Volume 29—Part II. The Missing Volume
The Further Saga of Alemany ’66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso

Edited by R. M. Johnson

Subtitled: Inside the Ironman Suit?
2nd Subtitle: A Hoary Apparition at the Castle.

Before our story, here are some important announcements:

From Bethel Rd. in Simpsonville, S.C. to Douglas, AK, to Kingsbury Street in Mission Hills, CA, and everywhere else that 66’ers live –

A Belated Happy Thanksgiving to Y’all

There will be a “Virtual New Year’s Eve Party” on 31 December 2008, hosted by your author in Volcano, Hawaii. All Alemany 66’ers are invited to the virtual party. Anyone with an Internet connection can attend the party (no you do not need a webcam to participate). If you would like to participate send the email address that you will use for the party to:
bonafrank@yahoo.com
We would hold the virtual party at Bob Johnson’s house, however, during recent virtual parties of Monarch’s at Bob’s house, things got out of control and the premises were virtually trashed such that more than $50,000 virtual dollars of damages were incurred. Thus, Bob has refused to host anymore virtual parties. Join a growing Alemany 66’er tradition and party with us virtually on New Year’s Eve. The Mother of All Parties will start at 2PM Eastern Time Zone and continue until virtually whenever Hawaiian Time.
A hui ho and aloha.

Castle Glenco McMahnogal in the Year 1988 (continued from Part I of Volume 29)
A furry, screeching bat with 18-inch wingspan clung to Danny McMahon’s face causing him to stumble and then fall at the top of the staircase. Dan managed to cast the furry chiropteran off his face with only a few claw gashes and a small bite to his neck, but in so doing he crashed through a hanging tapestry and into a mounted set of ancient armor that came crashing down all about him. The helmet from the armor, after flying high into space under the vaulted arch of the upstairs hallway, landed atop Dan’s head causing the faded tapestry that had covered his body to act as a hoary shroud. Dan could not remove the helmet or the shroud and walked blindly seeking assistance.

Meanwhile downstairs….
Curly: Is tapping with a closed fist along a wooden wall panel.
Leo Restrich: What are you doing, Curly Joe?
Curly: Looking for a secret revolving panel. There always is a revolving panel in a haunted castle. It’s traditional. (Curly picks up a crowbar from the floor and starts tapping along the wall again, but while looking at Leo, Curly slams the crowbar on Moe’s hand)
Moe: Oooouuuchhh! Hey gimme that crowbar, knucklehead. (Moe takes the crowbar to give payback to Curly but his backswing catches Larry across the cranium. Larry crumbles to the floor and Moe now takes a swing at Curly who ducks the wild attempted blow only to have Leo take the brunt on the jaw. Leo crumples to the floor.)
Moe: (Turns to see Larry) Oh, sleeping on the job again. He grabs a pail of water that turns out to be white paint and tosses it over Larry. Then he turns toward Leo.
“Another guy sleeping on the job! Get up you goldbricker!” He gives Leo a kick and Leo scrambles to his feet. Larry who is blinded by the paint in his eyes starts walking out of the room as he reaches frantically with his arms trying to find something to use to wipe his eyes. Larry keeps asking for help but is ignored as he blindly climbs the stairs to the main floor. Meanwhile, Danny McMahon, still with an ancient helmet and faded tapestry over his body, is stumbling down the stairs from the second floor.
Chuck Abel: (Somewhere on the main floor exploring for the hidden treasure among the 118 rooms of Castle Glenco McMahnogal.) Tavis, did you hear some noise?
Tavis McTavish: Aye, laddie, I thought I did hear something and my torch is burning very low we are losing our light.
Chuck: I don’t like being in the dar….. (but Chuck cannot finish his sentence for fear of what he sees).
Tavis: (with his back to the apparition) Now, laddie, we are two grown men, stop being what you Americans call a wuss just because it is dark.
Chuck: Bu-bu-bu-bu-but….
Tavis. And look, there is a bit of moonlight coming in through that broken window.

Flash-ahead to February 2008: International Fencing Championships, Budapest, Hungry
Anne Gattuso Monthaven: Oh, my gosh! I have to fence the number one seed and hometown favorite, Laszlo Alemazy, in the first round. Tomorrow!
John Gugerty: Not a problem. We spend tonight breaking down videotape. I can show you at least three weaknesses that you can exploit. I just have to find our video guy.
Anne: DiTrapani is missing again? If I have to pull him out of one more Bohemian cabaret, he is history. He keeps trying to impress barmaids with how close he is to our classmate movie star, Bob Orlando, and how he doubled for all Bob’s action scenes in Batman Unmasked.
John: Well, that and the fact that he claims that he can make anyone into the next CatWoman since Kathi Gibson Weems turned down the role in the new movie. There are a lot of gullible maidens in this city.
Len DiTrapani: Hi, guys. What’s this about Kathi Gibson?
Anne: Uhhmmmm, nothing Lennie. Have you got the Alemazy tape ready to roll?
Len: Coming right up. And so began many hours of reviewing tapes of the great left-handed hunchback Hungarian fencing great. Coach and athlete drank prodigious amounts of coffee and had generous helpings of the local goulash to keep their energy. DiTrap stuck strictly to the coffee with an under the table plum snaps fortifier liberally added.
John: Did you see the opening that you can exploit in that last flourish of moves?
Anne: Uh, not really, can you play it back in extra-slo-mo, Lenny?

Annie having an out of body experience visualizes an epee move that
Coach Gugerty has drummed into her.
Go Girl! Stick it to Lazlo.

Arles, France
Having been fired as the booking agent from the Dick Carvotta show for not landing an appearance from Elvis, Maggie Calaba returned to her true passion and avocation that kindled deep within her heart ever since her days matriculating at UCLA – Underwater Archaeology for which she holds a degree from UCLA.
Lynn Carter: Welcome to Provençe, Maggie.
Maggie: Merci beaucoup, Lynn. I came as fast as I could once I got your email about the first century busts that you found buried in the bottom of the Rhone. This is so exciting! When can we do a dive and have a first hand look?
Lynn: Whoa, girl. Not so fast, you have to be checked out by our dive master, Jim Pinero, before working with the archaeology scuba team. I know you are the world’s expert on first century B.C. roman figures, but safety comes first. Get suited up and Jim will check you out.

Dive Master Pinero on Duty.

NBC Studio, Hollywood, California
Guest host of the Tonight Show filling in for Danny McMahon is The Mother Blogger, Charmaine Haley Coimbra: Good evening, it’s a pleasure to be filling-in for Danny McMahon. I understand that he is taking ownership of an ancient family castle in Scotland even as we speak.
Ed McMahon: Yes, I imagine he is exploring the 117 rooms of the castle as we speak.
Char: Wow, 117 rooms! How many bathrooms does that include?
Ed: None.
Char: None!
Ed: The castle was built in the era of chamber pots, my dear.
Char: Oooooh. I guess I won’t be visiting Danny anytime soon. Well anyway who have we got on the show tonight, Ed?
Ed: It soooooo happens that we probably have the best show in many years tonight, Char. Among our guests is Director John Favreau to talk about his new movie starring Robert Downey, Jr., Ironman.

Ed: We also have from the San Diego Zoo, Chief Curator of Reptiles, Mary Lyons, bringing a truckload of wild animals to show us.
Char: A whole truckload of animals. I can hardly wait. There aren’t any spiders or snakes are there? I don’t like spiders and I don’t like snakes. Who else?
Ed: Magician and Prestidigitator Extraordinaire, Pete Herron, will perform a magic trick never before seen by humans. But first a word from the most trusted name in Used Car Sales, James MacIssac, down at the Grand Re-Opening of Felix Chevrolet.

James: Howdy, folks. Are gas prices driving you up the wall? Come on down to Felix Chevrolet where I have a selection of over 100 Biofuel converted World War II open top Jeeps waiting for you. And say any surfers in the crowd? I have a 1949 Pontiac Woody Station Wagon with original wood paneling that was only used on Saturdays by surfing legend, Andy Kotnik, to go surfing at Leo Carrillo State Beach and it’s on sale for only $2999.99 ½.

Andy Kotnik's Woody. What a boss set of wheels, dude.

Or, how about a great first car for the kid about to go off to college? I got a 1962 white Dodge Dart with push button transmission on the dash and a huge V-8 engine under the hood. This car has a lot of mileage left on it and has the original tires. Come make me a deal on this car. Just look for the Giant Cat. And now back to The Tonight Show.

Director John Favreau accidently let it slip that the man inside the candy apple Ironman suit in his just released movie was famous Hollywood stuntman, Frankie DePasquale.

Frankie DePasquale inside the Ironman suit and using a forearm just like he learned from Coach Ralph Ahn on the Alemany gridiron.

Char: We are here talking with Director, John Favreau. John, I imagine the most difficult part of filming Ironman would have been all the technical stunts in the ironman costume. How was it working with Hollywood’s finest stuntman, Frankie DePasquale?
John: The man is fearless. Even after he fell from 120 feet in the sky when the compressed gas in the suit failed he never complained. However, we did fall behind schedule for a while.
Char: Why was that? Frankie get hurt on a stunt.
John: No. As I stated the man is fearless and he is indestructible. But, Frankie has one small problem.
Char: Pray tell! What is DePasquale’s problem?
John: The guy has trouble pushing away from the table. He is an absolute desert freak. He can’t even have breakfast without at least two deserts. Canolis, ice cream, Boston cream pie, Eskimo Pies, apple pie. Well in the middle of production, Frankie put on so much weight he couldn’t get into the ironman suit. Delayed production two weeks while we sent him to Weight Watchers.
Char: Dear, dear, dear. But you did get him to shed the pounds because the film is out and doing fantastic. So can you give us a clue about your next film?
John: Yes. We are joining with Spielberg again to film, Indiana Jones and the Mummies of Cheops.
Char: Wow. I love Indiana Jones. Ok, you must tell us who is playing the lead role now that Harrison Ford has retired.
John: Well, have a look at this clip and you will no doubt recognize one of your Alemany classmates who proved to be a Thespian of considerable talent.

And taking over for Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones is
David “Jazzman” Nehen

ABC News, New York
Good Evening, sitting in for Bernie Van Vlymen who is on assignment in Zimbabwe, I am Linda Ann Hughes. Our lead story tonight, Robert Guerrero, the Democratic nominee for President has accepted a proposal from John McCain to hold three town hall meetings across America. The first town hall will be held outdoors on July 4th upon the hallowed ground of the earthquake-demolished gymnasium of Alemany High School in Mission Hills, California. On the scene reporting is Susan Troy.
Susan: Hello, Linda, I am standing on what remains of the hollowed gymnasium floor where such legendary personas such as John Thompson, Cayman Island Prime Minister, and current U.S.A. Olympic fencing coach, John Gugerty, played Indian basketball; it also is the place where Kathi Gibson Weems and Bob Orlando first debuted as thespians, and where President Jude Hawkes was once known as the class clown. All that remains are a few bricks and remnants of the hardwood floor, however, as you can see around me crews are hard at work to create a level field over which a huge temporary tent will be erected for the first 2008 Presidential Town Hall.
John Sumser: Ah, pardon me lady, but I have a crew that has work to do here. Could you please move to another area?
Susan: Well, really, don’t you realize we are on national news?
John: News, smews, I don’t care if it is Dave Hull the Hullaballooer on the other end of your mike. I got a job to do here. Hey, Molidor, get that dump truck outta here, we are behind schedule.
Susan: Is that Marty Molidor, former billionaire and owner of Molidor’s Super-duper Sock-it-them Sockerooni Sauce?
John: Yeah, that’s the guy. Came begging for a job a few weeks ago, so I put him on my crew. Now will you get off my work-site lady, you don’t even have a hard hat.
Susan: Signing off from the site of the former Alemany gym, this is Susan Troy.
Sumser: Hey, lady, no. Don’t step there…..
Susan: Yeoooooooooow. Help. {Susan has fallen through boards and into a deep pit.}
Sumser: (on a walkie-talkie.) Hey, Molidor, get back here quick. We are going to need the winch on your truck to hoist a lady that did not have enough sense to avoid the muck pit left from the cesspool tank we took out of the girls’ locker-room area. You copy?
Marty: I’m on my way, boss.

Linda Hughes: We seem to have lost our audio from Susan Troy. Perhaps she is just overcome from the memories rushing back of her high school years while walking over such hallowed ground. Well, anyway, I have just been handed a newsflash. In a first round match that represents the first sporting competition of the Beijing Olympics, American, Annie Gattuso, has upset defending Olympic champion Lazlo Alemazy. Reporting from China here is sports correspondent, Dennis Dilley.
Dennis: Good evening, Linda. In an explosive match in which U. S. Head Coach, John Gugerty, was ejected from the stadium for referee baiting, nevertheless, Annie Gattuso Monthaven came from a four point deficit to score six consecutive points and soundly defeat the Hungarian and gold medal favorite known as the Silver Sword. Monthaven ruthlessly exploited a weakness of the left-handed hunchback, Alemazy, by continually striking over his right shoulder at his hump. Although previously unknown, Alemazy went into laughing fits each time he was touched. Apparently he has a very, very ticklish spot on his hump. Monthaven repeatedly returned to put her epee tip onto the hump and Alemazy could never stop laughing as he lost point after point. When asked how she developed the hunchback tickling strategy, she was quoted as saying, “I don’t really known, just playing a hunch, I guess.” Time will tell, but we may have already witnessed the biggest upset of these Olympic Games.
Linda: Thank you for your report, Curly Dilley. Monthaven will now have two days rest before her next match, against the Atomic Argentine, Lola LaPalma. Finally in the news tonight, President George Bush was quote as saying, “Is $4.50 gasoline expensive? I wouldn’t know? I always have my chauffeur fill-er-up while I’m playing my Game Boy in the back. Cheney can’t touch me at Donkey-Kong.

Castle Glenco McMahnogal
Chuck Abel: Ta-ta-ta-tav…..
Tavis: Goodness, Chuck, why to you keep stuttering? You act like you have seen a ghost.
Chuck: (grabs Tavis and spins him around so that Tavis is looking at the ghost, which is really Larry in whitewash). I don’t know what to do. Should we talk to the ghost?
Tavis: We come in peace.
Ghost Larry: I need help.
Chuck: Anything. We will be happy to help. What do you want us to do?

Just then the hoary, shrouded and helmeted Danny McMahon stumbles down the last step of the stairs and his forward motion carries him past Chuck and Tavis and smack-dab into a collision with Larry. Larry and Danny both yell. Tavis and Chuck both yell. Leo comes up the stairs and because there are ghostlike figures yelling, he yells………

In the Shadow Press Dictation Room:
Lamont Cranston: (pulling at his watch-chain and opening at his silver engineer’s watch). Blimey, I am late for tea with Elvis and the Dalai Lama. Gotta run, Frank, we will have to finish this next time.
Frank Bonaccorso: But, Lamont, we are in the middle of a story here. Our reader’s want to know what happens next at the castle.
Lamont: The readers will just have to wait for the next issue of the missing Volume, won’t they? Ta-ta.
Frank: Sorry, folks, I hate to say it but this story “is to be continued…….”

Shadow Fan Poll
The Super-Duper Sock-it To Me Sockerooni
All Time Greatest Country & Western Song Performance

The nominations from a panel of distinguished Alemany ‘66ers are:

(In alphabetical order)

“Crying” performed by Patsy Cline

“El Paso” performed by Marty Robbins

“Ghost Riders in the Sky” performed by Vaughn Monroe

“Ring of Fire” performed by Johnny Cash

Vote for one and one song only by sending an email with the one title for which you wish to vote to: bonafrank@yahoo.com

Results indicating Alemany 66’ers Favorite Country & Western Song
Will be announced in the very next Shadow volume.