Volume 16: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso
Subtitle: Who You Gonna Turn To? Comet Busters!!!!
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso
Subtitle: Who You Gonna Turn To? Comet Busters!!!!
Teri “On the Road Again” Arteaga with an Orange Crush Circa 1968!!!!
Who could be inside this 1916 Pierce-Arrow in the Saguaro National Monument?
Cha Cha, Mary and the Prez!
Tom Stratton on a Road Trip to Nowhere.
Space Ship USS Enterprise, Jr.
Captain's Log of Brian Grimshaw: Our special forces crew are aboard and generally in good spirits. All systems are operationally A-OK. Dang, our supply of Tang was not replenished while on Earth and Tom Marsh-Mellow Man Marsh is complaining we don't have any Smores aboard. I sure hope these super-heroes know how to turn the path of a comet. Bones had to put four stitches in the forehead of Liz Wing-foot Healy who flew into an overhead bulkhead. The Shadow and Steve Black Magister Spadero are locked into a personal grudge match backgammon tournament in their quarters with a sign of the door saying "Do Not Disturb until final approach to Poirier's Comet".
Police Headquarters, Berne, Switzerland
Bob Cosgrove, Commander of the Swiss Guards: For the last time, where is your native country?
Pliny the Elder (aka Guy Elder): Speaks in Latin stating he expects respect that should be shown to a citizen and Admiral of Rome but of course he is not understood.
Police Commissioner: You say he has no passport or identity card of any kind?
Cosgrove: Yes, sir. We should question some of his so called friends again.
(Enter Alan Shows and Frank Bonaccorso escorted by Joe Rende and Bill Pawlak)
Cosgrove: All of you are in big trouble? A dagger was thrown in an attempted murder at the finish line of an international sporting event. This man pretends to speak no language other than a dead language, Latin. And the rest of you are typical bumbling Americans!
Frank: That is not entirely true, Commander Cosgrove. Guy Elder does speak a little Greek, although he was born in Italy.
Police Commission: Unfortunately, we do not have any officer on duty that speaks Greek or Latin. This is a waste of time. Deport them all to Italy. Let the Carabinieri sort this out. They say he was born in Italy, so it is Italy's problem.
Enter the King of Sweden. Everyone falls on their knees to the good King Rex.
Rex Olliff: Everyone please rise. Commander, Commissioner, will you release these three men into my custody? I give you my solemn word, that I will transport all of them, and their other friends to Sweden aboard my royal aircraft.
Commissioner: Why of course your majesty. I don't understand why you bother with this rabble, but if it is your wish, we are happy to cooperate. (And so the whole lot of time travelers and the Monarch II Time Machine are transported to Sweden thanks to Jolly King Rex The Good).
Lochcarron Highland Games, Scotland
"In the year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland, starving and outnumbered, charged the fields of Bannockburn. They fought like warrior poets. They fought like Scotsmen and they won their freedom
(Quoted from the movie, Braveheart.)
Lochcarron, an area of breathtaking landscapes and natural beauty, hosts these ancient games. Close your eyes, savor the atmosphere, imagine yourself 600 years back in time. Now open those eyes and see people in period clothing and competing in ancient games. The events include caber tossing, track and field, tug o' war, the hill race which crosses a river, bag-piping, and highland dancing. The games are held in the small fishing village of Lochcarron along the shore of Loch Carron. It was here than McTavish McMahon brought his younger cousin Daniel to compete in the ancient rite of the caber toss.
McTavish: Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrraaahhh (he shouted as he tossed the caber)
Danny McMahon: Way to go McT. That should put you in the lead!
McTavish: Aye, laddie, at least until ya throw. I am impressed with your workouts. Now, let's see what y’can do in competition
Announcer Ellen McGrath Oppenheim: The next thrower, representing Palmdale in California, USA, will be Daniel McMahon. (Let’s have a look at Dan’s throw)
Aye laddie, toss that caber.
Aye laddie, toss that caber.
Ooops, looks like Danny’s got it in an awkward position. Good thing he already has had children.
USS Enterprise, Jr.
In the space lock being depressurized are four superheroes in spacesuits.
The Shadow: Tom, here is the giant elastic band that Spadero transmogrified to have the tensil strength of spider's silk, which is stronger than that of steel.
Tom Marsh: Gottcha, o’ shadowy one. Wing-foot, just get me in position to slip the band over the front of the comet.
Liz Healy: No problem, my mellow man, Marsh.
Over the intercom, Executive Officer Frank Rosales: The lock is depressurized. The Captain has given permission to initiate space walk, uhhm, correction space wing-foot-flight. God speed be with you, Liz and Tom.
Liz can be seen through the ports of the Enterprise, Jr., with Tom riding on her shoulders, and her wing-feet flapping in a hummingbird-like blurr. As the dynamic duo approaches the comet, Tom stretches his marshmallow arms out to an enormous length with the giant rubberized-silk elastic band in his hands. Liz flys over the top of the comet and Tom drops the band over the leading edge of the comet. Liz now flys back to the Enterprise and the band stretches. They anchor the band to hooks on the side of the space ship and re-enter the space lock.
Tom: Mission accomplished, space dudes. Pressurize the cabin.
Brian Grimshaw: Prepare to fire retro rockets for full force.
Frank R.: Standing by to fire retro rockets.
Brian: Fire rockets. The Enterprise, Jr., gathered momentum and pulled away from the comet. The giant elastic band stretched and stretched and stretched as all crew and superheros jostled for viewing ports to watch. And then the elastic band with the tensile strength greater than silk snapped!
Basement of the Playboy Mansion
Hugh Heffner: Why didn't you guys get rid of Nero a lot sooner, Pliny.
Pliny the Elder: (Who has had a crash course in English while in Sweden). Oh, believe me Hef, many a Roman would have liked to have slipped him a strong poison, however, he implanted fear everywhere. You did not know if your servant or your children were acting as spies. He continually harped on the terrorist threat from Gauls and Germans.
Hef: Ah, I understand, he was kind of like George Bush.
Pliny. Yes, I believe that is true. I say, Miss May is rather fetching. Might you introduce us?
Frank Bonaccorso: Pliny seems to be adapting to Los Angeles quite well. He even went roller-blading at Venice Beach this morning. Now, Greg, about that new gyroscopic control and the vortex stabilizers for the Monarch II........ (and in another corner)
Bobbie Mosher: And so you see, Terry, according too my matrix algorithms, we can insure smoother time travel if we just make these small adjustments to the Malverian syncopation inverter and use titanium widgets instead of aluminum.
Terry Mock: Brilliant, Bobbie! Brilliant! I agree fully. Have another Guinness, dear. Now explain more about shrinking the Hyperian drives. (an in another corner of the room)
Chris Gilmore: Wow, that would be great, Peggy. If you are so gung-ho to climb with us, we would really like to have you join us for the Cretaceous climbs. And you don't mind big birds with pointy beaks and sharp claws?
Peggy Jones: Naw, I have had lots of practice with pointy beaks and sharp claws. Remember, I was married to Mick Jagger for three months!
Dale (Pat) Dolan: (Slurp) These oysters are good, but not nearly as tasty as those that Pliny served at Misenum back in 69 AD.
Miss December: Oh, Pat, you are tooooo funny. As if you were alive in 69 AD? (giggle) Why that was almost a whole 100 years ago, wasn’t it? (Burp). And you can’t be a day over 38. Would you be a darling and get me another shot of Gieg’s Gold, Patsy Watsy?
Pat: Of course, darling. Did I ever tell you about the time I single-handedly stopped a mob of rioting Roman citizens from stoning Alan and Frank?
Cha Cha Faitel: Watch out everybody, Mona got loose from her cage. Protect your chips and dips.
Keck Observatory, Mauna Kea, Hawaii
Tom Carnegie: Director, I have checked and rechecked the figures.
NASA Director Cathy Albus Rainey: And your trajectory agrees with the calculations from Houston and from the Russian Space Center, as well at those of Professor Stephen Hawking?
Tom: Yes, we are all in agreement.
Cathy: Then I will phone the President immediately to let her know that the comet was deflected just enough to avoid capture by Earth's gravity.
Adrienne Poirier: Hurray, my comet will be seen as the most spectacular passing of a heavenly body in the history of our civilization. I must phone my brother, Brent (Poirier). He must get outdoors to watch this from Arizona. Director, may I go back to my station to photograph the comet?
Cathy: Why of course, Adrienne. But before you do, I think a little champagne is appropriate. It's not every day that we celebrate shifting the trajectory of a doomsday comet. Tom, open the bottle that Peggy Jones sent us while I dial Washington. Hello, Jude, err, I mean Madame President. (Pop!)
USS Enterprise, Jr.
Steve Spadero: (Staring intently at a backgammon board) Now whose move was it, Lamont?
The Shadow: I believe it was my move, Stephen. We should have time to finish this game and another before we touch down on Earth. And nice job on the rubber band transmogrification, my Black Magister. How did you know that you made it just strong enough to alter the trajectory before it snapped?
Steve: I didn't have a clue. I just guessed and hoped for the best?
The Shadow: Jolly good, I have rolled doubles again!
Press Room, The White House
President Jude Hawkes: My fellow Americans, tonight I can address you with a serene smile on my face. The Earth has narrowly averted a catastrophic collision with the Comet Poirier. As Sir Winston Churchill once said, "Never have so many owed so much to so few". We owe a debt of gratitude to Captain Brian Grimshaw and the crew off the USS Enterprise, Jr., that flew the mission to alter the course of the comet successfully. And we owe our thanks to four Super-heroes who will be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, Lamont Cranston, Stephen Spadero, Elizabeth Healy, and Tom Marsh. Because of these courageous people, tonight you may go outdoors and enjoy the spectacular view of the Poirier Comet as it harmlessly passes a mere 90,000 miles from Earth knowing that we are safe. And now by special request of The Marshmellow Man, let us adjourn to the White House lawn where there are free Smores topped with Black Stetson Pistachios for everyone. Oh, and be sure not to feed the presidential seal, Snickers, any Smoors, we have him on a diet.
Head’s of States Meeting, Royal Palace, Stockholm, Sweden
Oscar Rivera: Your Majesty, Madame Presidents, Governor General, Mr. Prime Minister, Lt. Governor, Father Ambassador, I am pleased to unveil this model (he pulls a sheet off an architectural model) of our Children’s Care Centers that will be established in Africa, Asia and South America.
President of France, Barbara Napoleone Hull: But Oscar, doesn't it look like the castle at Disneyland?
Oscar: Yes, very observant of you, Barb. Of course it is designed upon the plans of the Disney castle, which itself was copied from the Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria. Our psychology advisor, Dr. Barb Broeski Tennis, wanted to make children the world over that attend the schools, day-care, and clinics in our centers feel like they are at Disneyland. And may I say, Madame President, it is so good to have a Napoleone back in charge of France again.
Prime Minister of the Cayman Islands, John Thompson: As honorary Director of Nutrition for the centers, I can report that Marty Molidor, James Coultas, Ken Matwickzak, as well as Lenore & Chris Fusano have agreed to provide free Sockerooni Sauce, gooey pretzels, pistachios, and olive oil respectively to the centers for five years. Did you all know that pistachios are high in postassium and fiber? And Marty promises to put kid's multi-vitamins right into the Sockerooni Sauce.
Lt. Governor Teri Arteaga Romero: And I can visit all the center's and bake cookies for the kids.
Jolly Good King of Sweden, Rex Olliff: Ahem, Teri, I think you will be too busy serving the people of California to be baking cookies, besides, your tequila cookies may be fine for parties with Jay Pelzer and Dave Gieg, but they are not exactly suitable for children.
Teri: Of course. I was only going to bake pistachio and oatmeal cookies, Rex. I promise no tequila. That is all in the past, I have been reformed by Dr. Barb.
Governor General of the United Nations, Bob Morneau: That will be fine, Teri. I am sure the children will love your cookies. And maybe we could have Father Kerry supervise the cookie baking as he will be visiting the centers as the good will ambassador of the Pope. Oscar, we all want to thank you for making your trillions of dollars available to the children of the world.
Father Kerry Beaulieu: And the Pope sends his blessing to all, especially to you Oscar for your generosity. And so I am off tomorrow with Wolfman Jack for the groundbreaking dedication of our first center in Rwanda.
President of the United States, Judith Hawkes: Father Kerry, why ever is the Wolfman going with you.
Kerry: Why Jude, no one does dedications as well as the Wolfman!
Two Alemany Angels, Don Falstitch and Lynne Marie Gayetty, hover above the proceedings in the Palace, grinning and nodding approval.
Don: Everything seems to be fine here Lynne Marie. It is amazing how Oscar turned from gambling and betting to philanthropy ever since you sprinkled him with Heavenly Dust.
Lynne Marie: Oscar always had it in him. He just needed a little divine inspiration. Let’s get back to heaven. I know you want to play in that soccer game on Cloud 38.
Don: Yes, I do. It’s the Alemany Angels against the Cherubims. (Poof! They are back in heaven).
XERF, Radio Station, Del Rio, Texas:
Wolfman Jack: Aaaaaooooooh. My final dedication on my final radio show is Sitting on the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding going out to a group of special friends from ol’ #11, Dave Gieg. Dave is residing down in ol' Mexico on his agave plantation. Remember now, old quarterbacks don't die, they just fade-away down to Mexico and sip tequila by a warm fire. Dave asks that this goes out to Christie Brecht, Jude Hawkes, Leenie Bruno, Frank Depasquale, Frank Laurie, Bill Merriken, Sue Shannon, and The Shadow.
Patrick Lucatorto: That’s a wrap, Wolfman. I can't believe this is your last show. It's the end of an era in radio history, man.
Wolfman: Well, Patrick you are the big kahuna now. You're going to be great as my replacement. It’s time you had a show of your own my main man. After all, how can I not accept the position as Master of Cermonies for all the ground-breaking dedications at the U.N. Child Care Centers around the world. Why we will be having a dedication of a new center just about every week. And you are not to worry about the ol’ Wolfman 'cause Father Kerry will be looking out for my spiritual welfare as we travel the world together. Man, have you ever heard Father Kerry sing, "Monday, Monday". That dude has a pair of lungs, Patrick.
Patrick: I recall Frank Bonaccorso once told me that Kerry sang that song just about every day when they went to their adjacent lockers before and after lunch at Alemany High.
Wolfman: Well, Father Kerry is still singing it like he belonged in the Mamas and Papas.
Hey, Patrick, I got to say recruiting Melodianne Shaw Duffy as your co-host for the new radio show was a groovy move. She can sing up a storm too. I heard her singing in church at the Alemany reunion mass. Why Streisand would be jealous of Melodianne!!
Patrick: Just remember old friend, you always have a seat in front of a microphone waiting for you on my show.
Wolfman: Hey thanks man (gives Patrick a big bear hug and pats his back). Oh, just one last favor.
Patrick: Anything man.
Wolfman: Man, I forgot to whiz on Bob Johnson. He still owes that lovely comet lady, Adie Poirier, an email. Would you whiz on Bob for me on your next show?
Patrick: You can consider, Bob, whizzed on, Wolfman.
Meanwhile, at the Uffizi Gallery, Firenze, Italy
Tom Marsh: Gottcha, o’ shadowy one. Wing-foot, just get me in position to slip the band over the front of the comet.
Liz Healy: No problem, my mellow man, Marsh.
Over the intercom, Executive Officer Frank Rosales: The lock is depressurized. The Captain has given permission to initiate space walk, uhhm, correction space wing-foot-flight. God speed be with you, Liz and Tom.
Liz can be seen through the ports of the Enterprise, Jr., with Tom riding on her shoulders, and her wing-feet flapping in a hummingbird-like blurr. As the dynamic duo approaches the comet, Tom stretches his marshmallow arms out to an enormous length with the giant rubberized-silk elastic band in his hands. Liz flys over the top of the comet and Tom drops the band over the leading edge of the comet. Liz now flys back to the Enterprise and the band stretches. They anchor the band to hooks on the side of the space ship and re-enter the space lock.
Tom: Mission accomplished, space dudes. Pressurize the cabin.
Brian Grimshaw: Prepare to fire retro rockets for full force.
Frank R.: Standing by to fire retro rockets.
Brian: Fire rockets. The Enterprise, Jr., gathered momentum and pulled away from the comet. The giant elastic band stretched and stretched and stretched as all crew and superheros jostled for viewing ports to watch. And then the elastic band with the tensile strength greater than silk snapped!
Basement of the Playboy Mansion
Hugh Heffner: Why didn't you guys get rid of Nero a lot sooner, Pliny.
Pliny the Elder: (Who has had a crash course in English while in Sweden). Oh, believe me Hef, many a Roman would have liked to have slipped him a strong poison, however, he implanted fear everywhere. You did not know if your servant or your children were acting as spies. He continually harped on the terrorist threat from Gauls and Germans.
Hef: Ah, I understand, he was kind of like George Bush.
Pliny. Yes, I believe that is true. I say, Miss May is rather fetching. Might you introduce us?
Frank Bonaccorso: Pliny seems to be adapting to Los Angeles quite well. He even went roller-blading at Venice Beach this morning. Now, Greg, about that new gyroscopic control and the vortex stabilizers for the Monarch II........ (and in another corner)
Bobbie Mosher: And so you see, Terry, according too my matrix algorithms, we can insure smoother time travel if we just make these small adjustments to the Malverian syncopation inverter and use titanium widgets instead of aluminum.
Terry Mock: Brilliant, Bobbie! Brilliant! I agree fully. Have another Guinness, dear. Now explain more about shrinking the Hyperian drives. (an in another corner of the room)
Chris Gilmore: Wow, that would be great, Peggy. If you are so gung-ho to climb with us, we would really like to have you join us for the Cretaceous climbs. And you don't mind big birds with pointy beaks and sharp claws?
Peggy Jones: Naw, I have had lots of practice with pointy beaks and sharp claws. Remember, I was married to Mick Jagger for three months!
Dale (Pat) Dolan: (Slurp) These oysters are good, but not nearly as tasty as those that Pliny served at Misenum back in 69 AD.
Miss December: Oh, Pat, you are tooooo funny. As if you were alive in 69 AD? (giggle) Why that was almost a whole 100 years ago, wasn’t it? (Burp). And you can’t be a day over 38. Would you be a darling and get me another shot of Gieg’s Gold, Patsy Watsy?
Pat: Of course, darling. Did I ever tell you about the time I single-handedly stopped a mob of rioting Roman citizens from stoning Alan and Frank?
Cha Cha Faitel: Watch out everybody, Mona got loose from her cage. Protect your chips and dips.
Keck Observatory, Mauna Kea, Hawaii
Tom Carnegie: Director, I have checked and rechecked the figures.
NASA Director Cathy Albus Rainey: And your trajectory agrees with the calculations from Houston and from the Russian Space Center, as well at those of Professor Stephen Hawking?
Tom: Yes, we are all in agreement.
Cathy: Then I will phone the President immediately to let her know that the comet was deflected just enough to avoid capture by Earth's gravity.
Adrienne Poirier: Hurray, my comet will be seen as the most spectacular passing of a heavenly body in the history of our civilization. I must phone my brother, Brent (Poirier). He must get outdoors to watch this from Arizona. Director, may I go back to my station to photograph the comet?
Cathy: Why of course, Adrienne. But before you do, I think a little champagne is appropriate. It's not every day that we celebrate shifting the trajectory of a doomsday comet. Tom, open the bottle that Peggy Jones sent us while I dial Washington. Hello, Jude, err, I mean Madame President. (Pop!)
USS Enterprise, Jr.
Steve Spadero: (Staring intently at a backgammon board) Now whose move was it, Lamont?
The Shadow: I believe it was my move, Stephen. We should have time to finish this game and another before we touch down on Earth. And nice job on the rubber band transmogrification, my Black Magister. How did you know that you made it just strong enough to alter the trajectory before it snapped?
Steve: I didn't have a clue. I just guessed and hoped for the best?
The Shadow: Jolly good, I have rolled doubles again!
Press Room, The White House
President Jude Hawkes: My fellow Americans, tonight I can address you with a serene smile on my face. The Earth has narrowly averted a catastrophic collision with the Comet Poirier. As Sir Winston Churchill once said, "Never have so many owed so much to so few". We owe a debt of gratitude to Captain Brian Grimshaw and the crew off the USS Enterprise, Jr., that flew the mission to alter the course of the comet successfully. And we owe our thanks to four Super-heroes who will be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor, Lamont Cranston, Stephen Spadero, Elizabeth Healy, and Tom Marsh. Because of these courageous people, tonight you may go outdoors and enjoy the spectacular view of the Poirier Comet as it harmlessly passes a mere 90,000 miles from Earth knowing that we are safe. And now by special request of The Marshmellow Man, let us adjourn to the White House lawn where there are free Smores topped with Black Stetson Pistachios for everyone. Oh, and be sure not to feed the presidential seal, Snickers, any Smoors, we have him on a diet.
Head’s of States Meeting, Royal Palace, Stockholm, Sweden
Oscar Rivera: Your Majesty, Madame Presidents, Governor General, Mr. Prime Minister, Lt. Governor, Father Ambassador, I am pleased to unveil this model (he pulls a sheet off an architectural model) of our Children’s Care Centers that will be established in Africa, Asia and South America.
President of France, Barbara Napoleone Hull: But Oscar, doesn't it look like the castle at Disneyland?
Oscar: Yes, very observant of you, Barb. Of course it is designed upon the plans of the Disney castle, which itself was copied from the Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria. Our psychology advisor, Dr. Barb Broeski Tennis, wanted to make children the world over that attend the schools, day-care, and clinics in our centers feel like they are at Disneyland. And may I say, Madame President, it is so good to have a Napoleone back in charge of France again.
Prime Minister of the Cayman Islands, John Thompson: As honorary Director of Nutrition for the centers, I can report that Marty Molidor, James Coultas, Ken Matwickzak, as well as Lenore & Chris Fusano have agreed to provide free Sockerooni Sauce, gooey pretzels, pistachios, and olive oil respectively to the centers for five years. Did you all know that pistachios are high in postassium and fiber? And Marty promises to put kid's multi-vitamins right into the Sockerooni Sauce.
Lt. Governor Teri Arteaga Romero: And I can visit all the center's and bake cookies for the kids.
Jolly Good King of Sweden, Rex Olliff: Ahem, Teri, I think you will be too busy serving the people of California to be baking cookies, besides, your tequila cookies may be fine for parties with Jay Pelzer and Dave Gieg, but they are not exactly suitable for children.
Teri: Of course. I was only going to bake pistachio and oatmeal cookies, Rex. I promise no tequila. That is all in the past, I have been reformed by Dr. Barb.
Governor General of the United Nations, Bob Morneau: That will be fine, Teri. I am sure the children will love your cookies. And maybe we could have Father Kerry supervise the cookie baking as he will be visiting the centers as the good will ambassador of the Pope. Oscar, we all want to thank you for making your trillions of dollars available to the children of the world.
Father Kerry Beaulieu: And the Pope sends his blessing to all, especially to you Oscar for your generosity. And so I am off tomorrow with Wolfman Jack for the groundbreaking dedication of our first center in Rwanda.
President of the United States, Judith Hawkes: Father Kerry, why ever is the Wolfman going with you.
Kerry: Why Jude, no one does dedications as well as the Wolfman!
Two Alemany Angels, Don Falstitch and Lynne Marie Gayetty, hover above the proceedings in the Palace, grinning and nodding approval.
Don: Everything seems to be fine here Lynne Marie. It is amazing how Oscar turned from gambling and betting to philanthropy ever since you sprinkled him with Heavenly Dust.
Lynne Marie: Oscar always had it in him. He just needed a little divine inspiration. Let’s get back to heaven. I know you want to play in that soccer game on Cloud 38.
Don: Yes, I do. It’s the Alemany Angels against the Cherubims. (Poof! They are back in heaven).
XERF, Radio Station, Del Rio, Texas:
Wolfman Jack: Aaaaaooooooh. My final dedication on my final radio show is Sitting on the Dock of the Bay by Otis Redding going out to a group of special friends from ol’ #11, Dave Gieg. Dave is residing down in ol' Mexico on his agave plantation. Remember now, old quarterbacks don't die, they just fade-away down to Mexico and sip tequila by a warm fire. Dave asks that this goes out to Christie Brecht, Jude Hawkes, Leenie Bruno, Frank Depasquale, Frank Laurie, Bill Merriken, Sue Shannon, and The Shadow.
Patrick Lucatorto: That’s a wrap, Wolfman. I can't believe this is your last show. It's the end of an era in radio history, man.
Wolfman: Well, Patrick you are the big kahuna now. You're going to be great as my replacement. It’s time you had a show of your own my main man. After all, how can I not accept the position as Master of Cermonies for all the ground-breaking dedications at the U.N. Child Care Centers around the world. Why we will be having a dedication of a new center just about every week. And you are not to worry about the ol’ Wolfman 'cause Father Kerry will be looking out for my spiritual welfare as we travel the world together. Man, have you ever heard Father Kerry sing, "Monday, Monday". That dude has a pair of lungs, Patrick.
Patrick: I recall Frank Bonaccorso once told me that Kerry sang that song just about every day when they went to their adjacent lockers before and after lunch at Alemany High.
Wolfman: Well, Father Kerry is still singing it like he belonged in the Mamas and Papas.
Hey, Patrick, I got to say recruiting Melodianne Shaw Duffy as your co-host for the new radio show was a groovy move. She can sing up a storm too. I heard her singing in church at the Alemany reunion mass. Why Streisand would be jealous of Melodianne!!
Patrick: Just remember old friend, you always have a seat in front of a microphone waiting for you on my show.
Wolfman: Hey thanks man (gives Patrick a big bear hug and pats his back). Oh, just one last favor.
Patrick: Anything man.
Wolfman: Man, I forgot to whiz on Bob Johnson. He still owes that lovely comet lady, Adie Poirier, an email. Would you whiz on Bob for me on your next show?
Patrick: You can consider, Bob, whizzed on, Wolfman.
Meanwhile, at the Uffizi Gallery, Firenze, Italy
The uniformed Carabinieri searching for Las Panteras Rosas
in the Uffizi district of Firenze.
Scchief Inspectore Eugene Rapposelli: Aha, Inspector Mottola, notice here the pink furball by the site where Michealangelo’s David was stolen.
Diane Mottola: Las Panteras Rosas have struck again, despite an enormous security watch. How do you steal a 14 foot high solid marble statue?
David by Michelangelo Buonarotti.
Rumor has it that Bob Johnson recently stood under this statue.
And it whizzed on him.
Eugene: I would think you would need someone very strong. Undoubtedly, this is the crime of the century! You and I, Mottola, shall become more famous than Hercule Poirot or Sherlock Holmes or even Clouseau when we solve this crime. Yes, I have my theories and I have two very feline suspects here in Firenze that the Carabinieri are apprehending even as we speak. We shall go to question them. Follow me, Inspector Mottola. (He does a rapid 180 degree pivot and briskly walks into a glass door.)
The Pink Panthers mock recreation of Rapposelli walking into the glass doors
at the Uffizi.
Mottola, (holding back a laugh) reaches and opens the door, and Eugene, feeling his nose and then acting as if nothing has happened, walks through the open doorway).
Eugene: Thenk you very much, Assistant Sub-Inspectore Mottola.
Have you solved the crime yet? Here is a clue. Las Panteras Rosas look very much alike!
Please try to help Inspectores Rapposelli and Mottola solve the Crime of the Century.
This is the view between the galleries of the Uffizi from whence Inspectore Rapposelli spotted his Panteras Rosas suspects. Those familiar with Firenze will recognize the Duomo Cathedral in the background and the Moorish Minaret centerground.
Send your crime theories about Las Panteras Rosas to bonafrank@yahoo.com
Hopefully, y'all had your quota of laughs and art history for this week. The Shadow is sending me next week to the East-West Center at the University of Hawaii for an intensive course in Structured Decision Making for Biological Modelers. Sheesh, we have to read two books before we even go to the course. Catch y'all later with Volume 17 after the course. Peace and love. FB.
Before we take our work break in Honolulu, we are pleased to announce this weeks entries into The Shadow’s Super Fan Hall of Fame:
Peggy Jones
And
Diane Muscolo
Also Congratulations to our Trivia Contest Winner:
Bobbie Mosher
Her answer: Jimmy Durante
Honorable Mentions for submitting correct answers go out to:
Oscar Rivera, Barbara Broeski, Danny McMahon,
Leo Restrich, and Diane Muscolo
This week’s trivia contest: part 1: Name the person in this photo.
And part 2. Name the person (the non-muppet) in this photo.
The Prize will be a genuine (not fake) Miocene (8-12 million year old) fossil shark tooth gathered by Frank himself on one of his time travels and dated by the Florida Museum of Natural History. Remember you must be the first person to respond to bonafrank@yahoo.com
with the correct answers to both part one and part two within 24 hours of the blog posting for this volume. Past winners of trivia contests and members of The Shadow Press are ineligible.
Good luck.
