Volume 3: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Volume Subtitle: The Lancaster Bus Stop.

Playboy Mansion:
Frank: The Jurassic! Jumping Jeffrey Goldblum! I get to go to the Jurassic?
Terry: Yes, the Jurassic!
Frank: I have dreamed about going back in time to the Jurassic. Of course, I like the Pleistocene too. Could I stop in the Pleistocene on the way to the Jurassic? I want to see the mammoths, the ground-sloths, saber-tooths, and, and, giant vampire bats.
Greg: Frank, we don't recommend multiple stops in time, at least not at first. We can get you to the Pleistocene at a later time. Let's concentrate on the objective at hand.
Frank: What is the objective at hand? Why am I going to the Jurassic?
Terry: To bring back the new Alemany mascot! As you know many schools with Native American symbols as mascots have given them up over recent years, political correctness and all that. Stanford University, St. John's University in New York to name a couple have given up the Indian symbols out of respect. Alemany will give up being the Indians too, but we need an impressive, aggressive mascot. One that no other schools have, at least not alive on the sidelines. So we want you to bring back an animal from the Jurassic for the mascot, and of course we can all make a little money from exhibiting the animal as well.
Greg: We were thinking perhaps ....

Torino Ski Box Factory, Italy.
Joe: So are you ready to see the test prototype RJ?
Bob: I've been waiting for this for a while, now. Of course I am ready.
Frankie: Here she is, pulling a sheet off the vehicle.
Bob: That's it? That's what I am riding down the Matterhorn in?
Joe: No, no, it's only a test prototype. We find a lesser mountain near Torino for you to try it out. We film the trial, run a radar gun, make some other tests, and then back to the design lab, the next version, more testing, etc. etc. Rome wasn't built in a day RJ.
Frankie: So tomorrow morning, we make the preliminary tests with your new Putschers. Are these guys you found any good?
Bob: They were the best of the hundreds that tried out for the team. And Joe and Frank, you may not believe this, but after all those trials, the two best putschers in America just happened to be Alemany grads, and they are also, Italians.
Joe: No! Who?
Bob. You'll see tomorrow. They need to get their sleep and get over the jet lag. I don't want you and Frankie taking them out on the town tonight. So their hotel and identity remain secret until tomorrow. Say have you two had breakfast yet?
Frankie: Yeah, but we will be happy to eat again if you want company, RJ.
Bob: No, I ate too, but here is 20 euros, go have some canolis on me, I need to find Kit and talk to her.

Dallas Cowboys practice field.
Coach Matwickzak: Terrell get with the program. No hustle means run another lap! Gieg get over here I need to talk to you.
Gieg: Hi coach.
Coach M: (taking off his Black Stetson) Now what was that crackpot play you wanted to run against Seattle if we had a shot from the Red Zone?
Gieg: The ole Statue of Liberty play, Ken. I fake a lateral to TO on the right while holding the ball behind my back with the left hand. Everybody will be moving to the right except our other wide out who leads the blocking for my run to the left.
Coach M: Have you talked to Coach Ahn about this?
Gieg: No. He never let me run it at Alemany. But I know the Seahawks will loose their pants on this one. Anyway Coach King said it was, what was his word??? Oh, yeah, Verboten! Is that good?
Coach M: Dave, you always did sleep in German class. I will think about it. Get back to practice.
Coach Phil Ahn: Ken, you said to leave no stone unturned in studying films to come up with a trick play we can use from the Red Zone right.
Coach M: Yes, coach.
Ahn: Well, I just saw some film from the Boise State bowl game. I got our play! Boise pulled the old Statue of Liberty on Oklahoma for a score. You got to see this film. Gieg always wanted to try this in high school, but I never let him, but it hasn't been used in so long, Seattle will never read this.
Coach M. Well, I'll be a horned toads mother-in-law! (Slapping Black Stetson against thigh). Is this a conspiracy Coach (puzzled look on Coach Ahn)? Next thing you are going to want Gieg to pull a Flutie and drop kick a point.


On a golf course in Palm Springs, CA.
Jay: Over here, Tiger. I'm Jay Pelzer, welcome to the Ryder Team. Of course you have been on the team before, but this year I insist we have team practices well in advance of tournament play. I need to see who is on their game and who is not before I turn in the final team list and one alternate to St. Andrews. Let me introduce you to the other team members, Bob Lendzion, in the middle, Ron West, and over on the end, Bill Merriken. (Hand shakes all around).
Tiger: Say, how come I haven't seen any of you on the PGA tour?
Bill: Well, you might say we play on the senior tour, Tiger. Besides, when Jay was named team captain, he was ordered to shake things up a bit. You and the PGA tour guys have not exactly brought home the bacon. How many years in a row now have you lost.
Tiger: Now look Bill, let's not dwell on the past. Ok, the US has struggled in the Ryder Cup over the last few years. It used to be we only played the British for the cup, but now it is all of Europe against the USA.
Ron: Ah, Tiger, enough of the excuses. Let's tee up.
Bob: That's fine with me, why don't you drive first Bill.
Merriken tees up, whack, the ball goes straight down the fairway, but only about 150 yds.
West follows, whack, another straight shot that rolls 10 yards farther than Bill's.
Tiger, tees off, WHACK, everyone puts hands over eyes to track the ball, 200, 250, 275 yds, but the ball rolls slightly to the edge of the rough.
Jay: Tiger, your going to have to work on hitting the ball straight like these boys. Watch Bob, he's our ace.
Lendzion, tees up, and sure enough hits it straight, the ball rolling right next to West's ball.
Jay: Now is that consistency or what. Three drives right down the middle for Alemany. Ok, lets go see if we can get them on the green boys. Tiger, I might have Bob work with you on your drive.
Tiger: Uh, sure captain, but my ball went more than 100 yds farther than everyone elses'.
Jay: Tiger, it's not just about substance, it's also about style. Now you are off the fairway, and frankly, we have to have better shots than that. And by the way Tiger, where did you get that shirt. (Tiger rolls eyes, and stuffs his driver hard into his bag).

At the Lancaster bus stop sit the Turkal twins.
Don: Well Ron, here comes the bus.
Ron: Yep, here she comes right on time.
Don: Are you sure you want to do this?
Ron: Yep.
Don: You know, some people will say this is absurd.
Ron: Yep.
Don: But you are still going through with it.
Ron: Yep.
Don: Ok, you have my support, and I am sure some of the Alemany crowd will support what you are doing, but others will not understand.
Ron: I am going through with this. (Bus pulls up, door opens, Ron walks aboard).
Don: (to Ron through open window). Good luck, see you.
Ron: Pray for me. (Bus pulls out of Lancaster headed south)

At NBC
Danny: Let's have a big hand for the newest Batman, Bob Orlando.
Bob: Walks out to batman theme music. Hi Danny, nice to meet you Ed. And there is my man, the best horn blower in Hollywood, Ponchie.
Ponchie: What? Only in Hollywood?
Ed: Welcome to the show Bob. How is the filming going on the The Dark Side of Batman?
Bob: Oh, we have barely begun. No, real filming yet. I am just learning the script and working with our writers Charmaine Coimbra and Terry Southwick, they don't seem to grasp the strength and magnitude of my character. But their doing fine.
Ed: Now Charmaine and Terry are know for other genres. For example, Terry is a romance novelist. How is it to work with them.
Bob: They are both terrific. Both have put a romantic side into the story. I'm hoping that in this film, Batman really gets somewhere with a girl in this movie. Oh by the way, Charmaine said to give this recipe for Lamb T-bone from her daughter to Jay Pelzer, pass it on to Jay when he comes out later Danny.
Danny: You are probably dying to find out who has been cast as your romantic opposite playing Cat Woman.
Bob: Indeed, I am. I understand that you and Ed are going to announce it on your show tonight. Can we do that now?
Ed: We will keep that secret a bit longer Bob. But tell us who are some of the other actors in the film. Who for instance plays your butler and confident, Arthur?
Bob: Well Ed, Arthur is being played by an old high school friend of mine, a very good character actor, John Stigmon.
Danny: Oh, Stigmon will be terrific in that role. Who plays the Gotham City Police Commissioner, Bob?
Bob: As it so happens, we are casting this with the first woman police commissioner. As you know the role has always been "Police Commission Gordon". And the person cast for the role in life is named Gordon, in fact she taught typing at Alemany High School back when Danny and I were students there.
Danny: You mean Mrs. Peggy Gordon is playing Commissioner Gordon. Wow, she is such a great straight line actor. You really scored there Bob.
Bob: I can't take credit Danny, Spielberg and our Casting Directors, Ralph Rath and Robert Scott did all that. But it is an honor to perform with Peg Gordon, she cracks up the whole cast in rehearsals. And then, there is Cat Woman, now who did you say was to play Cat Woman, Ed.
Danny: He didn't say, Bob. Actually, neither Ed nor I know the answer to that yet. The name of the actress that will play Cat Woman is hermetically sealed in an old Mayonaise jar and, until tonight, when it was brought to NBC by armed security guards, it has been stored somewhere where no one would think of looking.
Bob: You mean under the back porch of Funk & Wagnalls. I used to watch Johnny Carson too, guys.
Ed: We will be back with Bob Orlando and announce the role of Cat Woman after this commercial break for Marty's Conch Fritters, the new frozen seafood shipped direct from the sea in Cayman Brac to your supermarket.

Over at CBS
Dick Carvotta: Well, I seem to have the bleeding slowed down a bit now. Some of you in the audience thought that was funny when the squid bit my nose. Let me tell you it was not funny and that was real blood.
Ann: It was very graphic (laughing) in slow-mo Dick. Really, Cecil has never done (more laughing) that before. (Whole audience laughing)
Dick: What does Cecil eat by the way Ann.
Ann: He eats anything he can catch. I used to keep him in the tub in the bathroom and feed him prawns and crab meat, but he sort of outgrew that, and now I just let him roam out by the back dock at our place in Alaska.
Dick: You are not missing any dogs there in Douglas are you.
Ann: No. Cecil prefers marine life, Dick.
Dick: Well maybe it is time we brought out our next guest, Tommy Lasorda, the man who bleeds Dodger Blue. (Take me out to the ball game plays).
Dick: Welcome, Tommy.
Tommy: Dick, it's great to see you again. Only six weeks until spring training. I know you are an old Dodgers fan. Will you be down to Vero Beach this year?
Dick: I hope I can make it down for a game, but the show keeps me pretty busy, Tommy.
So, who do you think will give the Dodgers competition for the National League pennant this year?
Tommy: I think the Cubs are the team we have to beat to get to the World Series. They signed so many good players including Alphonso Soriano. They have a dynamite new manager in Lou Pinella. But you know who I think is their best new acquisition?
Danny: Who?
Tommy: The new hitting coach, Jim Dantona. That guy knows baseball. I saw him in Florida last week working with Sammy Sosa, another key piece to the puzzle for the Cubs, and I was impressed in talking to Jim. The guy has hitting concepts ahead of his time. Then he stepped into the cage to demonstrate to Sosa and he hit four balls in a row over the fences. The last one went to dead center at least 500 feet. Say, didn't he play at your old school, Dick?
Dick: As a matter of fact, I think he did play third base for the Alemany Indians.


Somewhere in the Alps, Italy.
Bob: Well, I guess I am ready Joe and Frank.
Frank: Ok, RJ, this is prototype #25. Notice the simple but elegant lines. This baby is aerodynamic if you tuck low once you get putsched. Just jump in the box and get the feel for it. We will put the handles on for the putschers later. Where are your putschers?
Bob: The putschers are getting fitted with their snow cleats and uniforms they will be out soon. Actually, it feels pretty good. But what about the ski runners?
Joe: Squeezing some red liquid out of a bota bag into his mouth and down the sides of his mouth. That comes later too. We will put the handles on now and be really for the team in a few minutes.

Bob Johnson molding his bottom to the ski box.

Bob: Here come the two first team putschers now guys. Recognize them?
Frank: How could I recognize them with the wool hats and the goggles? No.
1st Putscher: Hey, Frankie, Joe, its me, Mikey!
Frank: Modugno? Hey welcome pizano, have some wine from the bota. (Throwing bota to Mike)
2nd Putscher: What, you not going to say hello to me?
Frank and Joe (simultaneously): Steve Modugno, have some wine.
Joe: Here Bobby, outta that box. Have some wine, go keep warm inside, while I teach Steve and Mike what to do.
Joe: This is so cool, Alemany family together again.
Mike: Hey we heard for so long how you two were having so much fun in Italy. We wanted some of that too.
Joe: Ok, guys, let me show you how to putsch properly. It might take awhile but you will get the hang of it.
Twenty minutes later after Joe gives Mike and Steve a crash course in putsching basics, Frankie has painted skull and crossbones on the shell of the box and Bob has changed into his black racing suit they are ready to run down the mountain.
Frank: Climb in Bobby, are you ready for the ride of your life. Steve and Mike are ready, dude.
Bob: Can I have a squeeze from the bota before I kill myself.
Mike and Steve: grabbing the handles, “One, two, three, putsch!
The box goes over the hump, up in the air, settles on the snow, and down the mountain at terrific speed.
Bob: Geroniiiiiiimoooooo. Hey Joe you forgot to tell me how to steeeeeeer.
CRASH :
Bob Johnson at end of first run! Anyway his racing suit is too cool! He should have gotten #9 from Gieg.

SHAMELESS PROMO:

That is all I have to say for now, but Marty Molidor says please buy the sauce and he can soon replace the cardboard box he has been living in.

Hang in there Lancaster, I hear a supermarket is coming soon to your area.

Volume 2: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Volume Subtitle: To the Mighty Matterhorn and Beyond

Western Region Derby Champ Invited to International Event.
Los Angeles Times. James. M. Pinero. 1 January 2007.

Los Angeles, CA. Bob Johnson on the heels of a striking championship in Soap Box has declared he accepted an invitation to the world’s newest racing craze and extreme sport, Ski Box Derby. This sport takes a regulation Soap Box body, puts it on two ski runners and with two human "putschers" starting from a flat section, "putsches*" the vehicle over a hump to a wickedly crazy slope which must exceed 45 degrees according to the regulations in the ICSBD (International Confederation of Ski Box Derby) rules. Once over the "hump" from the starting chute, the putschers release the vehicle and the driver is on his or her own. The first International Championship of Ski Box Derby will be held on the lower slopes of the Matterhorn in late February 2007.

Bob Johnson on the Way to Victory at Bonneville Flats, December 2006.

Johnson has made plans to move the newly formed Johnson & Johnson Racing Team to Zermatt, Switzerland, to train for the event according to team owner Mary Ganssle Johnson. Asked where the most serious competition for the Matterhorn would come from, Bobby did not hesitate in naming the Nepalese team, "The Nepalese ski box drivers are absolute madmen fearing no mountains, they train on Everest all year, and they absolutely refuse to wear helmets; then of course the Swedes are known for their equipment design, they are technically sound and just last week King Rex Olliff declared ski box to be the Swedish national sport, so they will be tough and inspired. With a snap of the finger, King Rex mandated by royal proclamation that half of all the Volvo factories in Sweden were to be converted to research and design of Swedish Ski Boxes."
Mary also announced that Johnson and Johnson, Inc, the New Jersey-based multi-national manufacturers of pharmaceutical, diagnostic, therapeutic, surgical, and biotechnology products, as well as personal hygiene products, signed a sponsorship contract earlier in the day with Johnson Racing Team. Johnson & Johnson have placed no budget ceiling on the team for procuring the best Ski Box. Furthermore, the Johnson team has procured the services of pioneer design experts, Frankie DePasquale and Joe Dispenza, who both are revered as the "Michaelangelo and Rafael of bobsled design" in Italy. The design breakthroughs of the dynamic duo are credited with the huge success that has kept the Italian Men's and Women's Bobsled teams dominant in Olympic medals for three decades.

DePasquale and Dispenza Bobsled Works, Torino, Italy – note this modernistic factory has already converted to ski box design by removing all the wheels from Soap Box bodies. Frankie and Joey were having lunch when this photo was taken.

Johnson (Bob not Mary) will hold putscher tryouts at Mammoth, CA, as soon as the design team can rig a mock-up proto-design. Putscher applicants should send resumes of relevant experience to rmjlaw@sbcglobal.net. When asked what qualities he wants in his putschers, Bobby Johnson stated they must be strong, agile, fast on their feet, and like Italian food. Our reporter was puzzled why Italian food was important. Johnson replied, "Hey with Depasquale and Dispenza around, we never get other choices. Understand that these guys did not get paid by the Italian Bobsled Federation, they just kept feeding them linguini, pizza, and minestrone knowing they would stick around as long as the food kept coming. Just look at Joey and Frankie, they are nowhere near their old football playing weights since they went to Italy". When asked if he thought Ski Box Derby versus Bobsled design would offer a challenging alteration in how they worked, Dispenza offered, "Absolutely, I hope we can have more canoli, those bobsledders are cheap on deserts." Frankie chimed in, "Hey Joey, we gotta have some spumoni to go with the canoli" Joey agreed, "Spumoni is good, and maybe we should switch wines too, a good Valpocella always inspires me, before we had too much cheap Chianti. Michaelangelo did not work with Chianti, why should we, Frankie?" Our reporter, asked, "But what can you tell us about the design of the new ski box, what aerodynamic qualities are you working on". Frankie responds: "I can't tell you too much now, isn't time for lunch. Hey, Joey, isn't that Lenny DiTrapani over there, we sent him out for some calzone".

*Footnote: A "putsch" in the sport of ski box derby is in part a push, a lift, and a throw progressing from a standing to a running start. Two “putschers” stand on either side of the ski box holding handles mounted to the chasis while “putsching”. The putschers need to release the vehicle in synchrony at the right moment. If a putscher should slide pass the “hump” and slide down the slope finishing ahead of his driver, the team is disqualified. Each driver competes against the clock in a single run because it is rare for ski boxes to remain intact after a run.


Dantona Convinces Sammy Sosa to Sign Minor League Contract with the Cubs.
Hot Stove League News, Chicago. The Shadow spoke with Jim Dantona, new bench coach of the Chicago Cubs for this exclusive interview.

Shadow: Are you afraid that Sosa is tainted by drugs and that he hit all those home runs while on steroids.
Dantona: Beats me, but Sammy says he is clean now, has passed our drug tests, and deserves a second chance. I am going to convert him to a gap hitter.
Shadow: Where will he play in the field, hasn't he lost his arm?
Dantona: We will put him at first base, the key is if he can hit again. I think he can.
Shadow: What are your plans for spring training regarding Sosa?
Dantona: He comes in with a minor league contract and no guarantees. If he proves himself in the spring, he will stay with the big club and be a Cub again.
Shadow: Say, you went to Alemany High School didn’t you?
Dantona: Damn proud of it too! Why?
Shadow: Well, I was just wondering why there has been so much success among Alemany grads in sports so recently, nobody outside of the San Fernando Valley ever heard of the school until a few weeks ago. Then Bob Johnson wins the Soap Box Derby. Dave Gieg has the greatest single game a quarterback in any level of football has ever had at age 58. And now you sign to coach hitting for the rejuvenated Cubs team that has signed a remarkable group of free agents. What's with the sudden Alemany connection from the Class of 1966.
Dantona: Guess we are late bloomers, Mr. Shadow. After I saw the success that Bob Johnson and Dave Gieg had, I just couldn't be happy in politics. You know that I turned Hillary Clinton down for the VP spot on the Democratic ticket.
Shadow: The Shadow knows all. I also know you are a competitive person, I saw you play ball at Alemany. You had a phenomenal year in 1966. So you might say the success of Johnson and Gieg inspired you to make a comeback in sports.
Dantona: You might say that. And then the Cubs put out a feeler and here I am.
Shadow: Say, you don't plan to comeback as a player yourself do you. A player-coach? I saw you in the cage with Sammy yesterday. You were making better contact than he was and driving the ball farther.
Dantona: The Shadow knows all, baby.
Shadow: One last thing, Jim, don't I smell Molidor's Super-duper Sock-it-too-em Sockerooni Sauce on your breath
Dantona: Gotta go Mr. Shadow, Sammy is waiting for his fungo practice.


Grand Opening of Marty's Conch Fritters in Cayman Brac.
Cayman Brac, Cayman Islands. New York Times. Report filed by Adam Marx.

Marty Molidor launched a new fast food chain on this laid back Caribbean Island today. Marty's Conch Fritters opened with a line of local sea food topped with Molidor’s Super-duper Sock-it-too-em Sockerooni Sauce. Locals and tourists are packing the grand opening which is offering free food samples and a live concert with the famed band, Nuns for Fun. This marks the last concert appearance of Father Inferior (aka Danny McMahon) before he starts his new gig with Ed McMahon on the Tonight Show. The Prime Minister flew in by helicopter for this concert. The PM and Alemany Class of 66 Grad, John Thompson, was quoted as saying, "dere must be more dan twice de numba of people here todey for Nuns as actually lives on this brac". In part it is de Nuns concert and in part it is the secret sauce that Marty has brought to the Caymans' for the first time. Dat sauce mon, goes down smoooooth with conch and a little brown rum. Oh, by de way mon, do not tell anyone, but I gives you a tip. When de Nuns comes to sing tonight, dey will have a special guest, mon. Yah, mon, Mick Jagger and Peggy Jones just flew in to Cayman Brac with me copter, mon. Dey will be guesting on stage with Danny and de Nuns for a special tribute to Bob Marley. Oh mon, and did I tell you it is the start of the mango season. I am suggestin to Marty, he localize his Sockerooni sauce with a little mango chutney, mon. Dat would be soooo fine, mon.



Shadow’s Notebook: Marty Molidor is a clever business man. He moves to an offshore tax shelter banking center with most of his assets, and where one of his Alemany classmates holds the Prime Minister portfolio in advance of the Taco Bell lawsuits and sets up a new business, not to mention bank accounts. You have to give him credit he knows how to promote. Conch fritters, Sockerooni, and the last concert of Nuns with McMahon, and a guest appearance with Mick, Peggy, and Danny together on stage. And wow, that Peggy Jones sure has great legs! I must be slipping as a superhero with superpower, I had never noticed that Jones babe before nor that she could play tambourine!

Holmby Hills, Ca, Playboy Mansion.
Frank Bonaccorso knocks on door with invitation in hand. Door is answered by Cha Cha Faitel.
Cha: Frank, it is so good to see you, come in. I haven't seen you since high school.
Frank: You look marvelous Cha Cha. Thanks for the invitation to the mansion, I'm looking forward to meeting Hef.
Cha: Sorry, Frank, you are not here to meet Hef.
Frank: Oh? That's ok, lets go to the New Years party, it sounds wild.
Cha: You are not here for the party, either. You are wanted in the basement, please walk this way.
Frank: Cha Cha, I can't walk the way you do, but I am right behind you. What's with the basement, if you need plumbing help, I am the wrong man.
(Cha, opening door): Go right in, Terry and Greg are waiting for you. And don't mind the smell we are using Molidor's sauce to cover the musty smell but obviously we need more. And it is really good to see you (with a kiss on the cheek and she walks out)
Frank walks through a corridor of laboratory benches with bubbling solutions in beakers and flasks, steam is rising over a bench. Greg Pokorski is stirring a large vat, saying we need more oregano, Terry. Terry Mock hands him a jar of oregano.
Frank: Greg, Terry, what is all this?
Terry: Supper, but that can wait. Thanks for coming Frank. Sorry, we brought you here under false pretenses. Maybe we can introduce you to some playmates later, but we have something that might interest the scientific and adventurous spirit in you. Take a look at this.
Terry: Opens a curtain, turns on a light, revealing. What?
Frank: Just stares blankly.

Meanwhile, in Torino, Italy:
Joe Dispenza: Hey, Frankie, please pass some more of the carbonara sauce. This is the best lasagna I have ever had.
Frankie DePasquale: Sure, Joe, lots to go around. I am so glad you convinced the Johnson Racing Team to bring Kit Figliozzi over to cook for us. Nothing beats home cooking, that take-out stuff was getting old, even in Torino. Joe, pass the oregano. Hey, Kit, sit down with us and eat.
Kit: No, no, boys, you two eat hearty; I had a little in the kitchen while I was cooking. Besides, if you have everything you need, I need to talk to Bobby. Keep eating boys.
Joe: Sure, sure, go ahead. Frankie, some more Bardolino? Bardolino, always inspires me before we work.
Frankie: Joe, is there any wine that does not inspire you.
Joe: No, except cheap Chianti and French wines, none of that here. Salute! (glasses clink).




Meanwhile, back in the basement at the Playboy Mansion….
Greg: Well what do you think of our machine, Frank?
Frank: A vacuum cleaner, a bathroom scale, a couple of gear shifts from a Ferrari, blinking LED's. What is it?
Terry: It’s a time machine.
Frank: A time machine. (walking around the machine with mouth agape). Listen guys, here is Dr. Barb's card, why don't you call her in the morning, I think Hef wants me now, so, I gotta be going upstairs. See ya, later. (He starts to walk out, but Greg and Terry both place arms around his shoulders and turn him back toward the time machine.)
Greg: Frank, we are offering you an opportunity here. The Crocodile Hunter was going to take our machine for a trial, but he had that unfortunate encounter with a sting ray before he was due here. Now, we are offering you exclusive use.
Laughter comes from the corner, and a black cloaked figure walks from a dark corner.
Shadow: Frank, if Greg and Terry can’t convince you, this is on the level, maybe you should speak to someone else. (Handing Frank his cell phone).
Frank: Why Shadow, what are you doing here.
Shadow: I have been upstairs at the party since last night, and what a party. (Shadow motions Frank to use the phone and leaves the room).
Frank: Hello.
Voice on phone: Hello Frank, this is Jay.
Frank: Jay Leno.
Voice: No, Jay Pelzer, the Jayzer!
Frank: Hi Jay. How are you connected to all this?
Jay: Do you remember the news last week from Neil Armstrong about the graffiti on the moon rock, the Titleist 3 beside the rock.
Frank: Yes, I do. I was amazed that you had been to the moon when we were in high school. That's so cool. And you kept it secret for so long.
Jay: How do you think I got to the moon?
Frank: The Russian program?
Jay: Come on Frank, do you think I would go over to the Russians at the height of the Cold War, you know better.
Frank: No, I didn't really think that. But how?
Jay: It was Terry and Greg. They designed the machine that sent me to the moon.
Frank: (Whites of eyes expanding and looking back and forth from Greg to Terry).
Jay: Yes, it was second semester of our Freshman year, they sent me to the moon and back ahead of the NASA program. These guys are the real deal, Frank, their time machine will work. Goodbye (dead tone on phone).
Frank: Ok, I'm convinced. Where did you guys, have in mind I go?

Governor’s Mansion, Sacramento.
A figure in a bed with a large leg cast is dozing. Phone rings.
Arnold: Ja. Hello.
Voice: Hello, Governor, this Diane Moscolo Bergstrom.
Arnold: Who?
Diane: I slapped you in the corridor of the hospital last week.
Arnold: You! What do you want, and give a very quick reason why I should not hang up.
Diane: I called to apologize, my analyst, Dr. Barb, convinced me that I went beyond standards of decency (even if you were a sniveling crybaby – thought not said).
Arnold: Diane, my friend, you know Dr. Barb? I met Dr. Barb at the inauguration of the Gov. of Washington State. Why, I have been seeing Dr. Barb professionally since my first term. She is terrific, and the way she socked Don Trump and put down Rosie, why that stopped that whole embarrassing feud.
Diane: Of course, Dr. Barb gets results and she told me to call you. And I have apologized.
Arnold: Diane, Diane, Diane, I accept your apologies. Say, since you know Dr. Barb, does that mean you belong to the Alemany Political Pac?
Diane: Of course, I am an Alemany graduate too. And I have some ideas about things you should be doing for California, Governor.
Arnie: You can call me, Arnie. Say, Diane, I do need to boost my image after that ski accident. The people think I am a klutz now and comparing me to Gerald Ford. I need someone to help boost my image, I need someone with good ideas, a sense of duty, ability to carry out plans. Preferably someone from southern California with the Alemany Pac behind them. I need Jim Dantona.
Diane: No can do, Arnie. Haven’t you been reading the papers, Dantona has returned to his true love, baseball and the Cubs. He’s even brought Sammy Sosa back to Chicago and the fans love him. I wouldn't be surprised if Jim got Shoeless Joe Jackson into the Hall of Fame and erased the Black Soxs Scandal next, Chicago is expecting miracles from him. Anybody else in mind, from Alemany. Arnie, I do owe you one and did really mean it, my apology that is. And, I liked you in the Kintegarten Cops movie.
Arnie: Well, Diane, there is somebody I want. But she probably is not available either.
Diane: Who?
Arnie: Terry Arteaga Romero. I want her for my new Lt. Governor. Why before I named my new cabinet, I tried her recipe for Tequila Cookies. Maria found it on the Alemany blog site. Maria and I were making the cookies and following Terry’s recipe line for line while we were reviewing the cabinet nominees. And everything was so clear and precise in the recipe, after just a few cookies, our cabinet choices were a success too, all solid people. Obviously, Terry is a clear thinker, a person with the kind of mind we need to help direct a state of 38 million people. I need help. I need Arteaga Romero. Owww! I just raised my leg too high.
Diane: Take it easy Arnie. I will talk to Terry and see what I can do. I think she would make a great Lt. Gov. and she does have all of Alemany behind her. That is what you really want, isn't it.


NBC studio stage, the Tonight Show:
New Announcer, Voice of Terry Bowles: And now heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Ed and Danny! Ed McMahon and Danny McMahon walk on stage to theme music.
After lousy monolog:
Ed: Who do we have on tonight's show Danny:
Danny: Ed, our debut show with the guests we have tonight probably is the best late night talk show in TV history.
Ed: It better be Danny, I hear Carvotta has a giant squid that does tricks. How can we beat that?
Danny: Well for starters we have our new band and Ponchie Covarrubias.
Spotlight on Ponchie, he performs a brief trumpet solo and audience goes bananas.
Ed: Thank you Ponchie. I understand that you have some legends of rock and roll that will perform with you later.
Ponchie: We have a few surprises Ed.
Ed: Who are the guests tonight Danny?
Danny: Well, we have the first man to walk on the moon and the first man to hit a golf ball on the moon, Jay Pelzer. Annnnnd, Ed, we are introducing Jay for the first time to the men he beat to the moon. That's right we have Neil Armstrong and Alan Shepard. Jay is going to recreate his first golf swing on the moon for Neil and Alan.
Ed: Wow, if only Johnny Carson could see us now. That’s terrific, Danny, astronaut moon walkers and golfers. Let's see Carvotta top that.
Danny: There’s more Ed. We have the man who broke George Blanda's touchdown record --- the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys, # 9, Dave Gieg. And Ed, he’s brought the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders too!
Ed: Wow, Dan, you kept all this secret from me? Cheerleaders and Dave Gieg.
Anything else, Danny?
Danny: There is more Ed. We have the leading man and woman from the new Batman movie. Bob Orlando aka Batman will be here and introduce to the world on our show, the woman who will play Cat Woman. As you know there has been a lot of speculation about who will get the role of Cat Woman. And it will be revealed here on Stage tonight. The name of the actress getting the role has been hermetically sealed in an old mayonnaise jar on the back steps of Funk & Wagnalls for the last week Ed.
Ed: Why, Danny, that’s just the way Johnny used to keep his secret information with Funk & Wagnalls (tears forming in eyes).
Danny: I know Ed, what was good enough for Johnny, is good enough for us. And now we have to break for our commercial sponsor, Mama Arteaga’s Tequila Cookies
Ed walks over to Mama Arteaga left stage…… "And here’s Mama Arteaga now to demonstrate her recipe."
Terry A.: Hi, I’m Mama Arteaga. I know some of you followed my home recipe and are having trouble getting your stove out of your dishwasher, but what the #$!#* juuus have another shot of Cuervo….
Terry Bowles: And now we take you to another sponsor…Quick switch to taped commercial.

While over at CBS:
During a commercial break: Rich Carvotta is holding a hankerchief to his nose, bleeding profusely from the bridge of his nose.
Rich: Ann, how could you do this to me? That squid bit me!
Ann Turner Olson: But Rich, you shouldn’t have pinched Cecil, he would have climbed the ladder to the tower and dove into the plastic pool just fine if you hadn't upset him.
Rich: Well, how else should I have gotten all those icky suction cups off my $3000 dollar suit. His tentacles were flailing me and I panicked. Man, has that thing got a beak!!!!
Ann: You should have remained calm, I could have controlled Cecil.
Rich: Well, you didn't Ann, you didn’t. Now, I have to go back on live TV in 20 seconds, bleeding from the nose, and everyone will switch to the Tonight show for certain. (Rich thinking: My only hope now is when Danny goes to announce the lead role for Cat Woman, heh, heh, heh, heh.)


Stay tuned for the next edition of Heroes of Alemany……

What has Carvotta done to sabatoge the Tonight Show?

Still no clue on who will be Cat Woman but we have had one anonymous vote for Kathi Gibson Weems. Meow! Keep reading. Jay you are not supposed to sign your name to anonymous votes!

Will Governor Schwartznegger still want Terry Arteaga Romero for Lt. Govenor after her appearance on the Tonight Show? Has Diane Muscolo got something going with the Governor?

Can Jim Dantona really make Sammy and the Cubs a winner again?

Does Carvotta need a strong dose of antibiotics for a squid bite Dr. Shows?

Where will Terry and Greg send Frank in the Time Machine? Will he come back?

Will Molidor deplete the conch beds off Caymen Brac?

Who won the Nielson Ratings: Carvotta or the McMahons? Your vote counts!

Can Bob Johnson survive the Matterhorn and does he have enough Pepto on hand to survive all that Italian food and wine?

The Shadow Knows.

Congratulations to Leo Restich, winner of our photo I.D. contest with the correct answer: Alan Shepard. Leo’s second guess was a bad photo of Bob Johnson.

And watch for your name to be in the events soon, many new people get in the swing of things in Volume 3
Many thanks to King Rex of Sweden for his long, long, long, letter – I will answer soon.

FANTASY SPORTS NEWS FROM SHADOW PRESS SYNDICATE

(Photo by William Danaher)

Detroit 39, Dallas 31
Dejected Gieg was rested by Coach Matwiczak, Back-up Romo blows game!




By Frank Del Olmo, Shadow Sports Writer and Heavenly Newspapers, Inc.December 31, 2006
AP - Dec 31, 5:31 pm EST

IRVING, Texas (AP) -- No, losing to the Detroit Lions does not revoke the playoff spot the Dallas Cowboys had already clinched. The Cowboys will play the Seattle Seahawks in Seattle next Saturday in a first round game.
It just means they're in a mess of trouble heading into what Coach Ken Matwiczak likes to call "the tournament." In photo opposite, a dejected Dave Gieg with spotless uniform for not having played, walks to clubhouse after the loss.
Done in by repeated mistakes from Tony Romo and a few more by Terence Newman, the Cowboys blew their chance to build some much-needed momentum for the playoffs with a 39-31 loss to the lowly Lions on Sunday. When asked why he did not play Gieg after his record setting debut performance of one week ago, Matwiczak grimaced and said, "Look Dave Gieg is 58 years old, we have to pick his moments, and we already had a playoff spot clinched. Besides in warm’ups he complained about stomach rumbles and made about fourteen trips to the locker room. I told Dave not to eat all that chicken he eats before games, but he insists that it is his good luck ritual. All Gieg was say to reporters following the loss was, "It was the coaches decision. You guys didn’t notice but Coach Mike King snuck me in for one special teams play on a kick off coverage. I guess I was most disappointed because 28 of my Alemany High School classmates chartered a plane and flew all the way from Los Angeles, and I could only sneak in for one play".
Gieg is the oldest player to have ever competed in the NFL, AFL or Canadian Leauge, 10 years older than George Blanda who held the previous distinction of world’s oldest football player. Not only did Gieg break Blanda’s age played record last week, but in throwing 8 touchdown passes last week, all to Terrell Owens, he also broke Blanda’s most treasured record of having thrown 7 touchdown passes in one game (see biography below). When asked to comment on Gieg’s records of last week Blanda said, "Well at least it will be a while before Dave breaks my career points (2,002) scored record. That guy is amazing! What does he eat? When told about Gieg’s ritual before game eating habits, Blanda said he had to get some of the Molidor sauce for his next barbeque.

BatMan's Reunion report

Marty Molidor just pointed out to me that Frank Bonaccorso's reflections after the Oct. 28th Reunion never hit the blog site, so we'll change that now. This went out as an email, but emails go the way of the daily newspaper I fear (here today, gone tomorrow).

Enjoy. And thanks for sharing your thoughts with us, Frank.

10/29/2006 10:22:13 P.M. Pacific Standard Time, bonafrank@yahoo.com writes:

Holy Cow:

I miss all you Monarch's already. It was far too short a time together. There were too many of you I wanted to talk to and just never found in the time available. I love you all.

We are all older (AND wiser) but still not Old! What a feel-good fest!

Some of my personal favorite highlight moments:

Al (Ponchie) Covarrubias telling me, "Hey, what happened, Frank, we used to be the same height at Alemany!" Answer: "Ponce, I had a growth spurt after graduation or else you shrunk." I got about 5 inches on Ponchie nowadays!

Finally, after 40 years getting to meet so many of the "girls" for the very first time! Many of you ladies mentioned how you did not get to know very many "boys". Maybe that was my biggest disappointment from Alemany, not having the opportunity to know half my classmates because we had separate classes except for ILAP.

Having a conversation for the first time ever with Peggy Jones! When I arrived at the post-reunion El Presidente bash, this lovely lady that I did not know kept motioning me over to sit down beside her. I did. Initially, neither of us knew who the other was, but we figured we went to St Ferdinand's for eight years together (although in different classroom sections) and four more years at Alemany and neither of us remembered ever having had a conversation together until the late night overtime at El Presidente. Peggy, you are terrific! I learned from Peggy that because she was the tallest girl in our class she was the very end of the graduation line to receive diplomas. And because there were fewer boys than girls graduating, she had no boy to walk down the aisle beside in the march to the podium (everyone shed a few crocodile tears for Peggy before reading on!). Peggy, I would have gladly waited to be last in line with you, if only I had know how much fun you are. Maybe we can have a recreation of the "last graduate" to receive her diploma at the 45th Reunion and I will be there for you girl!

The retake of our Graduation Night at Disneyland photo with Claudia.

Getting reacquainted with Mr. Diaz and Father Wagner and finding they remembered me. Also hearing the letters Danny read from Coach King and Ralph Rath. We all need to write to Ralph and tell him how awesome a teacher he was, he seems to downplay his effectiveness in teaching the boys English literature and the girls Religion ( I would have liked to have sat in on one of those Religion for the Girls classes!). Robert Blake (Tiger, tiger burning bright), the Rhyme of the Ancient Mariner, that celebrated jumping frog from Calaveras County, Robert Frost's "Road Less Traveled" and many more still stand vividly alive in my ears with the booming voice of Rapid Ralph Rath expounding the intricacies of symbolism and allegory and onomatopoeia. As all of you now know, I took Frost literally and kept taking the lesser traveled, often vine covered, roads to New Guinea, Africa, Ecuador and even Tehran.

The way our Master of Ceremonies, Danny, called us to show by standing, how many teachers, lawyers, medical providers, entrepreneurs and inventors, clergy, cancer survivors, etc. we had produced. We have significantly changed the nation and the world for the better.

The Last Brunch with about 20 of you Monarchs this Morning (Sunday) back at the Odyssey! And meeting yet a few more of the girls I never knew.

After the Brunch, I went to visit parents of my dear friends, Bill Danaher and Art Fonseca: Robert and Cleo Danaher (Bill's parents) and Angie Fonseca (Art's mom). We all have been close before, during, and after Alemany. Bill D. and I were born 20 days apart and lived next door to each other for 14 years, and Art was only a few blocks away. My mother passed away in August and both Cleo and Angie told me that now they were both my mother. Joe Fonseca, Art's dad also passed this year. He was a warm-hearted gentleman with a huge smile who loved music and dancing. He is missed. I was glad to see Kathy Gordon's mom at the reunion banquet (but again time did not permit introducing myself to say hello to Kathy or her mom). In my opinion, we Boomers turned out pretty good for three big reasons. First, because of the balance of love and discipline that we received from the World's Greatest Generation (in words of Tom Brokaw), our parents. My mom was a Rosie the Riveter at Lockheed building the B-17 Flying Fortresses for WWII and my father (alive at age 91 and healthy) accompanied General Patton from the beaches of Normandy to the liberation of the concentration camps in Germany and Austria. I am sure all of you have similar stories about your parents. Our second reason for the incredible success of our whole class of "66 was the incredible cadre of teachers at Alemany willing to work for far less money than the LA public schools would have paid them in order to be at Alemany. And third, we became success because we loved and supported each other through those four Golden Years at Alemany, the launching pad for our educational and professional advancement.

I saw so much love among all of you and not an unkind word was heard. I could not sleep until the dawn came following that night just from thinking all of these events, over and over and over. I am thankful so many of us could enjoy this event, and saddened by the loss of so many of our classmates, may they rest in peace. Whether we knew each other well, just got acquainted, or still have not yet really got acquainted, I will jump for joy to receive email (tons and tons of it) to be in touch. My heart and my home are open to everyone ( I mean everyone) that might find a way to visit the Big Island.

My love and may peace be with you,

BATMAN Frank Bonaccorso

Danny, Pass This Along to All Please.

ALEMANY SUCCESS STORIES: PREDICTIONS FOR THE NEW YEAR
by
THE SHADOW
as revealed to
The Batman Frank Bonaccorso
12/30/06
Post-Reunion Alemany News from Small and Not-so-small Town Newspapers and
Media Sources as Gathered by The Shadow:
Fact, Fiction, or Rumor, You Decide

Ventura , CA : Ventura County Commissioner Dantona offered VP spot on Hilary Clinton Ticket

Palm Springs , CA : Jay Pelzer named captain of US Ryder Cup Golf Team

Freeland , WA : Dr. Barb Promises Quick Intervention in Donald Trump-Rosie O'Donnell Feud

Palmdale, CA: Dan McMahon leaves Nuns for Fun to become Co-host of Tonight Show with Ed McMahon as Host: Dan says when he saw Ed McMahon at his door he thought he had won Publisher's Sweepstakes. Ed said, "No, the winner is someone named Oscar Rivera, Jr., but that is beside the point, I'm here to beg you to be my co-host on the Tonight Show".

Volcano National Park, Hawaii : New Guinness Book of Records Feat: Frank Bonaccorso breaks record for continuous performance of The Freddy. Bonaccorso had to finish his feat with feet in Warachi Sandals after wearing holes in his Wingtips, Hush Puppies, and Buster Brown Saddle Shoes over 18 days and nights. Park Superintendent declares she is happy this is finally over; the constant blaring of The Freddy over loudspeakers had set back the breeding cycle of the endangered Nene Geese in the park.

San Pedro Harbor , CA: Claudia Haugh Stepan and Monique Lussier Padberg sign contract for Alemany Grads Dream Cruise. Claudia and Monique found an unbeatable price on a ship of Latvian registry for a 3 day San Pedro to Cabo Blanco cruise. Monique noted the new name of the ship was being painted in Cyrillic Alphabet over the old name (remaining letters of old name TITAN____). Once Claudia purchases a Latvian-English dictionary she promises to let us know the new name of the ship. Send deposits to Claudia to hold a place on this cruise of a lifetime. The first 10 Alemany girls to send in deposits get to sit at the Captain's Table with Bob Johnson .

Pebble Hills Golf Course: Pelzer names Tiger Woods and Ron West to Ryder Cup Team, More Spots for Team Still Open.

Somewhere Deep in the Heart of Texas: Ken Matwiczak Named Head Coach of Dallas Cowboys after Parcels Fired: Owner Jerry Jones when asked about the hiring of a relative unknown with no coaching experience says, "It's the Black Hat man, with that Stetson hat he is the only one that can intimidate TO into performing".

Dantona Declines VP spot on Clinton Ticket saying something bigger is about to happen.

Visalia , CA : Cowboys New Coach Signs New Quarterback. The Dallas Cowboys tendered a two year guaranteed contract to Dave Gieg to lead the Cowboys to the Superbowl. When asked if he could learn the playbook by Sunday, Gieg said, not to worry about the playbook, Coach Matwiczak said just throw it up every play in the vicinity of TO. As part of the contract Gieg demanded that Ralph Ahn be named offensive coordinator and Michael King be special teams coach. Both were appointed.

Memphis, Tenn : Bobbie Mosher Noreen named Official Greeter and Social Director at Graceland and promises live appearances by Elvis.

Hollywood: McMahon and McMahon announce guest appearance by the Tap Dancing Mertens Twins on debut night of the new Tonight Show. D. McMahon sold E. McMahon on the dancing twins as the best entertainment act since Liberace retired

Bonneville Salt Flats , Utah . Johnson Sets World Record Time and Wins at Bonneville. Retired Air Force officer Robert Johnson set a new world record in the Soap Box Derby at the Salt Flats on New Year's Eve. Johnson was quoted as saying the other drivers could not handle the slope of this difficult course.

Stockholm , Sweden : Rex Olliff crowned King of Sweden. After the former king Carl XVI Gustaf abdicated, the Swedes were adamant that they have a king with a name they could pronounce. The Swedish Exchequer said, Olliff is pronounced similar to Olaf and we can say that easily. Hereditary records and DNA tests showed Olliff to be in the royal line.

Stockholm , Sweden : Noble Prize for Medicine was accepted by Dr. Alan Shows. Dr. Shows came out of retirement to make the first artificial heart transplant in a ruby-throated hummingbird. Newly crowned King Rex attended the ceremony and claimed there was no Alemany bias here. Dr. Shows did what no man has ever attempted before.

Santa Rosa , CA : Martin Molidor markets new tomato sauce on Martha Stewart Show under label Super-duper Sock-it-too-em Sockerooni Sauce. Already stock in Paul Newman's sauces has hit new lows from anticipated competition. Asked about his new formula, Molidor would not reveal ingredients but did say it's mostly stuff he found in discarded tin cans left around by his homeless companions in Santa Rosa.

Chicago , IL : A smiling Jim Dantona was introduced by the President of the Chicago Cubs as the new hitting instructor for the Chicago Cubs.

Dubuque , Iowa : Hilary Clinton on the campaign trail is still adamant to have an Alemany High School graduate fill a key government post on her team. She is believed to offer posting as US Ambassador to Vatican to Father Kerry Beaulieu in trade for an Alemany endorsement. Clinton admitted that Beaulieu does not get on well with the Pope, but I need the power behind the (in)famous Alemany Pac Political Machine. She left the press conference muttering, "I'll get even with Dantona."

Somewhere in the Mojave Desert, CA: While driving to Vegas, Jay Pelzer makes contact by cell phone with lost Alemany Golf Team member, Robert (Bob) Lendzion, and receives verbal commitment from Bob to accept final spot on US Ryder Cup Team for 2007. Pelzer believes that Lendzion will be a steady influence on Tiger Woods and can help Tiger with his erratic putting.

Atop Mt. Pinos, CA: History buff Ken Meddock claims to have found Noah's Ark on Mt. Pinos but confirmation pending carbon dating of plastic planking from keel according to Meddock. Meddock went on to state that this important discovery helps to take some of the sting away from Jay Pelzer leaving him off the US Ryder Cup Team.

Dallas , Texas : Gieg throws for 826 yards as Cowboys beat Bears 88-10 in final regular season game. Gieg said he just followed Coach Matwiczak's game plan and threw it up there in the vicinity of TO. Asked by the press, if he had any pre-game rituals, Gieg, expounded on the benefits of a fried chicken pre-game meal smothered in Molidor's Super-duper Sock-it-too-em Sockerooni Sauce.

UCLA Medical Center , Westwood , CA : Dr. Barb hospitalized after wrestled to ground by Rosie O'Donnell. Injuries to Dr. Barb believed minor abrasions, contusions, and a hangnail, however, Trump got in the way of Dr. Barb's left hook intended for O'Donnell and is in critical condition. Dr. Alan Shows was consulted about Trump's condition, but was quoted as saying, "What can I do for him, he has no heart. Really, only Dr. Barb can help him".

Bora Bora : Mick Jagger honeymoons with Peggy Jones on this tropical island. The happy couple had eloped to a Las Vegas ceremony and then took the rock singers private jet to the South Pacific. Jones admitted that after 40 years of Jagger stalking her and raving about her great legs that she finally gave in and found true love. The couple was believed to have first met at a concert performed by Jagger in 1965 in Los Angeles .

Playboy Mansion : Cha Cha Faitel reveals tryst with Hugh Heffner as true reason for missing Alemany Reunion.

NASA Headquarters, Houston: Neil Armstrong admits being Second on Moon Walk. In a press release to Reuters, Armstrong confesses that just after saying his famous words upon stepping on the lunar surface he saw a piece of rock graffiti reading, "Pelzer was here, 1963". Armstrong also found a Titleist 3 golf ball left by the base of the rock, a brand known to be Pelzer's favorite ball, so it looks like the Jayster scooped Alan Shepard too.

From the Research Department: Thirty-five years have passed since our most famous amateur golfer astronaut, Alan B. Shepard, Jr., described the exaggerated distance of his moon shot (in 1971) as "miles and miles and miles." Those famous words followed a one-handed golf swing with a rigged up six iron on the moon. The first swing was reported to be a duff, but the next connected.
Although Shepard fired off those two golf balls in moon gravity which is about one-sixth of earth's, they did not go miles and miles and miles. Shepard later appended his estimate to drive distances in the 200 to 400 yard range. Still, not bad with one hand and encumbered by a suit that prevented a good pivot on the swing.

Jay, how far did your Titleist 3 go on the moon? Be truthful now.


CBS Offices, Manhattan Island : Rupert, of Rupert's Deli, had leaked word, that to counter the new hosts on NBC's Tonight Show, CBS has named Rich Carvotta as the new host of the former Letterman Show. CBS executives confirmed the rumor, stating that Carvotta has long been known to have much funnier Top 10 Lists than Letterman, and is much better with live animals than Letterman for the Stupid Pet Tricks.

Duluth , Minn : David Surges Wins Iditarod! After 20 years of secret training with a team of nine dogs, Surges made his debut in the Greatest Race on Snow as a run-away winner. Asks if he intends to defend his title next year, Surges said, "Nope, I'm going to retire undefeated and spend all my winter days ice fishing from now on".

Hollywood , CA . Bob Orlando has been chosen as the next Batman for the new Spielberg directed, George Lucas produced, blockbuster movie, The Dark Side of Batman. Spielberg insisted that Orlando play the part of the superhero, stating he saw him in South Pacific at Alemany in the 60's and that his talent has been underutilized. Orlando immediately sent Frank Bonaccorso a text message requesting assistance in coaching him how to move like a bat and how to wear a cape. Bonaccorso invited Orlando to study methods acting with him in Papua New Guinea where he can observe bats first hand. Bonaccorso also recommended Tom Stratton and Ron West to manufacture the new batman tool kit belt stating that, "Those guys have a genius at invention not seen since DaVinci." Bonaccorso asked Orlando who would play the part of Cat Woman in the new film and Orlando said he "did not care as long as it was an Alemany woman!"

Send Diane Muscolo Bergstrom a get well card, she is recovering from ankle surgery. As Diane was being wheeled out of surgery, Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was being wheeled in for repairs after his skiing accident. At the site of the crying governor, Diane had the medical staff stop both gurneys, leaned over and gave Arnie a slap to the face and told him, "This is no way for my Governor to behave. Now buck-up or it's Hasta La Vista, Baby!" Obviously, this intervention (which is more than we can say for Dr. Barb's efforts) worked as the Governor is reported to be recovering in Sacramento .

Buckingham Palace , London , UK : Queen Elizabeth II delivered the oath as John Preble and Guy Proto became British citizens. Preble and Proto were rushed to citizenship as the British scrambled for new blood to lead their Ryder Cup hopes against the formidable US golf team. Preble and Proto both claimed they could beat the Americans Pelzer and Wes t and noted they were relieved that Meddock was left off the team. "Meddock is the only one we fear from the Americans", declared Proto with his new Cockney accent. When asked about Tiger Woods, Preble pointed out that, "No worry there mate. Pelzer has screwed up Tiger's putting something awful." King Rex of Sweden declared he is betting on the British now that the dynamic duo has joined the team, "Besides", declared the King, "it's all about European solidarity and those two chaps the Brits have are Alemany grads."

Douglas , Alaska : Ann Turner Olson captures giant squid while fishing for king crabs. Turner Olson is the first non-Japanese speaking person to ever see a live giant squid. Reports from Alaska claim Turner Olson is keeping the squid alive on a diet of crab meat in her bathtub. Rich Carvotta has invited the squid named Cecil and Turner Olson to perform a Stupid Pet Trick on the Dick Carvotta Show. Turner Olson agreed provide that Cecil not be labeled a Stupid Pet, "He really is the most intelligent invertebrate I have ever met," claimed the Alaska fishing legend.

Hollywood , CA . Spielberg announced the writing team for the his new batman movie would be award winning writers Terry Boyle Southwick and Charmaine Haley Coimbra.

Hollywood , CA : It seems there is a bidding war for the trumpet of Al Ponchie Covarrubias. Ponchie has had offers to lead the bands from both CBS for the new Dick Carvotta Show and from NBC's Tonight Show with the McMahon boys. Ponchie's agent John Folse is listening to offers from both networks.

Taco Bell Headquarters: Taco Bell announced today the source of recent food poisonings at their restaurants has been definitively traced to the new Martin Molidor Super-duper Sock-it-too-em Sockerooni Sauce used in Taco Bell burritos. Martin Molidor could not be contacted for comments. Paul Newman's stock is skyrocketing on the N.Y. Stock Exchange.

Lancaster , CA : Will someone please tell Ron and Don Turkal to leave the bus stop. The Lancaster to Alemany bus no longer is running!

Rolling Stone Magazine: Rolling Stone predicts Susan Shannon Weaver will be the next Cat Woman opposite Bob Orlando's Batman! Variety declares, Cat Woman will be Christina Marie Gilmore. Leading man Orlando was heard to say at the Whiskey A Go-Go that, "Sue knows how to purr and she definitely knows how to scratch". While Spielberg claims that "Christina is sexy as the cat's meow and will make everyone forget Michelle Pfeiffer."

Volcano, Hawaii . Someone send a cheerful note to Frank Bonaccorso, the UCLA Cheerleaders dumped him after consuming his wine rack and trashing his home in Volcano Village . Then he learned that Peggy Jones came to Hawaii and did not visit him (of course she already had her heart set on Mick). Maybe Cha Cha can invite him to the Playboy Mansion .

Alemany Class of 1966 Photo Identification Contest: The first person to correctly identify the man in the photo below wins (1) an autographed copy of the greatest science publication since Darwin : Thermal Ecology of Moustached and Ghost-faced Bat (Mormoopidae) in Venezuela; and (2) an original cassette tape of Nuns for Fun.

Hint: This person became famous while we were in High School but his pinnacle of success came after our graduation.



Coming soon if you demand it from the Shadow:

Can Dave Gieg really lead the Cowboys to the Superbowl?

Do all of you know who TO is?
How will the US (Alemany) Ryder team do against the British (Alemany) Ryder Team? Will there be bad blood on the golf links at St. Andrews ?
Can Surges be coaxed out of retirement for the next Iditarod? His dogs are still in their prime!!!!
Will the new batman be a box office smash?

Will Batman fall in love with Cat Woman?
Will the Turkals ever leave the bus stop or is this the making of a new folk song like Charley of the MTA ?

Do both Turkal brothers wear bow ties?
Can Jim Dantona break the Curse of the Goat for the Cubbies?
Is the Peggy and Mick romance for real? Will Peggy go on tour with Mick?
What will Ann teach Cecil for his stupid (uh sorry, intelligent) pet trick?

Will Carvotta crack a smile when he encounters squid breath for the first time?
Can The Rich Carvotta Show compete with McMahon and McMahon on the all new Tonight Show for Nielsen Ratings?
Could Noah have been ahead of his time and had a plastic ark or is Meddock barking up the wrong mountain?
Will the cruise on the SS Titan??? be a success and is Bob Johnson up to being chasing around deck for 3 days by all the Alemany girls. Are there any icebergs between San Pedro and Cabo at this time of year???
Will King Rex lead Sweden back to former glory?
Did anything more happen between Diane and Arnie the Governator?
You saw her in the Alemany DVD! Will new photos of Cha Cha be revealed?
What network will Ponchie sign with and can Folse get him the big contract?
What super special devices will Tom and Ron invent for Batman to use? Are they also inventing for Cat Woman?
How could a sweet young Alemany girl turn into Dr. Barb?
Will Marty Molidor survive the lawsuits sure to come from Taco Bell?
Will Pelzer ever go in space again? Do Armstrong and Shepard hold a grudge against Jay?
Who do you think will get the Cat Woman role? Vote at the email address below.

Some new stories we are working on: Will the swallows return to Father Art at Capistrano on time in an El Nino-Southern Oscillation year and will those birds stay for the opening of the new basilica? I think Frank Diaz is researching this one.
Anything to the rumor that John Gugerty is up for a job with the Lakers?
We have heard about Sister Anselma. Has anyone else located any Alemany classmates since the reunion?

The Shadow has found a previously lost address for retired police officer and judge David Nehen and awaits a return letter before releasing further information.
What member of our class is alleged to have sung at James Brown’s recent wake?


And that's all the news fit to be printed about the Alemany Grads for the moment. If you have any late-breaking fact or fiction info tracking the above news flashes or brand new secrets to reveal about Alemany grads not even mentioned yet send to: The Shadow bonafrank@yahoo.com

Happy New Year. And remember don’t try to hide anything because, “The Shadow Knows.” He knows about your dreams that did and did not come true.