The first person with a complete and correct response to The Shadow care of
bonafrank@yahoo.com may dedicate Volume 21 to the special person of their choice. Past winners of trivia contests (that means you Adrienne and you Leo) are ineligible as are our editorial staff.
7 miles south of Nipomo, California
Ruby the elephant paced steadily up the highway with
Kathy Cota, Karen and
Patricia Willadson, and Donny Osmond aboard a red velvet carriage strapped to the pachyderm's back. As they passed fields of sunflowers, Donny sang, "Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day". The ladies drank hot Raspberry Zinger out of thermoses and toasted Donny. The wind was out of the northwest, when Ruby got the scent of something that caused her to pause; then she raised her trunk above her head, and held the trunk to the left, then to the right, then left again. Suddenly, Ruby broke into a trot, ears flapping in the wind, trumpeting gleefully as she broke into an all-out elephantine run. The four riders were shaken from side to side in the carriage. Kathy shouted, "Ruby stop, stop". But Ruby kept running and turned left off the highway and into a field of watermelons. Ruby applied the brakes and commenced to stomp one melon and then another with her right foot while simultaneously grasping the fragments with her trunk and scooping the delicious juicy fruit into her mouth. Despite everyone's scolding, Ruby would not be dissuaded from her snacking. About the time Ruby had crunched her 27th melon, a shot was fired in the air.
Farmer in blue overalls and holding a Winchester double barrel: What in great tarnation is going on in my watermelon patch?
A second man of identical looks, a twin it would seem, surveyed the trail of broken melons and broken plants and then shouted, "Get that elephant out of here. What gives you the right...."
Patricia: (With recognition of the farmer.) Oh, don’t get your liver in an uproar,
Timothy Dilley.
Karen Jean: And you
Dennis Dilley should be ashamed of yourself, shooting off a shotgun, trying to scare a harmless and hungry animal with four people on its back.
Timothy: Glory be! If it ain't the Willadsen twins of Alemany High School! What brings you to Nipomo, on elephant-back of all things? Well come on down off that creature and have some lemonade up at the house. If I have to listen to your cock and bull story, we might as well be sitting in the shade. I suppose your oversized pet can eat a few more melons in my field if it wants.
November 1944, in northeast France
(This is a non-fiction contribution)
A US Army Jeep with US flags mounted on either side of the vehicle and signs indicating that a three-star general is aboard, speeds down a muddy dirt tract past encamped GI's. From the back seat, a voice commands, "Pull over beside that artillery piece". The jeep skids to a stop. The general wearing a polished steel helmet with three stars on the front and wearing a side arm with a pearl handle steps from his jeep. His high leather-riding boots are immaculate. "Have a smoke if you wish" the general says to his driver, and motions his aide to follow. He walks toward the big artillery piece in his pressed khaki riding pants. A single corporal beside the gun jumps to attention and salutes. "At ease soldier, I am going to inspect your gun." The general takes off his white cotton gloves and climbs all over the gun. He opens the breach and rubs a glove inside the barrel. He inspects his glove. It is still perfectly white.
Patton: What is your name, soldier?
Corporal: Bonaccorso, Sir.
Patton: Where are you from, Bonaccorso?
Bonaccorso: Morgan Hill, California, Sir.
Patton: I'm from California too, soldier. What does your father do back home?
Bonaccorso: Sir, he has a fruit orchard, plums for drying as prunes, apricots, and cherries, Sir.
Patton: Damn sure would like to have some cherries from your father right now, son.
Bonaccorso: Sir, let's beat the hell out of the krauts first, and when we all go home, I will make sure you get a box of fresh cherries, Sir.
Patton: Smiles. That is a clean gun, corporal. Where is the rest of your unit?
Bonaccorso: They were issued passes to see Bob Hope at the USO show, sir.
Patton: Why didn't you go to see Bob Hope, son? Don't you like Bob Hope?
Bonaccorso: I love Bob Hope, sir. But somebody had to stay behind to guard the gun, sir. Besides, I have had enough riding in the back of 2-ton trucks over bad roads, sir. I just wanted to relax in peace today, General, sir.
Patton walked back to his jeep and climbed into the back seat. Still standing, "Corporal Bonaccorso, we are going to knock the krauts back across the Rhine all the way to Berlin and you will be home next summer in time to help your family pick my box of cherries." The General held a salute, which was returned by the Corporal, and instructed his driver to go.
The Bonaccorso Family, celebrating Dad’s 90th Birthday in Sequim, Washington, 2005
The War Hero is wearing the tinted glasses and his older sister, Mary (age 95) is to his left, and my mom, Mary, in the last photo I have of her alive, is to dad’s right.
After the photo session, Aunt Mary beat me 20-6 in some one-on-one basketball and I thought she was showing off when she dunked that 20th point.
You’re a show-off Aunt Mary!
Some of you know my Dad, (yes I mean you Pat Lucatorto and Claudia Haugh Stepan) if you would like to send him a birthday greeting his address is:
500 West 5th Avenue, Stop 5039, Sequim, WA 98382
Or if you don't know him, send him a card anyway and say you are from Alemany and that Frankie Joe turned out better than anybody would have thought back in 1966. Ask him about General Patton and the gun inspection in France and you’ll make an old soldier smile. Or ask him about how he met the Jack Daniels (whiskey) family in Tennessee before he shipped overseas.
The Great Dismal Swamp, 65,000,000 Million Years Before Present
John Barreiro: Stay here. I am going over by that log to get the sun behind me.
Peggy Jones: Be careful, John.
John crouched behind a fallen log. Two T. rexes were dueling under the sun, and the slightly smaller rex was having a bad time. John clicked and clicked and clicked photos. Finally, the smaller dinosaur had had enough and ran off into a thicket, smashing trees as it went. The larger rex reveled in the glory of victory and let out a prolonged primal roar that hurt Peggy and John’s ears. And then the "rex" caught a bit of motion out of the corner of its eye. John had moved a little too close to get one last snapshot. The rex turned toward John and starred at him. John froze. Part of him wanted to run, but John knew that predators are more likely to attack movement. The "rex" took a step toward him. It snorted and then sniffed the air. It smelled fresh meat and the meat was not lamb chops. The rex broke into a run toward John who was a deer in the headlights. Peggy jumped up from her hidden position and fired a bazooka-like device at the rex. The shot struck the behemoth on the right shoulder and a cloud of white gas enveloped the dinosaur. It stopped in its tracks not more than 15 feet from John. And the dinosaur blinked its eyes and sort of smiled. The nitrous oxide that dentist,
Tim Jordan, had brought on the expedition had served its first use. The T. rex rolled over on its side, its puny arms punched at the air, and its legs kicked uncontrollably. It vocalized a T. rex sort of laughter. And that is how
Peggy Jones saved the life of
John Barreiro one morning back in the Cretaceous.
Peggy: (Spoken softly) Are you all right, John?
John: Yes, I think I better go back to the Monarch II and change my underwear.
PHILANTHROPISTS GATHER FOR RESEARCH CENTER DEDICATION
Dateline: Bellevue, Washington April 7, 2007
Moguls, Oscar Rivera, Jr. and Bill Gates gathered at Microsoft Headquarters for the dedication of the Barb Broeski Tennis Research Center. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation credit Oscar Rivera and his Global AHS Foundation with acquainting him with the Broeski Tennis research project. According to Bill Gates, "Post Reunion Withdrawal Syndrome" (PRWS) has reached crisis proportions, worldwide. Melinda and I are delighted to have brought the premier talents of Dr. Barb onto our campus here in Bellevue."
Dr. Barb gratefully acknowledged the financial contributions from the Gates and Rivera Foundations in her remarks at the dedication ceremony. "Too little effort has been made on a global basis to combat this insidious, psychologically traumatizing illness. Our efforts to analyze the short and long term effects of PRWS, and the equally debilitating INO strain of the illness, will be significantly advance by the collaborative efforts of leading psychologists from around the world. We are extremely grateful to make the Bellevue Center our new home."
(Photo: Oscar Rivera Jr, Dr. Barbara Broeski Tennis, FPs, BS, and Bill Gates at the Dedication Ceremony)
Simpsonville, South Carolina
A few of his friends had learned that Leo Restrich had been suffering from unusual bouts of melancholy since witnessing the sliming death of Elvis by the purple aliens in Outer Space. The friends placed a call to the new Barbara Broeski Tennis Research Institute and asked what might cheer Leo and bring him back to his ebullient self. Dr. Barb suggested that Leo needed a new hobby to get his mind out of the depths of depression. The friends, mostly fellow yell leaders and cheerleaders from Alemany, purchased a gift from the Mark S. Sauer Life-sized Models Company of Ventura, California, and had it sent Leo. The motto of Mark’s company is, "Every model as large as life." Leo unwrapped his surprise gift and discovered it was a life-sized model of the {Adrienne}Poirier Comet, reputed to be the size of Texas and Oklahoma combined. The model came in 6,345,848,222 pieces which all had to be glued together. Leo read the part of the directions on the model kit which suggested he use the special Modeling Glue #38f made by Donald A. Soberg Glueworks and Retirement Village for Old Horses so he ordered it directly from Don in Kelseyville, California. And being an old Alemany buddy, Don gave Leo free shipping for 12,000 tubes of modeling glue he would need to make the Poirier Comet whole. Leo laid out all the pieces on his living room floor and started to build the model, but failed to read to the end of the directions that came with the model kit which said, "Under no conditions build this indoors" Leo was in a frenzy of gluing and even had Terry Arteaga Romero who happened to be visiting with her dog, Louie, passing pieces from the floor as he glued from a step ladder. After only 3,299,428 glued pieces and 912 empty glue tubes, Leo discovered he had to remove the roof from his house to continue the project. Moral of story, read all the directions before building a life size model from the Mark S. Sauer Life-sized Model Company unless your living room is bigger than Texas and Oklahoma. If only Leo had called someone practical and sensible like Charmaine Haley before he began the model, I am sure she would have asked him, "Have you read all the directions?" The good news is that Leo seems happy again. At least Teri said Leo was happy when she left Simpsonville after baking him a twelfth batch of tequila cookies.
“Sunlight in a glade among coastal redwoods”
If you listen carefully you can hear the heavenly choir of Alemany Angels
singing in the glade.
Photo: by Frank Bonaccorso, John Muir Woods, October 2004
Don’t you dare bonsai these trees, Karen King?
To: Alemany '66 with lots of love, Happy Easter
From: Frankie Joe and Smokey the Bear at the John Muir Woods
Which way did you say those cheerleaders went, Smokey?
Hey David Surges, is winter officially over yet in Duluth?
In Volume 21 Schief Inpsectore Eugene Raposelli and Sub-inspectore Diane Mottola are close to solving a crime with assistance from the Mutt and Jeff Gang (aka Christi Brecht and Chris Carney)
Newest addition to the Nuns for Fun band.
