Volume 28
The Further Saga of Alemany ’66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso and
Photo Wizards R. M. Johnson and D. P. McMahon
Special Dedication: To all the Cartwrights on the Ponderosa
Our proud father Ben is surrounded by sons Martin, Little Bob, and Hoss. Behind them is our Cousin Beauregard ("Tex"), who came to visit Pa five years ago and never left. He loves Hop Sing's cooking. Lurking in the mirror in the shed is The Shadow, who watches over all Alemany '66 functions
Subtitle: Barrrrr—aaaa---cuda!
Wrigley Field, Chicago
Two men are sitting in the right field bleachers with steaming cups of coffee.
Ernie Banks: Man, what a beautiful day, let’s call some of the guys and play a doubleheader, Jim.
Jim Dantona: Quit dreaming and give me part of the newspaper.
Ernie: Here you get the front page and the classifieds; I get the sports page first. (Basking in sunlight that would make David Surges smile on a rare mild winter day only -3 degrees, the two cronies read a newspaper on their coffee break. Dantona takes a bottle out of his inside coat pocket and pours a little in his coffee.)
Ernie: Hey, let me have a hit of that stuff.
Ernie: Hey, this Geritol stuff is good! I feel a little zip in my blood already.
Oh my, I sure am glad we are not in the American League. No one is going to have a chance against the Red Sox now.
Jim Dantona: Wha’da’ya mean, Ernie. The Cubs can lick anyone in that other league, if we can just get to the Series, we’ll show ‘em.
Ernie: You better read this, Jimmie.
Redsox Juggernaut Signs Superstar
Boston Globe, Reported by Gail Smith
We are trying to confirm that The Boston Red Sox have signed the superstar they have coveted throughout the Winter Hot Stove League. Topping offers tendered by the Yankees, Mets, Cubs, and Angels, we are hearing that the Bosox are about to ink Johan Santana to a whopping trade with the Twins that includes a $190 million contract extension over 6 years. This reporter will have details in the Globe’s Late Edition.
Can anyone compete with Boston if
Johan Santana goes to Beantown?
Breakfast Buffet, Main Dining Hall, SS Pterodactyl
Linda Williams: That was some party last night! There have only been half a dozen people here all morning and it’s last call for breakfast now.
Janice Coyne: Well, Diane Mottola proved she is still the “best dancer” from Alemany.
William Fuller: Ohhhh, my head. Can someone pour me a cup of black coffee?
Theresa Killian: Here you go, Bill, watch out because it is hot. It’s amazing how things printed in Recuerdos ’66 have not changed. I think Bob Ryan is still the wildest dresser.
Susan Murdock: Yeah, and Jay Pelzer is just plain wild. I mean to see a 59 year old man swing from the chandelier to prove he can drink a White Russian while upside down! I have to go walk my dog on the Poop Deck, see you all later.
William Fuller: I must be getting old, my stomach aches, my head hurts, and this whole dining room won’t stop swaying.
Father Neal Hughes: Of course the room is swaying, me lad, you are on a ship and the seas are a little rough. You should have a bite to eat and you will feel better. Excuse me. I am going back for seconds on the pancakes before they close the buffet.
ABC TV Studio aboard the SS Pterodactyl
Good evening, this is Bernard Van Vlymen reporting on location aboard the SS Pterodactyl which is currently cruising off the coast of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We begin tonight’s news with a late breaking story about the rich getting richer. I am told by reputable anonymous sources that The Boston Red Sox have acquired a superstar that almost guarantees another World Series in Beantown. Our source believes Santana spurned an offer from the Yankees and will agree to wear a Red Sox uniform for $200 million over 7 seven years. This is the largest contract ever awarded in baseball history. Asked if he thought he could play every fifth day, Santana told our source, “Hell, I am going to play in 81 games, in fact I will play at every home game, no problem.”
Bernie: (Uhmm, hold on a second, our producer, Stephen Watton, is speaking in my earpiece). It seems that there was a slight error, Johan Santana signed with the Dodgers. It is Carlos Santana that signed with Boston, and he absolutely will be playing during all home games at Fenway Park through 2014. Let’s ask Rolling Stone editor, Marc Welter, what he thinks of this signing?
Janice Coyne: Well, Diane Mottola proved she is still the “best dancer” from Alemany.
William Fuller: Ohhhh, my head. Can someone pour me a cup of black coffee?
Theresa Killian: Here you go, Bill, watch out because it is hot. It’s amazing how things printed in Recuerdos ’66 have not changed. I think Bob Ryan is still the wildest dresser.
Susan Murdock: Yeah, and Jay Pelzer is just plain wild. I mean to see a 59 year old man swing from the chandelier to prove he can drink a White Russian while upside down! I have to go walk my dog on the Poop Deck, see you all later.
William Fuller: I must be getting old, my stomach aches, my head hurts, and this whole dining room won’t stop swaying.
Father Neal Hughes: Of course the room is swaying, me lad, you are on a ship and the seas are a little rough. You should have a bite to eat and you will feel better. Excuse me. I am going back for seconds on the pancakes before they close the buffet.
ABC TV Studio aboard the SS Pterodactyl
Good evening, this is Bernard Van Vlymen reporting on location aboard the SS Pterodactyl which is currently cruising off the coast of Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. We begin tonight’s news with a late breaking story about the rich getting richer. I am told by reputable anonymous sources that The Boston Red Sox have acquired a superstar that almost guarantees another World Series in Beantown. Our source believes Santana spurned an offer from the Yankees and will agree to wear a Red Sox uniform for $200 million over 7 seven years. This is the largest contract ever awarded in baseball history. Asked if he thought he could play every fifth day, Santana told our source, “Hell, I am going to play in 81 games, in fact I will play at every home game, no problem.”
Bernie: (Uhmm, hold on a second, our producer, Stephen Watton, is speaking in my earpiece). It seems that there was a slight error, Johan Santana signed with the Dodgers. It is Carlos Santana that signed with Boston, and he absolutely will be playing during all home games at Fenway Park through 2014. Let’s ask Rolling Stone editor, Marc Welter, what he thinks of this signing?
Santana plays “Take Me Out To The Ballgame” in 7th Inning Stretch at Fenway
Marc: Hey! Greatest thing to come to baseball since…….
Cracker Jack put a prize in the box! I think the signing of Santana is huge, I mean bigger than Ballpark Franks or any active ball player that the Red Sox could’a signed. The Sox are going to have sell-outs five years in a advance and are going to make a ton of money in selling CD’s, T-shirts, Fatheads, etc. The crowd is going to be pumped, every time Santana does the 5 sec musical intro to a hitter coming to bat and will play a full song everytime there is a pitching change outta da bullpen, see! Fenway will be more intimidating than ever for road teams and all that money the organization will make will allow them to sign all the free agents they want. I already hear that Alex Rodriguez is trying to get out of his Yankee contract, because he is a huge Santana fan.
I see a dynasty looming for the Red Sox. Back to you, Bernie baby!
Carlos Santana waits by bullpen gate for a cue to play “Oye Como Va”
as introduction to a Manny Ramirez at bat.
Bridge of SS Pterodactyl
George Duggan: Cap'n we have a message from the radio room. There was a major earthquake in Hawaii, we are warned that there is a tsunami alert.
Art Durazo: Thank you, Mr. Duggan. Double the watch and put our best tech on the radar. Carry on.
George: Aye aye, sir.
Sick Bay, SS Pterodactyl
Theresa Killeen: How is she, doc?
Dr. Alan Shows: Liz Healy is a sick puppy right now. Our sixth case of food poisoning from last night’s menu. Lab results indicate the ciguatera is caused by a dinoflagellate protozoan often associated with ingestion of flesh from "top-of-the-food-chain" fish.
Theresa: Hmm, she had the barracuda fillets last night. But she will be alright?
Alan: We will know in a few hours.
Theresa: Who else is down with the poisoning?
Alan: It seems to have hit the teacher’s table real hard. Mr. Smidt, Mr. DeCoster, and Coach Vanni have it. Also, James Wright and Tim Jordan.
Bridge of SS Pterodactyl
Lamont Cranston: Cap'n, (puff, puff – breathing hard) I came as quickly as I could. (more heavy breathing) I was playing a game of cribbage with Coach King and we both ran up from the lower deck lounge as fast (puff, puff) as we could (puff, puff).
Coach Mike King: Wie getz, Cap’n?
Art Durazo: Gentlemen, we have a mega-tsunami 80 miles off our port side approaching us as 240 mph. Radar indicates it is over 140 ft high.
Lamont: Hmmm, that is not good.
Coach King: Mein Gott, what will you do? That only gives us 20 minutes until impact!
Art: Well, Tim Jordan is down with food poisoning, but Brad Kopp says he can fly Tim’s gyrocopter. He is flying toward the wave with a video cam now to track it visually for us. I am afraid all I can do is point the bow into the wave when it approaches.
George Duggan: I have radio contact with Brad, Cap’n. He reports visual contact and that the wave is increasing in size as it reaches shallower water. He estimates it is 180 feet high now.
Art: What does The Shadow know about tsunamis?
Lamont: He knows that the Pterodactyl does not stand much of a chance against that wave. Wingfoot Healy teamed with Marshmellow Man Marsh could handle this.
Art: Except Liz Wingfoot Healy has the worst of the food poisoning. It was that 8 foot giant barracuda that Terry Mock caught that had the ciguatera.
Radar Tech Philip Tessier: We have 12 minutes to impact, Cap’n.
Coach King: I have two questions and need quick answers. What room is Tom Marsh in?
George Duggan: He is in Cabin 488 overlooking the Poop Deck.
Coach: I remember seeing a phone booth somewhere on the ship. Where is it?
Art: Coach, here use my cell phone.
Coach: Just tell me where the phone booth is.
Art. Starboard side of Deck Three. But, I still…..
(Coach King was off at a run).
Art: …..don’t understand what you are going to do in a phone booth when we are all facing certain death.
Lamont Cranston: Relax, Art, The Shadow Knows.
The SS Pterodactyl and every living member of the Alemany Class of ’66 are in dire straits not to mention harm’s way.
Our Super-heroine, Liz Wingfoot Healy, is under the weather – dang she could have made a difference, or at least The Shadow seems to think she could have.
Double dang, Brad Kopp reports the tsunami is 200 ft high!
Before we all go to Davey Jones's Locker with the Pterodactyl (She was a good ship!) I have a final announcement in the way of (heaven forbid) errata that was printed in Volume 26.
Through a Freudian Slip the last member elected to The Shadow’s Super Fan Hall of Fame was announced as:
Denise “Lil Donnie” Werner Piscitello
With great apologies, the announcement should have read:
Sarah “Lil Donnie” Swenson
Heads will roll among the editorial staff!!!!!
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year from everyone still with their heads attached at The Shadow Press.
