Volume 2: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Volume Subtitle: To the Mighty Matterhorn and Beyond

Western Region Derby Champ Invited to International Event.
Los Angeles Times. James. M. Pinero. 1 January 2007.

Los Angeles, CA. Bob Johnson on the heels of a striking championship in Soap Box has declared he accepted an invitation to the world’s newest racing craze and extreme sport, Ski Box Derby. This sport takes a regulation Soap Box body, puts it on two ski runners and with two human "putschers" starting from a flat section, "putsches*" the vehicle over a hump to a wickedly crazy slope which must exceed 45 degrees according to the regulations in the ICSBD (International Confederation of Ski Box Derby) rules. Once over the "hump" from the starting chute, the putschers release the vehicle and the driver is on his or her own. The first International Championship of Ski Box Derby will be held on the lower slopes of the Matterhorn in late February 2007.

Bob Johnson on the Way to Victory at Bonneville Flats, December 2006.

Johnson has made plans to move the newly formed Johnson & Johnson Racing Team to Zermatt, Switzerland, to train for the event according to team owner Mary Ganssle Johnson. Asked where the most serious competition for the Matterhorn would come from, Bobby did not hesitate in naming the Nepalese team, "The Nepalese ski box drivers are absolute madmen fearing no mountains, they train on Everest all year, and they absolutely refuse to wear helmets; then of course the Swedes are known for their equipment design, they are technically sound and just last week King Rex Olliff declared ski box to be the Swedish national sport, so they will be tough and inspired. With a snap of the finger, King Rex mandated by royal proclamation that half of all the Volvo factories in Sweden were to be converted to research and design of Swedish Ski Boxes."
Mary also announced that Johnson and Johnson, Inc, the New Jersey-based multi-national manufacturers of pharmaceutical, diagnostic, therapeutic, surgical, and biotechnology products, as well as personal hygiene products, signed a sponsorship contract earlier in the day with Johnson Racing Team. Johnson & Johnson have placed no budget ceiling on the team for procuring the best Ski Box. Furthermore, the Johnson team has procured the services of pioneer design experts, Frankie DePasquale and Joe Dispenza, who both are revered as the "Michaelangelo and Rafael of bobsled design" in Italy. The design breakthroughs of the dynamic duo are credited with the huge success that has kept the Italian Men's and Women's Bobsled teams dominant in Olympic medals for three decades.

DePasquale and Dispenza Bobsled Works, Torino, Italy – note this modernistic factory has already converted to ski box design by removing all the wheels from Soap Box bodies. Frankie and Joey were having lunch when this photo was taken.

Johnson (Bob not Mary) will hold putscher tryouts at Mammoth, CA, as soon as the design team can rig a mock-up proto-design. Putscher applicants should send resumes of relevant experience to rmjlaw@sbcglobal.net. When asked what qualities he wants in his putschers, Bobby Johnson stated they must be strong, agile, fast on their feet, and like Italian food. Our reporter was puzzled why Italian food was important. Johnson replied, "Hey with Depasquale and Dispenza around, we never get other choices. Understand that these guys did not get paid by the Italian Bobsled Federation, they just kept feeding them linguini, pizza, and minestrone knowing they would stick around as long as the food kept coming. Just look at Joey and Frankie, they are nowhere near their old football playing weights since they went to Italy". When asked if he thought Ski Box Derby versus Bobsled design would offer a challenging alteration in how they worked, Dispenza offered, "Absolutely, I hope we can have more canoli, those bobsledders are cheap on deserts." Frankie chimed in, "Hey Joey, we gotta have some spumoni to go with the canoli" Joey agreed, "Spumoni is good, and maybe we should switch wines too, a good Valpocella always inspires me, before we had too much cheap Chianti. Michaelangelo did not work with Chianti, why should we, Frankie?" Our reporter, asked, "But what can you tell us about the design of the new ski box, what aerodynamic qualities are you working on". Frankie responds: "I can't tell you too much now, isn't time for lunch. Hey, Joey, isn't that Lenny DiTrapani over there, we sent him out for some calzone".

*Footnote: A "putsch" in the sport of ski box derby is in part a push, a lift, and a throw progressing from a standing to a running start. Two “putschers” stand on either side of the ski box holding handles mounted to the chasis while “putsching”. The putschers need to release the vehicle in synchrony at the right moment. If a putscher should slide pass the “hump” and slide down the slope finishing ahead of his driver, the team is disqualified. Each driver competes against the clock in a single run because it is rare for ski boxes to remain intact after a run.


Dantona Convinces Sammy Sosa to Sign Minor League Contract with the Cubs.
Hot Stove League News, Chicago. The Shadow spoke with Jim Dantona, new bench coach of the Chicago Cubs for this exclusive interview.

Shadow: Are you afraid that Sosa is tainted by drugs and that he hit all those home runs while on steroids.
Dantona: Beats me, but Sammy says he is clean now, has passed our drug tests, and deserves a second chance. I am going to convert him to a gap hitter.
Shadow: Where will he play in the field, hasn't he lost his arm?
Dantona: We will put him at first base, the key is if he can hit again. I think he can.
Shadow: What are your plans for spring training regarding Sosa?
Dantona: He comes in with a minor league contract and no guarantees. If he proves himself in the spring, he will stay with the big club and be a Cub again.
Shadow: Say, you went to Alemany High School didn’t you?
Dantona: Damn proud of it too! Why?
Shadow: Well, I was just wondering why there has been so much success among Alemany grads in sports so recently, nobody outside of the San Fernando Valley ever heard of the school until a few weeks ago. Then Bob Johnson wins the Soap Box Derby. Dave Gieg has the greatest single game a quarterback in any level of football has ever had at age 58. And now you sign to coach hitting for the rejuvenated Cubs team that has signed a remarkable group of free agents. What's with the sudden Alemany connection from the Class of 1966.
Dantona: Guess we are late bloomers, Mr. Shadow. After I saw the success that Bob Johnson and Dave Gieg had, I just couldn't be happy in politics. You know that I turned Hillary Clinton down for the VP spot on the Democratic ticket.
Shadow: The Shadow knows all. I also know you are a competitive person, I saw you play ball at Alemany. You had a phenomenal year in 1966. So you might say the success of Johnson and Gieg inspired you to make a comeback in sports.
Dantona: You might say that. And then the Cubs put out a feeler and here I am.
Shadow: Say, you don't plan to comeback as a player yourself do you. A player-coach? I saw you in the cage with Sammy yesterday. You were making better contact than he was and driving the ball farther.
Dantona: The Shadow knows all, baby.
Shadow: One last thing, Jim, don't I smell Molidor's Super-duper Sock-it-too-em Sockerooni Sauce on your breath
Dantona: Gotta go Mr. Shadow, Sammy is waiting for his fungo practice.


Grand Opening of Marty's Conch Fritters in Cayman Brac.
Cayman Brac, Cayman Islands. New York Times. Report filed by Adam Marx.

Marty Molidor launched a new fast food chain on this laid back Caribbean Island today. Marty's Conch Fritters opened with a line of local sea food topped with Molidor’s Super-duper Sock-it-too-em Sockerooni Sauce. Locals and tourists are packing the grand opening which is offering free food samples and a live concert with the famed band, Nuns for Fun. This marks the last concert appearance of Father Inferior (aka Danny McMahon) before he starts his new gig with Ed McMahon on the Tonight Show. The Prime Minister flew in by helicopter for this concert. The PM and Alemany Class of 66 Grad, John Thompson, was quoted as saying, "dere must be more dan twice de numba of people here todey for Nuns as actually lives on this brac". In part it is de Nuns concert and in part it is the secret sauce that Marty has brought to the Caymans' for the first time. Dat sauce mon, goes down smoooooth with conch and a little brown rum. Oh, by de way mon, do not tell anyone, but I gives you a tip. When de Nuns comes to sing tonight, dey will have a special guest, mon. Yah, mon, Mick Jagger and Peggy Jones just flew in to Cayman Brac with me copter, mon. Dey will be guesting on stage with Danny and de Nuns for a special tribute to Bob Marley. Oh mon, and did I tell you it is the start of the mango season. I am suggestin to Marty, he localize his Sockerooni sauce with a little mango chutney, mon. Dat would be soooo fine, mon.



Shadow’s Notebook: Marty Molidor is a clever business man. He moves to an offshore tax shelter banking center with most of his assets, and where one of his Alemany classmates holds the Prime Minister portfolio in advance of the Taco Bell lawsuits and sets up a new business, not to mention bank accounts. You have to give him credit he knows how to promote. Conch fritters, Sockerooni, and the last concert of Nuns with McMahon, and a guest appearance with Mick, Peggy, and Danny together on stage. And wow, that Peggy Jones sure has great legs! I must be slipping as a superhero with superpower, I had never noticed that Jones babe before nor that she could play tambourine!

Holmby Hills, Ca, Playboy Mansion.
Frank Bonaccorso knocks on door with invitation in hand. Door is answered by Cha Cha Faitel.
Cha: Frank, it is so good to see you, come in. I haven't seen you since high school.
Frank: You look marvelous Cha Cha. Thanks for the invitation to the mansion, I'm looking forward to meeting Hef.
Cha: Sorry, Frank, you are not here to meet Hef.
Frank: Oh? That's ok, lets go to the New Years party, it sounds wild.
Cha: You are not here for the party, either. You are wanted in the basement, please walk this way.
Frank: Cha Cha, I can't walk the way you do, but I am right behind you. What's with the basement, if you need plumbing help, I am the wrong man.
(Cha, opening door): Go right in, Terry and Greg are waiting for you. And don't mind the smell we are using Molidor's sauce to cover the musty smell but obviously we need more. And it is really good to see you (with a kiss on the cheek and she walks out)
Frank walks through a corridor of laboratory benches with bubbling solutions in beakers and flasks, steam is rising over a bench. Greg Pokorski is stirring a large vat, saying we need more oregano, Terry. Terry Mock hands him a jar of oregano.
Frank: Greg, Terry, what is all this?
Terry: Supper, but that can wait. Thanks for coming Frank. Sorry, we brought you here under false pretenses. Maybe we can introduce you to some playmates later, but we have something that might interest the scientific and adventurous spirit in you. Take a look at this.
Terry: Opens a curtain, turns on a light, revealing. What?
Frank: Just stares blankly.

Meanwhile, in Torino, Italy:
Joe Dispenza: Hey, Frankie, please pass some more of the carbonara sauce. This is the best lasagna I have ever had.
Frankie DePasquale: Sure, Joe, lots to go around. I am so glad you convinced the Johnson Racing Team to bring Kit Figliozzi over to cook for us. Nothing beats home cooking, that take-out stuff was getting old, even in Torino. Joe, pass the oregano. Hey, Kit, sit down with us and eat.
Kit: No, no, boys, you two eat hearty; I had a little in the kitchen while I was cooking. Besides, if you have everything you need, I need to talk to Bobby. Keep eating boys.
Joe: Sure, sure, go ahead. Frankie, some more Bardolino? Bardolino, always inspires me before we work.
Frankie: Joe, is there any wine that does not inspire you.
Joe: No, except cheap Chianti and French wines, none of that here. Salute! (glasses clink).




Meanwhile, back in the basement at the Playboy Mansion….
Greg: Well what do you think of our machine, Frank?
Frank: A vacuum cleaner, a bathroom scale, a couple of gear shifts from a Ferrari, blinking LED's. What is it?
Terry: It’s a time machine.
Frank: A time machine. (walking around the machine with mouth agape). Listen guys, here is Dr. Barb's card, why don't you call her in the morning, I think Hef wants me now, so, I gotta be going upstairs. See ya, later. (He starts to walk out, but Greg and Terry both place arms around his shoulders and turn him back toward the time machine.)
Greg: Frank, we are offering you an opportunity here. The Crocodile Hunter was going to take our machine for a trial, but he had that unfortunate encounter with a sting ray before he was due here. Now, we are offering you exclusive use.
Laughter comes from the corner, and a black cloaked figure walks from a dark corner.
Shadow: Frank, if Greg and Terry can’t convince you, this is on the level, maybe you should speak to someone else. (Handing Frank his cell phone).
Frank: Why Shadow, what are you doing here.
Shadow: I have been upstairs at the party since last night, and what a party. (Shadow motions Frank to use the phone and leaves the room).
Frank: Hello.
Voice on phone: Hello Frank, this is Jay.
Frank: Jay Leno.
Voice: No, Jay Pelzer, the Jayzer!
Frank: Hi Jay. How are you connected to all this?
Jay: Do you remember the news last week from Neil Armstrong about the graffiti on the moon rock, the Titleist 3 beside the rock.
Frank: Yes, I do. I was amazed that you had been to the moon when we were in high school. That's so cool. And you kept it secret for so long.
Jay: How do you think I got to the moon?
Frank: The Russian program?
Jay: Come on Frank, do you think I would go over to the Russians at the height of the Cold War, you know better.
Frank: No, I didn't really think that. But how?
Jay: It was Terry and Greg. They designed the machine that sent me to the moon.
Frank: (Whites of eyes expanding and looking back and forth from Greg to Terry).
Jay: Yes, it was second semester of our Freshman year, they sent me to the moon and back ahead of the NASA program. These guys are the real deal, Frank, their time machine will work. Goodbye (dead tone on phone).
Frank: Ok, I'm convinced. Where did you guys, have in mind I go?

Governor’s Mansion, Sacramento.
A figure in a bed with a large leg cast is dozing. Phone rings.
Arnold: Ja. Hello.
Voice: Hello, Governor, this Diane Moscolo Bergstrom.
Arnold: Who?
Diane: I slapped you in the corridor of the hospital last week.
Arnold: You! What do you want, and give a very quick reason why I should not hang up.
Diane: I called to apologize, my analyst, Dr. Barb, convinced me that I went beyond standards of decency (even if you were a sniveling crybaby – thought not said).
Arnold: Diane, my friend, you know Dr. Barb? I met Dr. Barb at the inauguration of the Gov. of Washington State. Why, I have been seeing Dr. Barb professionally since my first term. She is terrific, and the way she socked Don Trump and put down Rosie, why that stopped that whole embarrassing feud.
Diane: Of course, Dr. Barb gets results and she told me to call you. And I have apologized.
Arnold: Diane, Diane, Diane, I accept your apologies. Say, since you know Dr. Barb, does that mean you belong to the Alemany Political Pac?
Diane: Of course, I am an Alemany graduate too. And I have some ideas about things you should be doing for California, Governor.
Arnie: You can call me, Arnie. Say, Diane, I do need to boost my image after that ski accident. The people think I am a klutz now and comparing me to Gerald Ford. I need someone to help boost my image, I need someone with good ideas, a sense of duty, ability to carry out plans. Preferably someone from southern California with the Alemany Pac behind them. I need Jim Dantona.
Diane: No can do, Arnie. Haven’t you been reading the papers, Dantona has returned to his true love, baseball and the Cubs. He’s even brought Sammy Sosa back to Chicago and the fans love him. I wouldn't be surprised if Jim got Shoeless Joe Jackson into the Hall of Fame and erased the Black Soxs Scandal next, Chicago is expecting miracles from him. Anybody else in mind, from Alemany. Arnie, I do owe you one and did really mean it, my apology that is. And, I liked you in the Kintegarten Cops movie.
Arnie: Well, Diane, there is somebody I want. But she probably is not available either.
Diane: Who?
Arnie: Terry Arteaga Romero. I want her for my new Lt. Governor. Why before I named my new cabinet, I tried her recipe for Tequila Cookies. Maria found it on the Alemany blog site. Maria and I were making the cookies and following Terry’s recipe line for line while we were reviewing the cabinet nominees. And everything was so clear and precise in the recipe, after just a few cookies, our cabinet choices were a success too, all solid people. Obviously, Terry is a clear thinker, a person with the kind of mind we need to help direct a state of 38 million people. I need help. I need Arteaga Romero. Owww! I just raised my leg too high.
Diane: Take it easy Arnie. I will talk to Terry and see what I can do. I think she would make a great Lt. Gov. and she does have all of Alemany behind her. That is what you really want, isn't it.


NBC studio stage, the Tonight Show:
New Announcer, Voice of Terry Bowles: And now heeeeeeeeeeeeere's Ed and Danny! Ed McMahon and Danny McMahon walk on stage to theme music.
After lousy monolog:
Ed: Who do we have on tonight's show Danny:
Danny: Ed, our debut show with the guests we have tonight probably is the best late night talk show in TV history.
Ed: It better be Danny, I hear Carvotta has a giant squid that does tricks. How can we beat that?
Danny: Well for starters we have our new band and Ponchie Covarrubias.
Spotlight on Ponchie, he performs a brief trumpet solo and audience goes bananas.
Ed: Thank you Ponchie. I understand that you have some legends of rock and roll that will perform with you later.
Ponchie: We have a few surprises Ed.
Ed: Who are the guests tonight Danny?
Danny: Well, we have the first man to walk on the moon and the first man to hit a golf ball on the moon, Jay Pelzer. Annnnnd, Ed, we are introducing Jay for the first time to the men he beat to the moon. That's right we have Neil Armstrong and Alan Shepard. Jay is going to recreate his first golf swing on the moon for Neil and Alan.
Ed: Wow, if only Johnny Carson could see us now. That’s terrific, Danny, astronaut moon walkers and golfers. Let's see Carvotta top that.
Danny: There’s more Ed. We have the man who broke George Blanda's touchdown record --- the quarterback of the Dallas Cowboys, # 9, Dave Gieg. And Ed, he’s brought the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders too!
Ed: Wow, Dan, you kept all this secret from me? Cheerleaders and Dave Gieg.
Anything else, Danny?
Danny: There is more Ed. We have the leading man and woman from the new Batman movie. Bob Orlando aka Batman will be here and introduce to the world on our show, the woman who will play Cat Woman. As you know there has been a lot of speculation about who will get the role of Cat Woman. And it will be revealed here on Stage tonight. The name of the actress getting the role has been hermetically sealed in an old mayonnaise jar on the back steps of Funk & Wagnalls for the last week Ed.
Ed: Why, Danny, that’s just the way Johnny used to keep his secret information with Funk & Wagnalls (tears forming in eyes).
Danny: I know Ed, what was good enough for Johnny, is good enough for us. And now we have to break for our commercial sponsor, Mama Arteaga’s Tequila Cookies
Ed walks over to Mama Arteaga left stage…… "And here’s Mama Arteaga now to demonstrate her recipe."
Terry A.: Hi, I’m Mama Arteaga. I know some of you followed my home recipe and are having trouble getting your stove out of your dishwasher, but what the #$!#* juuus have another shot of Cuervo….
Terry Bowles: And now we take you to another sponsor…Quick switch to taped commercial.

While over at CBS:
During a commercial break: Rich Carvotta is holding a hankerchief to his nose, bleeding profusely from the bridge of his nose.
Rich: Ann, how could you do this to me? That squid bit me!
Ann Turner Olson: But Rich, you shouldn’t have pinched Cecil, he would have climbed the ladder to the tower and dove into the plastic pool just fine if you hadn't upset him.
Rich: Well, how else should I have gotten all those icky suction cups off my $3000 dollar suit. His tentacles were flailing me and I panicked. Man, has that thing got a beak!!!!
Ann: You should have remained calm, I could have controlled Cecil.
Rich: Well, you didn't Ann, you didn’t. Now, I have to go back on live TV in 20 seconds, bleeding from the nose, and everyone will switch to the Tonight show for certain. (Rich thinking: My only hope now is when Danny goes to announce the lead role for Cat Woman, heh, heh, heh, heh.)


Stay tuned for the next edition of Heroes of Alemany……

What has Carvotta done to sabatoge the Tonight Show?

Still no clue on who will be Cat Woman but we have had one anonymous vote for Kathi Gibson Weems. Meow! Keep reading. Jay you are not supposed to sign your name to anonymous votes!

Will Governor Schwartznegger still want Terry Arteaga Romero for Lt. Govenor after her appearance on the Tonight Show? Has Diane Muscolo got something going with the Governor?

Can Jim Dantona really make Sammy and the Cubs a winner again?

Does Carvotta need a strong dose of antibiotics for a squid bite Dr. Shows?

Where will Terry and Greg send Frank in the Time Machine? Will he come back?

Will Molidor deplete the conch beds off Caymen Brac?

Who won the Nielson Ratings: Carvotta or the McMahons? Your vote counts!

Can Bob Johnson survive the Matterhorn and does he have enough Pepto on hand to survive all that Italian food and wine?

The Shadow Knows.

Congratulations to Leo Restich, winner of our photo I.D. contest with the correct answer: Alan Shepard. Leo’s second guess was a bad photo of Bob Johnson.

And watch for your name to be in the events soon, many new people get in the swing of things in Volume 3
Many thanks to King Rex of Sweden for his long, long, long, letter – I will answer soon.