Volume 3: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
and with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Volume Subtitle: The Lancaster Bus Stop.

Playboy Mansion:
Frank: The Jurassic! Jumping Jeffrey Goldblum! I get to go to the Jurassic?
Terry: Yes, the Jurassic!
Frank: I have dreamed about going back in time to the Jurassic. Of course, I like the Pleistocene too. Could I stop in the Pleistocene on the way to the Jurassic? I want to see the mammoths, the ground-sloths, saber-tooths, and, and, giant vampire bats.
Greg: Frank, we don't recommend multiple stops in time, at least not at first. We can get you to the Pleistocene at a later time. Let's concentrate on the objective at hand.
Frank: What is the objective at hand? Why am I going to the Jurassic?
Terry: To bring back the new Alemany mascot! As you know many schools with Native American symbols as mascots have given them up over recent years, political correctness and all that. Stanford University, St. John's University in New York to name a couple have given up the Indian symbols out of respect. Alemany will give up being the Indians too, but we need an impressive, aggressive mascot. One that no other schools have, at least not alive on the sidelines. So we want you to bring back an animal from the Jurassic for the mascot, and of course we can all make a little money from exhibiting the animal as well.
Greg: We were thinking perhaps ....

Torino Ski Box Factory, Italy.
Joe: So are you ready to see the test prototype RJ?
Bob: I've been waiting for this for a while, now. Of course I am ready.
Frankie: Here she is, pulling a sheet off the vehicle.
Bob: That's it? That's what I am riding down the Matterhorn in?
Joe: No, no, it's only a test prototype. We find a lesser mountain near Torino for you to try it out. We film the trial, run a radar gun, make some other tests, and then back to the design lab, the next version, more testing, etc. etc. Rome wasn't built in a day RJ.
Frankie: So tomorrow morning, we make the preliminary tests with your new Putschers. Are these guys you found any good?
Bob: They were the best of the hundreds that tried out for the team. And Joe and Frank, you may not believe this, but after all those trials, the two best putschers in America just happened to be Alemany grads, and they are also, Italians.
Joe: No! Who?
Bob. You'll see tomorrow. They need to get their sleep and get over the jet lag. I don't want you and Frankie taking them out on the town tonight. So their hotel and identity remain secret until tomorrow. Say have you two had breakfast yet?
Frankie: Yeah, but we will be happy to eat again if you want company, RJ.
Bob: No, I ate too, but here is 20 euros, go have some canolis on me, I need to find Kit and talk to her.

Dallas Cowboys practice field.
Coach Matwickzak: Terrell get with the program. No hustle means run another lap! Gieg get over here I need to talk to you.
Gieg: Hi coach.
Coach M: (taking off his Black Stetson) Now what was that crackpot play you wanted to run against Seattle if we had a shot from the Red Zone?
Gieg: The ole Statue of Liberty play, Ken. I fake a lateral to TO on the right while holding the ball behind my back with the left hand. Everybody will be moving to the right except our other wide out who leads the blocking for my run to the left.
Coach M: Have you talked to Coach Ahn about this?
Gieg: No. He never let me run it at Alemany. But I know the Seahawks will loose their pants on this one. Anyway Coach King said it was, what was his word??? Oh, yeah, Verboten! Is that good?
Coach M: Dave, you always did sleep in German class. I will think about it. Get back to practice.
Coach Phil Ahn: Ken, you said to leave no stone unturned in studying films to come up with a trick play we can use from the Red Zone right.
Coach M: Yes, coach.
Ahn: Well, I just saw some film from the Boise State bowl game. I got our play! Boise pulled the old Statue of Liberty on Oklahoma for a score. You got to see this film. Gieg always wanted to try this in high school, but I never let him, but it hasn't been used in so long, Seattle will never read this.
Coach M. Well, I'll be a horned toads mother-in-law! (Slapping Black Stetson against thigh). Is this a conspiracy Coach (puzzled look on Coach Ahn)? Next thing you are going to want Gieg to pull a Flutie and drop kick a point.


On a golf course in Palm Springs, CA.
Jay: Over here, Tiger. I'm Jay Pelzer, welcome to the Ryder Team. Of course you have been on the team before, but this year I insist we have team practices well in advance of tournament play. I need to see who is on their game and who is not before I turn in the final team list and one alternate to St. Andrews. Let me introduce you to the other team members, Bob Lendzion, in the middle, Ron West, and over on the end, Bill Merriken. (Hand shakes all around).
Tiger: Say, how come I haven't seen any of you on the PGA tour?
Bill: Well, you might say we play on the senior tour, Tiger. Besides, when Jay was named team captain, he was ordered to shake things up a bit. You and the PGA tour guys have not exactly brought home the bacon. How many years in a row now have you lost.
Tiger: Now look Bill, let's not dwell on the past. Ok, the US has struggled in the Ryder Cup over the last few years. It used to be we only played the British for the cup, but now it is all of Europe against the USA.
Ron: Ah, Tiger, enough of the excuses. Let's tee up.
Bob: That's fine with me, why don't you drive first Bill.
Merriken tees up, whack, the ball goes straight down the fairway, but only about 150 yds.
West follows, whack, another straight shot that rolls 10 yards farther than Bill's.
Tiger, tees off, WHACK, everyone puts hands over eyes to track the ball, 200, 250, 275 yds, but the ball rolls slightly to the edge of the rough.
Jay: Tiger, your going to have to work on hitting the ball straight like these boys. Watch Bob, he's our ace.
Lendzion, tees up, and sure enough hits it straight, the ball rolling right next to West's ball.
Jay: Now is that consistency or what. Three drives right down the middle for Alemany. Ok, lets go see if we can get them on the green boys. Tiger, I might have Bob work with you on your drive.
Tiger: Uh, sure captain, but my ball went more than 100 yds farther than everyone elses'.
Jay: Tiger, it's not just about substance, it's also about style. Now you are off the fairway, and frankly, we have to have better shots than that. And by the way Tiger, where did you get that shirt. (Tiger rolls eyes, and stuffs his driver hard into his bag).

At the Lancaster bus stop sit the Turkal twins.
Don: Well Ron, here comes the bus.
Ron: Yep, here she comes right on time.
Don: Are you sure you want to do this?
Ron: Yep.
Don: You know, some people will say this is absurd.
Ron: Yep.
Don: But you are still going through with it.
Ron: Yep.
Don: Ok, you have my support, and I am sure some of the Alemany crowd will support what you are doing, but others will not understand.
Ron: I am going through with this. (Bus pulls up, door opens, Ron walks aboard).
Don: (to Ron through open window). Good luck, see you.
Ron: Pray for me. (Bus pulls out of Lancaster headed south)

At NBC
Danny: Let's have a big hand for the newest Batman, Bob Orlando.
Bob: Walks out to batman theme music. Hi Danny, nice to meet you Ed. And there is my man, the best horn blower in Hollywood, Ponchie.
Ponchie: What? Only in Hollywood?
Ed: Welcome to the show Bob. How is the filming going on the The Dark Side of Batman?
Bob: Oh, we have barely begun. No, real filming yet. I am just learning the script and working with our writers Charmaine Coimbra and Terry Southwick, they don't seem to grasp the strength and magnitude of my character. But their doing fine.
Ed: Now Charmaine and Terry are know for other genres. For example, Terry is a romance novelist. How is it to work with them.
Bob: They are both terrific. Both have put a romantic side into the story. I'm hoping that in this film, Batman really gets somewhere with a girl in this movie. Oh by the way, Charmaine said to give this recipe for Lamb T-bone from her daughter to Jay Pelzer, pass it on to Jay when he comes out later Danny.
Danny: You are probably dying to find out who has been cast as your romantic opposite playing Cat Woman.
Bob: Indeed, I am. I understand that you and Ed are going to announce it on your show tonight. Can we do that now?
Ed: We will keep that secret a bit longer Bob. But tell us who are some of the other actors in the film. Who for instance plays your butler and confident, Arthur?
Bob: Well Ed, Arthur is being played by an old high school friend of mine, a very good character actor, John Stigmon.
Danny: Oh, Stigmon will be terrific in that role. Who plays the Gotham City Police Commissioner, Bob?
Bob: As it so happens, we are casting this with the first woman police commissioner. As you know the role has always been "Police Commission Gordon". And the person cast for the role in life is named Gordon, in fact she taught typing at Alemany High School back when Danny and I were students there.
Danny: You mean Mrs. Peggy Gordon is playing Commissioner Gordon. Wow, she is such a great straight line actor. You really scored there Bob.
Bob: I can't take credit Danny, Spielberg and our Casting Directors, Ralph Rath and Robert Scott did all that. But it is an honor to perform with Peg Gordon, she cracks up the whole cast in rehearsals. And then, there is Cat Woman, now who did you say was to play Cat Woman, Ed.
Danny: He didn't say, Bob. Actually, neither Ed nor I know the answer to that yet. The name of the actress that will play Cat Woman is hermetically sealed in an old Mayonaise jar and, until tonight, when it was brought to NBC by armed security guards, it has been stored somewhere where no one would think of looking.
Bob: You mean under the back porch of Funk & Wagnalls. I used to watch Johnny Carson too, guys.
Ed: We will be back with Bob Orlando and announce the role of Cat Woman after this commercial break for Marty's Conch Fritters, the new frozen seafood shipped direct from the sea in Cayman Brac to your supermarket.

Over at CBS
Dick Carvotta: Well, I seem to have the bleeding slowed down a bit now. Some of you in the audience thought that was funny when the squid bit my nose. Let me tell you it was not funny and that was real blood.
Ann: It was very graphic (laughing) in slow-mo Dick. Really, Cecil has never done (more laughing) that before. (Whole audience laughing)
Dick: What does Cecil eat by the way Ann.
Ann: He eats anything he can catch. I used to keep him in the tub in the bathroom and feed him prawns and crab meat, but he sort of outgrew that, and now I just let him roam out by the back dock at our place in Alaska.
Dick: You are not missing any dogs there in Douglas are you.
Ann: No. Cecil prefers marine life, Dick.
Dick: Well maybe it is time we brought out our next guest, Tommy Lasorda, the man who bleeds Dodger Blue. (Take me out to the ball game plays).
Dick: Welcome, Tommy.
Tommy: Dick, it's great to see you again. Only six weeks until spring training. I know you are an old Dodgers fan. Will you be down to Vero Beach this year?
Dick: I hope I can make it down for a game, but the show keeps me pretty busy, Tommy.
So, who do you think will give the Dodgers competition for the National League pennant this year?
Tommy: I think the Cubs are the team we have to beat to get to the World Series. They signed so many good players including Alphonso Soriano. They have a dynamite new manager in Lou Pinella. But you know who I think is their best new acquisition?
Danny: Who?
Tommy: The new hitting coach, Jim Dantona. That guy knows baseball. I saw him in Florida last week working with Sammy Sosa, another key piece to the puzzle for the Cubs, and I was impressed in talking to Jim. The guy has hitting concepts ahead of his time. Then he stepped into the cage to demonstrate to Sosa and he hit four balls in a row over the fences. The last one went to dead center at least 500 feet. Say, didn't he play at your old school, Dick?
Dick: As a matter of fact, I think he did play third base for the Alemany Indians.


Somewhere in the Alps, Italy.
Bob: Well, I guess I am ready Joe and Frank.
Frank: Ok, RJ, this is prototype #25. Notice the simple but elegant lines. This baby is aerodynamic if you tuck low once you get putsched. Just jump in the box and get the feel for it. We will put the handles on for the putschers later. Where are your putschers?
Bob: The putschers are getting fitted with their snow cleats and uniforms they will be out soon. Actually, it feels pretty good. But what about the ski runners?
Joe: Squeezing some red liquid out of a bota bag into his mouth and down the sides of his mouth. That comes later too. We will put the handles on now and be really for the team in a few minutes.

Bob Johnson molding his bottom to the ski box.

Bob: Here come the two first team putschers now guys. Recognize them?
Frank: How could I recognize them with the wool hats and the goggles? No.
1st Putscher: Hey, Frankie, Joe, its me, Mikey!
Frank: Modugno? Hey welcome pizano, have some wine from the bota. (Throwing bota to Mike)
2nd Putscher: What, you not going to say hello to me?
Frank and Joe (simultaneously): Steve Modugno, have some wine.
Joe: Here Bobby, outta that box. Have some wine, go keep warm inside, while I teach Steve and Mike what to do.
Joe: This is so cool, Alemany family together again.
Mike: Hey we heard for so long how you two were having so much fun in Italy. We wanted some of that too.
Joe: Ok, guys, let me show you how to putsch properly. It might take awhile but you will get the hang of it.
Twenty minutes later after Joe gives Mike and Steve a crash course in putsching basics, Frankie has painted skull and crossbones on the shell of the box and Bob has changed into his black racing suit they are ready to run down the mountain.
Frank: Climb in Bobby, are you ready for the ride of your life. Steve and Mike are ready, dude.
Bob: Can I have a squeeze from the bota before I kill myself.
Mike and Steve: grabbing the handles, “One, two, three, putsch!
The box goes over the hump, up in the air, settles on the snow, and down the mountain at terrific speed.
Bob: Geroniiiiiiimoooooo. Hey Joe you forgot to tell me how to steeeeeeer.
CRASH :
Bob Johnson at end of first run! Anyway his racing suit is too cool! He should have gotten #9 from Gieg.

SHAMELESS PROMO:

That is all I have to say for now, but Marty Molidor says please buy the sauce and he can soon replace the cardboard box he has been living in.

Hang in there Lancaster, I hear a supermarket is coming soon to your area.