Volume 14: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Subtitle: Howling with the Wolfman!!!!!!

2nd Subtitle: Sweden-Poland Federation vs. USA,
its ski box derby time!!!!!

Radio Station XERF, Del Rio, Texas.
Patrick Lucatorto: Ready, Bob? We are on the air in 4, 3, 2, 1, go.
Bob (Wolfman Jack) Smith: Aaaaooooooooh. Have mercy, this is the Wolfman from downtown Del Rio, Texas. Are you ready to rock? We’re going to start with a song from Barbara Broeski Tennis that goes out to her friend Terry Boyle Southwick. Here comes the Beatles singing, Paperback Writer. (Cut to music)

Bob (The Wolfman) Smith, cult hero to many of us Alemanians. He blasted our airwaves with an illegal 500 KW transmitter from Mexico loaded with spicy humor and great music. May he rest in peace in Rock n Roll Heaven.

Wolfman: Have mercy, Terry, I hope you enjoyed that. I'm the Wolfman, and I got a caller on the line. Gimme dat caller Patrick?
Pat: Wolfman, your next call is from the Bordeaux region of France.
Wolfman: All da way from France, where folks are fermentin' some heavy-duty grape juice. Have mercy. Hello, who is this?
Caller: Hi, this is Adie Poirier Shaheen.
Wolfman: Hello Adie. Have mercy! Aaaaaooooooh. Are you the same Adie Poirier that just discovered that new comet?
Adie: Why yes, thank you. I'm celebrating my comet discovery with my son, Andrew, here in Bordeaux.
Wolfman: Comets are HOT, HOT, HOT. Ya hear me, baby. Who is your request going out to surprise?
Adie: My request if for a dear old high school friend, Bob Johnson. Would you please, please play, Please Mr. Postman by the Beatles?
Wolfman. Have mercy. Are you waiting for a letter long overdue from Bob?
Adie: I am Wolfman, except now-a-days, it's an email he hasn't sent. I haven't heard from Bob in a while.
Wolfman: Alright, Please Mr. Postman goes out to Bob Johnson from the lovely comet lady, Adie.
And Bob, if you don't write to this lady, I am going to whiz on you, man. Don't make me do that Bobby. Play it Patrick. (Cut to music).

Wolfman: We are live on station XERF from Del Rio, Texas. I have a bit of sticky goo on my fingers from eating a Coultas Gooey-filled Pretzle. Mmmmm, it is finger licking good, the way only my main man, James Coultas can make them. Next time you have a craving for a pretzel, buy the best, by the Coultas brand. Have mercy, baby. I have Leo Restrich on the line. Leo are you wearing one of your eye-ball popping Hawaiian shirts there in Simpsonville, South Carolina?
Leo: I am indeed Wolfman. How did you know that?
Wolfman: The Shadow told me. What is your dedication song?
Leo: Please play Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders singing, It’s a Groovy Kind of Love and send it out to my heart-throb in Moraga, California, Linda Byrne.
Wolfman: You got it Leo, Aaaaaooooooh! Howl with me Leo, Aaaaoooooh! (Cut to music)

Wolfman: We are back from Del Rio, Texas, and I have to tell you about my favorite party nuts. Black Stetson Pistachio’s are grown right here in Texas by The Black Hat himself, Ken Matwickzak. That’s right, the former coach of the Dallas Cowboys. Ken seasons his pistachios with Molidor's "Super-duper Sock-it-to-me Sockerooni Sauce" to give you that flavor you crave to death baby and with wholesome and nutritious nuts. Pistachio nuts are loaded with natural iron and calcium and there is absolutely no cholesterol but lots of fiber. Patrick and I eat them all the time in the studio. In fact, we are knee deep in pistachio shells right now. Patrick can you help me do a little sweeping after the show. We got to clean up our act, man.
Pat: Sorry Wolfman, I have to donate blood right after the show. Anyway our next dedication request is an email from Volcano, Hawaii, Wolfman.
Wolfman: A-loooooooo-haaa Hawaii. Who is it from?
Pat: Its from Frankie Joe Bonaccorso.
Wolfman: Oh, Frankie Joe, that bat expert guy. We had him on the show last year telling us all about bat pollination and seed dispersal. Bats are way cool, dude. Aaaaaooooooh, Frankie Joe. What's dat dedication Frankie Joe be wanting?
Pat: He requests Dean Martin singing That’s Amore go out to the lovely Gilmore girls, Johanna and Christina Marie. And he has a PS on his email, please blow them kisses from me Wolfman.
Pat: Wolfman: Ok, from batman to Johanna and Chritina Marie, I am blowing kisses. Here’s howling at you girls. Aaaaaooooooh. (cut to music --- When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore.)
Wolfman: I am the Wolfman here with Patrick Lucatorto. Hey, Patrick, who would you like to dedicate a song for?
Patrick: Since you asked, Wolfman, play Tony Bennett singing the Charlie Chaplin composed classic, Smile, and send it out to Charmaine Haley and Teri Arteaga. (cut to music---"life is all worthwhile if you just smile")
Pat: Doesn't that song bring a tear to your eye, Wolfman? Let's change the tone for our final song dedication. This one is from Jay Pelzer. He requests you play, Surfin' Safari, for his buddy Andy Kotnik. Andy is in a body cast from a surfing accident but he is improving rapidly. (Cut to music) That was a great show Wolfman. I'm outta here. See you tomorrow.
Wolfman: Hey Patrick, take care my man. You da best mixer in da business, baby.

Patrick Lucatorto, The King of TV and Radio Sound Mixing.

Playboy Mansion Basement.
Cha Cha Faitel: Peggy, you are welcome to stay at the mansion just as long as you want.
Peggy Jones: Oh, just until the divorce papers are finalized. Anyway, I am dying to know why Bobbie Mosher is coming here.
(A butler shows Bobbie Mosher into the room.)
Bobbie: Hi girls. Sorry to intrude on short notice, but I am really worried about the time machine. You don't know this but I made a few adjustments to the machines without Greg and Terry knowing. I always have kept an eye on those two. (Bobbie tells the girls about her long history of adjusting defects to Mock-Pokorski space craft and time machines, about hiding behind the drapes the day Mona went time traveling, about Elvis on the moon, and about the death of Elvis at the hands of the purple aliens).
Have you checked on the status of the crew that went to the Cretaceous, Cha Cha?
Cha Cha: Why, I haven't but that is Terry's responsibility. Say, he was called away on family business soon after the time machine left. Maybe we should check the instruments. We have a GPS unit with an atomic clock on the Monarch that can transmit location and time period. Come this way. (At the instrument panel.) Oh dear, the Monarch seems to be out of place and time.
Bobbie: These instruments place them in central Italy in 79 AD.
Peggy: Isn't that the year Vesuvius went ballistic? (The three ladies look at each other, no one speaking when suddenly Poof!, an Angel hovers over the tree ladies)
Angel Paula Carabelli: Ladies, you have a back-up craft ready to travel. Go rescue our friends! I am taking a risk being her without permission from a higher authority. I have to get back to heaven before anyone misses me. Now, quit standing around and go. Poof – Paula disappears. Poof again! Angel Paul Frysak appears: (looking around) Was Paula just here? (But no one is there to answer, as Cha Cha is pulling the door of the Monarch II closed with Bobbie and Peggy already fastening seat belts.
Poof! Carabelli is back in heaven. Poof! Frysak is back in heaven. The two angels exchange high fives.
Paula: What took you so long, Paul, you need a little more practice on your Poofing!
Frysak: (shaking head and laughing) Whatever?

Aboard the The Trident of Neptune, Flagship of Pliny The Elder.
The ship is headed east toward Herculaneum and Mt. Vesuvius with the fleet following. Pliny the Elder is dictating his observations of the eruption and Pliny the Younger, his nephew, is recording his words on wax tablets with a stylus.
Frank B: Gaius Plinius, may I offer the use of my Nikon 10 x 42 binoculars to view the volcanco. (Hands binocs to Pliny). Look through the eyepieces here. Now, focus by turning this knob.
Pliny: Why, this is remarkable. It is as if I were right on the cone of Vesuvius? Frank, we must have one of your American craftsmen immigrate to Rome to manufacture these for the empire. (Frank thinks he won’t explain that these are Japanese binoculars).
Pat Dolan: How close are we going to get? Shouldn’t we be heading in the other direction? (And then Pat has to head for the rail to spew forth some of his oysters.)
Chris Gilmore: Look, people on shore are waving us to approach. We need to help them.
Elder Pliny: Your heard the lady, Captain. Make for shore there. People are in need. We must board as many as possible. Captain, instruct all vessels in the fleet to pick up the refugees, then head south to Stabiae.

The dotted yellow line shows the route the The Trident of Nepture took with the two Plinys and the Alemany Monarchs as they sailed and rowed from Misenum to Stabiae.

After The Trident of Neptune loads refugees on the coast between Herculaneum and Pompeii, the vessel is rowed toward the more distant and hopefully safer town of Stabiae. During this part of the voyage, Pliny the Elder is having acute respiratory problems. The ash and sulfur in the air are discomforting to everyone, however, Pliny has had a history of respiratory disease. He goes into coughing fits and collapses.
Alan Shows: I am doing everything I can for him, Frank.
Frank: I wish there were something more we could do. I find myself very attached to this old geezer. And he did save us from the mob back at Misenum. We are almost to Stabiae. Hopefully we will find the air better there.
(But the air was not better at Stabiae. It was while the Monarchs were in Stabiae that Mt. Vesuvius belched a humongous plume of ash and stone into a column that must have risen several thousand feet into the air).
Dave Nehen: (whispering to Alan and Frank) We know from history that Pliny the Elder dies from respiratory problems during this day. What can we do to save ourselves?
(At this very moment, a time machine lands in Stabiae. It is the Monarch II. From the vessel emerge Bobbie Mosher, Cha Cha Faitel, and Peggy Jones.
Christina, Kathy, Art, John, Pat, Dave, Bill enter the Monarch II, Cha Cha works the controls. Frank and Alan have a quick conference with Pliny the Younger. Frank gives young Pliny a present of his binoculars and a pez dispenser. Finally, Alan and Frank enter the time machine carrying a body swathed in sheets. A few more seconds and Poooooof! The Monarch II disappears from Stabiae just as rather large fragments of pumice rained from the sky. Look for yourself. The explosion is peaking.

Pompeii is doomed. Sure hope the time machine cleared the kill zone in time.

Junfrau, Switzerland.
Announcer Frank Laurie: May I have your attention. The race will commence in 1 minute. The USA ski box, Red Baron, is driven by Robert Johnson and his putschers are Mike and Steve Modugno. The Polish-Swedish ski box, Swedish Silver Bullet, is driven by Marilyn Gadomski and her putschers are, Daniel Kwapnioski and Renee Olsen Laurent. Spectators are reminded not to cross the course, please stay behind the ropes set by the Swiss Guard.
The ski boxes are in the starting chutes. The King of Sweden, Rex Olliff, hammers on a gong and the race is begun. The Modugnos putsch Johnson into the early lead and the Red Baron is flying down the slopes, but the Swedish Silver Bullet is close behind.
Frank Laurie: At intermediate time check one, USA leads by 0.22 seconds. Gadomski with her laser sighted steering has the better hairpin turn and takes the lead. At time check number two, Gadomski leads by 0.17 seconds. This is anybody's race.
Now the two ski boxes are on the final descent, the finish line is in sight. Then an object falls from the heavens, no not the Poirier Comet. It’s the Monarch II Time Machine out of control landing on the course (Kaaplop!) and on its side just between the two ski boxes each of which are bumped sideways. In fact the Monarch II noses both ski boxes for the win at the finish line. All is confusion around the finish line. Gadomski is out of her ski box and screaming at officials. Johnson is out of the Red Baron and shouting. Mary Ganssle Johnson makes an official protest of the results. Joe Dispenza does not even look up while eating veal scalopine with lemon sauce on the terrace of the clubhouse but asks Frank DePasquale to pass the breadsticks. And out of the Monarch II comes 13 time-travelers led by a dumbfounded Cha Cha Faitel in high heels. The last two out of the Monarch are Frank Bonaccorso and Pliny the Elder, who has been told to answer to the name of Guy Elder. Suddenly, at the barriers just beyond the finish line, an silver dagger strikes a hay bale, missing Bob Johnson's head by inches. The Swiss Guard security detail carrying their famed halbards and headed by Commander Robert Cosgrove, and Sergeants Joe Rende and Bill Pawlak immediately cordon off the scene and prevent anyone from leaving. It will take some time to sort out all this mess. We should check out things in Detroit where Dancing with the Stars is about to take place.

Swiss Guards Rende and Pawlak on inspection before the Jungfrau ski box
race. I hear Joe is a terror with a halbard. Wipe that smile off your face Rende.
Your collar is not straight Pawlak.

Commander of the Guards, Robert Cosgrove.

Cobo Arena, Detroit.
This is Murray Suarez live from Detroit bringing you Semifinal Two of Dancing with The Stars. Let's bring out tonight's first couple, Leonardo DiCaprio and the enchanting Liz Pack Jones. Welcome Leo and Liz. Leo, you keep rolling out the great hit movies.
Leo: Thank you Murray, it has been a good year. I think only Bob Orlando had more industry earnings in 2006.
Murray: And Liz, you look stunning, but can you promise us you won't burn down the arena, tonight. Al Vicuna went a little overboard last week.
Liz: I feel so bad for Al, to go out of the competition on a technicality. But don't worry, Murray, Leo and I are not playing with fire tonight. We will be free dancing to zydeco.
Murray: Strike up the Muy Peligroso Band, Willie Melendres. Let's dance.

Office of the Director, Rijksmuseum
Eugene Rapposelli: Hello, I am Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli, Italian Carabinieri. Allow me to introduce Sub-assistant to the Scchief Inspectore, Diane Mottola Belmont.
(He knocks a miniature Rodan sculpture off a table as he whirls to introduce his assistant, but Diane manages to catch it and set if back on the table).
Susan Gibbons: Glad to meet you both. Director Chris Belle Monroe wants to see you immediately, this way please. (Rapposelli steps into a waste basket as he follows, but does not let that bother him and keeps trying to kick off the waste basket as he enters the Director's office. Introductions are made, Diane gives her old friend Chris a wink. Diane grabs the waste can and jerks it off the foot of the Inspectore. The basket goes flying out of her hands and breaks a large window glass.
On the street below, an innocent tourist approaches the Rijksmuseum entrance. Theresa Anctil Polk, unfortunately has a waste can fall on her head and bumps into a hanging banner which is torn down and wraps around her. Stumbling backwards she falls into a water fountain. Inspectore R., Diane, and Chris Belle all looking out the window are aghast at this scene.
Eugene: My, it is a wonder how some people like that lady can be so clumsy and manage to get through life. Now, Director, you say a painting was stolen. Where was this painting at the time of the crime?
Chris: Over here on the wall behind my desk.
Eugene: Aha! I shall inspect. (He withdraws a large magnifying glass from his inside coat pocket and looks closely along the wall, the floor molding, and then throughout the room.) I compliment you, Director, on having very clean offices. It seems the thief did not leave any clues.
Chris: There seems to have been two thieves, Chief Inspector, and they did leave this calling card. (She hands him the pink paper with the black lettering).
Eugene: Las Panteras Rosas!!! I knew this had all the markings of the world's most clever art thieves. Do not fear, Director, the Italian Carabinieri are on the job (swinging his arm his magnifying glass flys through the air and breaks a glass aquarium holding bright colored tropical fish). Diane, Chris, and Susan scoop fish off the floor, while Eugene thinks about the crime.

Street-side cafe', near the Place de Concorde, Paris, France.
Christi Brecht: (waves to a boy selling newspapers and gives him a euro for the paper). Why look at this, Christine, The Mona Lisa has been stolen from the Louvre.
Chris Carney: Sure am glad we saw it two days ago when we had the chance. Isn’t that a shame? Waiter, another cafe' au lait, si vous plais.
Christi: I spoke with Chris Belle on the phone a little while ago. She seems to have calmed down. She is in the midst of filing all the reports for the insurance claim on the Latona theft.
Chris: We should get back to the hotel and pack if we are going to catch the overnight train for Madrid. I'm looking forward to seeing El Prado, the world's largest art museum.
Hard to choose what to see first there, El Greco, Goya, Reubens, Murillo....Waiter, check please.

Oval Office, The White House, Washington, D.C.
The Vice President: We don't seem to have many options here.
The President is sitting in a leather swivel chair facing away from the VP and staring through windows across the freshly mowed lawn at the presidential seal being trained by animal fitness trainer, Bob Riske. The presidential seal and favored pet is a harbor seal named "Snickers". Finally, the chair swivels and faces VP Robert "Bobby" Guerrero. President Hawkes sighs before speaking.
Jude Hawkes: No we don't have many options, Bobby. The Joint Chief of Staff says he has no effective defense to offer. None of our military branches nor our scientists have anything to help the matter. That means the last resort that I have, (pause) is to use the Orange Phone.
Bob: Jude, you mean the Red Phone to President Putin in Russia.
Jude: No Bob. There is a direct phone line that until now you haven’t been cleared to know about. The Orange Phone! President Hawkes, presses an intercom button. Please send in Security Chief Herron. (Peter Herron enters the Oval Office with a set of keys handcuffed to his right wrist). Pete, let's unlock the safe to the Orange Phone.

President Jude Hawkes. Eat your heart out Hilary Clinton. The Presidential Seal is behind her and the president's pet seal, "Snickers", is nipping at her ankles.

A large portrait of George Washington is taken down from the wall and leaned out of the way against furniture. Pete places a key in a wall safe door. Jude places her key in the lock. The safe is opened and the President reaches for a phone. She picks up the receiver and waits, there is a ringing on the other end of the line.
Deep-throated voice: Hello, I have been expecting your call. Shall I come to Washington?
Jude: Come with all haste. Where is the nearest air force base to your location.
Good, I will have supersonic transport waiting for you at Vanderburg. See you in several hours. Bob, Pete, be here at 2100 hrs for a briefing by our guest.
Bob and Pete: Yes, madam president.

Kulani, Hawaii, The Shadow’s Super Fan Hall of Fame
The Shadow is pleased to announce the first inductees into the Super Fan Hall of Fame. Your name will be written in colored chalk on the Steinback Highway at the entry way to Kulani on the Big Island. A Super Fan is one who is continually emailing the Shadow with praise and suggestions, and participates in special events like the trivia contests, and appreciates humor. The first two inductees are:
Leo Restrich and Teri Arteaga Romero. Congratulations.
Unfortunately, Dave Gieg fell one vote short of the 75% vote of the panelists needed for entry. You should not have insisted on collecting that Super Bowl bet from Frank, Dave.

See you next time, The Shadow