figures appear from the thin planetary air to block the way to the door)
Judy Brouillette Roddy: Hello friends, I am special agent Judy, Homeland Security, and this is special agent Richard Corona, FBI, we have been on a covert detail to spy on these aliens for years. They finally made a move to kidnap US citizens and we stowed away aboard this ship to rescue you. We don't have time for further explanations. We will disappear momentarily to avoid detection by the aliens. Walk out toward the terminal. When we reappear on the tarmac and run for the rescue ship, follow us immediately with all the speed you can muster. Hesitation could mean death for some or all of us.
(Judy nods to Rich. She pulls a cloak over her, he puts on a golden ring with strange elfish runes on it, and they both disappear)
Kathy Dunlay: You heard what the lady said. Let's walk.
(Kathy pulls Leo by the hand, Leo pulls Elvis, and Elvis pulls Bobbie, all in single file).
Outside on the tarmac, Rich Corona pulls the ring off his finger and is visible, then Judy removes her cloak of invisibility and everyone can see her too.
(The gray flying saucer that was trailing the aliens lands between everyone and the terminal.)
Rich: Everyone follow me into the rescue saucer. Run!
(The saucer doors open, and everyone is running like scared antelope. Judy leaps aboard the saucer, turns and fires a shot at an alien, Bobbie notices her cherished heirloom pendant necklace has been dropped. She goes back to retrieve the necklace, but is caught by a small pudgy, purple-skinned alien. Judy cannot risk a shot.
Bobbie: Let go of me, you purple thingy (screaming).
Elvis: Everyone else get aboard, I am going back for Bobbie. (But Leo goes with him)
Space pistols are fired at the rescue saucer and in the direction of Elvis, Leo and Bobbie.
Rich: (standing in the door of the rescue saucer and firing his space pistol) Everybody come here now, the craft is programmed to leave in exactly 5 seconds.
(Leo is running with Bobbie to the saucer, Elvis is behind struggling with the purple alien that had Bobbie. More purple bodies are running for Elvis and others charge toward the saucer while firing shots)

{To be continued}

What evil lurks in the minds of men? The Shadow knows.

Stay tuned for Volume 12 soon. If you want to listen to the original radio shows of The Shadow go to http://www.oldtimeradiofans.com/
For free downloads of radio shows -this is a great site - when you listen be sure to light a candle and turn the electric lights off. Many shows from Abbott and Costello to Death Valley Days are on this site. Great to share with your grandchildren over a cup of hot chocolate.

This Alemany 66 Lady is competing in Volume 12. If you can correctly identify this woman before Vol. 12 is published, you win a ride on the Lancaster Bus with guided commentary provided by Don Turkal. Entries to bonafrank@yahoo.com. One entry per person. B. Johnson and D. McMahon and other employees of The Shadow Press are ineligible.