Volume 28
The Further Saga of Alemany ’66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso and
Photo Wizards R. M. Johnson and D. P. McMahon

Special Dedication: To all the Cartwrights on the Ponderosa

Our proud father Ben is surrounded by sons Martin, Little Bob, and Hoss. Behind them is our Cousin Beauregard ("Tex"), who came to visit Pa five years ago and never left. He loves Hop Sing's cooking. Lurking in the mirror in the shed is The Shadow, who watches over all Alemany '66 functions

Subtitle: Oye como va?
Subtitle: Barrrrr—aaaa---cuda!

Wrigley Field, Chicago
Two men are sitting in the right field bleachers with steaming cups of coffee.
Ernie Banks: Man, what a beautiful day, let’s call some of the guys and play a doubleheader, Jim.
Jim Dantona: Quit dreaming and give me part of the newspaper.
Ernie: Here you get the front page and the classifieds; I get the sports page first. (Basking in sunlight that would make David Surges smile on a rare mild winter day only -3 degrees, the two cronies read a newspaper on their coffee break. Dantona takes a bottle out of his inside coat pocket and pours a little in his coffee.)
Ernie: Hey, let me have a hit of that stuff.
Ernie: Hey, this Geritol stuff is good! I feel a little zip in my blood already.
Oh my, I sure am glad we are not in the American League. No one is going to have a chance against the Red Sox now.
Jim Dantona: Wha’da’ya mean, Ernie. The Cubs can lick anyone in that other league, if we can just get to the Series, we’ll show ‘em.
Ernie: You better read this, Jimmie.

Redsox Juggernaut Signs Superstar
Boston Globe, Reported by Gail Smith

We are trying to confirm that The Boston Red Sox have signed the superstar they have coveted throughout the Winter Hot Stove League. Topping offers tendered by the Yankees, Mets, Cubs, and Angels, we are hearing that the Bosox are about to ink Johan Santana to a whopping trade with the Twins that includes a $190 million contract extension over 6 years. This reporter will have details in the Globe’s Late Edition.

Can anyone compete with Boston if
Johan Santana goes to Beantown?

Breakfast Buffet, Main Dining Hall, SS Pterodactyl

Linda Williams: That was some party last night! There have only been half a dozen people here all morning and it’s last call for breakfast now.
Janice Coyne: Well, Diane Mottola proved she is still the “best dancer” from Alemany.
William Fuller: Ohhhh, my head. Can someone pour me a cup of black coffee?
Theresa Killian: Here you go, Bill, watch out because it is hot. It’s amazing how things printed in Recuerdos ’66 have not changed. I think Bob Ryan is still the wildest dresser.
Susan Murdock: Yeah, and Jay Pelzer is just plain wild. I mean to see a 59 year old man swing from the chandelier to prove he can drink a White Russian while upside down! I have to go walk my dog on the Poop Deck, see you all later.
William Fuller: I must be getting old, my stomach aches, my head hurts, and this whole dining room won’t stop swaying.
Father Neal Hughes: Of course the room is swaying, me lad, you are on a ship and the seas are a little rough. You should have a bite to eat and you will feel better. Excuse me. I am going back for seconds on the pancakes before they close the buffet.


ABC TV Studio aboard the SS Pterodactyl
Good evening, this is Bernard Van Vlymen reporting on location aboard the SS Pterodactyl which is currently cruising off the coast of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We begin tonight’s news with a late breaking story about the rich getting richer. I am told by reputable anonymous sources that The Boston Red Sox have acquired a superstar that almost guarantees another World Series in Beantown. Our source believes Santana spurned an offer from the Yankees and will agree to wear a Red Sox uniform for $200 million over 7 seven years. This is the largest contract ever awarded in baseball history. Asked if he thought he could play every fifth day, Santana told our source, “Hell, I am going to play in 81 games, in fact I will play at every home game, no problem.”

Bernie: (Uhmm, hold on a second, our producer, Stephen Watton, is speaking in my earpiece). It seems that there was a slight error, Johan Santana signed with the Dodgers. It is Carlos Santana that signed with Boston, and he absolutely will be playing during all home games at Fenway Park through 2014. Let’s ask Rolling Stone editor, Marc Welter, what he thinks of this signing?

Santana plays “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” in 7th Inning Stretch at Fenway

Marc: Hey! Greatest thing to come to baseball since…….

Still has a prize in every box!

Cracker Jack put a prize in the box! I think the signing of Santana is huge, I mean bigger than Ballpark Franks or any active ball player that the Red Sox could’a signed. The Sox are going to have sell-outs five years in a advance and are going to make a ton of money in selling CD’s, T-shirts, Fatheads, etc. The crowd is going to be pumped, every time Santana does the 5 sec musical intro to a hitter coming to bat and will play a full song everytime there is a pitching change outta da bullpen, see! Fenway will be more intimidating than ever for road teams and all that money the organization will make will allow them to sign all the free agents they want. I already hear that Alex Rodriguez is trying to get out of his Yankee contract, because he is a huge Santana fan.
I see a dynasty looming for the Red Sox. Back to you, Bernie baby!

Carlos Santana waits by bullpen gate for a cue to play “Oye Como Va”
as introduction to a Manny Ramirez at bat.

Bridge of SS Pterodactyl
George Duggan: Cap'n we have a message from the radio room. There was a major earthquake in Hawaii, we are warned that there is a tsunami alert.
Art Durazo: Thank you, Mr. Duggan. Double the watch and put our best tech on the radar. Carry on.
George: Aye aye, sir.

Sick Bay, SS Pterodactyl
Theresa Killeen: How is she, doc?
Dr. Alan Shows: Liz Healy is a sick puppy right now. Our sixth case of food poisoning from last night’s menu. Lab results indicate the ciguatera is caused by a dinoflagellate protozoan often associated with ingestion of flesh from "top-of-the-food-chain" fish.
Theresa: Hmm, she had the barracuda fillets last night. But she will be alright?
Alan: We will know in a few hours.
Theresa: Who else is down with the poisoning?
Alan: It seems to have hit the teacher’s table real hard. Mr. Smidt, Mr. DeCoster, and Coach Vanni have it. Also, James Wright and Tim Jordan.

Bridge of SS Pterodactyl
Lamont Cranston: Cap'n, (puff, puff – breathing hard) I came as quickly as I could. (more heavy breathing) I was playing a game of cribbage with Coach King and we both ran up from the lower deck lounge as fast (puff, puff) as we could (puff, puff).
Coach Mike King: Wie getz, Cap’n?
Art Durazo: Gentlemen, we have a mega-tsunami 80 miles off our port side approaching us as 240 mph. Radar indicates it is over 140 ft high.
Lamont: Hmmm, that is not good.
Coach King: Mein Gott, what will you do? That only gives us 20 minutes until impact!
Art: Well, Tim Jordan is down with food poisoning, but Brad Kopp says he can fly Tim’s gyrocopter. He is flying toward the wave with a video cam now to track it visually for us. I am afraid all I can do is point the bow into the wave when it approaches.
George Duggan: I have radio contact with Brad, Cap’n. He reports visual contact and that the wave is increasing in size as it reaches shallower water. He estimates it is 180 feet high now.
Art: What does The Shadow know about tsunamis?
Lamont: He knows that the Pterodactyl does not stand much of a chance against that wave. Wingfoot Healy teamed with Marshmellow Man Marsh could handle this.
Art: Except Liz Wingfoot Healy has the worst of the food poisoning. It was that 8 foot giant barracuda that Terry Mock caught that had the ciguatera.
Radar Tech Philip Tessier: We have 12 minutes to impact, Cap’n.
Coach King: I have two questions and need quick answers. What room is Tom Marsh in?
George Duggan: He is in Cabin 488 overlooking the Poop Deck.
Coach: I remember seeing a phone booth somewhere on the ship. Where is it?
Art: Coach, here use my cell phone.
Coach: Just tell me where the phone booth is.
Art. Starboard side of Deck Three. But, I still…..
(Coach King was off at a run).
Art: …..don’t understand what you are going to do in a phone booth when we are all facing certain death.
Lamont Cranston: Relax, Art, The Shadow Knows.

The SS Pterodactyl and every living member of the Alemany Class of ’66 are in dire straits not to mention harm’s way.

Our Super-heroine, Liz Wingfoot Healy, is under the weather – dang she could have made a difference, or at least The Shadow seems to think she could have.

Double dang, Brad Kopp reports the tsunami is 200 ft high!

Before we all go to Davey Jones's Locker with the Pterodactyl (She was a good ship!) I have a final announcement in the way of (heaven forbid) errata that was printed in Volume 26.

Through a Freudian Slip the last member elected to The Shadow’s Super Fan Hall of Fame was announced as:

Denise “Lil Donnie” Werner Piscitello

With great apologies, the announcement should have read:

Sarah “Lil Donnie” Swenson

Heads will roll among the editorial staff!!!!!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from everyone still with their heads attached at The Shadow Press.

Volume 27
The Further Saga of Alemany ‘66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso and
Photo Wizards R. M. Johnson and D. P. McMahon

And

With a special vignette from Shadow Guest Ghost Writer:
CBJ

Subtitle: What’s That Up In The Sky?
Second Subtitle: Fungos in Fenway.

Congratulations to Trivia Contest Winner for Volume 26:
Annie Gattuso Monthaven who identified Morro Bay
Runners-up were Leo Restrich and Christi Brecht Moore

Swimming Pool, SS Pterodactyl
Teri Arteaga: Well I think it was quite decent of Captain Durazo, to concede that dogs have a place on the cruise. Look at how much Louie enjoys swimming. Stay out of the deep end, Louie.

Captain Durazo admitted that without Louie he could not have knocked out the Nepalese assassin. As a reward he opened the pool to all dogs on board.

George Duggan: And no longer do I have to worry about losing my job if the Captain, found out about my little Cookie. Of course, we are honor bound to only exercise our dogs on this deck.
Chris Incaudo: And what did you say was the name of this deck, George?
George: Rather appropriately, we are on the ‘poop deck’, Chris.
Cindy Parcel: Oh, that is precious! (She shouts to her dog). Spooky, stay away from that llama! How did you come up with that name, George?
Thomas Tracy: If I may explain with your permission, George, the poop deck is the nautical term for the stern superstructure of a ship. The term goes back to very early days in the British navy.
Carol Trifiro: Oh dear, hand me that pooper scooper please, my Bowser just did his business.
Denise Werner: Say to whom does that tiny ever so cute chihuahua belong?
Donna Shields: Would you believe that that little guy belongs to The Shadow?
Lamont Cranston: Good day, ladies and gents. Did I hear my name spoken?

(A huge splash is heard and Lamont in his white sports coat and white linen slacks is soaked. A great dane has just jumped into the pool and is licking Louie in friendship.)

Suzann Raiche: Oh, poor Lamont. You are soaked. You had better go change. I will keep an eye on your doggie. What did you say its name was?
Lamont: Hercules. And thank you, I do believe I will go change.

Bridge, SS Pterodactyl:
Art Durazo: It is a pleasure having another Captain aboard who appreciates how much work there is in captaining a ship, Paul.
Paul Pichotta: Of course this ship is a bit larger than mine, Art. Say, Art, what is that off the bow?
John Depew: (looking through binoculars.) Strangest thing I ever saw. It is a lady riding a dolphin!
Art: Nonsense, give me those binoculars.
Rita Marie Desiato: (Also with binoculars). She’s waving, trying to get our attention. I can swear that I recognize that woman.
Diane “Dee” Dow: Ree, let me have a look. (She pulls binoculars that are still around Ree’s neck and focuses).
Rita: Hey take it easy, that’s my neck, Dee.
Dee: Well, if that ain’t the cat’s meow. That’s Kathyrn Martin Rahmn. Captain, you have to stop this ship right now, and let Kath aboard!
Art: I cannot just stop this ship to pick up a latecomer on a porpoise. I would be the laughing stock of the cruise fleet.
Coach Ann Foster: (Blows her coach’s whistle loud). Captain, that is an Alemany volleyball letterwoman. You will pick her up.
Art: I give in. (He picks up the phone to the engine room.) All engines, stop. First it’s dogs and now its dolphins! Retirement is looking mighty good to me, Paul.
Paul: Take it easy, Art. All in a days work on top of Davey Jones’ Locker.

Kathryn Martin Rahm and Flipper

Cabin 44D
Cristine Kelsey: Monique, on behalf of all Alemany 1966, these roses are a token of our appreciation for organizing the cruise. It has been so, so, so interesting.
Monique Lussier Padberg: Oh, these are beautiful. But Claudia deserves as much credit as me, Claudia, I insist you take half of these to your cabin.
Claudia Haugh Stepan: No, no. It was your idea to have a class reunion cruise. The most credit goes to you. I’ll just take one.
Pamela Raine: Say, did you girls hear the latest gossip?
Kathleen Phelan: No, what happened?
Pamela: Kathryn Martin was riding a dolphin off the front of the ship and waved the Captain down to pick her up. But Art did not want to stop. Fortunately, Coach Foster was on the bridge and made him stop the ship.
Monique: Poor Kathryn missed the ship in San Pedro. Well, then according to my records, every living Alemany student of the class of 1966 is aboard the ship.
Patti Sellers: We are all together again. Remarkable!
Jean Roth: Then we should have a special party tonight.

Later that night……

The Following Story Is Contributed By
Ghost Guest Writer, Beej, aka CBJ

The Commissoner of Baseball, Bud Selig, with Red Sox
General Manager, Gyoengyi Molnar Quinn and World Series MVP, Mike Lowell

Captain’s Table, SS Pterodactyl
(Seated at the Captain’s table are Captain Art Durazo, Cece Duffy Essin, John Errea, Gyoengyi Molnar Quinn and Patrick Hayes. The centerpiece on the captain’s table is the 2007 World Series Trophy)

Captain Durazo: I am truly honored by our distinguished guests tonight. Ms. Quinn, you do me great honor by agreeing to be my dinner partner.
Gyoengyi Molnar Quinn: Captain, how gracious you are.
Captain Durazo: I have never been seated this close to a true sports icon. Tell me about your duties as General Manager of the Boston Red Sox.
Gyoengyi: The season never ends for those of us in the front office. When the last out is recorded in the last game of the season, our work is just beginning. Even on this Reunion Cruise my cell phone rings constantly with trade possibilities and salary negotiations for our returning players.
Captain Durazo: Not a moments rest for those trying to stay on top in the ultra competitive sports world, I guess.
Gyoengyi: So very true, Captain. My work continues even on this lovely cruise. By the way, Captain, I have been looking for a gypsy fortune teller that I hear is aboard, Madame Zazza, but I haven’t seen her since the cruise began.
Captain Durazo: Ah, yes. Madame Zazza is a very elusive woman. Perhaps I can have one of my officers assist you in finding her.
Cece Duffy: Arthur…I mean, Captain, what a lovely centerpiece. I would like to take it with me as a planter for my solarium.
Captain Durazo: I don’t think Ms. Quinn would part with it…you see it’s……
John Errea: (interrupting, and holding the trophy) Cece, don’t you know that this is the World Series trophy.
Cece Duffy: I was never really into sports.
John: I always wanted to be a professional baseball player, but I couldn’t see from homeplate to the pitcher’s mound. You may remember that I wear glasses, which I seem to have left in my stateroom.
(John sets the trophy on the edge of the Captain’s table where it teeters precariously)
Patrick Hayes: In high school there was nothing wrong with my eyesight, but I couldn’t hit the durn ball. I still have the perfect batting stroke… (Swinging his arms wildly, he sends the trophy spinning through the air)
(Gyoengyi’s eyes grow wide and she gasps….)
(At First Officer George Duggan’s adjoining table, Jim Dantona leaps toward the plummeting trophy, making a perfect head-first slide with the trophy cradled in his arms.)
Jim Dantona: Dis’ shoulda been da Cubs…dis shoulda been da Cubs.
Gyoengyi: Jim, you are my hero. If anything had happened to the trophy I could never have returned to Boston.
Jim Dantona: Let me hold it for just a little longer, please.
Gyoengyi: Jim, dear Jim, the Cubs time will come. Until then, you can visit the trophy whenever you’re in Boston. Captain, forgive me, with all this excitement I think I should retire the trophy for tonight. Would you ask one of your officers to return the trophy to my stateroom?
Captain Durazo: Yes, of course. (snapping his fingers)
Gyoengyi: And Captain, please do not forget my desire to meet Madame Zazza.
Captain Durazo: I shall see to it, Ms. Quinn.

Now back to Commentary from The Shadow…..
Upper Deck, SS Pterodactyl
George Duggan on loudspeaker: Now hear this, now hear this. Lights on the upper deck will be dimmed in five minutes for stargazing. All interested parties please proceed immediately to the upper deck.
Tom Carnegie: Hi everyone. What a great turnout and as you can see we have a clear sky and billions and billions of stars and heavenly bodies to observe. Well the lights are pretty dim and after 41 years, I might not recognize you. So let’s go around the circle an introduce ourselves and ladies use your maiden names because those are the ones we will recognize. I am Tom Carnegie, Chief Astronomer at the Keck Observatories in Hawaii. Let’s go around to the right.
People name themselves: I’m Susan McKay. David Heidt, here. Bonnie Mikolyski. Yo, Jane Murphy. Hi, Linda Hughes. I am Father William McHugh. I’m JoAnn Schnelldorfer from the Alemany Alumni Office. Patricia Feely. You may know me as Coach Mike Vaccaro. Hello, I am Margaret Wurster. I’m John Ferry. Philip Contrieras. Hello, everyone, I am Barbara Kane. John Walters. I’m Cece Duffy. Sharon Byers. Al Graci, I used to teach algebra to some of you knuckleheads like Car-neg-ee. And my name is Adrienne Poirier, I work with Tom at Mt. Keck, and I will be happy to help answer questions and show you some wonders of the sky through our telescope.
Tom Marsh: Ouch, stubbed my toe in the dark, sorry I’m late.
Mr. Graci: Late again, Marsh. You haven’t changed a bit. That will be a citation you can collect after star watching class.
Tom C.: Let’s get started. If you will follow my laser light you will see a cluster of seven stars in a W-pattern. It is the Pleiades. This star cluster is also known at the Seven Sisters or to astronomers as M45.

The Seven Sisters known to the ancient Greeks and many other cultures were mentioned in Homer’s Iliad and again in The Odyssessy.

Tom Carnegie: The nine brightest stars are hot blue stars and represented the Seven Sisters of Greek mythology as well as the parents, Atlas and Pleione. The Pleiades lies within the constellation Taurus and is one of the nearest star clusters to us here on Earth. It formed a mere 100 million years ago.
Tom Marsh: So it is nearly as old as Mr. Graci.
Al Graci: That crack with get you a second citation, Marsh. You are only one citation away from detention hall which I am personally conducting tomorrow afternoon with Coach King.
Tom Carnegie: (Chuckles to himself). Getting back on the topic, the Pleiades are 118 parsecs from earth. The distance to the Pleiades is an important first step in calibrating what is known as the cosmic distance ladder, a sequence of distance scales for the whole universe. The size of this first step of the ladder and has been estimated by several methods. Accurate knowledge of the distance allows astronomers to plot a Hertzsprung-Russell Diagram for the cluster which, when compared to those plotted for clusters whose distance is not known, allows their distances to be estimated. Other methods can then extend the distance scale from open clusters to galaxies and then clusters of galaxies, and a complete cosmic distance ladder can be constructed. Ultimately, understanding of the age and future evolution of the universe is influenced by our knowledge of the distance to the Pleiades.
Father McHugh: And I hope you all took notes on that because there is a quiz afterwards. (Laughs from the crowd).
Jane Murphy: Tom, could you translate that into English? (More laughs).
Adrienne: Ah, Tom, maybe we can lighten up a bit and just appreciate the heavenly bodies for their beauty. Folks, if you would like to take turns looking through this telescope you can see the rings of Saturn.
Bonnie Mikolyski: Wow, is that ever cool.
Barbara Kane: My turn next.

Image from Hubble Space Telescope, courtesy of Thomas J. Carnegie

The Comet Lady, Adrienne, scoping things out for Alemany.

Tom C.: While people are waiting to look at Saturn, up here is the constellation Scorpio, one of the largest constellations visible to us………
Joanne Snellendorfer: Say, Tom, what is that bright light up in the sky over there. It seems to be moving.
Tom C.: Maybe we can put the telescope on it. I would say it is a human craft or satellite of some kind moving at that speed.
Adrienne: I am putting the scope on it now, Tom. Oh, you wouldn’t believe it!
Tom: What is it? Space shuttle?
Adrienne: No. Have a look yourself.

You Trekkies will recognize this craft going boldly where no man has gone before:
an Alemany Reunion Cruise.

USS Enterprise far above SS Pterodactyl
Mr. Scott (not the Alemany Mr. Scott, the other Mr. Scott): Thank you for identifying those Vulcan bat specimens for us. It is a big help in our cataloging the creatures of the universe. Now we will drop you off at your destination, laddie. Are you ready for transport, Dr. Bonaccorso?
Frank: (Gets a nod from Chris Gilmore). We are ready. Be sure to say goodbye to Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock for us. Beam me down, Scotty.
Chris and Frank disappear.

On the Upper Deck of SS Pterodactyl
Chris Gilmore: (walks from the darkness of the Upper Deck). Hi, every body. What is going on here?
Father McHugh: We are observing the heavenly bodies. And where did you two just come from?
Frank: You might say we have been observing the heavenly bodies too, Father. Mr. Graci, why how are you?
Mr. Graci: What have I done to deserve this? First Marsh, and now Bonaccorso, who never could tell a hypotenuse from a hippopotamus. I think I might go down to the main deck for a nightcap. Would you care to join me, Father?
Father McHugh: Well, I wouldn’t want a man to drink alone. Lead the way, Al.

Trivia. Trivia. Trivia.
Here is this week’s Alemany Monarch Trivia Contest Question:

This week we have a riddle to be solved:

It cannot be seen, cannot be felt,

Cannot be heard, cannot be smelt.

It lies behind stars and under hills,

And empty holes it fills.

It comes first and follows after,

Ends life, kills laughter.

What is it?
Each contestant may submit one and only answer.
And only members of the 1966 Alemany H.S. Monarchs and their teachers are eligible.

First correct answer to: bonafrank@yahoo.com
Wins: Collector Edition Johnny Walker Red

Now back to our story…….

“A” LEVEL CORRIDOR – SS PETRODACTYL

(A soft, tinkling sound is heard as a dim figure disappears into Cabin 66A)
Gyoengyi: (To herself.) Could that be Madame Zazza?
(As Gyoengyi nears Cabin 66A, the door flies open.)
Madame Zazza: Ahh, we meet at last!
Gyoengyi: Do you know me?
Madame Zazza: Only that you have been seeking my counsel for many days without success. My intuition tells me that you are Hungarian, by birth, and perhaps of noble blood. Are you not?
Gyoengyi: Yes, but…
Madame Zazza: No matter (waving her hand), I know why you are here.
Gyoengyi: Will you help me?
Madame Zazza: Perhaps. Confirm for me the complete nature of your requests.
Gyoengyi: Only two things, Madame Zazza. I will be brief. First, my position with the Boston Red Sox requires me to negotiate player deals during the off-season. We need another starting pitcher, preferably a left-hander. Can I possibly sign Johan Santana who now plays for the Minnesota Twins?
Madame Zazza: Hmmmm. Asking the cosmic forces to intercede on such a mundane matter….I don’t know if I can help you.
Gyoengyi: Madame Zazza, baseball is in my blood. I so desperately want our team to succeed.
Madame Zazza: (closing her eyes, and humming an eerie mantra. After several minutes her eyes open) Very well…you will sign this Santana on very favorable terms. And your second need?
Gyoengyi: Madame Zazza, we Bostonians suffered through 86 years of frustration and futility before winning the World Series in 2004. Now, we have won again in 2007. Will we be able to repeat our championship in 2008?
Madame Zazza: For this I will need my crystal ball. (As the room darkens a circular light flares from the corner table) (Madame Zazza conceals the shining orb from Gyng’s view)
Gyoengyi: Madame Zazza, tell me what our future holds, please, oh, please!
(several minutes elapse, then…..)
Madame Zazza: My crystal is very dim tonight, my dear. Some things must not be revealed, but are best left to the vagaries of time. You shall see….you shall see, but not tonight.

Madame Zazza’s Secret Prognostication for 2008
World Series Championship

Until next time,
God Bless You All,
The Shadow

P.S. Fooled you Christi, this week’s trivia question is somewhere in the middle of the story. Scroll back up.

Volume 26
The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso and
Photo Wizards R. M. Johnson and D. P. McMahon

And

With a special vignette from Shadow Guest Ghost Writer:
Charmaine Haley Coimbra

Subtitle: Inspector Mottola Confronts a Suspect.

Will the real Charlie Daniels please take two steps forward!
Hey Alemany which one is the real Charlie Daniels?
Which one is the Charlie Daniels look alike, Danny McMahon? Our man Dan subs for Charlie at concerts without the public knowing. Your secret is out Daniels.

Stairwell, USS Pterodactyl
Diane Mottola has her Smith & Wesson aimed at the switchback in the stairwell above her. The clomping of a wooden-leg coming down the unseen portion of the stairwell gets louder, and louder, and louder…..and finally the peg-legged man comes into view…..
Diane: Halt right there! Hands above your head! Make one false move and its hasta la vista, baby.
Peg-leg: What is all this? Please put that gun away.
Diane: (Notices that the suspect is a male, Caucasian, wearing an eye patch, a pirate hat, no tattoo on forehead, and is over six feet tall. (Not at all anything like the suspect, except for the peg-leg.)
Mark Smith: (Removes his eye-patch). Say, aren't you Diane Mottola? (Mottola returns her piece to her shoulder holster under her Caribinieri blazer.
Diane: Sorry, are you Greg or Mark? I could never tell you twins apart. You can come down here and tell me why you are dressed as a pirate with a peg leg.
Mark: I'm Mark. I have a part in the Pirates of Penzance show that Mr. Scott is going to direct. We will give the show the last night of the cruise. I am just trying to learn to walk with this clumsy peg-leg attachment. Look behind me, you can see that I still have two complete legs, but one is bent back at the knee.
Diane: I thought you were Jude’s alleged assassin who by eyewitness account has a peg leg.

The Shadow saw Inspector Mottola approaching the suspect though this porthole and provided silent backup. Mottola and The Shadow had a laugh after discovering Peg-leg Mark Smith, a Pirate of Penzance.

California State deficit balloons to $10 billion amid slowing economy
Cabin 99B, USS Pterodactyl
Governor Schwarznegger: This cable from Sacramento has me worried. I have to do something to cut our $10 billion deficit. Diane and Teri, I asked John Thompson here as a head of state that has faced deficits to sit on our meeting as an advisor.
Diane Muscolo: Good idea, chief.
Teri Arteaga: I have an idea about reducing the budget.
Arnie: What is your idea, Teri.
Teri: We could hold a cakewalk and a cookie sale.
Arnie: I don't think that is going to do it, Teri.
Prime Minister Thompson: Why, Arnie, actually that is not a bad idea. In my first year in office we had a serious deficit projected for the Caymans.
Arnie: What did you do, John?
John: We held a candied mango sale to raise money.
Arnie: And you mean a mango sale helped?
John: Not only helped we raised enough to have a budget surplus.
Diane: You're kidding? How much was your deficit?
John: As I recall it was over 800 Cayman dollars. Of course we are a small country, but you have a population base of 38 million people for your sale.
Arnie: Well, I don’t know?????
Teri: Come on, Arnie. If we give away a few of my tequila cookies at the beginning, people will pay big bucks for a cake baked by a celebrity such as Dave Gieg or Danny McMahon. Let's just give it a try here on the ship as a test case.
Diane: And we should have Tom Marsh, MC the cake walk. He sold me six World's Finest bars before I could get up the gangway of the ship yesterday. What a pitch-man!
Arnie: All those in favor? (All voices say, Aye.)

Lower Deck Fantail
Terry Mock: Artificial lures.
Mike Modugno: Live bait.
Terry Mock: Artificial lures.
Mary Louise Morrow: Now, boys, quit arguing over the best way to catch fish. Neither one of you has hooked a fish all morning. Look, Ron West, is reeling in something big.
Mike: Don't play him too fast. Give him some line.
Terry: What are you talking about? Reel it in fast, Ron. Phil Tessier has a gaff ready to assist.

Fresh catch dinner for 20 courtesy of Ron West!

What happened in the Ship’s Galley as told by Guest Writer, Char Haley Coimbra (Even though she never signed my senior yearbook!)

Clues to the mystery on the Monarch cruise were like needles in a haystack. But when Inspector Ludgate pushed the galley door open he jumped in shock. Litter, food remnants, a trash bag ripped apart and every greasy item inspected was manically scattered throughout the galley floor. Blonde hair stuck to an empty beef consommé can, a crinkled box that was once full of butter, and hairs flew off of less than a pound of a 5-pound round of cheddar cheese. The kitchen had been plundered! Who or WHAT was this beast? When the inspector wound his way to the 24-hour pizza bar, he screamed at the horror of only bits of onions left and every pizza gone. Blonde hairs clung to the metal bar and glass shelves. This was no blonde joke! Who was this galley pirate? Did this cavalier blonde have anything to do with the shooting and other threats? A wretched smell wafted across the deck. Was there a bilge leak? Were the heads overflowing? It was worse than that. Cruise mates began diving overboard. Those who feared the water paled and their bellies retched from the putrid air.

Hey, Anne Talbot, get out of the water quick.
Something is gaining on you.

Charmaine, unable to continue seeking a lonely woodpecker with her mastered whistles, screamed, "Hank! What have you done?" And she wasn't screaming at her husband. As she ran past the inspector, he noticed the telltale blonde hairs clinging to her black slacks. He followed; covering his nose with a nearby cloth napkin that began to melt the closer he came to the genesis of the stench. "Hank," Charmaine began, looking for a large black plastic bag, "What happened, boy? What did you get into? You have NEVER done this on The Leap of Faith. I thought I had you better trained." Diane Suchyta bravely brought the aging Monarch a bag, which she thrust her hand into, and then bent over a huge and steamy mound, swearing as if she had just dumped coffee in her computer laptop, then she removed the largest pile of shit ever created by her mild mannered Golden Retriever. "And I thought I only had to pick up your crap on the beach! Thanks a lot, Hank."

Hank in his first class cabin with Susan Sarandon look-a-alike
Charmaine Haley Coimbra.

Ship’s Library
Bobbie Mosher Noreen is reading Emily Barrett Browning poems. She is the only person in the library and sits with her back to the entry door. The door opens slowly, and a very short red-bodied creature with close-set tiny black eyes and a pink bulbous nose tiptoes behind her. Then a tall blue being with antennae on its head follows and is joined by a green "thing" with a duck-like bill and yellow antennae. The short red being, taps Bobbie on the shoulder. She turns and….
Bobbie: “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH”
All the Space Aliens: “AAAAAAAAAAHHH”
Bobbie: (Jumps on a chair and continues to scream.) “AAAAAAAHHHH”
Green Alien: Ms. Noreen, we are not here to cause you any harm.
Red Alien: We have a message for you.
Blue Alien: Hands a folded piece of paper to her.
Bobbie: (Unfolds paper and reads while still standing on chair). Her jaw drops and she swoons into a faint, but is caught by the aliens and laid on a divan.
Elvis, who has been watching through a porthole, enters and takes a bottle of smelling salts from his pocket. He gives Bobbie a whiff. She awakes and…..
Bobbie: Why, Elvis, is it really you?
Elvis: It sure is pumpkin. I know you think I was slimed and killed by purple aliens, but in fact I was only in a slime-induced coma. The purple dudes were probing my brain and I think stealing my music. But their rivals, the Skags, these guys here, came and rescued me. It's all a long story, but I am right as rain, sugar-drop. (Bobbie smiles, then jumps up and hugs Elvis)
Elvis: Bobbi, haven't I told you not to step on my blue suede shoes. Look at the scuffmarks! Oh, well. Let me introduce you to my friends……..

Skaggy spaces aliens and Bobbi Mosher pose for a photo taken by Elvis.
From left to right, Mungo Zorp IV, Mervel, Bobbie, and Gromboni.

Dolphin Lounge
Where the Alemany Talent Show continues with a Muppet Show…….

Warning: Muppets/Sesame Street Original Shows
are reclassified ‘For Adults Only!’
Recommended Minimum Viewing Age: 59+ O’dear

Alemanians Pete Herron, Pam and Penny Mertens, and John Stigmon are
Guest stars on the world premier of The Muppets Reunion Cruise Special being filmed live to worldwide TV audiences.

Miss Piggy: Our first guest stars are the faaaabulous Tap-dancing Mertens Twins, Penny and Pam. And they are allowing, moi, to dance with them to Dueling Banjos.
Kermit: Ah sorry, Miss Piggy. (Whispers in her ear). Sorry, it can’t be helped.
Miss Piggy: Pamela. Penny. I am told that one of our banjo players just broke a string and there is no replacement on this ship. Therefore, we are going to have to tap dance to Dueling Tubas. Is that all right?
Penny: It's all right with us, Miss Piggy. (Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom). {That's tuba sounds, folks, and if Bob Johnson ever gets us upgraded to a website that allows sounds, you would not have to work your imagination overtime on sound effects.} [You also have to imagine Penny and Pam tapping away with Miss Piggy because some things are still beyond the magic of Photoshop.]

Kermit: Wow, that was excellent, ladies. Oh, and you did fine too, Miss Piggy.
I am now quite honored to introduce the great tenor who has eclipsed the work of the late, the great, Pavarotti. Here to sing, The Barber of Seville, is Alemany's own, John Stigmon. (Thunderous applause as the lights are lowered).

Once again, I sure wish we had sound on the Blog!
Luciano Stigmon was magnificent. Roses are thrown on the stage.

Fonzie Bear: Wow. I saw at least four wine glasses break when John held that last Figaro note. Thank you, John. And now we bring you the mystery of prestidigitation as can only be performed by Peter The Great Prestidigitator. Watch closely because his hands are faster than your eyes.
Peter Herron (Walks onstage wearing a black top hat, black tails and white tie): Thank you, Fonzie. A bear has never introduced me before tonight, but I guess there is a first time for everything. Before I perform my first magic trick, I will bring on my assistant, the beautiful Pamela Harding.
Pamela: Good evening. (She bows gracefully).
Peter: I will begin with a classic trick time honored by magicians. I will pull a rabbit out of my hat. May I have someone out of the audience to examine my hat? Ahh, you Madame, please come on stage. And what is your name, you look like someone I may have known at Alemany.
Lady: My name is Elizabeth Menrad.
Peter: Elizabeth, will you please examine my hat, and tell the audience if it is an ordinary hat.
Elizabeth: (Examines the hat, inside and out. She punches her fist against the inner liner.)
It seems to be an ordinary top hat.
Peter: Thank you, you may return to your seat. Pamela, will you place my hat, top down on the table please.
Pamela: Sure, Pete.
Peter: Thank you, doesn't she look marvelous tonight. (Applause). And now I will make a rabbit appear from the hat. But not just any rabbit. I will bring forth the Canadian Snowshoe Hare. First I must say the magic words. Shazam el abra cadabra!
(Nothing happens).
Pamela: Maybe if I say the magic words with you.
Peter: Ok, let's both say the magic words. Shazam el abra cadabra!

And on this second saying of the magic words out of the hat pops……..not a Snowshoe Hare……but Louie the Dachshund.

Peter: Ah, there seems to be some mistake. Where did you come from? Where is my rabbit?
Teri Arteaga: OOOOh, that is my little Louie. I have been looking for him everywhere.

Captain Art Durazo: Jumps up from audience. Herron and Arteaga, I will have you both in chains, there are to be no dogs on board, not even for a magic show. Officer Duggan, get that dog, now.

Where upon, Louie jumps from the hat and runs down the middle aisle between tables and guests causing much laughter. George Duggan chases Louie amid the still darkened room, when suddenly, a small man holding a dagger raises the weapon over Bob Johnson. Louie runs between Art Durazo’s legs which causes the Captain to lose his balance and in falling backwards, the champagne bottle he is holding flies through the air and smacks the man holding the dagger on the head with a great crash and breaking of the bottle. George Duggan calls for the lights to be brightened and once the lights come to full brightness, a crowd forms around the small Asian man who happens to have a peg leg and is unconscious and face down on the floor. Roy Coleman turns the man over and everyone sees there is a tattoo of crossed daggers on his forehead. (Crowd gasps).
Inspector Bill Ludgate: Brilliant! Why Louie the Dachshund has caused Captain Durazno to unwittingly knock out our assassin.
Lt. Tom Lopez: And this assassin was out to kill Bob Johnson, all along. No wonder that no one has attempted to kill Jude Hawkes’ body double in the sick bay.
Lamont Cranston: Thus, we may announce that President Hawkes is quite all right. The bullet struck her St. Christopher medallion only causing minor injury. Agent Judy Brouillete has been impersonating the President in hopes that the assassin would strike and we would apprehend him. But all the while the assassin was stalking you, Bob.
Scchief Inspectore Eugene Rapposelli: Bob, can you identify this man.
Bob: Why yes, Scchief Inspectore. This man is Tuk Tinbuk. The Nepalese ski-box driver that I beat in the semi-finals at the Matterhorn.

Tuk is reviving but finds that he has been handcuffed. He snarls: I hate you, Johnson. You ruined my life. First I lost respect from my family because I flunked out of medical school at the University of Katmandu. Then I found my calling as a ski-box driver. I was the number one rated driver in the world. But you with your deceitful driving and unfair technology of the DePasquale and Dispenza Ski-box Works shamed me by narrowly beating me. The crash at the end of my race injured my leg and it had to be amputated. I was dropped from the National Team and my family was evicted from subsidized housing by the Nepalese government because I lost. And a peg-leg person in Nepal is abused and jeered wherever he goes. Once again, I have shamed my family and all because of you Johnson. I hate you.
Lamont Cranston: That will be enough, Tuk. Crime does not pay. Inspector Mottola, take him away to the brig.
Cathy Curry: Mr. Cranston, I represent the San Diego Union-Tribune. When did you first suspect that Tuk Tinbuk was the dastardly assassin and really after Bob Johnson instead of Jude Hawkes?
Lamont Cranston: I knew all along, Ms. Curry, that the killer was after Bob. For one thing, while inspecting the Ballroom after the shooting incident, we found a silver pin only given to drivers that completed runs in the World Championships at the Matterhorn this year. I observed that Marilyn Gadomski, Bob Johnson, and Kit Figliozzi all were wearing their pins after the ballroom incident. Therefore, the pin that we found did not belong to a graduate of Alemany High School, but did belong to a ski-box race driver. Eyewitness, Christi Brecht, described our suspect as very short. I checked the list of drivers from the race website and found that only two people who drove ski-boxes were shorter than Christi Brecht. One of them was Tuk Tinbuk. Searching the Himalayan Times-Courier online, I discovered that Tuk had his leg amputated shortly after the Matterhorn races. Also, the sketch of the suspect by Chris Belle Monroe fit the press photos of Tuk rather well. At that point it was elementary my dear, Curry, that the object of the attack was Bob Johnson and not the President. Begging you pardon Inspectors, I thought it best if everyone focused on something else. Too many chefs stirring the pot, so to speak. And so I had associates keep a close eye open for Tuk all the while. Furthermore, the knives thrown at Bob, both at the Matterhorn and here on the ship, were obviously Nepalese in origin so I knew the small Asian was Nepalese and that he had stowed away aboard ship because no one among the crew fit his description even remotely.
Inspector Ludgate: Brilliant! Simply brilliant! I do say old boy, you must come along with me to Sussex sometime and meet Sherlock Holmes. I do believe he would enjoy meeting you.
Candy Edison: But right now, Mr. Cranston is going to have a drink with me. What shall you have, Lamont.
Lamont: I believe I will have a martini. Very dry, stirred, not shaken.
Eugene Rapposelli: The Shadow knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men, but does he know what is in the heart of Ms. Candy! Case closed.
Christi Brecht: Ah, Eugene, don’t look so sad. You would have solved this case eventually. Come have a drink with Chris and Chris and Diane and me.

And so ends another episode of The Further Saga of Alemany '66 As Revealed by The Shadow. Come join us next time that the call to the blog goes out from Danny McMahon and find out if this cruise will end on a happier note.

The publishers are proud to announce two new inductees into
The Shadow’s Super Fan Hall of Fame:

Denise "Lil Donnie" Werner Piscitello

And

Patrick "Howling Coyote" Lucatorto **

**We have word that Pat Lucatorto will be late to the induction ceremony at Bob's Big Boy #9 due to an interview by IRS agents.


And since things are going to the dogs around here:
Let’s have a Trivia Contest


Hank and Char aboard The Leap of Faith.

Trivia question: Where precisely was this photograph taken?
We are looking for the name of the nearest town or geographical feature.

First correct responder to bonafrank@yahoo.com
Wins $2,000,000 Barb Bucks
And a country song by Charlie Daniels look-alike Danny McMahon sung at your banquet table during the 45th Alemany Reunion.

All persons and animals in the above photograph and staff of the Shadow Press are ineligible for prizes.

Volume 25
The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso and
Photo Wizards R. M. Johnson and D. P. McMahon

Volume 25 Subtitle: "Muppets and Murder Clues"

Congratulations to Pat Lucatorto for being the first reader to respond and identify the photo with the Dave Clark Five in our previous (the volume formerly know as the "final") volume. Here is your million-dollar prize, Pat, to pay for your half hour with Dr. Barb. We know your wife is going to be very impressed now.

Cut along dotted line
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

To the IRS: please note that Mr. P. Lucatorto of Buckeye, Arizona, won $1,000,000 in our trivia contest.

Honorable mention to Donnie (Glad All Over) Werner, Peggy (Because: Baby You Got What It Takes) Jones, Barb (Over and Over and Over Again This Dance Is Going To Be A Drag) Broeski, Dan (Everybody Knows) McMahon, Bob Johnson (in Bits and Pieces cause he didn’t win), Char (Having a Wild Weekend) Haley, and Lenny (Catch Us If You Can, We Were Young And Out Of Our Minds) DiTrappani, all of whom also wrote to us with the correct answer. Thanks for playing in the trivia contest. Alemany sure knows its 60's bands.

San Pedro Harbor:
Kathryn Martin: Can you tell me where the SS Pterodactyl is berthed?
Harbor Master: (Eyeing Kathryn and her unusual mount). The Ptero left harbor 6 hours ago, lady.
Kathryn: Oh no. But I have a ticket and it’s my High School Reunion Cruise.
Harbor Master: Well if your reunion is so important. Fly to Cabo San Lucas and meet the ship there when it enters port tomorrow.

But flights to Cabo were booked solid, so Kathryn flew to Loreto and still had to find transportation across the isthmus. Soooooo……..

Sick Bay, SS Pterodactyl
Bob Johnson: (Frantically pacing floor in reception room. He sees Alan Shows come out of Sick Bay). How is she?
Alan: Jude Hawkes must be Fortune’s Favorite.
Bob: Then she is going to be all right.
Alan: The bullet lodged in her St. Christopher's medallion that she wore under her clothing. Seems Sister William Joseph gave the medallion to her soon after Jude was elected President. Jude has a badly bruised sternum and some nasty hemorrhaging, but that medal saved her life. She is still stunned. As soon as she composes her self a bit, she can be released from Sick Bay.
Bob: Just one problem. We still have an assassin loose on this ship out to kill The President.
Alan: I wouldn't trust anyone with this case but The Shadow.

Stateroom 72C, SS Pterodactyl
Inspector Diane Mottola of the Italian Caribinieri: Do you see anything at all in your crystal ball?
Madame Zazza: I see nothing about Jude Hawkes; however, I see grave danger for Bob Johnson?
Diane: Oh, no! You mean we have a second murderer aboard the Pterodactyl?
Zazza: It would seem so.

Captain's Quarters
A sign on the door reads "Do Not Disturb – Superheroes in Conference". In the room are the greatest investigative minds of 21st Century law enforcement: Spud (The Black Magister) Spadero, Scchief Inspectore Eugene Rapposelli of the Italian Caribinieri, Lamont Cranston (aka The Shadow), Thomas "Marshmellow Man" Marsh, Commissioner of Italian Caribinieri Robert Iannolo, Liz "Wingfoot" Healy, FBI and CIA Agents Richard Corona and Judy Brouillette. Also present is Captain Art Durazo.
Art Durazo: We are waiting for two more people.
Three loud knocks at the door.
Art: Come in.
Enter, Inspector William Ludgate, Scotland Yard, and Lt. Thomas Lopez, Spanish Guardia Civil, respectively the leading investigative detectives in their countries.
Lamont Cranston: Captain Durazo has asked me to chair this meeting. The Captain has had the Grand Ballroom sealed and once we have a plan of action those that would like, may accompany me to search the area for clues.
Agent Corona: I understand the President is doing fine and could be released from sickbay. However, I suggest that we leak false reports that she is in critical condition. We sneak Jude to another location, and in her bed we place, Agent Brouillette.
Lopez: Aha, a trap to lure the killer to strike again.
Ludgate: Brilliant!
Lamont: Set the plan in action, Agent Corona you will lead that effort. Meanwhile, Scchief Inspectore would you care to examine the Grand Ballroom with me. There may very well be important clues that can narrow our search.
Eugene: Absolutely. Lead the way Mr. Cranston.
Ludgate: May I tag along with you two chaps? I studied briefly under Sherlock Holmes and apply his methods.
Lamont: By all means Inspector Ludgate, I shall enjoy watching both you and Rapposelli in action.

Stateroom 72C:
There is a barely discernable knock on the door.
Madame Zazza opens the door to find Christi Brecht and Chris Carney.
Chris: Is Mottola here? We have something important to tell her.
Zazza: Come in.
Diane: We really are quite busy right now. Is this important?
Christi: I wanted to report something suspicious that I saw just before the assassination.
Zazza: Sit down ladies. I have a pot of rosehips tea brewed.
Diane: Tell us what you saw Christi. (Zazza pours tea).
Christi: I was returning from the ladies powder room, and gee, it sure is an elegant powder room, and I saw one of the kitchen staff put his tray full of food down in the hall and reach inside his shirt which I though was curious. And then the lights went out for the spotlight dance, but I thought maybe that waiter pulled a gun out of his shirt. I was going to follow him, but my heel broke and I fell. Next thing I know is that there is a screaming panic in the ballroom and poor Jude is lying on the floor.
Mottola: What did this waiter look like? Please take a second to think clearing and describe anything you can recollect, no matter how trivial.
Christi: He was short.
Mottola: How short?
Christi: An inch shorter than me.
Chris: And tell them what else.
Christi: He was Asian. Maybe Thai or Burmese and he had a tattoo of crossed knives on his forehead.
Mottola: (Writing in a notebook.) Uh-huh. Anything else?
Chris: This is great tea, Madame Zazza. Have we met before?
Zazza: I don’t think so.
Christi: Yes, there is one thing more. He had a peg leg.
Mottola: Sooooo, we are looking for a very short Burmese or Thai male with a tattoo of crossed knives on his forehead and a peg leg?
Chris: It shouldn't be too hard to find him!
Zazza: Should not be so hard to find, this case is almost closed. We simply go to the Captain and find out which of his ship’s staff fits this description. Then we all can enjoy the cruise.
Christi: Oh, thank goodness. I was really scared this would spoil our reunion cruise.
Mottola: (Thinking to herself.) Except, that Madame Zazza also sees danger for Bob Johnson.

Inside Stateroom 22G:

Martin Molidor: I just checked the hallway, it's all clear, you can come out.
Bob Johnson: (Bob and Marty leave the room with a frisky retriever on a leash). Thanks, Marty, Sasha has just got to get some exercise before she tears this stateroom apart.
Marty: You know that Durazo does not allow dogs on his ship. If he catches us we are both going to walk the plank. Anyway, glad to hear that Jude is not seriously hurt.
Bob: Remember, this is a secret. You cannot tell anyone that she is ok.
Marty: Mum is the word. Hey that is a nifty silver pin you are wearing.
Bob: Oh, this is a pin only the ski-box drivers at the Matterhorn were given at the World Championships. I always wear it.
(Marty, Bob and dog, turn corner in passageway and a loud ‘thwack’ is heard).
Marty: Looks back around the corner and sees no one. But still quivering in the wall is a large bronze dagger!
Bob: Oh, my gosh! That is the same type of dagger that was thrown at me on the Matterhorn a few months ago during training for the ski box championships.
Marty: (Uses a handkerchief to pull the knife from the wall). Then, it's just possible that that gunshot was not meant for Jude, but for you!
Bob: I think Sasha and I better get back to my room.

Grand Ballroom:
Inspector Ludgate is a ball of activity. Examining a marble column for fingerprints, then drops to his knees inspecting floor tiles with a magnifying glass that once belonged to the famous detective, Holmes.
Ludgate: Aha!

Inspector William Ludgate observed the retired Sherlock Holmes solve local mysteries in Sussex, England, after graduating from the Scotland Yard Academy in the 1970’s. Ludgate continues to use the methods of the great detective.
"The character of Sherlock Holmes, created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, is ageless, invincible, and unchanging. In solving significant problems of the present day, he remains, as ever, the supreme master of deductive reasoning." Quote from the introduction to the movie, "Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon" (1942)

Note the similar style in methodology used by Ludgate and Holmes.

Rapposelli: You have a clue, Inspector?
Ludgate: No, Scchief Inspectore, but someone is breaking the ship’s rules and has a dog aboard! I just put my hand in warm dog doo doo.
Lamont: Are there any dog hairs on the floor as well?
Ludgate: Why yes. Brilliant! White, very long, dog hairs!
Lamont: White you say. But the dog hairs that I saw around the dog shit found on deck yesterday were entirely black.
Rapposelli: Hmmmm, then it seems that there are at least three dogs aboard this ship illegally.
Lamont: How do you figure three dogs?
Rapposelli: Because I just stepped in rather fresh dog shit and the shed hairs over here are mousy brown and very short. Durazo is not going to like this.
Ludgate: Aha!
Rapposelli: Don't tell me you found more dog shit, Inspector.
Ludgate: No, not at all, Scchief Inspectore. A very unusual silver pin!
Lamont: May I see that. (He examines the small round stickpin. Engraved on the front of a miniature racing ski box and the letters ISBC.) What does ISBC stand for?
Rapposelli: It stands for International Ski Box Championships. These pins were only given out to people who were ski box drivers at the January 2007 Matterhorn championships. I learned a great deal about that event when I investigated the dagger that was thrown at Bob Johnson during the races. There are three Matterhorn ski box drivers on this cruise, Marilyn Gadomski, Kit Figliozzi, and Bob Johnson, thus I deduce that one of them lost their pin during the night's events. But of course, that has no bearing on our case, it can be returned later. Let's get back to searching for clues.

Hall Passageway:
Bob Johnson and Sasha are running. They round a corner and, "Kerbang". Bob and Sasha are in a tangle of leashes with a woman and a dog.
Teri Arteaga: Mammacita, que pasa? Hombre horrible. What is a matter with you? Then she recognizes Bob. Why Bob, you have such a beautiful dog! But don't you know it is against the regulations to have a dog on board?
Bob: And I presume that that is a guinea pig you are walking on a leash, Teri.
Teri: No, this Louie. He is just like a human companion to me. Regular dog rules do not apply to him. Besides, I could not bear to leave him behind during the cruise.
Bob: Exactly my sentiments. But let's not stand out here in the hall, someone may see us and report us to the Captain. And I have some other things I want to tell you. There is trouble brewing on this ship……. (They enter Bob's cabin just as a man with long sideburns and dark glasses comes out of a neighboring cabin. The man walks down the passage, a door opens. Out from the door with a 'clomp' steps a peg legged man. He sees Elvis and steps back inside his cabin before being noticed, slamming the door. Peeking outside of Elvis's coat is a small dog – Rover. Elvis continues down the passageway whistling, "It’s Now or Never".

Bridge of the SS Pterodactyl
Jacci Mahoney: This is all so terrible. Our classmate and President is in critical condition and there is a killer on the loose on this ship.
Carol Broderick: How long until we reach Cabo, Captain?
Art Durazo: We are 8 hours from Cabo. But please don't worry, ladies. We have the situation under control. Why we have some of the finest detectives from Italy, Spain, the United Kingdom, and the good old USA, not to mention our Alemany Superheroes on the case this very moment.
George Duggan: Captain, may I have a word in private.
Art: Jackie, Carol, coffee and pastries are being served in the Dolphin Lounge. Why don't you go enjoy and it will soon be time for the entertainment that I have arranged to take the passengers minds off our troubles. Yes, George, what is it?
George: We are ready to have you make the announcement over the loudspeakers about the President’s condition. Agent Brouillette is in place and all assets on the security detail watching her are on alert.
Art: Good.
George: Oh, one more thing, Captain. I just spoke with Lamont Cranston. It seems that he has proof from different colored dog hairs and droppings that there are at least three dogs on board.
Art: What the hell you say. (Stomps foot). What is happening to my ship? Mr. Duggan if you cannot find these dogs, I am going to have you scrubbing decks for the rest of your career. I want those animals found and taken to the kennel, er brig. Do you understand me?
George: But, sir.
Art. Do you understand me?
George: Aye aye, sir.

Dolphin Lounge:
Dozens of people are gathered for coffee, snacks, and a live performance.
Mary Lyons: Try some caviar, Pamela.
Pamela McDyer: No thank you. So, Michael, tell me more about your career as a tree surgeon. That must be really fascinating work. I mean helping people save their diseased trees is so noble.
Michael McDonald: It's not as glamorous as it sounds…..
Dan McMahon: Attention everyone. Good afternoon. I will be your Master of Ceremonies for the Alemany Talent Show. If you could take your seats, we will get underway. (Every sits) Thank you. (With hands on hips in an Ed Sullivan pose) And I am pleased to say we have a really big shooow for your today. Out first act may not make you forget Simon and Garfunkel, in fact they may not even make you forget Milli-Vanilli, but TerryBowles and Dave Gieg have a unique sound. Let's welcome them as they give you their medley of "Cecelia, El Condor Pasa The Boxer Like A Bridge Over Troubled Waters At The Zoo".

What key are we singing in, Terry?
What does it matter since you are lip-syncing, Dave?

Dan: Thank you boys, a truly moving rendition. And now here are Ann Buchanan and Wally Ernsdorf with the Sesame Street cast to teach you some basic lessons you might have forgotten since Alemany.
Wally: This show is sponsored by the letter "V" and the number "8".
Ann: Oh, I love V8 Juice, Wally.
Wally: No, Ann, not V8, the letter "V" which stands for "virgin" and the number "8".
Cookie Monster: (Looking angry). So are you telling us that we don't get any V8 Juice, Wally, to wash down the cookies? You promised!
Wally: I did not promise you a V8, I said I would bring 8 bottles of Gieg’s Gold for after the skit.
Big Bird: But Gieg's Gold is tequila. We can't have tequila on a kids' show.
Ann: But all our "kids" in the audience are going on 60, and quite a few having been doing tequila shots since they came on board or I am Little Orphan Annie.
Elmo: (Sniffing cookies). Why do these cookies smell like tequila?
Wally: We will have to ask Teri Artega Romero, she baked them, this morning in the galley, and I was having so much trouble getting her stove out of her dishwasher, I forgot to ask her what kind of cookies they are.
Dan McMahon: (Walking on stage). Uh, fellas, that is about all the time we have. We have to move on to the next act.
Wally: Hey, hold on McMahon. I prepared a lesson on the letter V and the number 8. And I intend to give the lesson. (Cookie Monster grabs the cookies). Hey gimme back those cookies, they are not all for you. (Cookie Monster runs off stage with the whole tray of cookies and various other Muppets are leaving every which way with tequila bottles, and Ann also has a bottle.
Dan: (He is alone on stage). Ah, well our next act is Bird Calls of the Santa Fe Suburbs performed by Charmaine Haley Coimbra.
Char: My first birdcall is the Indigo Bunting. (As she puckers up to give the call….Cookie Monster runs across front of stage with Wally in pursuit yelling, "We are going to share those cookies".

Ann Buchanan and Wally Ernsdorf before the talent show with
Cookie Monster, Big Bird, Elmo, and friends from Sesame Street.

Behind the scenes, Muppeteer, Tom Stratton, prepares to work with two of Miss Piggy’s bovine friends. Stay alert, Tom, you can’t trust a pink cow.

Loud Speaker is heard by all: May I have your attention, and begging your pardon for interrupting the Alemany Talent Show, this is the Captain speaking. I regret to inform you that President Hawkes remains in very critical condition. However, Dr. Shows is attending and we hope we will have better news soon. We are making all speed to Cabo and will make port in approximately seven hours. At that time The President will be transferred to shore. I ask everyone to cooperate with the authorities investigating the assassination attempt. If anyone has information pertaining to this crime, please report to Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli at Room 3317 which has been set up as a crime lab. We will catch this dastardly coward that shot our President. Finally, I must report that three people have broken serious ship’s rules and brought dogs aboard. We will find you out and the punishment will be bread and water in the brig until we reach Cabo at which time the guilty parties will be put ashore and can make their own way back to San Pedro.
Mary Lyons: Oh my gosh!
Pamela McDyer: What? Oh, you didn't?
Mary: Yes, I brought my little pooch aboard. He is so tiny and 15 years old and I couldn't stand to put him in a kennel.
Pamela: Well since you are admitting it, I brought my Great Dane aboard. (The sounds of Charmaine doing the call of the Cactus Wren are heard). Now that took some subterfuge and a big bribe for one of the deckhands and another bribe with the kitchen staff.
Dan McMahon: That is absolutely marvelous, Char, you capture the mating call of the Gila Woodpecker as I have never heard if before. Now for our next act……….

Meanwhile at the Temporary Crime Lab, SS Pterodactyl
Rapposelli: (Looking up from microscope). Yes, what is it?
William Schuller: (Holding a plastic bag that he hands to Rapposelli). I think you better have this.
Rapposelli: What am I supposed to do with this? It looks like dog shit.
William: Yes, and from the size of it, I would say a St. Bernard. Captain said I should bring it to you for cataloging and to determine if this is yet another mutt on the loose on his ship.
Ludgate: Well that seems to represent at least the fourth dog clandestinely smuggled onto this ship.
William: And another thing, I was playing shuffleboard on the sun deck with Gail Runyon and Linda Sova when I was knocked over by a llama that was being chased by lion. Is this a pleasure cruise or a wildlife safari?

Quarters of First Officer George Duggan:
George: Cookie, I am glad to see you are safe. (George holds up a Schnauzer that he has kept in secret for four years aboard the Pterodactyl without Captain Durazo discovering this).
Cookie: Arf, arf!

Captain’s Quarters:
A knock at the door….
Art: Enter. Why hello, ladies. What can I do for you?
Diane: As you know, I am assisting Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli, with the assassination investigation.
Art: Yes, Eugene speaks very highly of you, Inspector Mottola.
Diane: We have a suspect, possibly one of your crew.
Art: Oh.
Diane: Chris Belle has sketched the suspect based on eyewitness description. Here have a look. (She reads from notebook) Suspect is 5 foot 1 inch, Asian, crossed knives tattoo on forehead, beady eyes, swarthy complexion, and, oh yes, a peg leg.
Art: (Looks at sketch). Is this a joke?
Chris Belle: I should say not! That is a sketch that fits the description of the suspect as described by Christi Brecht. And I will have you know that I studied forensic art in my younger years and graduated at the top of my class.
Art: And I graduated at the top of my class at the Merchant Marine Academy and I am telling all of you that there is no one on my crew that remotely fits that description.
Christ Brecht: Are you sure, Art? I mean I saw this guy in the sketch very clearly.
Art. (Trying to hold his temper). Don't you think I would know if I had a pygmy with knives tattooed on his forehead clomping around decks with a peg leg? Now if you will excuse me ladies, I have a ship to captain. (Art leaves the room and heads for the bridge, but outside his room, he steps in dog poo and loses his footing --- Keeee-rasssssh.). Inspector Mottola rushes to help the captain up.

As Mottola, Brecht, Belle, and Carney walk back to Mottola’s cabin, they hear a heavy, "clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp" sound from the deck above them.
Christi: That sounds an awful lot like a peg leg on the deck. What do we do now?
Mottola: Christi, it is just possible that the assassin may try to eliminate the only eyewitness that can place him at the scene of the crime. You are in grave danger. All of you back to my cabin and lock the door. I will (gulp) investigate. (Clomp, clomp, clomp is heard coming down steps).

Oh Dear, Christi Brecht is in danger.
Bob Johnson already has had knifes throw at him at the Matterhorn and on the cruise.
Jude Hawkes certainly is in harm’s way, but Agent Judy Brouillete is impersonating her.
I would hate to be the Cookie Monster when Wally catches him.
Inspector Mottola will confront the tattooed peg leg.
Madame Zazza fears that something will go wrong at anytime.
And for some reason I hear the theme from the Pink Panther?


To Be Continued……..

Pink Panther: Wait just a minute, Dr. Bonaccorso. I thought the last volume, parts 24a through 24e, was the final volume in this story, and you keep adding new volumes.
Frank: Well, er, you see, Pink, Alemany is a complex group of interesting, talented, and important people.
Pink: I noticed a few of them do have some eccentricities.
Frank: They are each unique. And to tell the untarnished, complete, and true story of the Further Sagas of Alemany, I am going to need several more volumes than I originally thought.
Pink: Well, are these extra volumes approved by the publisher, the editors, and the Vatican?
Frank: Well, actually, I had to give Dan McMahon and Bob Johnson a cool million bucks to fund the extra volumes, but we did sign a contract. Thus, we are going to bring this story to its final conclusion in just a couple of more volumes if you will bear with me.
Pink: I am not a bear, I am a panther.
Frank: Well, forgive my lion eyes, Pinky! Just watch for the next volume coming soon.

And here is the million-dollar bill that he got on loan from Oscar Rivera, Jr., that Frank gave to McMahon and Johnson to pay for your extra issues of The Further Sagas…..