Volume 17: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso
Subtitle: Many Roads Lead to Torino!!!!
2nd Subtitle: The Alemany Alumni Marching Band!!!
Soupy Sales with the famous door.
Celebrity guests unknown to Soupy would knock and enter.
Dan Colonello played Soupy in a 7th grade class skit written by Frank Bonaccorso, who also played the dog, White Fang
Some of you were in the audience.
Here's pie in the face to you, Danny.
Interview Room A, Carabinieri Headquarters, Firenze
Eugene Rapposelli: Signorini, how long do you intend to deny that you have stolen priceless art from the Reijksmuseum, the Louvre, El Prado, and now the Uffizi. I assure you that things will go much easier for you once you admit the error of your ways and return the artworks. (He makes some notes on a pad with a fountain pen.)
Christi Brecht: Listen, Eugene, I have told you twenty times that I am not a thief.
Eugene: Do you deny that you were in Amsterdam, Paris, Madrid, and Firenze on the very dates that artworks were stolen?
Christi: You know very well that I was in each city on the very days that all the art was stolen. Somebody is trying to frame Chris and me.
Do you believe Christi and Chris are being framed for the art capers?
Eugene: Come, come. Do you take me for a stupid person? (swinging arms as a point of emphasis, his fountain pen flies through the air and sticks in the forehead of the entering Commissioner of the Carabinieri, Robert Iannolo. (Ink is dripping down his forehead and Robert struggles to yank the pen from his head. He counts, uno, due, tre, and then walks to within four inches of Eugene.)
Robert: Scchief Inspectore, I believe this is your pen. Do you have a confession yet?
Christi: Listen you two palookas, I have nothing to confess. I demand to see the US Ambassador. I demand to see Father Kerry. I happen to be acquainted with the King of Sweden and the President of the United States. (She pounds a fist on Eugene’s desk). Either charge me or release me.
Eugene: Well, if you did not commit these crimes, why did you not just say so?
Christi (counts out loud): Uno, due, tre. What do you think I have been telling you for the past three hours?
Interview Room B, Carabinieri Headquarters, Firenze
Chris Carney: How long are you going to leave Christi to be grilled by your boss?
Assistant Sub-Inspectore Diane Mottola: Look I believe you are innocent of these crimes. But there is no use telling Eugene anything. He is the most hard-headed, persistent, stubborn police officer in the world. Until he comes to believe something himself, there is no point trying to tell him anything. You have to admit that your being in each of four cities where art theft has occurred on the exact dates of all the thefts is a bit suspicious. Tell me, Chris, have you noticed anyone following you since you have been in Europe?
Chris: No.
Diane: Has there been anyone that you have seen in more than one city where you have been visiting art museums.
Chris: (thinks for a moment). No.
Intercom – voice of Eugene: Diane, you can bring your suspect into Room A.
Eugene: I intend to get to the bottom of this case (he leans his elbow on a display case of historical Caribinieri emblems and badges right next to a placard saying “Do not lean on Glass, Fragile”, breaking the glass top and falling into the bottom of the case). Mottola and Iannolo help Eugene up and brush glass shards from his uniform.
Eugene: As I was saying…..(cell phone ringing).
Iannolo: (Answers phone.) Yes. Yes. No! You don’t say. (Hands the phone to Eugene) “It’s the GAM for you”.
Eugene: And what is the GAM?
Iannolo: The Galleria Civica D’Arte Moderna E Contemporanea!!!!!
Eugene: Oh, you mean the GAM. “Hello. Yes, this is Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli, at your service. No. No. Yes. I am on my way”.
Mottola: What is all that about, Eugene?
Eugene: It seems that Las Panteras Rosas have struck again. They left their pink and black calling card at the GAM after stealing, the 1877 painting, La Prison sur le Lac, by Gustave Corbet.
Chris Carney: Oh, that is like my most favorite painting in the whole world. Christi and I were supposed to be there at the GAM today if you had not arrested us Eugene.
Bold use of color and texture by Corbet.
Christi Brecht: Yeah, and here you are wasting time with obviously innocent people, while Las Panteras Rosas are making off with another art treasure.
Eugene: Commissionaire, I demand that you release these two ladies immediately. I do not understand why you had us waste time with these two in any case. I am off. (He runs out of the room and shouts to the police dispatcher, "phone ahead and hold the train to Torino for me".
Mottola: Back in 1993, Eugene thought he had made an error, then he found out he was mistaken. Ever since then (she rolls her eyes), he will not even hint that it is possible that he could be wrong.
Iannolo: That is our Rapposelli. You see what I have to put up with. I am only three years away from retirement. Ladies, your have our apologies for detaining you and you are free to go. Mottola, do not just stand there, get after him and catch the train to Torino. You cannot allow that idiot to investigate by himself.
Mottola runs out of the office. Brecht and Carney run out of the office yelling, "Wait for us. We are coming to Torino with you, Diane".
ABC Newsrooom
This is Bernard Van Vlymen, and now the news. The former doomsday comet, the Poirier Comet, passed within 88,000 miles of Earth last night and is now headed away from Earth. We have super hero, Thomas Marshmellow Man Marsh in our Los Angeles studio. Tom is the man that slipped the giant elastic band over the comet that subsequently changed its course just enough to escape the gravitational pull of earth. Had this not occurred the incineration of our planet was assured? Were you afraid when you approached the comet, Tom?
Tom Marsh: I had no fear of approaching the comet. After all, it is just a big ball of ice. But like, it really is nerve wracking dodging traffic to get to your studios. Say, are there any more Smores in the Green Room? I'm hungry.
Bernie: I am sure someone will find you additional Smores, Tom. Now let's go to our roving reporter in Tehachapi, California. Come in Marjorie Kukuczka Rosten.
Margie: Hello Bernie. It was a beautiful clear night here in Tehachapi and the tail of the Poirier Comet was the greatest light show this reporter has ever seen. The skies over Techahapi were the closest point to the comet before it started to recede in the heavens. I have here local resident and eye-witness to the comet, Lester Dunkin, and his dog Rover (Woof, woof, woof says Rover). Mr. Dunkin, what did you think about the lights from the Poirier Comet?
Lester: It wasn't nearly as spectacular as seeing the UFO with blinking lights that passed right over my house several weeks ago. My friend, Leo Restrich, claims to have been aboard what he calls the IFO, or identified flying object with several friends and Elvis if you care to believe that.
Margie: Well there you have it Bernie. Comets, UFO’s, and an Elvis sighting! It is all happening in Tehachapi. What do you say, Rover?
Rover: Woof, woof, woof, woof.
Bernie: Big things are happening in Torino, Italy. In a few days, Torino will host the finals of Dancing with the Stars, the 100th Aniversary of the Opera La Boheme with Cheryl Evanson and Luciano Pavarotti, and the World Cup Snowboarding. Torino has not seen this many world class events since the 2006 Winter Olympics. Just across the Alps above Zermatt, Switzerland, the International Ski Box Derby will be taking place on the slopes of the mighty Matterhorn. ABC News and ABC Sports will be at both sites to cover everything live.
St. Andrews Golf Course, Scotland.
USA Team Captain, Jay Pelzer: I protest most adamantly. The European team has been practicing St. Andrews for weeks. They have an unfair advantage with special knowledge of the course. Not only that, but the grounds keepers are on friendly terms with the players and groom the course to suit European strengths.
European Team Captain, Sir John Preble: The Ryder Cup has always been played in Britain. It is traditional. If the American team is not confident in its ability to play golf, perhaps they should forfeit the match.
Jay: The USA team demands that this year the matches be played in the USA. Rotating sites is the only fair thing to do.
President of the Ryder Association, Jan Borster Shows: Gentlemen! (as she addresses the teams, Pelzer zings Preble on the buttocks with a towel). I repeat, Gentlemen, the Board of Directors has ruled on this situation and finds some merit in the position of Team USA. We have selected 50 superior golf courses on the European Continent, not in the British Isles, and placed the names of these courses inside opaque balls contained in this fishbowl. Neither team will have had recent experience on these courses. The Captain of the USA will designate one of his players to draw a ball out of the bowl. The name inside the ball will be the site of the 2007 Ryder Cup matches.
Jay: Well, I guess that will be, yeoooow, cut that out! (Jay gets squirted in the eye by a water pistol fired by Sir Guy Proto of the European team).
Jan: Gentlemen, and I use the term loosely, enough pranks. Who will draw the lucky ball, Mr. Pelzer.?
Jay: Bill Merriken will draw the ball. (Bill steps up to the giant fishbowl and reaches to the bottom to draw a ball. He hands it to Jan).
Jan: The site of the 2007 Ryder Cup will be (She pops the ball open and reads the slip of paper.) The Circolo Golf Stupinigi in Torino, Italy.
Tiger Woods turns to Bob Lendzion: Vene, vidi, vici. Have you ever been to Torino, Bob?
Bob: Yeah, I played the Stupinigi once. All the towels at the ball wash stations have miniature Shroud of Turin washcloths. All the greens are sloped and are cropped super short. I better work with you on your putting this afternoon. (Tiger shakes his head as if to say, why me?)
Lochcarron, Scotland
The second day of the Highland Games opened with the uplifting sounds of distant bagpipes wafting into the tented playing fields. The gathered crowded applauded the arrival of the pipers, the 20 strong Alemany High School Alumni Marching Bagpipes. The group was outfitted in green and blue tartan kilts, matching ties and black vests and hats.
The Alemany High School Alumni Marching Bagpipes
How many Alemanians can you name from this photo.
Following, the entry of the pipers, the finals of the flagship sport of the games, the caber toss, ensued. The preliminary round leader, Danny McMahon, was upstaged by his Scots cousin, MacTavish MacMahon’s opening throw of 9.8 meters. In the second round of the competition, Danny took the lead back. From there on, the lead changed between MacT and Danny in each subsequent round of throws. The crowd lifted the throwers to new personal best throws with synchronic clapping as each thrower lifted the caber for their heaves. On the very last round, however, underdog but crowd favorite, Sir Sean Connery heaved the caber for a world record, 11.4 meters to edge Danny into second place. MacT earned the final podium finish spot. Upon the victory podium Danny asked Sean how he preferred his traditional Champagne bath. Sean replied, "The same way I like my martini’s, very dry, stirred, not shaken", then the bubbly was popped and poured over Sir Sean. The evening award ceremony was inter-twixed with dancing to both Scottish and Irish pipe music.
Aye, a lovely colleen with Irish Eyes a'smiling!!
Holy cripes, wasn’t she in Riverdance?
And doesn’t that piper look familiar?
I am sure he was a regular on American Bandstand in '66?
Danny MacMahon in black tie and kilts for his
caber toss medal award ceremony.
Reminds me of a question, I have been dying to ask.
What do you wear under those kilts, Danny?
Basement of the Playboy Mansion
Terry Mock: Ready, four, three, two, one, poof. (And the upgraded and refitted Time Machine Monarch II is off on another attempt to reach the Cretaceous Era, 65 million years BP (before present) in a quest to capture the new Alemany High mascot, the Quetzalcoatalus pterodactyl. The usual suspects are aboard.)
Cha Cha Faitel: This time, I will monitor the tracking system and not leave this post until I am sure the team has reached the Cretaceous.
Greg Pokorski: We appreciate that Cha Cha. Terry and I will be back soon, we are making a quick run to Bob's Big Boy for some burgers. Can we bring anything back for you?
Cha Cha: Just a chocholate shake. Have fun guys and say "hi" to Danny McMahon if you see him. Bob's has been his hang-out since about 1964.
A steaming swamp in The Cretaceous!!!!!
It looks like our adventurous time travelers have landed in the correct place and time. It sure looks like southern Texas, 65 million years ago.
The Monarch II in The Great Forlorn Swamp
and under the shadow of Mt. Rumination Volcano.
Holy Brontosaurus Bait, we have run out of time this week. Please check on us next week when The Shadow sheds light on what happened in the Great Forlorn Swamp.
What Cretaceous creatures will be encountered?
Will Mt. Rumination explode and cause a second volcanic experience for the time travelers??
Will Chris Gilmore and her climbing team catch a pterodactyl and live to appreciate it???
Will Pat Dolan finally realize that reality is larger than the fictitious tall tales he tells??? And will Pat find the swamp oysters to his taste.?????
Before we go, Congratulations to the two new electees in
The Shadow’s Super Fan Hall of Fame:
Barbara Broeski Tennis
and Jay Pelzer
Hall of Fame Inductees
Receive a Lifetime Supply of
Marty will be sending your first 20 cases soon!!!!!!
Our Volume 16 trivia contest winner is:
Adrienne “Comet Lady” Poirier Shaheen
Our Alemany Pipers in the photos above are John Gugerty, Ellie McConnaughy, and Susan Shannon, whilst the jig is danced by Colleen Murphy Cripe as Father Art Holquin plays the pipes.
