Volume 25
The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso and
Photo Wizards R. M. Johnson and D. P. McMahon
Volume 25 Subtitle: "Muppets and Murder Clues"
Congratulations to Pat Lucatorto for being the first reader to respond and identify the photo with the Dave Clark Five in our previous (the volume formerly know as the "final") volume. Here is your million-dollar prize, Pat, to pay for your half hour with Dr. Barb. We know your wife is going to be very impressed now.
Cut along dotted line
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To the IRS: please note that Mr. P. Lucatorto of Buckeye, Arizona, won $1,000,000 in our trivia contest.
Honorable mention to Donnie (Glad All Over) Werner, Peggy (Because: Baby You Got What It Takes) Jones, Barb (Over and Over and Over Again This Dance Is Going To Be A Drag) Broeski, Dan (Everybody Knows) McMahon, Bob Johnson (in Bits and Pieces cause he didn’t win), Char (Having a Wild Weekend) Haley, and Lenny (Catch Us If You Can, We Were Young And Out Of Our Minds) DiTrappani, all of whom also wrote to us with the correct answer. Thanks for playing in the trivia contest. Alemany sure knows its 60's bands.
San Pedro Harbor:
Kathryn Martin: Can you tell me where the SS Pterodactyl is berthed?
Harbor Master: (Eyeing Kathryn and her unusual mount). The Ptero left harbor 6 hours ago, lady.
Kathryn: Oh no. But I have a ticket and it’s my High School Reunion Cruise.
Harbor Master: Well if your reunion is so important. Fly to Cabo San Lucas and meet the ship there when it enters port tomorrow.
But flights to Cabo were booked solid, so Kathryn flew to Loreto and still had to find transportation across the isthmus. Soooooo……..
Sick Bay, SS Pterodactyl
Bob Johnson: (Frantically pacing floor in reception room. He sees Alan Shows come out of Sick Bay). How is she?
Alan: Jude Hawkes must be Fortune’s Favorite.
Bob: Then she is going to be all right.
Alan: The bullet lodged in her St. Christopher's medallion that she wore under her clothing. Seems Sister William Joseph gave the medallion to her soon after Jude was elected President. Jude has a badly bruised sternum and some nasty hemorrhaging, but that medal saved her life. She is still stunned. As soon as she composes her self a bit, she can be released from Sick Bay.
Bob: Just one problem. We still have an assassin loose on this ship out to kill The President.
Alan: I wouldn't trust anyone with this case but The Shadow.
Stateroom 72C, SS Pterodactyl
Inspector Diane Mottola of the Italian Caribinieri: Do you see anything at all in your crystal ball?
Madame Zazza: I see nothing about Jude Hawkes; however, I see grave danger for Bob Johnson?
Diane: Oh, no! You mean we have a second murderer aboard the Pterodactyl?
Zazza: It would seem so.
Captain's Quarters
A sign on the door reads "Do Not Disturb – Superheroes in Conference". In the room are the greatest investigative minds of 21st Century law enforcement: Spud (The Black Magister) Spadero, Scchief Inspectore Eugene Rapposelli of the Italian Caribinieri, Lamont Cranston (aka The Shadow), Thomas "Marshmellow Man" Marsh, Commissioner of Italian Caribinieri Robert Iannolo, Liz "Wingfoot" Healy, FBI and CIA Agents Richard Corona and Judy Brouillette. Also present is Captain Art Durazo.
Art Durazo: We are waiting for two more people.
Three loud knocks at the door.
Art: Come in.
Enter, Inspector William Ludgate, Scotland Yard, and Lt. Thomas Lopez, Spanish Guardia Civil, respectively the leading investigative detectives in their countries.
Lamont Cranston: Captain Durazo has asked me to chair this meeting. The Captain has had the Grand Ballroom sealed and once we have a plan of action those that would like, may accompany me to search the area for clues.
Agent Corona: I understand the President is doing fine and could be released from sickbay. However, I suggest that we leak false reports that she is in critical condition. We sneak Jude to another location, and in her bed we place, Agent Brouillette.
Lopez: Aha, a trap to lure the killer to strike again.
Ludgate: Brilliant!
Lamont: Set the plan in action, Agent Corona you will lead that effort. Meanwhile, Scchief Inspectore would you care to examine the Grand Ballroom with me. There may very well be important clues that can narrow our search.
Eugene: Absolutely. Lead the way Mr. Cranston.
Ludgate: May I tag along with you two chaps? I studied briefly under Sherlock Holmes and apply his methods.
Lamont: By all means Inspector Ludgate, I shall enjoy watching both you and Rapposelli in action.
Stateroom 72C:
There is a barely discernable knock on the door.
Madame Zazza opens the door to find Christi Brecht and Chris Carney.
Chris: Is Mottola here? We have something important to tell her.
Zazza: Come in.
Diane: We really are quite busy right now. Is this important?
Christi: I wanted to report something suspicious that I saw just before the assassination.
Zazza: Sit down ladies. I have a pot of rosehips tea brewed.
Diane: Tell us what you saw Christi. (Zazza pours tea).
Christi: I was returning from the ladies powder room, and gee, it sure is an elegant powder room, and I saw one of the kitchen staff put his tray full of food down in the hall and reach inside his shirt which I though was curious. And then the lights went out for the spotlight dance, but I thought maybe that waiter pulled a gun out of his shirt. I was going to follow him, but my heel broke and I fell. Next thing I know is that there is a screaming panic in the ballroom and poor Jude is lying on the floor.
Mottola: What did this waiter look like? Please take a second to think clearing and describe anything you can recollect, no matter how trivial.
Christi: He was short.
Mottola: How short?
Christi: An inch shorter than me.
Chris: And tell them what else.
Christi: He was Asian. Maybe Thai or Burmese and he had a tattoo of crossed knives on his forehead.
Mottola: (Writing in a notebook.) Uh-huh. Anything else?
Chris: This is great tea, Madame Zazza. Have we met before?
Zazza: I don’t think so.
Christi: Yes, there is one thing more. He had a peg leg.
Mottola: Sooooo, we are looking for a very short Burmese or Thai male with a tattoo of crossed knives on his forehead and a peg leg?
Chris: It shouldn't be too hard to find him!
Zazza: Should not be so hard to find, this case is almost closed. We simply go to the Captain and find out which of his ship’s staff fits this description. Then we all can enjoy the cruise.
Christi: Oh, thank goodness. I was really scared this would spoil our reunion cruise.
Mottola: (Thinking to herself.) Except, that Madame Zazza also sees danger for Bob Johnson.
Inside Stateroom 22G:
Martin Molidor: I just checked the hallway, it's all clear, you can come out.
Bob Johnson: (Bob and Marty leave the room with a frisky retriever on a leash). Thanks, Marty, Sasha has just got to get some exercise before she tears this stateroom apart.
Marty: You know that Durazo does not allow dogs on his ship. If he catches us we are both going to walk the plank. Anyway, glad to hear that Jude is not seriously hurt.
Bob: Remember, this is a secret. You cannot tell anyone that she is ok.
Marty: Mum is the word. Hey that is a nifty silver pin you are wearing.
Bob: Oh, this is a pin only the ski-box drivers at the Matterhorn were given at the World Championships. I always wear it.
(Marty, Bob and dog, turn corner in passageway and a loud ‘thwack’ is heard).
Marty: Looks back around the corner and sees no one. But still quivering in the wall is a large bronze dagger!
Bob: Oh, my gosh! That is the same type of dagger that was thrown at me on the Matterhorn a few months ago during training for the ski box championships.
Marty: (Uses a handkerchief to pull the knife from the wall). Then, it's just possible that that gunshot was not meant for Jude, but for you!
Bob: I think Sasha and I better get back to my room.
Grand Ballroom:
Inspector Ludgate is a ball of activity. Examining a marble column for fingerprints, then drops to his knees inspecting floor tiles with a magnifying glass that once belonged to the famous detective, Holmes.
Ludgate: Aha!
Inspector William Ludgate observed the retired Sherlock Holmes solve local mysteries in Sussex, England, after graduating from the Scotland Yard Academy in the 1970’s. Ludgate continues to use the methods of the great detective.
"The character of Sherlock Holmes, created by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, is ageless, invincible, and unchanging. In solving significant problems of the present day, he remains, as ever, the supreme master of deductive reasoning." Quote from the introduction to the movie, "Sherlock Holmes and the Secret Weapon" (1942)
Rapposelli: You have a clue, Inspector?
Ludgate: No, Scchief Inspectore, but someone is breaking the ship’s rules and has a dog aboard! I just put my hand in warm dog doo doo.
Lamont: Are there any dog hairs on the floor as well?
Ludgate: Why yes. Brilliant! White, very long, dog hairs!
Lamont: White you say. But the dog hairs that I saw around the dog shit found on deck yesterday were entirely black.
Rapposelli: Hmmmm, then it seems that there are at least three dogs aboard this ship illegally.
Lamont: How do you figure three dogs?
Rapposelli: Because I just stepped in rather fresh dog shit and the shed hairs over here are mousy brown and very short. Durazo is not going to like this.
Ludgate: Aha!
Rapposelli: Don't tell me you found more dog shit, Inspector.
Ludgate: No, not at all, Scchief Inspectore. A very unusual silver pin!
Lamont: May I see that. (He examines the small round stickpin. Engraved on the front of a miniature racing ski box and the letters ISBC.) What does ISBC stand for?
Rapposelli: It stands for International Ski Box Championships. These pins were only given out to people who were ski box drivers at the January 2007 Matterhorn championships. I learned a great deal about that event when I investigated the dagger that was thrown at Bob Johnson during the races. There are three Matterhorn ski box drivers on this cruise, Marilyn Gadomski, Kit Figliozzi, and Bob Johnson, thus I deduce that one of them lost their pin during the night's events. But of course, that has no bearing on our case, it can be returned later. Let's get back to searching for clues.
Hall Passageway:
Bob Johnson and Sasha are running. They round a corner and, "Kerbang". Bob and Sasha are in a tangle of leashes with a woman and a dog.
Teri Arteaga: Mammacita, que pasa? Hombre horrible. What is a matter with you? Then she recognizes Bob. Why Bob, you have such a beautiful dog! But don't you know it is against the regulations to have a dog on board?
Bob: And I presume that that is a guinea pig you are walking on a leash, Teri.
Teri: No, this Louie. He is just like a human companion to me. Regular dog rules do not apply to him. Besides, I could not bear to leave him behind during the cruise.
Bob: Exactly my sentiments. But let's not stand out here in the hall, someone may see us and report us to the Captain. And I have some other things I want to tell you. There is trouble brewing on this ship……. (They enter Bob's cabin just as a man with long sideburns and dark glasses comes out of a neighboring cabin. The man walks down the passage, a door opens. Out from the door with a 'clomp' steps a peg legged man. He sees Elvis and steps back inside his cabin before being noticed, slamming the door. Peeking outside of Elvis's coat is a small dog – Rover. Elvis continues down the passageway whistling, "It’s Now or Never".
Bridge of the SS Pterodactyl
Jacci Mahoney: This is all so terrible. Our classmate and President is in critical condition and there is a killer on the loose on this ship.
Carol Broderick: How long until we reach Cabo, Captain?
Art Durazo: We are 8 hours from Cabo. But please don't worry, ladies. We have the situation under control. Why we have some of the finest detectives from Italy, Spain, the United Kingdom, and the good old USA, not to mention our Alemany Superheroes on the case this very moment.
George Duggan: Captain, may I have a word in private.
Art: Jackie, Carol, coffee and pastries are being served in the Dolphin Lounge. Why don't you go enjoy and it will soon be time for the entertainment that I have arranged to take the passengers minds off our troubles. Yes, George, what is it?
George: We are ready to have you make the announcement over the loudspeakers about the President’s condition. Agent Brouillette is in place and all assets on the security detail watching her are on alert.
Art: Good.
George: Oh, one more thing, Captain. I just spoke with Lamont Cranston. It seems that he has proof from different colored dog hairs and droppings that there are at least three dogs on board.
Art: What the hell you say. (Stomps foot). What is happening to my ship? Mr. Duggan if you cannot find these dogs, I am going to have you scrubbing decks for the rest of your career. I want those animals found and taken to the kennel, er brig. Do you understand me?
George: But, sir.
Art. Do you understand me?
George: Aye aye, sir.
Dolphin Lounge:
Dozens of people are gathered for coffee, snacks, and a live performance.
Mary Lyons: Try some caviar, Pamela.
Pamela McDyer: No thank you. So, Michael, tell me more about your career as a tree surgeon. That must be really fascinating work. I mean helping people save their diseased trees is so noble.
Michael McDonald: It's not as glamorous as it sounds…..
Dan McMahon: Attention everyone. Good afternoon. I will be your Master of Ceremonies for the Alemany Talent Show. If you could take your seats, we will get underway. (Every sits) Thank you. (With hands on hips in an Ed Sullivan pose) And I am pleased to say we have a really big shooow for your today. Out first act may not make you forget Simon and Garfunkel, in fact they may not even make you forget Milli-Vanilli, but TerryBowles and Dave Gieg have a unique sound. Let's welcome them as they give you their medley of "Cecelia, El Condor Pasa The Boxer Like A Bridge Over Troubled Waters At The Zoo".
What key are we singing in, Terry?
What does it matter since you are lip-syncing, Dave?
Dan: Thank you boys, a truly moving rendition. And now here are Ann Buchanan and Wally Ernsdorf with the Sesame Street cast to teach you some basic lessons you might have forgotten since Alemany.
Wally: This show is sponsored by the letter "V" and the number "8".
Ann: Oh, I love V8 Juice, Wally.
Wally: No, Ann, not V8, the letter "V" which stands for "virgin" and the number "8".
Cookie Monster: (Looking angry). So are you telling us that we don't get any V8 Juice, Wally, to wash down the cookies? You promised!
Wally: I did not promise you a V8, I said I would bring 8 bottles of Gieg’s Gold for after the skit.
Big Bird: But Gieg's Gold is tequila. We can't have tequila on a kids' show.
Ann: But all our "kids" in the audience are going on 60, and quite a few having been doing tequila shots since they came on board or I am Little Orphan Annie.
Elmo: (Sniffing cookies). Why do these cookies smell like tequila?
Wally: We will have to ask Teri Artega Romero, she baked them, this morning in the galley, and I was having so much trouble getting her stove out of her dishwasher, I forgot to ask her what kind of cookies they are.
Dan McMahon: (Walking on stage). Uh, fellas, that is about all the time we have. We have to move on to the next act.
Wally: Hey, hold on McMahon. I prepared a lesson on the letter V and the number 8. And I intend to give the lesson. (Cookie Monster grabs the cookies). Hey gimme back those cookies, they are not all for you. (Cookie Monster runs off stage with the whole tray of cookies and various other Muppets are leaving every which way with tequila bottles, and Ann also has a bottle.
Dan: (He is alone on stage). Ah, well our next act is Bird Calls of the Santa Fe Suburbs performed by Charmaine Haley Coimbra.
Char: My first birdcall is the Indigo Bunting. (As she puckers up to give the call….Cookie Monster runs across front of stage with Wally in pursuit yelling, "We are going to share those cookies".
Ann Buchanan and Wally Ernsdorf before the talent show with
Cookie Monster, Big Bird, Elmo, and friends from Sesame Street.
Behind the scenes, Muppeteer, Tom Stratton, prepares to work with two of Miss Piggy’s bovine friends. Stay alert, Tom, you can’t trust a pink cow.
Loud Speaker is heard by all: May I have your attention, and begging your pardon for interrupting the Alemany Talent Show, this is the Captain speaking. I regret to inform you that President Hawkes remains in very critical condition. However, Dr. Shows is attending and we hope we will have better news soon. We are making all speed to Cabo and will make port in approximately seven hours. At that time The President will be transferred to shore. I ask everyone to cooperate with the authorities investigating the assassination attempt. If anyone has information pertaining to this crime, please report to Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli at Room 3317 which has been set up as a crime lab. We will catch this dastardly coward that shot our President. Finally, I must report that three people have broken serious ship’s rules and brought dogs aboard. We will find you out and the punishment will be bread and water in the brig until we reach Cabo at which time the guilty parties will be put ashore and can make their own way back to San Pedro.
Mary Lyons: Oh my gosh!
Pamela McDyer: What? Oh, you didn't?
Mary: Yes, I brought my little pooch aboard. He is so tiny and 15 years old and I couldn't stand to put him in a kennel.
Pamela: Well since you are admitting it, I brought my Great Dane aboard. (The sounds of Charmaine doing the call of the Cactus Wren are heard). Now that took some subterfuge and a big bribe for one of the deckhands and another bribe with the kitchen staff.
Dan McMahon: That is absolutely marvelous, Char, you capture the mating call of the Gila Woodpecker as I have never heard if before. Now for our next act……….
Meanwhile at the Temporary Crime Lab, SS Pterodactyl
Rapposelli: (Looking up from microscope). Yes, what is it?
William Schuller: (Holding a plastic bag that he hands to Rapposelli). I think you better have this.
Rapposelli: What am I supposed to do with this? It looks like dog shit.
William: Yes, and from the size of it, I would say a St. Bernard. Captain said I should bring it to you for cataloging and to determine if this is yet another mutt on the loose on his ship.
Ludgate: Well that seems to represent at least the fourth dog clandestinely smuggled onto this ship.
William: And another thing, I was playing shuffleboard on the sun deck with Gail Runyon and Linda Sova when I was knocked over by a llama that was being chased by lion. Is this a pleasure cruise or a wildlife safari?
Quarters of First Officer George Duggan:
George: Cookie, I am glad to see you are safe. (George holds up a Schnauzer that he has kept in secret for four years aboard the Pterodactyl without Captain Durazo discovering this).
Cookie: Arf, arf!
Captain’s Quarters:
A knock at the door….
Art: Enter. Why hello, ladies. What can I do for you?
Diane: As you know, I am assisting Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli, with the assassination investigation.
Art: Yes, Eugene speaks very highly of you, Inspector Mottola.
Diane: We have a suspect, possibly one of your crew.
Art: Oh.
Diane: Chris Belle has sketched the suspect based on eyewitness description. Here have a look. (She reads from notebook) Suspect is 5 foot 1 inch, Asian, crossed knives tattoo on forehead, beady eyes, swarthy complexion, and, oh yes, a peg leg.
Art: (Looks at sketch). Is this a joke?
Chris Belle: I should say not! That is a sketch that fits the description of the suspect as described by Christi Brecht. And I will have you know that I studied forensic art in my younger years and graduated at the top of my class.
Art: And I graduated at the top of my class at the Merchant Marine Academy and I am telling all of you that there is no one on my crew that remotely fits that description.
Christ Brecht: Are you sure, Art? I mean I saw this guy in the sketch very clearly.
Art. (Trying to hold his temper). Don't you think I would know if I had a pygmy with knives tattooed on his forehead clomping around decks with a peg leg? Now if you will excuse me ladies, I have a ship to captain. (Art leaves the room and heads for the bridge, but outside his room, he steps in dog poo and loses his footing --- Keeee-rasssssh.). Inspector Mottola rushes to help the captain up.
As Mottola, Brecht, Belle, and Carney walk back to Mottola’s cabin, they hear a heavy, "clomp, clomp, clomp, clomp" sound from the deck above them.
Christi: That sounds an awful lot like a peg leg on the deck. What do we do now?
Mottola: Christi, it is just possible that the assassin may try to eliminate the only eyewitness that can place him at the scene of the crime. You are in grave danger. All of you back to my cabin and lock the door. I will (gulp) investigate. (Clomp, clomp, clomp is heard coming down steps).
Oh Dear, Christi Brecht is in danger.
Bob Johnson already has had knifes throw at him at the Matterhorn and on the cruise.
Jude Hawkes certainly is in harm’s way, but Agent Judy Brouillete is impersonating her.
I would hate to be the Cookie Monster when Wally catches him.
Inspector Mottola will confront the tattooed peg leg.
Madame Zazza fears that something will go wrong at anytime.
And for some reason I hear the theme from the Pink Panther?
To Be Continued……..
Pink Panther: Wait just a minute, Dr. Bonaccorso. I thought the last volume, parts 24a through 24e, was the final volume in this story, and you keep adding new volumes.
Frank: Well, er, you see, Pink, Alemany is a complex group of interesting, talented, and important people.
Pink: I noticed a few of them do have some eccentricities.
Frank: They are each unique. And to tell the untarnished, complete, and true story of the Further Sagas of Alemany, I am going to need several more volumes than I originally thought.
Pink: Well, are these extra volumes approved by the publisher, the editors, and the Vatican?
Frank: Well, actually, I had to give Dan McMahon and Bob Johnson a cool million bucks to fund the extra volumes, but we did sign a contract. Thus, we are going to bring this story to its final conclusion in just a couple of more volumes if you will bear with me.
Pink: I am not a bear, I am a panther.
Frank: Well, forgive my lion eyes, Pinky! Just watch for the next volume coming soon.
