August 08, 2009

The Dog Days of August
Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Read the Morning Newspaper Again!
The Shadow Still Knows!

The Shadow Press has gleaned these Alemany-bytes of news from somewhat obscure news releases from small towns around the world. Obviously, most of these could only have been leaked by The Shadow. We have gathered all this news in:

“What The Shadow Knows”

And yes, we have a Trivia Contest (scroll down to the bottom of this page) which is only open to those who received an actual diploma from Bishop Alemany High School in 1966 (too bad transfer students).

Davied Nehen Has World’s First Astro-turf® Scalp Implant

Somewhere in a dingy basement of Southern Idaho a non-certified plastic surgeon (this guy uses plastic for his implants) implanted 3,000,028 Astro-turf® fibrils into Dave’s scalp. Dave was asked why he wanted this radical treatment by Shadow Reporter, Bill Danaher, especially since he still had his own (almost) full head of hair. “Just rub your fingers through my turf, it’s the texture that girls can’t resist, plus I need never go to a barber again, and best of all, no more Brylcream® for me. For the "folicly-challenged" members of the AHS class of '66, further information on the Astro-turf transplants can be obtained by contacting the groundskeeper of your local sports team or the Academy of Synthetic Surgery at Dupont-USA,

Frank Bonaccorso Orbison wins Second Place in theKaracoqui Karaeoke Contest in Hilo

Singing Roy Orbison's "Crying", Frank/Roy won a $15 dollar restaurant gift certificate and a Bud Light t-shirt. Immediately after the victory Frank/Roy was interviewed by the intrepid journalist, Peggy Jones. "Whooeeee! Eat your heart out Danny Mc!" said the elated Bonaccorso.

Click the start button for the FrankieJoe/Roy rendition of "Crying".........

Danny McMahon Cancels World Mega-Tour with Elvis Moments Before Beijing Opening Night—

Asked by interviewers why he cancelled a rock’n’roll mega-tour promising prospects of generating the largest money-earning rock tour in history, Danny had this to say. “That low-down hound dog hustler, Elvis, went back on his word. I mean, son, I get out of the limo and look up at the marquee, and Elvis has top billing. That SOB can’t even hit a bar chord right anymore, and he gives me second billing. You know that can’t be right. Why that #$**! has been in outer space for the past 25 years while I have been paying my dues in every honky tonk across America, even having to wear phony costumes. I mean dressing like a priest! I can’t talk anymore. Asked what he was going to do: “First, I am going to fire my agent, and then I’m going bowling. They have got bowling lanes in this country, haven’t they?”

Charmaine Haley Coimbra Breaks World Record—Port Blanford, Newfoundland.

Char Haley broke the world record for barefoot whale-back riding yesterday. The old record held by Kathryn Martin Rahmn of 66 hour 31 minutes and 12 seconds on a rare melanistic beluga whale was extended by the bare-footed grandmother from Cambria by a full 29 minutes flat before she was washed off her mount by a rogue wave. Wrapped in a blanket and drinking Ovaltine® fortified with Old Bushmills®, she was asked how she was able to accomplish this fete of da feet in the icy cold waters of Newfoundland, Coimbre replied, “It helps to have big feet”. Charmaine rode a not-so-rare finback whale named Corky from Port Blanford to way, way, way out into the Atlantic. Guiness Book of Records official, Thomas Stratton, after picking up Charmaine in his trailing kayak, declared the new record official. When told that her record had been broken, Rahm replied, “Oh, fiddle farts!”

Elsewhere in the News:

Beer Summit

Former President Judith Hawkes was furious at the Obama adminstration for upstaging a summit she will host later this month at Camp David--The Alemany Class Presidents of 1966 Beer Summit and Hoola Hoop Fest© had been widely advertised. Hawkes was seen waving her arms frantically and saying “I have my lawyer, Oscar Rivera, filing suit with Judge Judy at this very moment. First there is copyright infringement using the phrase “Beer Summit” which I have had engraved on my invitations for weeks, second why weren’t there any women invited, and third he didn’t even buy American beer. See you in court, Barack!”

Summer Time Blues

David Surges heard reports that “good weather” was springing forth and came out of his home in northern Minnesota, saw the sun, and ran back into his basement where he was declared to stay, “Let me know when it is back to normal, you know when the ice returns. And honey, can you feed the sleddogs, tonight, I can’t go out in this weather?”

Good News Corner:

After three years in a full body cast, Andy Kotnik, is fully recovered from his surfing accident. When given his release and a full bill of health (did he have insurance?) from the UCLA Medical Center which had been his home since 2006, nurses asked what would be the first thing he would do? Andy replied, “Have a Bob’s Big Boy double-decker hamburger.” As he left his home for Bob’s, Andy stopped to check the mailbos since no one had been collecting it for all this time. As he stood in the street beyond the curb and reached way into the back of the mailbox to collect the single letter in the box……he was hit by a 300 lb skateboarder.

Here is a photo of Andy as he has again taken up residence at the UCLA Medical Center.
Andy Kotnik, August 2009

Baron and Baroness Leopold von Restrich Take Residence in New Home

Good things happen to good people (occasionally). Our classmate, the former Leo J. Restrich recently came into a family inheritance. Leo and his lovely bride have relocated to the mountains of Bavaria. Leo is now titled as the Baron Leopold von Restrich and Maggie is now the Baroness von Restrich. But don’t fear, Leo, I mean Baron von Restrich as he insists I call him, is still the same old friendly person we all knew from Alemany. In fact the Baron and Baroness are having an open house from 2-4 PM, September 15 for Alemany Classmates. When you get to the front door at the Schloss knock loudly, cause it’s a big house and the von Restrichs’ cannot yet afford servants. Here is a photo of Leo arriving at their new cottage in the Bavarian Alps. Maggie flew first class on Luftansa, since the Fokker triplane couldn't accomodate all her luggage.

Casa von Restrich formerly Schloss Neuschwanstein

And just in case you had not heard. Leo is the second member of our cast to receive a European entitlement. Some months ago, Leonard J. Di Trapani moved to Switzerland as the 19th Baron von Trapp. He can be found on most days atop the Jungfrau yodeling and singing songs from “The Sound of Music. Send us some Swiss chocolate, Baron!

That’s all for now, but remember, no matter where you go, nor matter where you try to find obscurity, no matter, no matter: The Shadow Knows.

My Chevy before it started growing moss in the Hawaiian rain forest

Shadow Triva Contest Question: In correct order as appearing on the cover of the official biology textbook used by Alemany High School in 1963-64, list the authors of the text. Hint: there were three authors and no fair asking Frank Diaz for help. First person to answer correctly wins Bob Johnson in a USPS flat rate box as soon as he diets to under 70lbs. Email answers to

December 22, 2008

Dear Classmates,
As the year 2008 winds to an end, we wish you all a very HAPPY and HOLY CHRISTMAS. If you have a Christmas or New Year's reflection, we would be happy to share it with our classmates and friends across the globe.

The Editors

Every year at Christmas time I get into the "retro mode." For those of you who don't like getting bored to death, feel free to close this link. For those interested in a perspective covering a lot of years, and a lot of distance, read on. These are simply thoughts on how I have seen Christmas change over the years.

Back in the mid 50's (not all that long after WWII) my grandfather was Vice-President of Chase Manhattan banks in the Orient... i.e., Japan. Since he had a definite "in" with the toy manufacturers, Grandpa would send each of us grandchildren a small crate of toys for Christmas. (Amazing stuff for that day and age ... the first of the battery powered toys.) My brothers and I would go crazy waiting for Mom to tell us we could open the boxes. Well, we'd go crazy right up to the point at which she would always say, "Pick three. Put the rest back in the box."

To all three of us, like to any other typical child, this was like having a curse dumped right on top of a blessing beyond belief. We'd get about a week to pick and choose three items from the dozens that were sent "to us!" Grrrrr It's really strange. I have a photographic memory. But, out of all the toys I got to try out, I only remember the few toys I decided to keep each year. So, for the three years that I recall just before moving from Ohio to California, that's 12 toys. The other "photographic" memories are so much better.

My parents had a better plan for the "other toys." The kids at the orphanage in Worthington, Ohio, had no problem recognizing my parents' '56 Ford, Country Squire station wagon when it would enter the grounds a week before Christmas. Dad seemed to always be at work on the designated day. So, Mom always did the deliveries. She would have been quite happy to have just dropped the toys off at some back door and split. But (there's always a "but." LOL) The people who ran the orphanage wanted her to see the joy on the orphans' faces. And Mom wanted us kids to see where our "other toys" were going.

I only recall about a dozen toys. Yet I clearly remember so many happy children's faces. Since I don't remember what toys were given away, what I do remember is so much more important. And Mom would never accept the kids' thank yous. She'd just say the toys were from Santa... who knew he would be very busy Christmas Eve. So, he just had Mom drop off the toys early.

For so many years that was my impression of "how Christmas should be." Later on, life would prove me wrong.

In the late '70's, I was stationed at Offutt AFB, Omaha, Nebraska. My particular unit on base put on a really big Christmas shindig for underprivileged children. Right after New Year's we'd start working on funding/donations for the next Christmas. We'd get 100 to 120 names of needy children from various organizations in Omaha and the surrounding communities. The J.C. Penny store in Bellevue would let us in the back door at 7AM with volunteer sales people to help us with the children. And Penny gave us a substantial discount.

Unfortunately, at our final meeting before our third annual party, the manager of Penny's showed up. His "volunteers" wanted it known to us that they had recognized several of the children from previous years coming back to the store for refunds on the clothing, etc., that we gave the kids. The parents had no receipts. So, they would use their store credits to buy "adult items." .... mens and womens clothes, purses, jewelry, etc. That was a simple fix. We just had them cut out the manufacturers' tags from all the kids' clothing when purchased. You might guess how disgusted we were with the involved parents.

So much for that Christmas. Oh well, 5,000 miles away in Greece, things would have to be better.

Not so!!! Our first Christmas of my assignment to Greece was 1983. The last thing anyone wanted was "stuff" sent into Greece. Every item had to be listed with the Greek Customs Office. Everything would have to be accounted for on departure from the country. The ex and I sent out letters to everyone in the family, "NO gifts. Send cash. We will buy presents locally and put the rest into college funds." (That is not exactly how it was written. But, it is the gist of it.)

All family members seemed to be cooperating ... up until two weeks before Christmas. Suddenly, every one seemed to have an Epiphany that our kids should have at least a few American gifts for Christmas. Well, after unwrapping, listing each gift on the Greek customs forms and then rewrapping, we had a mountain of gifts... and five full pages of added customs items to track until our departure from Greece. The worst of it ... we made the kids take turns opening presents so we could take pictures. Fortunately for my daughter, she was born in Athens only 6 weeks before Christmas. She didn't have to open anything. My 6 and 7-year old boys were a different story.

Two and a half hours into opening presents, taking turns so they could be video taped, my sons were in tears ... and not even close to being finished opening presents. Suddenly I had a flashback to my mother and those crates of presents Grandpa would send us as kids. I realized what she had always told us about "too much of a good thing." We let the boys start playing with the toys they had already opened. They were ecstatic ... and totally unaware that I was sliding packages out the front door of our apartment to take to the orphanage my squadron had held a party for just two days before.

Another Christmas let down. I called Yargo ( a retired Greek Lt Colonel, good friend, go between for US and Greek operations of all types). We went to the Greek orphanage. The kids were ecstatic, yet quizzical. After a minute or two, Yargo had a pissed off look on his face. Turned out the kids figured they were finally going to actually get to keep their presents. The orphanage staff had been confiscating all our gifts from the orphans and giving them to their own children. Yargo and his government contacts took care of that. But, Christmas had once again become a downer for me.

So, I have learned my lessons. "Giving" is the greatest feeling in the world. It is what those with the capacity to do it should do. Some have the capacity to give a lot. Some have only the capacity to give a little. But, the capacity is there. Due to the hard economic times, I am going to set the bar low this year. For the Christmas holidays I plan to beat Joe Biden's average annual charitable contributions ($369 per year) by at least $4 in the next three weeks. (I already beat him for the year. So, that's off the table.) Seriously, the cost of a "soup kitchen" Christmas dinner is less than $2. So, cough up $400 and 200 (that's TWO HUNDRED) people get a good meal for Christmas. This is a no-brainer.

With the economy going the way it is, there will be a lot of people looking for a good meal on Christmas. There will be plenty of places to donate food. Unfortunately, food donations are "balanced." Random donations end up with "too much of this, too little of that." And one cannot drop off milk for the children. So, I suggest people step outside the box. Take a little time. Put in a little effort. Track down the people who are in charge of these Christmas "soup kitchens." Give them cash. Let them buy the stuff they need to finish off the meals. REMINDER: Do not give them your name. According to my grandfather, each person will owe you one thank you. Do you really want it here on Earth? Or would you rather have St Peter waiting at the Pearly Gates with 200 thank you's in your account?
I wish all of you a happy and holy Christmas.
Please, don't cheat yourself out of the joy of giving. (Even if you are the only person who knows you gave, it still feels great to give.)

"Monarch '66 Elf" (Somewhere south of the North Pole)

UPDATE: The class "Elf" has gotten "over the bar." He didn't do it all with meals. It took two people to unload his sleigh at the Marines Toys for Tots drop off point. The Elf suggests every one hurry to join the fun.

December 07, 2008

Volume 29—Part II. The Missing Volume
The Further Saga of Alemany ’66:
As Revealed by The Shadow

with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso

Edited by R. M. Johnson

Subtitled: Inside the Ironman Suit?
2nd Subtitle: A Hoary Apparition at the Castle.

Before our story, here are some important announcements:

From Bethel Rd. in Simpsonville, S.C. to Douglas, AK, to Kingsbury Street in Mission Hills, CA, and everywhere else that 66’ers live –

A Belated Happy Thanksgiving to Y’all

There will be a “Virtual New Year’s Eve Party” on 31 December 2008, hosted by your author in Volcano, Hawaii. All Alemany 66’ers are invited to the virtual party. Anyone with an Internet connection can attend the party (no you do not need a webcam to participate). If you would like to participate send the email address that you will use for the party to:
We would hold the virtual party at Bob Johnson’s house, however, during recent virtual parties of Monarch’s at Bob’s house, things got out of control and the premises were virtually trashed such that more than $50,000 virtual dollars of damages were incurred. Thus, Bob has refused to host anymore virtual parties. Join a growing Alemany 66’er tradition and party with us virtually on New Year’s Eve. The Mother of All Parties will start at 2PM Eastern Time Zone and continue until virtually whenever Hawaiian Time.
A hui ho and aloha.

Castle Glenco McMahnogal in the Year 1988 (continued from Part I of Volume 29)
A furry, screeching bat with 18-inch wingspan clung to Danny McMahon’s face causing him to stumble and then fall at the top of the staircase. Dan managed to cast the furry chiropteran off his face with only a few claw gashes and a small bite to his neck, but in so doing he crashed through a hanging tapestry and into a mounted set of ancient armor that came crashing down all about him. The helmet from the armor, after flying high into space under the vaulted arch of the upstairs hallway, landed atop Dan’s head causing the faded tapestry that had covered his body to act as a hoary shroud. Dan could not remove the helmet or the shroud and walked blindly seeking assistance.

Meanwhile downstairs….
Curly: Is tapping with a closed fist along a wooden wall panel.
Leo Restrich: What are you doing, Curly Joe?
Curly: Looking for a secret revolving panel. There always is a revolving panel in a haunted castle. It’s traditional. (Curly picks up a crowbar from the floor and starts tapping along the wall again, but while looking at Leo, Curly slams the crowbar on Moe’s hand)
Moe: Oooouuuchhh! Hey gimme that crowbar, knucklehead. (Moe takes the crowbar to give payback to Curly but his backswing catches Larry across the cranium. Larry crumbles to the floor and Moe now takes a swing at Curly who ducks the wild attempted blow only to have Leo take the brunt on the jaw. Leo crumples to the floor.)
Moe: (Turns to see Larry) Oh, sleeping on the job again. He grabs a pail of water that turns out to be white paint and tosses it over Larry. Then he turns toward Leo.
“Another guy sleeping on the job! Get up you goldbricker!” He gives Leo a kick and Leo scrambles to his feet. Larry who is blinded by the paint in his eyes starts walking out of the room as he reaches frantically with his arms trying to find something to use to wipe his eyes. Larry keeps asking for help but is ignored as he blindly climbs the stairs to the main floor. Meanwhile, Danny McMahon, still with an ancient helmet and faded tapestry over his body, is stumbling down the stairs from the second floor.
Chuck Abel: (Somewhere on the main floor exploring for the hidden treasure among the 118 rooms of Castle Glenco McMahnogal.) Tavis, did you hear some noise?
Tavis McTavish: Aye, laddie, I thought I did hear something and my torch is burning very low we are losing our light.
Chuck: I don’t like being in the dar….. (but Chuck cannot finish his sentence for fear of what he sees).
Tavis: (with his back to the apparition) Now, laddie, we are two grown men, stop being what you Americans call a wuss just because it is dark.
Chuck: Bu-bu-bu-bu-but….
Tavis. And look, there is a bit of moonlight coming in through that broken window.

Flash-ahead to February 2008: International Fencing Championships, Budapest, Hungry
Anne Gattuso Monthaven: Oh, my gosh! I have to fence the number one seed and hometown favorite, Laszlo Alemazy, in the first round. Tomorrow!
John Gugerty: Not a problem. We spend tonight breaking down videotape. I can show you at least three weaknesses that you can exploit. I just have to find our video guy.
Anne: DiTrapani is missing again? If I have to pull him out of one more Bohemian cabaret, he is history. He keeps trying to impress barmaids with how close he is to our classmate movie star, Bob Orlando, and how he doubled for all Bob’s action scenes in Batman Unmasked.
John: Well, that and the fact that he claims that he can make anyone into the next CatWoman since Kathi Gibson Weems turned down the role in the new movie. There are a lot of gullible maidens in this city.
Len DiTrapani: Hi, guys. What’s this about Kathi Gibson?
Anne: Uhhmmmm, nothing Lennie. Have you got the Alemazy tape ready to roll?
Len: Coming right up. And so began many hours of reviewing tapes of the great left-handed hunchback Hungarian fencing great. Coach and athlete drank prodigious amounts of coffee and had generous helpings of the local goulash to keep their energy. DiTrap stuck strictly to the coffee with an under the table plum snaps fortifier liberally added.
John: Did you see the opening that you can exploit in that last flourish of moves?
Anne: Uh, not really, can you play it back in extra-slo-mo, Lenny?

Annie having an out of body experience visualizes an epee move that
Coach Gugerty has drummed into her.
Go Girl! Stick it to Lazlo.

Arles, France
Having been fired as the booking agent from the Dick Carvotta show for not landing an appearance from Elvis, Maggie Calaba returned to her true passion and avocation that kindled deep within her heart ever since her days matriculating at UCLA – Underwater Archaeology for which she holds a degree from UCLA.
Lynn Carter: Welcome to Provençe, Maggie.
Maggie: Merci beaucoup, Lynn. I came as fast as I could once I got your email about the first century busts that you found buried in the bottom of the Rhone. This is so exciting! When can we do a dive and have a first hand look?
Lynn: Whoa, girl. Not so fast, you have to be checked out by our dive master, Jim Pinero, before working with the archaeology scuba team. I know you are the world’s expert on first century B.C. roman figures, but safety comes first. Get suited up and Jim will check you out.

Dive Master Pinero on Duty.

NBC Studio, Hollywood, California
Guest host of the Tonight Show filling in for Danny McMahon is The Mother Blogger, Charmaine Haley Coimbra: Good evening, it’s a pleasure to be filling-in for Danny McMahon. I understand that he is taking ownership of an ancient family castle in Scotland even as we speak.
Ed McMahon: Yes, I imagine he is exploring the 117 rooms of the castle as we speak.
Char: Wow, 117 rooms! How many bathrooms does that include?
Ed: None.
Char: None!
Ed: The castle was built in the era of chamber pots, my dear.
Char: Oooooh. I guess I won’t be visiting Danny anytime soon. Well anyway who have we got on the show tonight, Ed?
Ed: It soooooo happens that we probably have the best show in many years tonight, Char. Among our guests is Director John Favreau to talk about his new movie starring Robert Downey, Jr., Ironman.

Ed: We also have from the San Diego Zoo, Chief Curator of Reptiles, Mary Lyons, bringing a truckload of wild animals to show us.
Char: A whole truckload of animals. I can hardly wait. There aren’t any spiders or snakes are there? I don’t like spiders and I don’t like snakes. Who else?
Ed: Magician and Prestidigitator Extraordinaire, Pete Herron, will perform a magic trick never before seen by humans. But first a word from the most trusted name in Used Car Sales, James MacIssac, down at the Grand Re-Opening of Felix Chevrolet.

James: Howdy, folks. Are gas prices driving you up the wall? Come on down to Felix Chevrolet where I have a selection of over 100 Biofuel converted World War II open top Jeeps waiting for you. And say any surfers in the crowd? I have a 1949 Pontiac Woody Station Wagon with original wood paneling that was only used on Saturdays by surfing legend, Andy Kotnik, to go surfing at Leo Carrillo State Beach and it’s on sale for only $2999.99 ½.

Andy Kotnik's Woody. What a boss set of wheels, dude.

Or, how about a great first car for the kid about to go off to college? I got a 1962 white Dodge Dart with push button transmission on the dash and a huge V-8 engine under the hood. This car has a lot of mileage left on it and has the original tires. Come make me a deal on this car. Just look for the Giant Cat. And now back to The Tonight Show.

Director John Favreau accidently let it slip that the man inside the candy apple Ironman suit in his just released movie was famous Hollywood stuntman, Frankie DePasquale.

Frankie DePasquale inside the Ironman suit and using a forearm just like he learned from Coach Ralph Ahn on the Alemany gridiron.

Char: We are here talking with Director, John Favreau. John, I imagine the most difficult part of filming Ironman would have been all the technical stunts in the ironman costume. How was it working with Hollywood’s finest stuntman, Frankie DePasquale?
John: The man is fearless. Even after he fell from 120 feet in the sky when the compressed gas in the suit failed he never complained. However, we did fall behind schedule for a while.
Char: Why was that? Frankie get hurt on a stunt.
John: No. As I stated the man is fearless and he is indestructible. But, Frankie has one small problem.
Char: Pray tell! What is DePasquale’s problem?
John: The guy has trouble pushing away from the table. He is an absolute desert freak. He can’t even have breakfast without at least two deserts. Canolis, ice cream, Boston cream pie, Eskimo Pies, apple pie. Well in the middle of production, Frankie put on so much weight he couldn’t get into the ironman suit. Delayed production two weeks while we sent him to Weight Watchers.
Char: Dear, dear, dear. But you did get him to shed the pounds because the film is out and doing fantastic. So can you give us a clue about your next film?
John: Yes. We are joining with Spielberg again to film, Indiana Jones and the Mummies of Cheops.
Char: Wow. I love Indiana Jones. Ok, you must tell us who is playing the lead role now that Harrison Ford has retired.
John: Well, have a look at this clip and you will no doubt recognize one of your Alemany classmates who proved to be a Thespian of considerable talent.

And taking over for Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones is
David “Jazzman” Nehen

ABC News, New York
Good Evening, sitting in for Bernie Van Vlymen who is on assignment in Zimbabwe, I am Linda Ann Hughes. Our lead story tonight, Robert Guerrero, the Democratic nominee for President has accepted a proposal from John McCain to hold three town hall meetings across America. The first town hall will be held outdoors on July 4th upon the hallowed ground of the earthquake-demolished gymnasium of Alemany High School in Mission Hills, California. On the scene reporting is Susan Troy.
Susan: Hello, Linda, I am standing on what remains of the hollowed gymnasium floor where such legendary personas such as John Thompson, Cayman Island Prime Minister, and current U.S.A. Olympic fencing coach, John Gugerty, played Indian basketball; it also is the place where Kathi Gibson Weems and Bob Orlando first debuted as thespians, and where President Jude Hawkes was once known as the class clown. All that remains are a few bricks and remnants of the hardwood floor, however, as you can see around me crews are hard at work to create a level field over which a huge temporary tent will be erected for the first 2008 Presidential Town Hall.
John Sumser: Ah, pardon me lady, but I have a crew that has work to do here. Could you please move to another area?
Susan: Well, really, don’t you realize we are on national news?
John: News, smews, I don’t care if it is Dave Hull the Hullaballooer on the other end of your mike. I got a job to do here. Hey, Molidor, get that dump truck outta here, we are behind schedule.
Susan: Is that Marty Molidor, former billionaire and owner of Molidor’s Super-duper Sock-it-them Sockerooni Sauce?
John: Yeah, that’s the guy. Came begging for a job a few weeks ago, so I put him on my crew. Now will you get off my work-site lady, you don’t even have a hard hat.
Susan: Signing off from the site of the former Alemany gym, this is Susan Troy.
Sumser: Hey, lady, no. Don’t step there…..
Susan: Yeoooooooooow. Help. {Susan has fallen through boards and into a deep pit.}
Sumser: (on a walkie-talkie.) Hey, Molidor, get back here quick. We are going to need the winch on your truck to hoist a lady that did not have enough sense to avoid the muck pit left from the cesspool tank we took out of the girls’ locker-room area. You copy?
Marty: I’m on my way, boss.

Linda Hughes: We seem to have lost our audio from Susan Troy. Perhaps she is just overcome from the memories rushing back of her high school years while walking over such hallowed ground. Well, anyway, I have just been handed a newsflash. In a first round match that represents the first sporting competition of the Beijing Olympics, American, Annie Gattuso, has upset defending Olympic champion Lazlo Alemazy. Reporting from China here is sports correspondent, Dennis Dilley.
Dennis: Good evening, Linda. In an explosive match in which U. S. Head Coach, John Gugerty, was ejected from the stadium for referee baiting, nevertheless, Annie Gattuso Monthaven came from a four point deficit to score six consecutive points and soundly defeat the Hungarian and gold medal favorite known as the Silver Sword. Monthaven ruthlessly exploited a weakness of the left-handed hunchback, Alemazy, by continually striking over his right shoulder at his hump. Although previously unknown, Alemazy went into laughing fits each time he was touched. Apparently he has a very, very ticklish spot on his hump. Monthaven repeatedly returned to put her epee tip onto the hump and Alemazy could never stop laughing as he lost point after point. When asked how she developed the hunchback tickling strategy, she was quoted as saying, “I don’t really known, just playing a hunch, I guess.” Time will tell, but we may have already witnessed the biggest upset of these Olympic Games.
Linda: Thank you for your report, Curly Dilley. Monthaven will now have two days rest before her next match, against the Atomic Argentine, Lola LaPalma. Finally in the news tonight, President George Bush was quote as saying, “Is $4.50 gasoline expensive? I wouldn’t know? I always have my chauffeur fill-er-up while I’m playing my Game Boy in the back. Cheney can’t touch me at Donkey-Kong.

Castle Glenco McMahnogal
Chuck Abel: Ta-ta-ta-tav…..
Tavis: Goodness, Chuck, why to you keep stuttering? You act like you have seen a ghost.
Chuck: (grabs Tavis and spins him around so that Tavis is looking at the ghost, which is really Larry in whitewash). I don’t know what to do. Should we talk to the ghost?
Tavis: We come in peace.
Ghost Larry: I need help.
Chuck: Anything. We will be happy to help. What do you want us to do?

Just then the hoary, shrouded and helmeted Danny McMahon stumbles down the last step of the stairs and his forward motion carries him past Chuck and Tavis and smack-dab into a collision with Larry. Larry and Danny both yell. Tavis and Chuck both yell. Leo comes up the stairs and because there are ghostlike figures yelling, he yells………

In the Shadow Press Dictation Room:
Lamont Cranston: (pulling at his watch-chain and opening at his silver engineer’s watch). Blimey, I am late for tea with Elvis and the Dalai Lama. Gotta run, Frank, we will have to finish this next time.
Frank Bonaccorso: But, Lamont, we are in the middle of a story here. Our reader’s want to know what happens next at the castle.
Lamont: The readers will just have to wait for the next issue of the missing Volume, won’t they? Ta-ta.
Frank: Sorry, folks, I hate to say it but this story “is to be continued…….”

Shadow Fan Poll
The Super-Duper Sock-it To Me Sockerooni
All Time Greatest Country & Western Song Performance

The nominations from a panel of distinguished Alemany ‘66ers are:

(In alphabetical order)

“Crying” performed by Patsy Cline

“El Paso” performed by Marty Robbins

“Ghost Riders in the Sky” performed by Vaughn Monroe

“Ring of Fire” performed by Johnny Cash

Vote for one and one song only by sending an email with the one title for which you wish to vote to:

Results indicating Alemany 66’ers Favorite Country & Western Song
Will be announced in the very next Shadow volume.

October 14, 2008

Editor's Note:

Classmates across the continents,

We would like to continue to post stories of your life events, chance encounters and mini-reuions like the story from the "Jazz Man" below. Please contact Bob Johnson at or if you would like to use our AHS '66 blog to share some memorable moments of your lives.
(l to r, Frank Bonaccorso, Bill Danaher and Dave Nehen)


As I downshifted into third approaching a turn between the canyon walls, I was distracted from my thoughts by a large yellow splat hitting the face shield of my helmet. I’m no entomologist, but this latest splotch added to the growing pallet of colors, which had accumulated on my leathers and my Harley, had all the earmarks of a Monarch butterfly. As I settled back into the cadence of the twisting road, I returned to my thoughts.

I had not seen either of these guys for over forty years. Both of them had been my closest friends all through high school, but we all drifted off in pursuit of our respective and considerably differing dreams. I had reestablished contact via the internet almost two decades before, but we had never even spoken on the telephone. Two of the most important relationships in the most formative and vulnerable years of my life had been reduced to yearly, if that, emails.

I received a followup email, from Frank, sharing that he was scheduled to hook up with Bill in Oregon for a couple of days. He wanted to know if I would be interested in the three of us getting together. I wrote back that, I was struggling with the uncertainty of some personal health issues and was not sure if I could make a trip across half of my state and then half of Bill’s.
More troubling, In the back of my mind, I was not sure if I even wanted to get together again. I had fond memories of both these young lads who shared and supported me through a very difficult time in my life. Part of me just wanted to hold on to those memories, undisturbed, and not cloud them with the realities of today. Frank shook me from my position by emailing me that Bill would be willing to drive half way so that I would not have so far to drive. At the same time, my wife was urging me to seize the opportunity, that I would regret it if I did not. I have adopted that saying, “Fear is temporary; regret is forever” as a credo and what she said hit a nerve.

I called Bill to make arrangements for the reunion. We agreed to meet at the Apple Peddler restaurant, located in the high desert Oregon town of Hines. I had seen a number of photos of Frank on the internet so felt I would recognize him. I told Bill he would know me by my Harley.
As I pulled up into the parking lot of the restaurant, I immediately recognized my faux pas; it looked like a Harley Davidson convention with about twenty-five hogs filling up most of the lot. Fortunately, I was early, and the three riding groups pulled out about ten minutes before Frank and Bill arrived. As their car pulled up, I could see the passenger pointing at my scooter, and the driver backed in right next to it.

Before I recognized his face, I recognized his walk. Frank ambled across the lot, with the driver right behind. From a distance, I would not have recognized Bill, but once he was up close, he still had that twinkle in his eyes, and his smile was still infectious. I have never been much of a hugger; being a retired police sergeant, I just developed a need for personal space at all times. But there was something about this meeting that not just called for, but shouted out that a hand shake would not suffice. Hugs were laid on pretty heavy. It was good.

Sitting in that sunny booth, we spent several hours catching up on the happenings, some happy and some not so much so, in our respective journeys through life. Despite the vast differences in the paths, and ultimately our current destinations, we found similarities.

One thing we all agreed upon was the positive impact our experience in the Class of 1966 had on each of us. There were teachers, not surprisingly, different for each of us who had nurtured us academically. We reflected on the dedication that our class members had made to serving society through their choice of occupations. We acknowledged the extremely high percentage of classmates who had gone on to college, postgraduate, and even doctoral work. We wondered if this was something unique to our class, or was it something that would be seen in the graduating classes from Alemany before and since 1966.

At some point we realized that the restaurant would probably like to retake the small bit of real estate we had tied up for several hours, so we moved the reunion to the parking lot where photos were in order. After considerable discussion that any 14 year old would have been able to get the auto-timing feature to work on any of our three cameras, Bill finally prevailed in this effort, we think. There was an air that none of us really wanted this to end, but my night vision is not what it once was. I had witnessed several road kills on my trip there. When it comes to a deer versus a motorcycle, neither is likely to walk away. After a needed liberal dose of more hugs, we parted.

I was a little concerned about the trip home. Four hundred miles on a bike is at the top of the daily mileage spectrum for those of us who are too mature to still belong to the iron butt club. Reflecting upon our reunion, I experienced the best ride of my lifetime on my way home. All of my pre-trip fears were unfounded. As I continued to ride along, I realized that the mental image I had of these two young lads from my youth had just been replaced with a more vivid one of two mature men, each of whom had developed into individuals that, I have been and continue to be proud to have called friends for much of my lifetime. For all of our differences that we talked about in our journeys to date, we seem to have arrived as one in the important things.

An open highway, my Road King vibrating beneath me, the wind in my face, the sun on my back, and newer, better memories to carry me until the next reunion. No, life just does not get much better than this, at least not until my dog and wife greeted me in my driveway.

Dave "Jazz Man" Nehen

July 26, 2008

The Strides for Life Colon Cancer Foundation is the outcome of the death of Dylan Cappel. Dylan died of colon cancer at the age of 23 while training for a berth on the 2004 United States Olympic Rowing Team. Dylan graduated from the University of Wisconsin-Madison in 2000 and at the time of his death was the assistant men’s varsity rowing coach at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. The organization is dedicated to his memory and committed to decreasing the amount of pain and suffering this hideous disease wreaks on society.

Happiness is not so much in having as sharing. We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. -Norman Macewan

Patrick Lucatorto
Michael Graff, MD
Pamela (Longworth) Pelton
Barbara (Broeski) Tennis
Kenneth Meddock
Diane (Muscolo) Bergstrom
Daniel Patrick McMahon
Christi (Brecht) Moore
Jay Pelzer
Terrence A. Mock
Donald Zontine
Mary (Hawthorne) Maas
Charmaine (Haley) Coimbra
Anne (Gattuso) Monthaven
Robert Johnson
Margaret E. Wurster
Westside Volvo

To support this worthy cause, under the direction of our classmate Larry Cappel, we were able to raise a total of $1,600.00 for the Strides for Life 2008 campaign. With out grateful thanks to our classmates who contributed.

May 09, 2008

Volume 29: The Missing Volume
The Further Saga of Alemany ’66:
As Revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from
F.J. Bonaccorso

Edited by R. M. Johnson
Photoshop by R. M. Johnson
Free legal advice from R. M. Johnson

Special Dedication: To all those that donated to our Strides for Life Campaign
Way to go, Alemany Class of 1966

Special Guest Contribution:
An Alemany ’66 Teacher with Nom de Plume,

Subtitle: “I was working in the Lab late one night……”
Second Subtitle: The substitute teacher from the Vatican

Editor’s Note: The following molding and damp manuscript fragments were found in a sea chest with the initials L. C. carved on the lip of the chest. The chest was in 90 feet of water inside a sea grotto off the coast of Kalapana, Hawaii. The Shadow Press has pieced together manuscript fragments with page headings “Volume 29” to the best of our ability. Meanwhile, Lamont Cranston still is cruising the Indian Ocean in the sloop, SS Pteropus. We at The Shadow Press felt an obligation to bring you this information and continue to work diligently to decipher addition notes in the sea chest which were written by Lamont Cranston as The Shadow.

Rinaldi Street, Mission Hills
Recently a bulldozer cleaning up debris on the original Alemany campus uncovered a sealed metal tube in a pile of pterodactyl pellets. Upon opening the tube, they discovered an aged manuscript, signed “Caligula”. The text of the manuscript follows.

DATE: Early Fall—1964—
LOCATION: Biology Lab
TIME: 10:05PM

Mr. Frank Diaz: “Well, Sister, I think we can proceed with our experiment. Everything seems to be in order.”
Sister William Joseph: “ This overnight reaction should produce excellent data on untried acid-base behavior”.
Sister Anne Elizabeth: “The only thing that concerns me is the effect it might have on the microscopic pletoid population in the reaction vessel.”
Mr. Diaz: “ Not to worry! Mr. Al Hogan and Mr. Andrew Eischeid will be sleeping down the hall in the janitor’s room with the bed and bath. They’ll be taking turns keeping an eye on things!”

Sr. W.J. : “- OK. Pouring in 10 ml of stultitic acid. Now we add 10 ml. of dementium hydroxide! If all goes well, by tomorrow, we’ll be analyzing the properties of an aqueous solution of dementium stultitiate!”
Sr. A.E.:” I already detect an unpleasant odor. Let’s get out of here!”


Andrew Eischeid: “Wake Up, Al! There’s something weird happening in the Bio Lab!”
Al Hogan: “Those incompetent science teachers! What have they gotten us into now?”
The two men hurry to the laboratory, but halfway down the hall, they are confronted with a Class One attack on their olfactory receptors. They are forced to go back and retrieve their gas masks.
A.H.: “That stench is indescribable! It smells like a still decomposing million year old mastodon!”
A.E.: “ I shudder to think what it will look like!”

Peering through the square of spyglass in the Bio Lab door, they tremble at what lies inside! A hideous mound of putrescence fills the lab, oozing over and around everything inside, and thrusting out pseudopods whenever needed. It engulfs and absorbs everything in its path. In the center of the undulating horror, is a triad of bulbous, bloodshot eyes, and perched on a high mound of protoplasm just above them, is a brown baseball cap, with the letters “CC” emblazoned on it!

A.H.: “We’ve got to get rid of that thing! There’s a sophomore class due in here at 10 AM. We can’t have that thing feeding on the Class of ’66, regardless of what Mr. Diaz says!”
A.E.: “Let’s get the Fire Department in here and hose this place out! By the Privates of Crom, I’d like to know what that thing is!
A.H.: “ I think I know!
A.E.: “So what do you think it is?”
A.H.: “It’s the dreaded “Crespi Critter!”

For the remainder of the week, the biology lab was closed and sealed off with garnet and grey ribbons thus preventing the hideous thing from oozing out doors and windows. The authorities were at a loss as to how to expel the brown blob. Finally, it was Friday night and the JV Football team Captain made an impassioned speech before the game with Crespi:

Captain Dan McMahon: “OK, Guys! Let’s let this Critter know that our Indians will never become food for its fearsome foraging! It’s our turn to undulate---right down the field against these Bruiser Blobs!”
J.V. TEAM: “Lead the way, Captain Dan, we’re behind you all the way! Way Behind!”

And so it came to pass, that Capt. Dan McMahon, Co-Captains Rich Corona, Eddie Quijada, and Terry Brockert, and the rest of the enraged Indians set the tone for the evening, shutting out Crespi by the score of 14-0. The Indian Varsity followed suit, destroying the Engorged Encino Ectomorphs 27-7. The Drill Team was so grateful, that Dianne Scollard, Sarah Vasco, and Pam Richard hosted a “Bar-B-Q Blob” picnic to celebrate the deliverance.


EPILOG: The only trace of the Critter in the Bio Lab was a noxious-smelling brown trail leading out to the storm drain in the front parking lot, and a brown soaked piece of paper with this cryptic message:
“BEWARE, CLASS OF ’66, I shall regain strength in the ocean and return for payback!”

CALIGULA (an anonymous teacher from Alemany) COMMENTS: Could THIS be the source of the terrible Tidal Wave that almost sank the Pterodactyl? Has its energy finally been spent? Have we seen the last of it? Only time will tell!

Flashback to spring 1965, the Monarchs are Juniors.
Office of the Vice Principal:

Father Frank Wagner: “Mrs. Patella, what is it you have to tell me.”
Mrs. Rose Patella: Why Father, Mr. Smidt just phoned and he and his entire family are down with the Russian flu!
Frank: “ The Russian flu! Heavens, who can we get to cover Mr. Schmidt’s classes? First period starts in four minutes!”
Mrs. Patella: “Well Father, it is either you or…….
Frank: “Or who?”
Mrs. Patella: “Or our visitor from Rome”.
Frank: We can’t do that. He is on a special mission from Rome to the Archdiocese.
Mrs. Patella: “Then I reckon, I ought to cancel your 9 o’clock tee time with Father O’Riley from Bishop Amat. The first period class for Mr. Smidt is Geopolitics with the Section II Juniors. Have fun!
Frank: Section II? No, not them! Last time I substituted with that group they chalked my chair, put a garter snake in the desk, and covered my behind with spit wads whenever I turned to the chalkboard.
Mrs. Patella: “Well…….what’s it gonna be?”
Frank: “I would hate to disappoint Father O’Riley. You know how he loves his golf and we were to discuss some new educational policies to recommend to the archdiocese. Yes, perhaps our guest from Rome would like to meet some of our students and share his insights from the Vatican. It would be good for the students to broaden their horizons with an experience like this.

Three minutes later in Room 17, Geopolitics Class
Tom Carnegie is standing on a desktop with his right leg bent up and held by his left hand; and with all his textbooks balanced on his head. Terry Bowles is counting seconds on how long Tom can hold this position. Bob Lenzion has a peashooter out and aiming at the left buttock of Carnegie.
Art Fonseca is peeking out the class door and down the hall and calls out: “A priest that I don’t recognize is coming in the hallway”.
A dozen students rush for their seats, and Pat Dolan bangs his knee on Carnegie’s desktop causing books, Carnegie, and Dolan to go flying in different directions. Books crash down on Paul Frysak who had been sleeping through all this…… and the classroom door opens……

In walks a young priest wearing a black wide-brimmed hat. He wears meticulously polished Gucci shoes. He has black mustaches, wears large wireless rimmed, tinted glasses, and is holding a smoking, Marlboro cigarette (without filter) between the first and index fingers of his left hand in a very casual manner…..

Substitute Teacher, Father Guido Sarducci, O.M.I.

The young priest looks around the classroom with books on the floor. Tom Carnegie stares up at him from a prone position with a desk on top of him. The priest glances from student to student as he walks down an aisle. He blows smoke in Frank Bonaccorso’s face (cough, cough) and then says in a high-pitched voice ….

Father Guido Sarducci: “ Buon giorno, class.
Section II: A slight pause from a stunned class, then in chorus, “Good morning, Father”
Guido: I am Father Sarducci on a visit from Rome and I thought I would stop by and’a visit with you this morning. So, what are you studying?
Dave Nehen (raises his hand and Guido points at him to speak): This is Geopolitics class, Father.
Guido: “Geo---poly! What kinda crap they teaching you in this class?
Guy Proto (after acknowledged with hand up): We are learning about the iron curtain and the communist regime’s sinister stance in the cold war.
Guido: Listen, forget that stuff. I guarantee that five years from now you are not going to remember who Molotov was, or what Lenin did. And though I read Das Kapital, the only lines by Marx that I remember are by Groucho. Most of this stuff you are going to forget before your first kid is born. I can teach you everything really important to remember from high school in the next twenty minutes. So please pay attention and in twenty minutes I promise, you will know everything that you are going to need to remember five years after you graduate and beyond. Let’s start with language. It’s good to be multi-lingual. What language would you like to learn? (He points to Mike Feehan).
Mike: Well, I don’t think Latin is going to be very useful, how about Spanish?
Guido: Ok, Spanish. Bye the way, you are right about Latin because I have insider information direct from the Vatican. And I mean this comes from the very top guy.
Terry Bowles: You talk to the Pope?
Guido: Why sure I talk with the Pope. We play poker every Friday night. And he tells me that the mass is going to be all English for you guys over here in America in a few years. Mark my words, write it down.
Wayne Jzyk: Wow! Father, how do you say, “Bring me a beer, please” in Spanish.
Guido: Hey kid, your too young for that. No, no, no! All you need to know is, “Como esta, usted? How are you”? This establishes a bond of concern and friendship. After that your Spanish-speaking friend will accept you speaking in English, pantomime, and pointing at what you want. Besides, five years from now you will not remember anything more.
John Preble: That makes perfect sense to me. “Como esta, usted?”
Guido: Excellent. Now that we have finished high school Spanish, let’s move to something practical, Economics.
Tom Carnegie: But Father, Economics is not an offered course for the college preps at Alemany!
Guido: It is now. Here is what you need to know. Buy low, sell high.
There is a knock at the door, and Marty Molidor enters the class with a note from Father Wagner. Guido reads the note, and says to the class, “Father Wagner wants to know if everything is going ok? What shall I tell him?
Tom Marsh: Tell him everything is fine. We want to hear more of what you have to teach us, Father Guido.
Guido scribbles a quick note and hands to Molidor, who lingers by the open door to listen
Guido: Now where was I? Oh yes, the core concept of Economics. All that you have to remember: supply and demand, you buy something very cheap that people want and you sell it at a higher price. Supply and demand!
Marty Molidor from the doorway: Wow, that is so simple. I am going to remember that, Father. Can I come back to this class after I return the note?
Guido: Sure, why not. Now here is your Religion exam question? Why am I here? The answer, anyone?
Twenty-five bright students are pondering this eternal question hoping to arrive at an answer that will please this likeable priest.
Guido: Time is up. You are here because God loves you. That is all you need to know. God loves you and you are here. Now let’s move to history. Well, history always repeats itself, so if you miss what happens the first time around, be patient because it will happen again and eventually be on the 6 o’clock news. It will have a left wing slant because the media are liberal. But I predict that in 40 years, the cycle will swing to all media being right wing and super conservative. So you have to disregard the spin doctoring and interpret the facts for yourself.

Father Wagner could not believe the note, that everything was fine. Not in Section II. He walked by the classroom and peeked through the little window in the closed door. To his amazement, everyone was in their seat and appeared to have rapt attention on Father Sarducci as he walked up and down the aisles speaking. And thus Father Wagner no longer felt worried and left with peace of mind for his golf date. As soon as Wagner left the building, Marty Molidor slipped into the classroom and took an empty seat.

When the bell ended first period class, students repeated what they had learned in the hallways. Paul Frysak: “God loves me and I am here”. Terry Bowles to Bob Johnson (a Section I guy), “Como esta, usted? ” Bob: “Huh?” And Mary Molidor, “Buy low, sell high! What an idea! I am going to give that a try.” {And of course this was the precursor of Marty becoming the founder of Molidor’s Super Duper Sock It Too Them Sockerooni Sauce.}

Flashback to October 24, 1964, Friday Dance, Alemany Gym
Pam Mertens (speaking into a microphone): Golly, everyone looks so cool tonight. I hope you are enjoying this dance sponsored by the Junior Class. And now with great pressure, er, I mean pleasure, I would like to introduce the coolest DJ in Southern California who will introduce our musical guest of honor. Please give a big Alemany Indian welcome from KRLA Radio to the Hullaballooer, Dave Hull.

A legend in LA radio, the "Hullabalooer" was recently named one of the all-time top-ten radio personalities in Los Angeles. For three decades he was heard on KRLA, KFI, KMPC and KHJ. He became known as "the fifth Beatle" during the 60s promoting the Fab Four in Southern California and also worked with the Beach Boys, the Dave Clark Five and the Rolling Stones. He hosted the TV show "Matchmaker". Dave is a well-known commercial voice, having been spokesman for Union Oil, Hallmark Cards, Morton Salt, and Paper-Mate pens.

Dave Hull at Alemany Gym with Eileen Chapman ’67 on right, Spyder Villalobos ’66 in the way too cool checked sport coat, Bev Benefiel ’67 left center, and Becci Reynolds '67 left

Dave Hull: (Applause and screams) Thanks kids. It is a pleasure to be here at Alemany. I hear you womped Amat last night, Congratulations Coach Ahn (Cheers)! Well, I know you have been waiting all night to hear one of the great voices in Top 40 music today. Here to sing his grooooovy hit song, Suspicion, Mr. Terry Stafford.
Girls are screaming. Guys are running around asking girls to dance. And Terry Stafford walks on the stage dressed in a coat of red sequins and tight, tight black leather slacks. His white shirt is unbuttoned half way down his chest. The music begins….

Every time you kiss me
I’m still not certain that you love me...

Suspicion reached #3 on the Top 40 in early 1964.

Peggy Jones: (Screams) “I love you Terry!”
Kathleen Phelan: (Screams) “No, I love you more than anyone, Terry.”
Laurie Dudzik: (simply faints, but is fortunately caught by Leo Restrich who half carries and half drags her to a seat on the bleachers).
Sister Jeanne Anne: (shakes her head.) If that Stafford moves his pelvis one more time, I am going to pull the light switch and send everyone home.

I can’t help but think
your meeting someone else tonight…..

Father Leo Dummer: Now, now, Sister. The parent’s council agreed to allow Mr. Stafford to perform.
Sister Jeanne Anne: Yes, but he was supposed to perform standing behind a podium. Oh, my, I think I am going outside for some fresh air!! (On her way out) “Mr. Carvotta, if you hold that girl any tighter she is not going to be able to breathe”.
Barb Broeski (pushes Rich Carvotta a little farther away): Let’s not push our luck, Rich.

Suspicion, torments my heart,
Suspicion, keeps us apart….

Several hands have to pull Mary Seifert back down to the dance floor as she tries to climb up on the stage with hopes of planting a kiss on the cheek of Mr. Stafford while he is performing.
Ken Meddock is standing in front of the stage and sidles closer to Vikki Majors '67, whose rapt attention is focused on Stafford. After a moment he reaches for her hand, and then after a brief moment of hand holding, the hand is pulled away with a sidelong glance from Vikki that silently says, “You presume a lot, Mr.”.
Ken Meddock first turns radish red, then sugar beet red, shrugs his shoulders and walks over to the punch bowl
Moments later….
Jay Pelzer (an Alemany expatriate who crashed the dance): I saw that move you put on Vikki, Ken, better luck next time.

Following the song, Dave Bolduc and Patti Bazar, Sophmores representing the Toreadors of the class of 1967 climb up on stage……..
Patti: Wow, how about Terry Stafford? (Loud applause and screaming)
Dave: And thanks to Dave Hull for coming here tonight. We are going to change the pace now. Since this is a Junior Class of 1966 sponsored Dance, the Sophomores have planned a special event to honor the Monarchs. There is going to be a little competition between the class Jocks and the class Brains from the Class of 1966.
Patti: Ok, representing the Jocks of the Junior Class, would the following people please come up on stage: Dave Gieg, Judy Pfeifer, Daria Shanks, and Jim Dantona.
Dave: And representing the Brains of the Class of 1966 let’s welcome up on stage, Cece Duffy, Terry Mock, Bob Riske, and Paula Carrabelli.
Slowly the unwitting contestants move up on stage, bewildered as to what is taking place.
Patti: Before we begin and to protect your lovely dresses, ladies, and your shirts, guys, we have these bibs for you to put on. Vikki Borquez, Doug Rex, Tom Zoller, and Jody Gilmore will help you tie on your bibs.
Dave Gieg: What gives with the baby bibs, Patti?
Patti: Just trust us, Dave; we want to protect your clothes. Reluctantly, Gieg puts on his bib with a little help from the lovely Jody Gilmore.
Dave Bolduc: Now to officiate this here contest, please welcome a Southern California legend, from KHJ-TV Channel 9, Engineer Bill Stulla.

During its 12 year run, the ENGINEER BILL “Cartoon Express” showed cartoons and played Red-Light, Green-light behind an elaborate miniature railroad train set.

Engineer Bill (dressed in his pinstripe engineer overalls comes on stage): “Hi, kids, how are you all tonight?” Giggles and laughter come from the students on the dance floor and even from a certain group of girls sitting high up on the bleachers known as the “Wallflowers” (we know who you are!).

Engineer Bill turns toward the bibbed contestants: “I think you all know how we play Red Light, Green Light”. But if not, all you have to remember is to drink your milk when I say Green Light and don’t stop drinking until I say Red Light. First team to have everyone finished with their milk wins. It’s that simple.
Patti: Of course, our Juniors are almost grown up now and need more than a little glass to drink.
Dave B.: Soooo, we have these 10-gallon aluminum milk cans for everyone to use for the contest. But don’t worry there is only one gallon of milk per can. Before we start we have judges from the Class of ’67 who will verify that your milk can really is empty when you finish, welcome, Maria Napolitano and Bobby Pichotta. The word of the judges is final.
Cece: Holy cow, gee whiz, a whole gallon! I can’t do this.
Bob Riske: Come on now, Cece, we can’t let these jocks show us up.
Terry Mock: (slowly is creeping offstage, but is pulled back by Dave Bolduc)
Paula: You can do it, Cece.
Cece: Well, I’ll try.
Jim Dantona: This will be a push over. Those nerds won’t be half finished before we win this contest.
Engineer Bill: Green light. (Everyone starts drinking). Red light. Milk is dribbling down eight faces all concentrating to hear the next command. Green light. The devious Engineer Bill watches as the students, drink and drink and drink. He doesn’t give the red light command. Cece is turning first blue, then purple, but she keeps drinking. Finally, Bill says, “Red light”. Even Gieg is gasping for air. And before you know it, “Green light” is heard. The students are hysterically shouting for their favorites to drink faster. Following several more red and green lights……
Dantona raises his milk can upside down over his head to show he has finished. Gieg is choking and has to stop for a moment. Paula Carrabelli is the first on the Brain team to finish. Then Pfeifer holds her can sideways to show it is empty. Mock takes a big gulp and tosses his can to the audience to inspect…..empty. Gieg has his breathe back and is furiously drinking again. Bob Riske falls over, but Carrabelli shows that his can is now empty. Daria lets out a high shriek, “I did it” and shows her can empty.

It is now Cece against Gieg in a race to the finish. Even Sister Jeanne Anne is jumping up and down yelling, “Drink faster, Cece”. Engineer Bill opens his mouth about to command, “Red light”, when Cece raises her milk can over Gieg and turns it upside down --- no milk remains.

Dave Bolduc: The Brains have beaten the Jocks.

A forlorn Gieg drops his milk can, and a small amount of milk, dribbles out onto the floor. And then the Dan McMahon Jive Five strikes up their rendition of “Glad All Over” and everyone has forgotten the milk drinking as they search for their dance partners.

Wallflower One: “I have never seen Dave Gieg so out of his element”
Wallflower Two: “Yeah, well I would still dance with him.
Wallflower Three: “Is that Bob Ryan, waving at me? Does he want to dance?
Wallflower One: No, he is just swatting at a fly. Who let these flies in anyway?
Wallflower Three: Gives a big sigh!

Bob Hull as DJ up on stage plays, Land of 1,000 Dances by the Headhunters. The floor is crowded with dancers as everyone has loosened up for the evening and most the shier guys have by now asked girls to dance. All the boys except that is Frank Bonaccorso sitting high up in the bleachers watching the dance alone now.
Wallflower #2 sits next to him. “Hi, Frank”
Frank: Oh, hi. Terry Stafford sure was good. Did you enjoy his song?
Wallflower: He’s awesome. Say, I haven’t seen you dancing yet. Why not?
Frank: Lifts his trouser leg and shows a huge ace bandage wrap around his ankle. “I sprained it in P.E. class today."

Wallflower: Sorry. Wow! Does it hurt? Well, I just thought I would say hello.
Frank: Thank you.
Wallflower: “Would you like to sit with us up at the top row?” She points up where Wallflowers #1 and #3 are giggling and waving.
Frank: Yeah, sure, my friends have all deserted me to dance, can’t blame them.
And so a very shy male who does not know how to dance even by his junior year (true confession) and faked a sprained ankle to avoid any girls that might hint they might like to dance is now officially Wallflower #4.

And so it went at the Junior Dance until the last dance was being played and Sister Jeanne Anne grabs Rich Carvotta by the ear and drags him out to the exit saying, “Entirely too close young man. You had your warning. Miss Broeski, my office first thing Monday morning. Otherwise a good time was had by all!!!!

Olympic Training Center, Colorado Springs, Colorado
Épée Olympic Team is training for the Beijing Olympics
Coach John Gugerty: No, no Monthaven. You are bending your wrist. Concentrate. Why, I bet your mother can do better than that.
It just so happens that Annie Gatusso Monthaven is observing her offspring from the bleachers.
Annie: Maybe, I can do better. Give me an épée. En garde, Gugerty!
Annie unleashes a blistering attack and Gugerty is on the defensive and backing up. Annie has her epee touch the facemask of Gugs.
John: Well, I wasn’t ready. Let’s try that again. Almost instantly, Annie has her epee tip touching the padding over the heart of the Coach.
John: Annie, where did you learn to fence?
Annie: Just from watching you coach.
John: You are a Natural!!!!!! Could I coach you?
Annie: Alas sir, I cannot fence.
John: Ahh, Shakespeare, from the Merry Wives of Windsor. But you have great potential, Madame. And indeed, I would like to coach you…..
And that is how Annie Gatusso Monthaven made the 2008 US Olympic Fencing Team.
I know you all will be rooting and watching her on NBC this summer in Beijing.

Lunch, October 23, 1964 at the Snack Bar under the Alemany Gym
Father Sarducci is puffing on a cigarette and conversing in Italian with Mr. Al Graci.
Marty Molidor with a slice of pizza and a cup of coke in hand is leaving the lunch counter and decides to talk to Father Sarducci.
Marty: Excuse me, Father Sarducci. I was wondering if I could speak with you for a moment.
Mr. Graci: Well excuse me, Father, I have to go work on a game plan for the Dee basketball team’s big game tonight against Notre Dame.
Guido: See you at the poker game after the basketball game, Al. Sure kid, whacha wanna talk about? But please, I am not hearing confessions today.
Marty: Oh no, Father. I was just wondering if I could learn a bit more about economics from you. What you said about supply and demand made a lot of sense in first period class this morning.
Guido (looks Marty over): Say, you seem like a really bright kid. You wanna help me with a business proposition and make some money………and so Father Sarducci partners with Marty to market his newly patented “Pope Soap On A Rope” on the Alemany campus – as you surely remember, it comes scented in olive oil, garlic, rosemary & thyme, as well as a precursor tomato-Tabasco aroma that later becomes Super Sockerooni Sauce. Sales go ballistic as Marty times his big sales push to commence just before Mother’s Day and just about every Alemany kid buys soap for their mother, grandmother. Many stock up the garlic scented soaps for Father’s Day. Marty has Kerry Beaulieu and Ken Matwickzak selling soap for him at Bob’s Big Boy after school. Even though Father Sarducci many years later markets Pope Soap On A Rope on Saturday Night Live, he can never match the sales Marty Molidor achieved in "65.

March 1988, somewhere in the highlands near Loch MacDougal, Scotland

Danny McMahon and Chuck Abel walk through a Scottish Village on their way to Castle Glenco McMahnogal

Three gents wearing kilts and holding torches are standing before the open drawbridge of a ruined Castle Glenco McMahanagal. Dark clouds are gathering from a westerly wind as night falls (Thud – that was night falling). A lightning bolt is heard to explode.
Chuck Abel: Yikes! What was that?
Tavis McTavish: Ah, Chuck and Danny, laddies, that was just a wee littl’ lightning. Nothing to scare a grown man with the Scotch and Irish blood in him. Now go on in, Dan, I am right behind you.
Dan McMahon: Why do I have to go first?
Tavis: Cause you inherited the castle from your Great Uncle Rory McMahon. I am just here for moral support.
Dan: And you say no one has lived in this castle for over 50 years because (gulp) its haunted?
Tavis: Oh, now, them is just local wives tales and gossip. Go on into the castle lads, let’s see what she contains. Your Great Uncle was said to have a treasure of jewels that your family protected since the days of Good Queen Mary of Scots
Dan: Takes two steps forward across the drawbridge. Then a cat lets out a loud, “Eoooow”. And Danny runs back and leaps into the arms of his cousin Tavis while Chuck is hiding behind Tavis with his kilts up over his face.

Now back to events in 2008…..
ABC News Studio, New York, NY

Bernard VanVlymen: Good evening, this is the news.
ABC News has just projected Bob Guerrero the winner of the Indiana primary in a landslide over Clinton and Obama. Guerrero took 73% of the vote with Clinton running second at 18%. A jubilant Guerrero, now with the delegate count that secures the Democratic nomination, met with his supporters at his campaign headquarters in the Alemany Gym and immediately challenged John McCain to a debate anywhere, anytime.

Bernie: In other news, we have Virginia Ortiz reporting from Fenway Park.
Virginia: Hi, Bernie. It is a doubly sad night for the Red Sox Nation. The Los Angeles Angels took the rubber match from the Red Sox today and now Carlos Santana has to go on the 15 Day Disabled List. Carlos dislocated a finger before yesterday’s game shagging fly balls at Fenway. Without his music, the Red Sox have lost two straight to the Angels and many fans fear the Sox may go into a dismal losing skid. Some are even talking that a new curse was put on the Red Sox last week by Derek Jeter. The Red Sox hitters just cannot get untracked without the strains of Oye Como Va and Black Magic Woman playing in their ears. Manager Francona is frantic and says he could call up a pitcher from Triple A but there is no way to replace Santana’s guitar. Not even the operatic duo of tenor John Stigman and soprano Cheryl Evanson singing Take Me Out To The Ball Game in the 7th inning could awaken the Red Sox silent bats. Red Sox GM, Gyoengyi Molnar Quinn called Bob Dylan, John Mellencamp, Sir Paul McCartney and even Bruce Springsteen – but all of them said they are already under contract. Keith Richards flat out refused to play as a temporary replacement and says he is a Yankee fan anyway.
Gyoengyi (running in front of report Ortiz shouts): “Someone, get me Clapton’s phone number quick”.
Ginny: Meanwhile, Manny Ramierez is trying to overcome the loss of Santana with a voodoo shrine in front of his locker, and I have heard a rumor that someone has buried a David Ortiz jersey at Yankee Stadium to create a curse on the Yankees! That’s it from Fenway, back to you, Bernie.

Bernie: We will have more on the Ortiz buried jersey later. Say, Ginny, are you related to David Ortiz?
Ginny: Not that I know.
Bernie: Just thought I’d ask. And now this word from Karen King Bonsai Trees……the cutest little trees you will ever own. At Karen King’s you are never barking up the wrong tree……..

Bernie: Finally in the news tonight we have a report from California about new problems for California Condors. Here is Mary Jo LaPorte Cullum….
Mary Jo: Hi, Bernie. I am here with biologist, Frank Diaz. Mr. Diaz what seems to be the problem with this recent decline of the California Condor?
Frank: Well, Mary Jo, although the Condor still is on the endangered list, the wild population was growing in recent years. However, after monitoring the chick hatch this year with volunteer students from the Ecology Club at Alemany High School, I am disturbed that we have had a complete failure of chick survival this year.
Mary Jo: What is the cause of this reproductive failure?
Frank: All our field data indicates that California Condors are being out-competed for deer carcasses by pterodactyls. And the pteros seem to be having a bumper crop of chicks. The much larger pteros are intimidating the condors and preventing them from feeding. They simply cannot obtain and feed regurgitated rotten meat to their chicks. This is a prime example of the classic textbook theory of Competitive Exclusion.
Mary Jo: And that is…..
Frank: Were you sleeping in 10th grade biology, Mary Jo? No two species can live in the same niche. I am afraid I am going to have to recommend to the Fish and Wildlife Service a controlled hunt of pterodactyls.

Watching TV while hosting a tea party of Alemany grads in her home in West Hills
Christina Marie Gilmore Williams: Over my dead body will there be a pterodactyl hunt!
Kathy Gordon O’Riley: This calls for action. Call out the members of STPHC.
Dianne Muscolo Bergstrom: Yeah, call out STPHC. Then… What is STPHC?
Kathy: Stop The Pterodactyl Hunt Coalition. I just made you Vice President. Be on your guard, Mr. Diaz, there will be no hunting pterodactyls.
Richard Coscia: Diane, you should call Arnie Swartzenegger about this right now! We need to get all the political help we can muster on this one.
Al Vicuna: Don’t you worry, Christina, we are going to protect our pterodactyls. After all a formerly extinct species trumps a mere endangered species. I know that Frank Bonaccorso lobbied for that change in the Endangered Species Act with the Secretary of the Interior who spoke before Congress on the issue. Next thing you know, someone will want to start marketing the Dodo birds that Frank brought back from extinction as fast food. Say is Frank on another time traveling expedition?

Castle Glenco McMahnogal
Danny McMahon was deep inside the castle of his departed Great Uncle. Tavish McTavish lighted several torches hanging on the wall of the Great Hall. A portrait of Uncle Dougal McMahon hung high above over an empty fireplace and right beside it was one of Sean Connery.
Danny: I cannot but get the feeling his eyes are following me.
Tavish: Whose eyes would they be?
Danny: The eyes from the portrait of Uncle Dougal.
Tavish: Nonsense. Let’s proceed.
Chuck Abel: Whispering to Danny….. “I thought the eyes were following us too!
Danny: Well, if you wouldn’t mind, I am going to call in my bodyguards just to be safe.
Tavish: Oh, all right, but then they will want a share of the treasure.
Danny: And they are welcome to a share. (Danny took out his cell phone and dialed.) “Hey, Leo, bring the boys into the castle’s Great Hall.”
Tavish: So I take it we wait here until the boys arrive.
Danny: Yes. Ahhh, here they are now. How did you guys get here so fast?

Danny McMahon’s Elite Body Guards, Moe, Curly Joe, Leo, and Larry report for duty.

Curly: We were listening outside the door.
Moe: (Pokes Curly in the eyes with two fingers.) Shut up, knucklehead. (Then he slaps Larry and then Leo).
Larry: What did we do wrong?
Moe: Nothing yet. But that is for the next time you do do something wrong.
Leo Restrich: Actually, Danny, we travel double time wherever we go and that is how we got here so fast.
Larry: (Holding a torch and looking slightly spooked by the eerie surroundings) Where are we going now?
Tavish: We will split up and search the castle for the treasure.
Curly: Oh boy, I always wanted to be on a treasure hunt. Knucck, knucck, knucck!
Danny: And report immediately by cell phone if you encounter any ghosts.
Curly: “Yanga, yanga, yanga! Nobody told me about ghosts. I’ll wait in the car.
Danny: (Hits Curly on the head with a roundhouse blow.) You are not deserting me given the money I am paying you. Search the basement you stooges! I will take the upper floor and Tavis and Chuck will continue on this floor.
Moe: Yes sir, boss. (All four stooges, in their haste, run into each other. Curly then runs into Danny, and finally The 4 Stooges run down the stairs to the basement).
Danny: (walking up a spiral staircase, when suddenly an owl is heard to call) “Whooooo whooo-who”. And then a gust of wind from an open window blows out the torch Danny is carrying and a big brown bat flies into Danny’s face.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

(To be continued when further information is decoded from the lost manuscript of L. Cranston)