Volume 26
The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso and
Photo Wizards R. M. Johnson and D. P. McMahon

And

With a special vignette from Shadow Guest Ghost Writer:
Charmaine Haley Coimbra

Subtitle: Inspector Mottola Confronts a Suspect.

Will the real Charlie Daniels please take two steps forward!
Hey Alemany which one is the real Charlie Daniels?
Which one is the Charlie Daniels look alike, Danny McMahon? Our man Dan subs for Charlie at concerts without the public knowing. Your secret is out Daniels.

Stairwell, USS Pterodactyl
Diane Mottola has her Smith & Wesson aimed at the switchback in the stairwell above her. The clomping of a wooden-leg coming down the unseen portion of the stairwell gets louder, and louder, and louder…..and finally the peg-legged man comes into view…..
Diane: Halt right there! Hands above your head! Make one false move and its hasta la vista, baby.
Peg-leg: What is all this? Please put that gun away.
Diane: (Notices that the suspect is a male, Caucasian, wearing an eye patch, a pirate hat, no tattoo on forehead, and is over six feet tall. (Not at all anything like the suspect, except for the peg-leg.)
Mark Smith: (Removes his eye-patch). Say, aren't you Diane Mottola? (Mottola returns her piece to her shoulder holster under her Caribinieri blazer.
Diane: Sorry, are you Greg or Mark? I could never tell you twins apart. You can come down here and tell me why you are dressed as a pirate with a peg leg.
Mark: I'm Mark. I have a part in the Pirates of Penzance show that Mr. Scott is going to direct. We will give the show the last night of the cruise. I am just trying to learn to walk with this clumsy peg-leg attachment. Look behind me, you can see that I still have two complete legs, but one is bent back at the knee.
Diane: I thought you were Jude’s alleged assassin who by eyewitness account has a peg leg.

The Shadow saw Inspector Mottola approaching the suspect though this porthole and provided silent backup. Mottola and The Shadow had a laugh after discovering Peg-leg Mark Smith, a Pirate of Penzance.

California State deficit balloons to $10 billion amid slowing economy
Cabin 99B, USS Pterodactyl
Governor Schwarznegger: This cable from Sacramento has me worried. I have to do something to cut our $10 billion deficit. Diane and Teri, I asked John Thompson here as a head of state that has faced deficits to sit on our meeting as an advisor.
Diane Muscolo: Good idea, chief.
Teri Arteaga: I have an idea about reducing the budget.
Arnie: What is your idea, Teri.
Teri: We could hold a cakewalk and a cookie sale.
Arnie: I don't think that is going to do it, Teri.
Prime Minister Thompson: Why, Arnie, actually that is not a bad idea. In my first year in office we had a serious deficit projected for the Caymans.
Arnie: What did you do, John?
John: We held a candied mango sale to raise money.
Arnie: And you mean a mango sale helped?
John: Not only helped we raised enough to have a budget surplus.
Diane: You're kidding? How much was your deficit?
John: As I recall it was over 800 Cayman dollars. Of course we are a small country, but you have a population base of 38 million people for your sale.
Arnie: Well, I don’t know?????
Teri: Come on, Arnie. If we give away a few of my tequila cookies at the beginning, people will pay big bucks for a cake baked by a celebrity such as Dave Gieg or Danny McMahon. Let's just give it a try here on the ship as a test case.
Diane: And we should have Tom Marsh, MC the cake walk. He sold me six World's Finest bars before I could get up the gangway of the ship yesterday. What a pitch-man!
Arnie: All those in favor? (All voices say, Aye.)

Lower Deck Fantail
Terry Mock: Artificial lures.
Mike Modugno: Live bait.
Terry Mock: Artificial lures.
Mary Louise Morrow: Now, boys, quit arguing over the best way to catch fish. Neither one of you has hooked a fish all morning. Look, Ron West, is reeling in something big.
Mike: Don't play him too fast. Give him some line.
Terry: What are you talking about? Reel it in fast, Ron. Phil Tessier has a gaff ready to assist.

Fresh catch dinner for 20 courtesy of Ron West!

What happened in the Ship’s Galley as told by Guest Writer, Char Haley Coimbra (Even though she never signed my senior yearbook!)

Clues to the mystery on the Monarch cruise were like needles in a haystack. But when Inspector Ludgate pushed the galley door open he jumped in shock. Litter, food remnants, a trash bag ripped apart and every greasy item inspected was manically scattered throughout the galley floor. Blonde hair stuck to an empty beef consommé can, a crinkled box that was once full of butter, and hairs flew off of less than a pound of a 5-pound round of cheddar cheese. The kitchen had been plundered! Who or WHAT was this beast? When the inspector wound his way to the 24-hour pizza bar, he screamed at the horror of only bits of onions left and every pizza gone. Blonde hairs clung to the metal bar and glass shelves. This was no blonde joke! Who was this galley pirate? Did this cavalier blonde have anything to do with the shooting and other threats? A wretched smell wafted across the deck. Was there a bilge leak? Were the heads overflowing? It was worse than that. Cruise mates began diving overboard. Those who feared the water paled and their bellies retched from the putrid air.

Hey, Anne Talbot, get out of the water quick.
Something is gaining on you.

Charmaine, unable to continue seeking a lonely woodpecker with her mastered whistles, screamed, "Hank! What have you done?" And she wasn't screaming at her husband. As she ran past the inspector, he noticed the telltale blonde hairs clinging to her black slacks. He followed; covering his nose with a nearby cloth napkin that began to melt the closer he came to the genesis of the stench. "Hank," Charmaine began, looking for a large black plastic bag, "What happened, boy? What did you get into? You have NEVER done this on The Leap of Faith. I thought I had you better trained." Diane Suchyta bravely brought the aging Monarch a bag, which she thrust her hand into, and then bent over a huge and steamy mound, swearing as if she had just dumped coffee in her computer laptop, then she removed the largest pile of shit ever created by her mild mannered Golden Retriever. "And I thought I only had to pick up your crap on the beach! Thanks a lot, Hank."

Hank in his first class cabin with Susan Sarandon look-a-alike
Charmaine Haley Coimbra.

Ship’s Library
Bobbie Mosher Noreen is reading Emily Barrett Browning poems. She is the only person in the library and sits with her back to the entry door. The door opens slowly, and a very short red-bodied creature with close-set tiny black eyes and a pink bulbous nose tiptoes behind her. Then a tall blue being with antennae on its head follows and is joined by a green "thing" with a duck-like bill and yellow antennae. The short red being, taps Bobbie on the shoulder. She turns and….
Bobbie: “AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH”
All the Space Aliens: “AAAAAAAAAAHHH”
Bobbie: (Jumps on a chair and continues to scream.) “AAAAAAAHHHH”
Green Alien: Ms. Noreen, we are not here to cause you any harm.
Red Alien: We have a message for you.
Blue Alien: Hands a folded piece of paper to her.
Bobbie: (Unfolds paper and reads while still standing on chair). Her jaw drops and she swoons into a faint, but is caught by the aliens and laid on a divan.
Elvis, who has been watching through a porthole, enters and takes a bottle of smelling salts from his pocket. He gives Bobbie a whiff. She awakes and…..
Bobbie: Why, Elvis, is it really you?
Elvis: It sure is pumpkin. I know you think I was slimed and killed by purple aliens, but in fact I was only in a slime-induced coma. The purple dudes were probing my brain and I think stealing my music. But their rivals, the Skags, these guys here, came and rescued me. It's all a long story, but I am right as rain, sugar-drop. (Bobbie smiles, then jumps up and hugs Elvis)
Elvis: Bobbi, haven't I told you not to step on my blue suede shoes. Look at the scuffmarks! Oh, well. Let me introduce you to my friends……..

Skaggy spaces aliens and Bobbi Mosher pose for a photo taken by Elvis.
From left to right, Mungo Zorp IV, Mervel, Bobbie, and Gromboni.

Dolphin Lounge
Where the Alemany Talent Show continues with a Muppet Show…….

Warning: Muppets/Sesame Street Original Shows
are reclassified ‘For Adults Only!’
Recommended Minimum Viewing Age: 59+ O’dear

Alemanians Pete Herron, Pam and Penny Mertens, and John Stigmon are
Guest stars on the world premier of The Muppets Reunion Cruise Special being filmed live to worldwide TV audiences.

Miss Piggy: Our first guest stars are the faaaabulous Tap-dancing Mertens Twins, Penny and Pam. And they are allowing, moi, to dance with them to Dueling Banjos.
Kermit: Ah sorry, Miss Piggy. (Whispers in her ear). Sorry, it can’t be helped.
Miss Piggy: Pamela. Penny. I am told that one of our banjo players just broke a string and there is no replacement on this ship. Therefore, we are going to have to tap dance to Dueling Tubas. Is that all right?
Penny: It's all right with us, Miss Piggy. (Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom). {That's tuba sounds, folks, and if Bob Johnson ever gets us upgraded to a website that allows sounds, you would not have to work your imagination overtime on sound effects.} [You also have to imagine Penny and Pam tapping away with Miss Piggy because some things are still beyond the magic of Photoshop.]

Kermit: Wow, that was excellent, ladies. Oh, and you did fine too, Miss Piggy.
I am now quite honored to introduce the great tenor who has eclipsed the work of the late, the great, Pavarotti. Here to sing, The Barber of Seville, is Alemany's own, John Stigmon. (Thunderous applause as the lights are lowered).

Once again, I sure wish we had sound on the Blog!
Luciano Stigmon was magnificent. Roses are thrown on the stage.

Fonzie Bear: Wow. I saw at least four wine glasses break when John held that last Figaro note. Thank you, John. And now we bring you the mystery of prestidigitation as can only be performed by Peter The Great Prestidigitator. Watch closely because his hands are faster than your eyes.
Peter Herron (Walks onstage wearing a black top hat, black tails and white tie): Thank you, Fonzie. A bear has never introduced me before tonight, but I guess there is a first time for everything. Before I perform my first magic trick, I will bring on my assistant, the beautiful Pamela Harding.
Pamela: Good evening. (She bows gracefully).
Peter: I will begin with a classic trick time honored by magicians. I will pull a rabbit out of my hat. May I have someone out of the audience to examine my hat? Ahh, you Madame, please come on stage. And what is your name, you look like someone I may have known at Alemany.
Lady: My name is Elizabeth Menrad.
Peter: Elizabeth, will you please examine my hat, and tell the audience if it is an ordinary hat.
Elizabeth: (Examines the hat, inside and out. She punches her fist against the inner liner.)
It seems to be an ordinary top hat.
Peter: Thank you, you may return to your seat. Pamela, will you place my hat, top down on the table please.
Pamela: Sure, Pete.
Peter: Thank you, doesn't she look marvelous tonight. (Applause). And now I will make a rabbit appear from the hat. But not just any rabbit. I will bring forth the Canadian Snowshoe Hare. First I must say the magic words. Shazam el abra cadabra!
(Nothing happens).
Pamela: Maybe if I say the magic words with you.
Peter: Ok, let's both say the magic words. Shazam el abra cadabra!

And on this second saying of the magic words out of the hat pops……..not a Snowshoe Hare……but Louie the Dachshund.

Peter: Ah, there seems to be some mistake. Where did you come from? Where is my rabbit?
Teri Arteaga: OOOOh, that is my little Louie. I have been looking for him everywhere.

Captain Art Durazo: Jumps up from audience. Herron and Arteaga, I will have you both in chains, there are to be no dogs on board, not even for a magic show. Officer Duggan, get that dog, now.

Where upon, Louie jumps from the hat and runs down the middle aisle between tables and guests causing much laughter. George Duggan chases Louie amid the still darkened room, when suddenly, a small man holding a dagger raises the weapon over Bob Johnson. Louie runs between Art Durazo’s legs which causes the Captain to lose his balance and in falling backwards, the champagne bottle he is holding flies through the air and smacks the man holding the dagger on the head with a great crash and breaking of the bottle. George Duggan calls for the lights to be brightened and once the lights come to full brightness, a crowd forms around the small Asian man who happens to have a peg leg and is unconscious and face down on the floor. Roy Coleman turns the man over and everyone sees there is a tattoo of crossed daggers on his forehead. (Crowd gasps).
Inspector Bill Ludgate: Brilliant! Why Louie the Dachshund has caused Captain Durazno to unwittingly knock out our assassin.
Lt. Tom Lopez: And this assassin was out to kill Bob Johnson, all along. No wonder that no one has attempted to kill Jude Hawkes’ body double in the sick bay.
Lamont Cranston: Thus, we may announce that President Hawkes is quite all right. The bullet struck her St. Christopher medallion only causing minor injury. Agent Judy Brouillete has been impersonating the President in hopes that the assassin would strike and we would apprehend him. But all the while the assassin was stalking you, Bob.
Scchief Inspectore Eugene Rapposelli: Bob, can you identify this man.
Bob: Why yes, Scchief Inspectore. This man is Tuk Tinbuk. The Nepalese ski-box driver that I beat in the semi-finals at the Matterhorn.

Tuk is reviving but finds that he has been handcuffed. He snarls: I hate you, Johnson. You ruined my life. First I lost respect from my family because I flunked out of medical school at the University of Katmandu. Then I found my calling as a ski-box driver. I was the number one rated driver in the world. But you with your deceitful driving and unfair technology of the DePasquale and Dispenza Ski-box Works shamed me by narrowly beating me. The crash at the end of my race injured my leg and it had to be amputated. I was dropped from the National Team and my family was evicted from subsidized housing by the Nepalese government because I lost. And a peg-leg person in Nepal is abused and jeered wherever he goes. Once again, I have shamed my family and all because of you Johnson. I hate you.
Lamont Cranston: That will be enough, Tuk. Crime does not pay. Inspector Mottola, take him away to the brig.
Cathy Curry: Mr. Cranston, I represent the San Diego Union-Tribune. When did you first suspect that Tuk Tinbuk was the dastardly assassin and really after Bob Johnson instead of Jude Hawkes?
Lamont Cranston: I knew all along, Ms. Curry, that the killer was after Bob. For one thing, while inspecting the Ballroom after the shooting incident, we found a silver pin only given to drivers that completed runs in the World Championships at the Matterhorn this year. I observed that Marilyn Gadomski, Bob Johnson, and Kit Figliozzi all were wearing their pins after the ballroom incident. Therefore, the pin that we found did not belong to a graduate of Alemany High School, but did belong to a ski-box race driver. Eyewitness, Christi Brecht, described our suspect as very short. I checked the list of drivers from the race website and found that only two people who drove ski-boxes were shorter than Christi Brecht. One of them was Tuk Tinbuk. Searching the Himalayan Times-Courier online, I discovered that Tuk had his leg amputated shortly after the Matterhorn races. Also, the sketch of the suspect by Chris Belle Monroe fit the press photos of Tuk rather well. At that point it was elementary my dear, Curry, that the object of the attack was Bob Johnson and not the President. Begging you pardon Inspectors, I thought it best if everyone focused on something else. Too many chefs stirring the pot, so to speak. And so I had associates keep a close eye open for Tuk all the while. Furthermore, the knives thrown at Bob, both at the Matterhorn and here on the ship, were obviously Nepalese in origin so I knew the small Asian was Nepalese and that he had stowed away aboard ship because no one among the crew fit his description even remotely.
Inspector Ludgate: Brilliant! Simply brilliant! I do say old boy, you must come along with me to Sussex sometime and meet Sherlock Holmes. I do believe he would enjoy meeting you.
Candy Edison: But right now, Mr. Cranston is going to have a drink with me. What shall you have, Lamont.
Lamont: I believe I will have a martini. Very dry, stirred, not shaken.
Eugene Rapposelli: The Shadow knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men, but does he know what is in the heart of Ms. Candy! Case closed.
Christi Brecht: Ah, Eugene, don’t look so sad. You would have solved this case eventually. Come have a drink with Chris and Chris and Diane and me.

And so ends another episode of The Further Saga of Alemany '66 As Revealed by The Shadow. Come join us next time that the call to the blog goes out from Danny McMahon and find out if this cruise will end on a happier note.

The publishers are proud to announce two new inductees into
The Shadow’s Super Fan Hall of Fame:

Denise "Lil Donnie" Werner Piscitello

And

Patrick "Howling Coyote" Lucatorto **

**We have word that Pat Lucatorto will be late to the induction ceremony at Bob's Big Boy #9 due to an interview by IRS agents.


And since things are going to the dogs around here:
Let’s have a Trivia Contest


Hank and Char aboard The Leap of Faith.

Trivia question: Where precisely was this photograph taken?
We are looking for the name of the nearest town or geographical feature.

First correct responder to bonafrank@yahoo.com
Wins $2,000,000 Barb Bucks
And a country song by Charlie Daniels look-alike Danny McMahon sung at your banquet table during the 45th Alemany Reunion.

All persons and animals in the above photograph and staff of the Shadow Press are ineligible for prizes.