The Penultimate Volume [23]
The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso and
Photoshop by R. M. Johnson

Subtitle: In the Pterodactyl's Nest
2nd Subtitle: All Roads Lead to Torino

Special Dedication:
To a friend that has been found,
the '66'er Monarch who drove the bright, shiny,
yellow 1965 Ford Mustang to Alemany.
Welcome Back to Contact, David Nehen

Who was that masked man?
Clayton Moore as The Lone Ranger and Jay Silverheels as Tonto
Hi Ho Silver, And Away.

The Lone Ranger's Creed
{As Shared by The Shadow}:

The moral code upheld by the masked men.I believe that to have a friend, a person must be one.
That all people are created equal and that everyone has within himselfthe power to make this a better world.
That God put the firewood there but that every person must gather andlight it himself or herself. (Just not in Griffith Park in summer time!)

In being prepared physically, mentally, and morally to fight when necessary for what is right.

That a man should make the most of what equipment he has. (The UCLA Cheerleaders want to know, are you reading this Pelzer?).

That all things change but truth, and that truth alone, lives on forever.
Never, ever cheat when you play Red Light, Green Light!

Chalkstone Cliffs, Southern Texas, 65.8 Million Years Ago
Bill Danaher: Grappling hook is loaded and ready to fire.
Pat Dolan: Stand clear. Fire, when ready. KABOOM! A line is shot to an overhanging ledge along a 350-foot high cliff. The grappling hooks catch and the line is secure.
Frank Bonaccorso: Ok, climbing team, you are good to go. Good luck everyone.
Chris Gilmore, Kathy Gordon and Peggy Jones start their ascent up the jagged limestone cliffs.
Art Fonseca: (up in a tree top) I have no adult pteros in sight.
Tim Jordan reports from Air-gyro 1, “Momma pterodactyl is fishing over the Inland Sea. Wow, look at our climbers go.”
Dave Nehen: And let’s hope that mom is very hungry today and stays away from here.

View of the Chalkstone Cliffs where pterodactyls nest along the Inland Sea.

Wrigley Field, Chicago
Manager, Lou Pinella: Hey Jim, come into the office. I need to talk to you.
(Inside the manager’s office). The rookie third baseman we called up from Triple A missed his plane. We are still short a position player, soooo we are keeping you on the active roster for one more game. Be ready to pinch hit today.
Jim Dantona: No problem, skipper. I have been waiting all my life for this. Unless the Cardinals activate Bob Gibson, I think I have another hit in my bat whenever you need it.

Torino, Italy
Two women are leaving an Internet café.
Chris Carney (on her cell phone): Christi, they are leaving the café. What shall I do?
Christi Brecht: Stop them! I am on my way to join you.
Chris: All right you two, stop right there!
First twin wearing scarf and sunglasses: Who the hell do you think you are?
Chris: LAPD! (She flashes an ID card quickly and hides it.)
Second twin wearing hat: That was no LAPD badge, and even if it were LAPD, you are out of your jurisdiction. Now get out of our way before I have to deck you.
Chris: You couldn’t deck me if you had a 600-pound gorilla for help.
Second twin: Takes a swing at Chris, but her arm is deflected by the just in the nick of time arriving Christi, who then grabs the twin’s purse and tosses it to Chris.
Christi: Have a look inside, Chris.
First twin: You can’t do that. I’m going to scream for the cops.
Chris: (Rummages through the purse.)
Christi: Go ahead and scream your lungs out. Fine with us, if you want to bring in the Carabinieri.
Chris: Oh my goodness. Look at these. (She holds up photoshoped fake prints of herself and Christi holding stolen artworks.) So you are Las Panteras Rosas, and you have been trying to frame us!!!!
Twin #one: (Pulls a pistol from her coat pocket.) Well, aren't you smart, sister? Now hand those photos back and walk very calmly into that alley.
Chris and Christi do as they are told.
Twin #two: Face the wall and keep quiet.
Twin #one: Raises her pistol and is about to pistol whip Christi when a deep voice is heard.
The Shadow: What evil lurks in the hearts of the Olsen twins? The Shadow knows. (A terrifying laugh is heard. The Shadow walks toward the gun holding twin who freezes. Shadow kicks the gun from her hand)
Ashley Olsen: It can't be. The Shadow isn't real.
Christi: He is real enough for me. What do we do with them now, Shadow?
Mary Kate Olsen: Makes a run for it, but The Shadow toss his black cape over her head and Mary Kate stumbles and crashes into a row of trash cans.
A police siren answers Christi’s question. The car pulls into the alley and out steps Diane Mottola and Eugene Rapposelli.
Eugene: Handcuff those two, Mottola!
Diane: Yes, Scchief. Mary Kate Olson and Ashley Olson, you are under arrest for art theft in Amsterdam, Paris, Madrid, Florence, and Torino.
Mary Kate: Those photoshop prints are not enough to convict us. Don't say a thing, Ashley.
Eugene: You are correct. The photos are not adequate evidence. However, a DNA match to both of you from hairs we collected at the GAM crime scene and testimony of Chris and Christi that they saw you in several other cities at the time of the crimes will convict you, or my name is not Scchief Inspectore Eugene Rapposelli. Case closed on Las Panteras Rosas.
The Shadow: Crime does not pay Mary Kate and Ashley. The Shadow Knows.
Eugene: Take them away. (Two uniformed Caribinieri haul the twins away).
Well, I must say that was very brave of you two, and very foolish to apprehend those twin criminals. By the way ladies, I have four tickets to the Opera tonight. Cheryl Evanson is performing La Boheme. I would be delighted if all of you could join me in the Commissioner's Box.
Christi: We would be honored, Eugene. But you are going to have to find extra tickets for Chris Belle Monroe and Kathy Bell Vandervoet who are flying into Torino this afternoon. My goodness, what time is it? We have to meet Chris and Kathy at the airport at 4PM.

Mug shot of Las Panteras Rosas.

Movie set on a high-rise building, Hollywood, California
Director, Reed Cruzen: And Action.
Georgia Andrew Cordle: And Take 7, Scene 58.
Bob Orlando: It doesn’t have to be this way, Cat Woman. Turn yourself in to the authorities. You can be out of prison in 10 to 15 years. I will wait for you. I love you, Cat Woman.
Kathi Gibson: Meeeoooow. Always full of platitudes and crime doesn't pay, Batman. No deal, even for your love, I am not going to prison for one day. Say, isn't that the Joker down on the street.
Batman falls for the oldest trick in the world and looks down at the street below. Catwoman, leaps and kicks the Bat-stun-gun® from Batman’s hand –
Whack!
Her steel claws go into batman’s shoulder, but he manages to pry her off with his other hand and toss her up onto a wall –
Slam! Bam!
Cat Woman bounces off the wall and goes into a triple set of cartwheels and kicks Bob in the face –
Kerblam! Pow! Yeooow!
Batman falls on his back and Cat Woman is at his throat again with the steel claws.
Kathi: Don’t move, Batman. I hate to do this, but you just won't leave me alone. If only you weren't soooooo square. Goodbye, Batman.
Just then rappelling on a Batline® from the adjacent skyscraper are Robin and Batgirl. Batgirl leaps on Cat Woman and with the assistance of Robin, pins her to the ground and pulls Cat's spandex hood down over her eyes so she is blind as a, a, a bat. As Catwoman hisses and screams vile cat sounds, Robin handcuffs her.
Robin played by Michael Graff: Good work, Batgirl. I always knew there was more than one way to skin a cat.
Batgirl played by Liliane Folling Saginian: Frankly, Robin, I prefer mink if I have to skin anything. I'll get Commissioner Gordon on the Bat-two-way-walkie-talkie-cell-phone® and we can be rid of the likes of her. Say, can you give me a ride to Bob's Big Boy in the Bat-mobile after we are finished here?
Robin (Michael): It’s a date, Bat Girl. Are you all right, Batman?
Reed: Cut and that's a wrap! Congratulations everyone, that is our final scene. And none too soon with the Torino Premier less than 48 hours away! I will get this to editing. Everyone, be at LAX at 9 PM sharp, my private jet will not wait for stragglers. We want to make sure all our stars are in Torino for their adoring public.

Still in caped costume from the film, the multi-talented “Batman” Bob Orlando rehearses with his band.

The Alemany girls say they can’t get enough of Bob. So here is another photo of the man performing at a hot nightspot.

Wrigley Field, Chicago
PA Announcer, Tom Mullins: Now batting for the pitcher, Jiiiiiiiiiim Daaaaaaantooooonaaaaaaaaa.
Phil Rizzuto: Holy cow, Jim Dantona is coming to bat for only his second major league at bat. Cubbies could sure use a hit here.
Bob Uecker: I wonder if he has another surprise in his aging body like he had in the last game in Los Angeles. We have a tie game, Cards 6 and Cubs 6. Dantona is ready to lead off the 9th inning against Card's closer, Jason Isringhausen.
Phil: And the first pitch is a line shot up the middle. Adam Kennedy dives behind the bag but cannot come up with the ball. Another base hit for Dantona. Sssssheeesh, this guy is a gamer, Bob.
Bob: I'll say, Scooter. That brings up lead off man, Jacque Jones. And the first pitch is low, ball one. Hey wasn’t it great to have Danny McMahon and Ed McMahon sing, Take Me Out To The Ball Game, in the 7th inning tonight?
Phil: Danny and Ed did a much better job than Ozzy Osborne. Scott Rolen is playing in at third, looking for a bunt. Isringhausen goes into his windup, and Holy Cow, Dantona takes off for second. The throw from Molina is not in time. Dantona has stolen second. He still runs like an antelope. Do you believe it?
Bob: I wouldn't a thunk it, Scooter. Hey Scooter, take over; I'm going for a Ballpark Frank before they close the concessions.
Phil: And bring me another order of Nachos with extra cheese, Uecker. The pitch to Jones is popped up near second base. Kennedy calls for it. The infield fly rule is in effect and there is one out. That brings up, Izturis.
Bob: One order of Nachos, Scooter!
Phil: That was quick. The first pitch to Izturis is a called strike.
Bob: Mmmmm---mmm. Nothing beats a Ballpark Frank! Izzy is frozen by a slow curve, strike two. Dantona represents the winning run on second. Here is the windup, and the pitch, ground ball down the first baseline. It's deflected by Pujols, he picks up the ball and beats Izzy to the bag for the second out. Dantona advances to third. And now the light hitting, Henry Blanco is coming up. Blanco came in to catch during the double switch in the 8th inning.
Phil: Blanco takes a fastball high, ball one. Isringhausen looks in for his sign and nods. Isringhausen rocks into his pitch without checking Dantona and delivers. Change up is swung at and fouled off third base. Rolen goes over near the railing, but the ball is way back in the stands and a fan catches the ball.
Uecker: That was no fan catching the ball. That was Mary A. O’Malley, minority owner of the Chicago Cubs. Nice bare hand basket catch, Mary. Can I have a raise?
Hey isn't that motion picture star, Bob Orlando, next to Mary?

Minority owner of the Chicago Cubs, Mary O’Malley in the Owners Box with "Batman" Bob Orlando

Phil: Holy Cow, I can hardly wait to see Bob in the newest Batman film that has its world premiere in Torino Italy, tomorrow night. Dantona is taking a large lead at third with hardly a glance from Isringhausen who goes into his windup. Holy Cow, Dantona breaks for the plate. Here comes the pitch. Here comes Dantona. Molina flips off his mask. Dantona slides. We are going to have to wait for the dust to settle. Safe signals home plate umpire, John Murray. Holy Cow, Dantona has stolen home. One of the rarest plays in modern baseball, Holy Cow! And the Cubbies win their second game in a row on the hitting and running skills of Jim Dantona.
Bob: Final Score from Wrigley Field, Cubs 7, Cardinals 6. Good night, Mrs. Calabash, wherever you are. (Burp! Ballpark Frank Gas Smells Bad in the Booth!).

Torino, Final Day of the Ryder Cup
William Christian (announcing for Fox Sports TV): Bill Merriken of Team USA is teed up at the 13th fairway. We have had great weather here in Torino for this, the final day of the Ryder Cup. There are some huge oak trees lining the narrow fairway for this 480-yard hole. Merriken has been driving well today. Bill swings with his powerful driver and "oh no" he slices the drive. Fore! My goodness gracious sakes alive! The ball has hit a tree and comes back hitting teammate Tiger Woods on the forehead. Tiger is down and his team is rushing to gather around him. We cannot see whether he is conscious or not. Let's go to roving reporter, John Salhoff, who is at the 13th fairway. Can you hear me John?
John: Bill, I am trying to work my way closer to the 13th tee. Paramedics have just arrived and there is a throng of people around the fallen, Tiger Woods. Bill Merriken is visible upset; he has just twisted his driver around a small tree. I am hearing that Tiger is unconscious. This is bad for the American team that currently is two strokes behind the British in this winner take all final day.

The Matterhorn, Switzerland
Maureen Cavanaugh: Welcome to ABC's Wild World of Sports where we bring you the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Today I have the privilege of calling the races on the final day of racing at the very first International Ski Box Championships. I am with my long time broadcasting partner, Mary Siefert Dowling, high above Zermatt, Switzerland. The wind is gusting at times to 45 miles and hour at the putsching platform up on the Matterhorn.
Mary: And a pleasure it is, Maureen, to be working with you once again. I am glad we are in a protected booth and not up on that mountain face where only four teams remain in the competition. Yesterday, Robert Johnson, driving the Red Baron, edged out the home team from Italy by only 6 thousands of a second in the closest race we have had yet. Also still in the competition are Sweden, led by driver Marilyn Gadomski, as well as Liechtenstein and that most mysterious team of the orient, the Nepalese.
Maureen: Let's check in with our sideline specialist, and former ski box driver, Art Gerome. Come in, Art.
Art: Hello Mary and Maureen. The wind chill here up on the putsching start area is minus 27 degrees and we have had wind gusts topping out at 48 mph in the last 15 minutes. But hey, this is what ski boxing is all about. It takes a brave heart with ice water in the veins and a pinch of daring-do to even want to be a ski boxer. I am here with the Nepalese driver, Tuk Tinbuk. Tuk, what do you think of conditions here at the Matterhorn today?
Tuk: Vell, it is what it is. These are moderate conditions compared to our training area in Nepal.
Art: Your semifinal race is against the American, Bob Johnson. What do you expect from him?
Tuk: Ve not concerned with Johnson. Ve tink he has tendency to brake toooooo much going into curves. I have asking Nepalese team manager, Paul Hassler, please to disable brake on Nepalese sled. We do not need brake.
Art: There you have it Maureen. The Nepalese with an attitude of win at any cost have disabled their ski box brake so not to even be tempted to lose speed at entry into the curves.
Tuk: Please excuse, Art. I am now needing to sacrifice chicken before race.
Art: Thank you, Tuk, for taking time to talk with us. And good luck.
Tuk: Oh, I am tenking you from the heart of my bottom, Art.
Art: Well, that may have been an attempted psych job to get Johnson thinking needlessly about his braking. The Nepalese are known for their trash talking and devil take all style of racing. Back to you, Maureen.
Maureen: Thank you, Art. Get inside the start house and stay warm; we are still 10 minutes from race time in the first semi-final, Nepal against the United States to be followed by Sweden versus Lichtenstein. But first, we are going to kick it back to New York, for a news update with Bernie VanVlymen.

ABC News, New York, New York
Bernie: This is Bernard VanVlymen with a news update.
Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi today presented the corona aurea civica, or civic golden crown, to Scchief Inspectore Eugene Rapposelli for capturing the infamous Las Panteras Rosas Gang in Torino, Italy. The prime minister resurrected this ancient Roman award for the first time in 1500 years saying, and I quote, "It is an honor only fitting for the man who saved the most precious art treasures of the world". The prime minister also presented golden phalorae brooches, another ancient Roman award for military bravery, to Assistant Inspectore Diane Mottola, and to Lamont Cranston (aka The Shadow), Chris Carney and Christi Brecht for their roles in assisting with the capture of the despicable Olsen twins. The Olsen twins have been deported to the United States where they will await trial and meanwhile are sharing a prison cell with Paris Hilton.
In sporting news, the women’s world record in quadruped tipping, generically known as cow-tipping, was broken yesterday at the Masai Mara Reserve in Kenya. An American team of Kathryn Martin Rahmn, Judy Pfeifer Knapp, Suellen Keller Hunter, Therese Icardo Yurosek, and Pamela Longworth Pelton tipped a full grown Rothschild’s giraffe. The jumping skills for former volleyball superstar, Pfeifer Knapp were essentially in getting a hit high up on the giraffe’s neck. Longworth Pelton was a late substitute on the team, as Margaret "Peggy" Jones, was unavailable while on a time traveling expedition to the Cretaceous. Alumni teams now hold both the men and women’s world records in cow tipping from that little but ever-prominent school in Mission Hills, California, Alemany High School.

Also in sports, congratulations to the mighty UCLA BRUINS, who won the schools 100th NCCA Team National Championship this past weekend. Way to go Women’s Water Polo! It was only fitting that UCLA beat Stanford in this championship as the Cardinal rank second in team championships with 93. (Note: USC is third with 84 NCAA titles.) The race to 100 is over Stanford!!! The Bruins are the first university in the nation to reach the century mark in team championships and they did not win their first until 1950 when the men’s tennis team coached by Glenn Bassett were champions.

In Belleview, Washington, hundreds of staff were evacuated from the Barbara Broeski Tennis Research Institute today as columns of black smoke poured from the building. The staff returned to work 20 minutes later when a giant burned out smoke bomb was found to be the cause. Painted on the side of the smoke bomb, were the words, “It’s Not Over”, and on the opposite side, “Jayzer was here”. Police are investigating the incident.

This is Bernard VanVlymen wishing you, good night, and may all your news be good news!

Grand Ballroom, Royal Palace, Torino
And now your host tonight for the Grand Finale of the 2007 Dancing with the Stars, here is Murray Suarez.
Murray: Buona Cera. (Deafening applause). We are in the fabulous Royal Palace in Torino where King Victor Emmanuel held court 175 years ago. Tonight we are down to two final couples. Who will be deemed the best dancers in the world? Ponche Covarrubias and Christina Aguilera? Or Liz Pack Jones and partner, The Pink Panther? We will soon find out. The Nuns for Fun Band plays, “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy of Company C” as the contestants dance out on stage. Ponche swings Christina under his legs. Pink Panther spins Liz up the air like an ice skater and catches her. The contest is on.

Late night, Tehachapi, California
Lester Dunkin: Hey, Rover, let’s go home boy.
Intense white lights descend from the heavens surrounding Lester and Rover in an aura of sublime tranquility. A spaceship settles into the rocky substrata not 50 feet from Lester.
Rover jumps into Lester’s arms and whines. The humming of the engines decreases, and then stops. The door on the side of the ship opens and a gangplank hits the ground. And then out of the flying saucer walks………

To Be Continued in the Ultimate Volume of
The Further Saga of Alemany ’66

In the final issue you will find out who wins the
Ryder Cup,
Snow Box Derby,
and Dancing with the Stars.
You will also learn whom Lester Dunkin encountered in Tehachapi.
And perhaps finally, Alemany will have its new pterodactyl mascot if Chris Gilmore and team scale the cliffs successfully.
And if you go to Paris this summer stop in and see the Mona Lisa back in its favored location because Gene Rapposelli caught the Panteras Rosa!

TRIVIA TIME

To honor the UCLA BRUINS as the “first university of sport”,
we have another trivia contest involving Bruin sports great, Jackie Robinson.
In the photo below, Jackie Robinson, the only four-letter varsity sportsman at UCLA, is receiving honors for his individual NCAA long jump championship. Notice that UCLA swept the top three places and the best that a Trojan could do was fifth!!!!!

Question: In what stadium did Robinson compete to win his NCAA long jump championship?
The first Alemany ‘66’er to answer correctly wins the genuine bootlegged
fake Stevie Wonder CD not won in the previous contest.
Answers to mailto:bonafrank@yahoo.com
(Come on folks, I want to give this CD away!)


Please do not miss the final episode of The Shadow coming eventually to your favorite blog not written by a mother blogger.
I promised Beej a nickel for every hit we have at the blog,
and he needs the money. Something about paying off a golf bet to Meddock.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash, Good night Mother Blogger, And Good Night Alemany.