Volume 22: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso


A Special Dedication from
Diane Muscolo Bergstrom
To the
Alemany '66ers
“To all the friendships renewed since the Alemany reunion. Some of us go back as far as "grammar school" and although we don't want to admit how many years ago, it is great that we can pick up and continue those friendships with such ease.”

Subtitle: The Great Ceratothere-Tipping Incident

Springfield, Oregon, past midnight in a pasture.
Frank Bonaccorso: And remember, once we leave here, no talking. When I shine the light, you four go for it.
Bob Ryan: Are you sure this really works, Frank?
Dave Gieg: Have, a little trust, Bob. Just execute this like it was a football play.
Bob: Ok, once a quarterback, always a bossy quarterback.
Rich Borquez: Stuff it, Bob. Let's do this.
Jim Jacobs: This is going to be fun, but how come you don't charge with us, Frank?
Frank: Someone has to hold the light on the eyes in order to freeze the critter. Remember you typically only have three seconds before the animal moves.

The four men slowly stalk their quarry before the Frank stops. A 3 million candlepower spotlight is shined on the head of a rather large cow. Mooooo! Four big men sprint toward the cow and hit the left flanks of the cow with arms held as if blocking a pass rush. A rather surprised 1250-pound cow tips over onto its side.

Frank: Perfectly executed cow-tip, just like we diagramed it. Congratulations on your first cow tip, gentlemen.
Bob: That was a rush. I have to say, that I thought you guys were setting me up for something like a snipe hunt. But this was awesome.
Dave: Just like hitting the tackling dummies. And you say this is a traditional drill the Florida Gator football does to build team confidence. Yeah, I can see it would build team cohesion.
Frank: It's the biggest training success in Gainesville, since Dr. Tom Cade formulated Gatorade for the team. But we are going for a unique world record in its own right.
Rich: And you say this is really the rage in Africa, and that we can get the Guinness Book record for weight when we tip that ceratotherium critter?
Frank: Yep.
Jim: Say, what exactly is a ceratotherium?
Bob: Ah, don’t show your ignorance, Jim. Frank already explained it is just a big cow-like horned critter and the biggest ones live in Africa. Bring on Africa, we are ready! How about beer and pizza at my house?
Frank: Not so fast, guys. Let's practice one more. Now where was that big black bull we saw earlier, Bob?
Rich: Ah man, the only bull I want tonight is some Red Bull!

Gallería Cívica D’Arte Moderna E Contemporánea, Torino, Italia

Eugene Rapposelli: Aha! Mottola, forceps, please. And glassine envelopes. Thank you. Scchief Inspectore picks up hairs with forceps while crawling on hands and knees and deposits them in wax envelopes. Then he gathers more hair and places them in a second envelope.
Diane Mottola: I will get these to forensics right away, Scchief.
Eugene. Merci. And ask the lab for express service on the DNA. Is my duck l'orange lunch here yet?

Streetside Café near the GAM, Torino
Chris Carney: This is the best cappuccino I have ever had. And the croissants are heavenly.
Christi Brecht: Act normal! Don't look behind you.
Chris: I am acting normal. Why shouldn't I look behind me?
Christi: A woman just took our photo. And I have seen that face before. In fact, I am sure I saw that face in Paris and again in Firenze.
Chris: Diane asked me if I had seen anybody following us. But I said, "No".
Christi: Oh my goodness.
Chris: What? Can I look now?
Christi: Whatever you do, do not turn around. There are two of them, twins I would say. They are leaving. (Christi Drops money on the table). We have to follow them.
Chris: Do you think this is a good idea? Shouldn't we call Diane or Eugene?

Christi: (running in heels) There is no time. We can't lose them.
Six blocks and two turns later......
Chris: Oh, look; they are going into an Internet café. Should we go in?
Christi: No. You stay here and watch the front door. I am going to see if there is a back exit. If they leave, follow them and call me on my cell.

Zack Johnson Defrocked from Masters Title
Augusta, Georgia, 24 April 2007
Shadow Press, Frank Del Olmo Reporting.
And the Winner is.....

The true winner of the 2007 PGA Masters was allowed to put on the green coat at the Augusta National Country Club this morning. Much to the embarrassment of PGA officials it was announced that Ken Meddock was the actual winner of the 2007 Masters. Zach Johnson had been award the green coat at the conclusion of the tournament with what was believed to be a low score of 289, a supposed 2-stroke victory over Tiger Woods. However, in fact Meddock had shot a 288. His card was scored correctly and he signed off on the card, handed it to officials and left the area, not realizing he had shot the low score! A near-sighted head official looked at the card and mistakenly wrote 298 on the leader board while Meddock was having a beer in the clubhouse feeling happy about just competing in the prestigious tournament. Justice was finally served when reexamination of the scores revealed the notation error by officials.

Although, Phil Mickelson, the 2006 wearer of the green jacket could not be on hand for ceremonies due to prior commitments, Tiger Woods, the 2005 winner, upheld tradition and helped Meddock into the most revered garment in the sport. Meddock will celebrate his victory with a trip to Disneyland on Friday.

Tiger and Ken looking good in green.

Starry, starry night with a wee sliver of moon at the Hluhluwe-Umfalozi Game Reserve, South Africa
Frank: Our guide has found a ceratothere. Follow me, no lights.
Park Ranger Villsoni Dinda: Big one! 100 meters in that direction.
Dave: Ok, this is why we have been practicing. Once get in place, we go on hut three, let’s go.
Jim: (Whispers to no one.) He still thinks this is a football game!

20 meters from the Ceratothere
Frank: Everybody in position?
Rick: We are as ready as we will ever be.
Bob: Are you sure that is a ceratothere? Looks an awful lot like a.....
Frank: (Interrupting.) I promise you that is our ceratothere Guinness Book record.
I'm hitting the light in 3 seconds. (Spotlight hits the head of the 2,500 lb ceratotherium. Hut 3 is cried out! Four jocks explode into a run. The light freezes the animal. And there is a terrific impact: Kerplunk! And the huge hulking beast falls over on its side, into a pool of water where it was drinking. Kerplop! Splash!

Ceratotherium drinking just before the tipping.

Gieg starts a celebratory dance. Ryan hoots, Jacobs hollers, Borquez jumps with arms above head onto Gieg.
Frank: Hey, guys get out of there, the rhino is getting up!
Bob: Did he say, "rhino"?
Frank: Run! I thought you guys knew that Ceratotherium is the Latin name for the white rhino. (They take off running in four different directions and the rhino takes after Gieg)

15 Minutes Later
Vilsonni and Frank are scanning lights through the acacia thicket followed by Rick, Jim, and Bob. Finally they spot Gieg high in a tree.
Frank: You can come down now, Dave. The rhino is gone. I got three great flash photos of the tipping. We will send them to the Guinness office tomorrow.
Jim: Hey, Dave, how did that ceratothere rip your pants?
Dave: (walking with the swagger of a successful rhino-tipper). That’s where the ceratothere hooked me and tossed me into that tree. You don't think I climbed that long-thorn acacia, do you?

ABC Nightly News:
Bernard VanVlymen: And now the news.
The Italian Carabinieri released photos of the alleged Las Panteras Rosas this evening. The two women in the series of photos holding stolen artworks that included the Mona Lisa, Nightwatch, and Michelangelo’s David were identified as Americans from California, Christi Brecht Moore and Chris Carney Stoddard. On the scene in Torino, Italy, is our roving reporter, Ann Buchanan Gaines. Tell us what you know, Ann.
Ann: This is hard for me to report, Bernie. We both knew Chris and Christi in high school, and while they had considerable mischievous reputations, particularly for a series of antics at the Santa Monica Pier in the '60s, well this is beyond belief. But the photos are incriminating. I have here, Scchief Inspectore Rapposelli.
Eugene: Buona cera, Bernie.
Bernie: Hi, Eugene. Looks like Italian food has agreed with you. Is it true that you had the two suspects in custody in Firenze and then released them yesterday?
Eugene: Yes, that is correct. But I was not fooled by their lies and deceit. It was my ploy to have them released and thinking that another theft in Torino had occurred while they were in custody. They believed they had an airtight alibi. I knew that eventually their craven hearts would lead them back to another thievery. However, some anonymous source had captured them in a series of rather good photos holding previous stolen art and gloating with these priceless objects in their hotel room and on that basis I know have warrants for their arrest.
Bernie: Do you have the suspects back in custody?
Eugene: Not at this time, Bernie. We have all borders of Italy sealed and we have every resource at command of law enforcement searching for these dangerous criminals. I guarantee arrests with be forthcoming very soon.
Bernie: There is a tall woman waving at you in the background Eugene. Who is that?
Eugene: (glances over his should). Oh, that is only Sub-Inspectore Mottola, my assistant. She probably has forensic evidence that will lock the case on the Brecht-Moore-Carney-Stoddard gang, aka Las Panteras Rosas.
Ann: Thank you, Scchief Inspectore. We congratulate you on leaving no stone unturned in solving this crime of the century. Back to you, Bernie.
Bernie: In Durbin, South Africa, a press conference held earlier today confirmed that a five-person team of Americans set the world record for cow tipping. We will be back with that news right after we hear from our sponsors at Little Doni Jelly Bean Works.


Cut to Commercial:
Doni Swenson: Hi, I'm Little Doni. We have a new line of Little Doni jellybeans that we brought out for Easter that are selling up a storm. Our new bean flavors include avocado, macadamia, mustard greens, black olive, passion fruit, pistachio, and Bernie VanVlymen’s personal favorite, tart rhubarb. This week only we have a half price offer on 50-pound bags of our new Easter fruit and nut flavor jellies. Get your order in now, we have operators waiting toll free at 1-999 664 BEAN. And for the first 100 orders we will include a free gallon jar of Marty Molidor's new Garlic Jelly Bean infusion of Super-Duper Sock-it-to-em Sockerooni Sauce. I have supplied jellybeans to every US President since Ronald Reagan and I want to put jellybeans all over your house.

Bernie: (chewing a jelly bean) Thank (mmmmm) you (yum), Doni. And keep sending those samples to the station.
(He turns left profile to camera two) In Durban, South Africa, an American team consisting of former Dallas Cowboys, Dave Gieg and Rich Borquez, set a record in cow-tipping, the sport in which any quadruped land animal must be knocked to the ground by a wall of ramming humans. The team included noted naturalist and ceratherium expert, Dr. Frank Bonaccorso, as spotlighter, and tippers, Robert Ryan and James Jacobs. The American team was certified as World Record holder at 2507 pounds tipped by Guinness Chief of Records, Joan Bialon Busby.
We have Joan Bialon standing by with our African Bureau Chief, Sue Troy Lisbon. Can you hear me Sue?
Sue: Hi Bernie. I have Joanie here with me. Joanie, what kind of animal did the boys tip?
Joan: It was a Ceratotherium simum, or White Rhinoceros. We darted it this morning and it weighed in at 2,507 pounds surpassing the old hippo record of 2,412 pounds tipped by four Crespi High School alums.
Sue: That must be dangerous, rhino-tipping. Did all the boys get away free of injury.
Joan: All but Dave Gieg were unscathed, Sue. Dave had 7 stitches to close a wound to his, uh, err, uh, well he had 7 stitches, but he is fine.
Sue: Thanks, Joanie. What else can we expect in the international sport of cow tipping?
Joan: This is not generally known, but multiple sources tell me that a team will soon attempt the woman’s division cow-tipping record right here in South Africa very soon. The team is led by WPRA star Kathryn Martin Rahmn.


Sue: That is the Women's Professional Rodeo Association. Who else is on that team?
Joan: Well, the team also includes Olympics gold medal volleyball great, Judy Pfeifer Knapp. Professional bowling legend, Suellen Keller Hunter, the only woman to have ever bowled back to back to back 300 games is on the team. Also participating will be professional wind surfer, Therese Icardo Yurosek, and the final team member is former Alaska pipeline welder and now wine expert, noted for more appearances on the Richard Carvotta Show than anyone one in its history, Margaret "Peggy" Jones.
Sue: And what kind of animal will they attempt to tip?
Joan: This is a closely guarded secret. We would not want other teams to have that information in the secretive world of cow tipping.
Sue: So you might say the world of cow tipping is dog-eat-dog! Back to you Bernie.
Bernie: Well that is all the time we have tonight. May all your news be good news. This is Bernard VanVlymen from New York City.

Announcement:

There was no winner for the Trivia Contest from Volume 21 – no one submitted a complete correct answer. The answers are:

Part 1: Jackie Robinson (while playing basketball at UCLA)

and Part 2: Alan Shows (back row), Pat Maryon, Frank DePasquale, and Lynn Carter

The Alemany High School 40th Reunion DVD is now in release. Your copy should have arrived in the US Mail during the week of March 27th. In order for our more technologically challenged classmates to access the “Extras” portion of the DVD, we have created a detailed “instruction file”. You may access this file, and other useful links, by clicking on the Recuerdos image below:

You need Adobe Reader on your computer to open this file. If you don't have Adobe Reader, click on the link below to download it (it's free).

DVD ORDER INFORMATION

A limited supply of the Reunion DVDs is available for sale at the amazingly low price of $10.00 (US). If you wish to purchase a copy of the Reunion DVD, contact Bob Johnson, aka Beej, at rmjlaw@sbcglobal.net, or write to AHS 40th Reunion Committee, 6058 West 74th St, Los Angeles, CA, 90045.

The Editorial Staff

Volume 21: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Special Dedication:
To all those special friends that never, ever let us down
and always give us unconditional love. To our animal friends represented by
Callie and Louie pictured below:

Callie is on the right and with best friend Pamela Harding Cardillo.

Louie, on the left with his amor, Teri Arteaga Romero.

Subtitled: Kowabunga!

Our Blast Of Nostalgia For This Week:
Say Kids, What Time Is It?
It’s Howdy Doody Time!

From the original show’s inception on December 27, 1947 until it’s final airing on NBC on December 30, 1960, HOWDY DOODY and BUFFALO BOB visited our homes 2,543 times.

5:30 PM, Visiting Locker Room, Chavez Ravine, Dodger Stadium
Alan Trammel, Bench Coach of the Chicago Cubs: Skipper, I got some bad news.
Lou Pinella, Manager of the Cubs: More bad news? Ok, let's have it.
Trammel: It's Cliff Floyd. His coat got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. Jerked him back into the glass and gave him a whiplash. Doc has his neck in a brace. He is out at least for ten days.
Pinella: Shi#!$#. You are joking, Alan? Tell me you are joking.
Trammel: Shakes his head negative.
Pinella: With Derek Lee's hamstring pull from last night that leaves us with only four position players on the bench.
Trammel: We can't possibly have anyone here in LA from a farm team by game time.
Pinella: (Kicks the water cooler outside the visiting manager’s office.)
Trammel: Skipper, I have an idea.
Pinella: What is it?
Trammel: We need someone with some pop that can pinch hit. Who better than our hitting coach? You’ve seen him take his cuts in the batting cage. The old man still has some bat speed.
Pinella: (Stares Trammel in the eyes). You want to activate a 58 year old?
Trammel: the White Sox activated Saturnino Orestes Armas Minoso at age 55 for a game a few years back. It would be an age record and bring a lot of media attention that the Tribune Company would revel in having. And we break a baseball record held by the (ugh!) White Sox.
Pinella: Yeah, and it certainly didn't hurt the Cowboys any when they activated that Dave Gieg guy this year. I guess it is better to activate him and have him available, just in case. Alan, this is for one game only, until we can get someone from Triple-A tomorrow.
Trammel: Move over Minnie Minoso, Jim Dantona is erasing your name! I'll let Jim know he is being activated. I can hardly wait to see his face.

1944, Northeastern France
A two-ton truck screeches to a halt. Six GIs wearing green fatigues jump from the back of the truck to the muddy ground. One GI is carrying a nearly empty bottle of wine.
Sergeant: Bob Hope may be funny, but I couldn't take my eyes off Dorothy LaMour. What a pair of legs.
Private Mankiwietz: Hey, Frankie, you missed a great show. Let's head over to the chow line.
Sergeant: O'Higgins, relieve Corporal Bonaccorso on guard duty.
The GI’s are walking toward the mess area for hot chow.
Sergeant: Bonaccorso, anything to report?
Frank: Not much Sergeant. It was a quiet day, the guns at the front lines sound about 5 miles away. Oh, except we had an inspection.
Sergeant: Inspection? Did the Captain come to inspect the gun?
Frank: No, Sarge, not the captain.
Sergeant: You mean we had top brass here on an inspection today? That S.O.B. colonel finally steps out of the headquarters sandbags to see how we were doing?
Frank: No, Sarge. Not the colonel, it was a general.
Sergeant: Your, f##king kidding me. Our one-star commander was looking at my gun.
Frank: Nope.
Sergeant: Bonaccorso, who inspected the gun? By now the group had stopped walking and all eyes were on Frank, and waiting for his answer. (A light rain began to fall.)
Frank: (pulling his collar up to protect his neck from the cold rain). It was Patton!
Private Digby: Geez, was he packing his pearl handles?
Private Rodriguez: Did he cuss at you? Or hit you?
Frank: He was wearing his pearl handles and he was very polite. He checked the gun breech and then commended the unit for having a clean gun. Did you know he was from California? And he wants a crate of cherries from my dad's orchard.
Sarge: Son of a gun! I should have sent you to Lyon for the USO show and stayed here myself. I can't believe you talked to Patton. What else did he say?
Frank: He said we were going to have a big party in Berlin and be home by next summer. Smells like beans again at the chow line.

Top of the 9th, Dodger Stadium
Bob Uecker and Phil "Scooter" Rizzuto are Guest Radio Announcers for the Cubs (even the radio broadcasters for the Cubs are on the Disabled List!)
Uecker: And the pitch from Saito is high, ball four. Saito seems to have lost his control.
Phil: Holy Cow, that sure is not characteristic of Saito, Bob. He starts the 9th inning by striking out the first two batters he faces and then walks the bases full. Izturis is at third, Cedeno on second, and Ramirez is now on first.
Uecker. That brings up the pitcher's spot, and there is only one man left on the Cubbies bench. That would be 58 year-old batting coach and former local star at Alemany High School, Jim Dantona.
Phil: Holy Cow, Dantona had a tryout with the Cubs more than 35 years ago, but he has never had a major league at bat.
Uecker: Rick Honeycutt, the pitching coach of the Dodgers is going out to the mound to talk to Saito. Dantona was activated only two hours before game time when it was learned that Cliff Floyd incurred a severe whiplash while getting clothing caught in a revolving door at the Cub's hotel this afternoon.
Phil: Holy Cow, what a spot to get your first major league at bat, H-o-l-y friggin’ C-o-w. The Dodgers lead 4 to 1, with two out in the top of the ninth inning.
In the right field upper deck seats: Danny McMahon just about breaks a tooth on a Cracker Jack corn kernel as he hears ---
Dodgers PA Announcer, Richard Weier: Now batting for the Chicago Cubs, #44, Jim Dan---to---na!
Dodgers Organist, Jan Zemba Wilkes, plays a few bars of the Alemany Alma Mater
Danny McMahon: Hey, Marty, did you know that Dantona was an active player? I thought he was the batting coach.
Martin Molidor: I heard on the pre-game broadcast that the Cubbies had two guys go on the DL in the last 24 hours and activated Jim for tonight's game only. I never thought he would actually play.
Uecker: Dantona rubs a little pine tar to his bat and he walks to the plate.
Phil: Geez, Louise, do you think this guy has any chance against Saito?
Uecker: Ernie Banks says that Dantona still has the bat speed and the eye. If Ernie believes in this guy, so do I, Scooter. Hey, Scooter, could you pass some of those Dodger Nachos this way, please?
Phil: Dantona taps the bat at his cleats, and he steps into the box. He has an open stance and awaits Saito. Saito pitches from the stretch, and Dantona takes strike one.
Uecker: Man, that was a wicked slider on the outside of the plate. Has Saito got his control back?
Phil: Saito is ready to deliver, and Dantona checks his swing and takes a fastball low and away. The count is 1 and 1. Holy Cow, the Cubs could sure use a victory tonight. Rookie pinch hitter, Jim Dantona, making his major league debut, represents the winning run at the plate. OOOh my, a fastball under the chin backs Dantona out of there. Ball 2.
Eucker: That ball registered 94 miles an hour on the radar gun! Dantona is staring out at the mound, he was not happy with the location of that pitch, Scooter.
Phil: Holy Cow, 94! Can that guy bring it? Saito stares in to Russell Martin for the sign. He nods yes and goes into the stretch. Dantona swings late at another fastball, oh my that came faster than the last pitch. The radar gun reached 96. Count is 2 and 2 to Dantona. Jim asks for time, and walks over to get a little more pine tar on the bat. Lou Pinella is standing with arms folded on the top step of the dugout and encourages Jim. Jim steps back in the box, Saito delivers, and there is a drive to the gap deep into left center. Holy Cow, no one is going to catch that one, one hop up against the wall. Izturis scores and here comes Cedeno right behind him. The ball is caroming off the wall between Pierre and Gonzales. They are waving Aramis Ramierez around third. Look at Jim Dantona run. The old guy is headed for third and here comes the throw from the weak armed Juan Pierre. Holy Cow, Jim slides and raises a cloud of dust, and the ball gets by Betemit! Dantona is heading for home even though his third base coach put up the red light. The ball bounces off the dugout steps and Saito throws toward home. Oh, no, the throw is going to get him, Bob! Dantona is coming in standing, Holy Cow. Martin puts the tag on Dantona. Oh my, what a collision. Martin is down. Dantona is down and reaches a hand for home plate. And the umpire has not signaled anything. Is he out, is he safe? The ump opens up Martin's glove and there is no ball in the glove. The ball is ten feet behind home plate. The ump signals safe. Cubs take the lead! Cubs take the lead! Dantona has tripled and scores on the throwing error by Gonzales.

(The Dodgers go down meekly, 1, 2, 3 in the bottom of the 9th)….. and the final score, Cubs 5, Dodgers 4. Hoooo--llly Cow. I don’t know if the fat lady is singing, but somewhere Meatloaf sure is singing, “By the Dashboard Light”. This is Phil Rizzuto and Bob Uecker saying, “Good night from Los Angeles”.

The Pride of Alemany during his try-out with the Cubbies.

And while we are on the subject of sports, here is the
Shadow’s Trivia Question of this week:

Part 1: Name the sports immortal rebounding the basketball back when basketball shorts were the proper length. This man led the Pacific Coast Conference, Southern Section, in scoring two consecutive years. He was the first four-sport collegiate varsity lettermen at his university and won an individual NCAA championship in track and field. He led the NCAA in punt returns in football. He sucked at baseball, batting .097 his first year on the varsity. He did not participate in the Olympics, but his older brother won a Silver Medal in the 1936 Berlin Games in track and field.


This week's prize is a bootlegged CD, "For Your Love" by an unknown artist believed to be from Singapore doing a terrible imitation of Stevie Wonder. This item cannot be bought in stores closer than Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea. Even Wolfman Jack and The Midnight Rider do not have this album, considered a collectors item (by some people). Although lusting for this album, Danny McMahon and Robert Johnson are not illegible to participate. Your answer must be sent to bonafrank@yahoo.com and you also must answer Part 2 found below in this volume and be the first person to answer correctly in order to win.

Tustin, California
Mayor Barbara Louise Rice Mino: Once again, I am so pleased to welcome Ruby the Elephant and her entourage to Tustin for the 1st Annual Tustin Animal Artists Festival. All of the art works you see on exhibit today are available for auction to help homeless animals. We have artworks sent from as far as Douglas, Alaska, painted by Seymour the Squid, and even one by Snickers, the presidential seal. Right now though, we invite you to watch Ruby paint an original watercolor in the city square.

Ruby calls this watercolor “Cherry Blossoms #18”
Notice that Ruby has studied the French impressionists.
Will Las Panteras Rosas discover this masterpiece!

Auctioneer, Joannie McKinney Erwin: Our first item up for auction is an example of contemporary canine abstractionism. The artist is Louie Romero, who paints in Yorba Linda, California. This painting is titled, “Dog Dreams”. The bidding will start at $5000. Do I have $5000?

"Dog Dreams" by Louie Romero.

Barbara Broeski Tennis: (Raises her hand, obviously wanting a fine Louie to hang in her new research institute).
Joannie: I have $5000, do I hear $6000?
Rex Olliff: (nods his royal head)
Joannie: We have $6000 from his Excellency, the King of Sweden. Do I hear $7000.
Barb: $7000!
Woman in the last row: I bid $7,500. (All heads turn to the back row bidder).
Joannie: We have $7,500. Do I hear $8,000? Going once, twice, sold to Chris Belle Monroe.

And here is the artist, Louie, who also does tricks for treats.
By the way, Louie paints with his tail.
Photo courtesy of Teri Arteaga Romero.

"Goodbye, kids, thanks for coming to the Peanut Gallery."

Trivia Question Part 2. Name all the Alemany ’66 people in the Peanut Gallery?
We will identify them for everyone in the next issue.

Thanks for reading.

MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR SUE BOLDUC SCHEDULED

I just received permit reservation for Friday, May 11, from 1:00 PM to 2:30PM, at Carpinteria State Beach for my mother's, Sue Bolduc Yates, memorial service. Karen and I plan to send formal announcements out next week, but I wanted to give you a heads up now so that if you want to come, you can notify your employers or make any other necessary plans to allow your attendance.

Lots of love to all,
Tim Yates

tayates@ucdavis.edu

david.bolduc@cox.net

Volume 20: The Further Sagas of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso
and
welcoming special guest writer, R. M. Johnson

Subtitled: Clash of the Saurian Titans

Special Dedication and Happy Birthday #92 to:
Corporal Frank Bonaccorso, my dad, who liberated France, Belgium, Luxembourg, Germany, and Austria in 1944-45 with
General Patton and a few friends

Continuing with our tradition to old-time TV shows:
Who can tell me what exactly is happening in this photo?
And who is that man in the overalls?

The first person with a complete and correct response to The Shadow care of bonafrank@yahoo.com may dedicate Volume 21 to the special person of their choice. Past winners of trivia contests (that means you Adrienne and you Leo) are ineligible as are our editorial staff.

7 miles south of Nipomo, California
Ruby the elephant paced steadily up the highway with Kathy Cota, Karen and Patricia Willadson, and Donny Osmond aboard a red velvet carriage strapped to the pachyderm's back. As they passed fields of sunflowers, Donny sang, "Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful day". The ladies drank hot Raspberry Zinger out of thermoses and toasted Donny. The wind was out of the northwest, when Ruby got the scent of something that caused her to pause; then she raised her trunk above her head, and held the trunk to the left, then to the right, then left again. Suddenly, Ruby broke into a trot, ears flapping in the wind, trumpeting gleefully as she broke into an all-out elephantine run. The four riders were shaken from side to side in the carriage. Kathy shouted, "Ruby stop, stop". But Ruby kept running and turned left off the highway and into a field of watermelons. Ruby applied the brakes and commenced to stomp one melon and then another with her right foot while simultaneously grasping the fragments with her trunk and scooping the delicious juicy fruit into her mouth. Despite everyone's scolding, Ruby would not be dissuaded from her snacking. About the time Ruby had crunched her 27th melon, a shot was fired in the air.
Farmer in blue overalls and holding a Winchester double barrel: What in great tarnation is going on in my watermelon patch?
A second man of identical looks, a twin it would seem, surveyed the trail of broken melons and broken plants and then shouted, "Get that elephant out of here. What gives you the right...."
Patricia: (With recognition of the farmer.) Oh, don’t get your liver in an uproar, Timothy Dilley.
Karen Jean: And you Dennis Dilley should be ashamed of yourself, shooting off a shotgun, trying to scare a harmless and hungry animal with four people on its back.
Timothy: Glory be! If it ain't the Willadsen twins of Alemany High School! What brings you to Nipomo, on elephant-back of all things? Well come on down off that creature and have some lemonade up at the house. If I have to listen to your cock and bull story, we might as well be sitting in the shade. I suppose your oversized pet can eat a few more melons in my field if it wants.

November 1944, in northeast France
(This is a non-fiction contribution)
A US Army Jeep with US flags mounted on either side of the vehicle and signs indicating that a three-star general is aboard, speeds down a muddy dirt tract past encamped GI's. From the back seat, a voice commands, "Pull over beside that artillery piece". The jeep skids to a stop. The general wearing a polished steel helmet with three stars on the front and wearing a side arm with a pearl handle steps from his jeep. His high leather-riding boots are immaculate. "Have a smoke if you wish" the general says to his driver, and motions his aide to follow. He walks toward the big artillery piece in his pressed khaki riding pants. A single corporal beside the gun jumps to attention and salutes. "At ease soldier, I am going to inspect your gun." The general takes off his white cotton gloves and climbs all over the gun. He opens the breach and rubs a glove inside the barrel. He inspects his glove. It is still perfectly white.
Patton: What is your name, soldier?
Corporal: Bonaccorso, Sir.
Patton: Where are you from, Bonaccorso?
Bonaccorso: Morgan Hill, California, Sir.
Patton: I'm from California too, soldier. What does your father do back home?
Bonaccorso: Sir, he has a fruit orchard, plums for drying as prunes, apricots, and cherries, Sir.
Patton: Damn sure would like to have some cherries from your father right now, son.
Bonaccorso: Sir, let's beat the hell out of the krauts first, and when we all go home, I will make sure you get a box of fresh cherries, Sir.
Patton: Smiles. That is a clean gun, corporal. Where is the rest of your unit?
Bonaccorso: They were issued passes to see Bob Hope at the USO show, sir.
Patton: Why didn't you go to see Bob Hope, son? Don't you like Bob Hope?
Bonaccorso: I love Bob Hope, sir. But somebody had to stay behind to guard the gun, sir. Besides, I have had enough riding in the back of 2-ton trucks over bad roads, sir. I just wanted to relax in peace today, General, sir.
Patton walked back to his jeep and climbed into the back seat. Still standing, "Corporal Bonaccorso, we are going to knock the krauts back across the Rhine all the way to Berlin and you will be home next summer in time to help your family pick my box of cherries." The General held a salute, which was returned by the Corporal, and instructed his driver to go.

The Bonaccorso Family, celebrating Dad’s 90th Birthday in Sequim, Washington, 2005
The War Hero is wearing the tinted glasses and his older sister, Mary (age 95) is to his left, and my mom, Mary, in the last photo I have of her alive, is to dad’s right.
After the photo session, Aunt Mary beat me 20-6 in some one-on-one basketball and I thought she was showing off when she dunked that 20th point.
You’re a show-off Aunt Mary!

Some of you know my Dad, (yes I mean you Pat Lucatorto and Claudia Haugh Stepan) if you would like to send him a birthday greeting his address is:

500 West 5th Avenue, Stop 5039, Sequim, WA 98382

Or if you don't know him, send him a card anyway and say you are from Alemany and that Frankie Joe turned out better than anybody would have thought back in 1966. Ask him about General Patton and the gun inspection in France and you’ll make an old soldier smile. Or ask him about how he met the Jack Daniels (whiskey) family in Tennessee before he shipped overseas.


The Great Dismal Swamp, 65,000,000 Million Years Before Present
John Barreiro: Stay here. I am going over by that log to get the sun behind me.
Peggy Jones: Be careful, John.
John crouched behind a fallen log. Two T. rexes were dueling under the sun, and the slightly smaller rex was having a bad time. John clicked and clicked and clicked photos. Finally, the smaller dinosaur had had enough and ran off into a thicket, smashing trees as it went. The larger rex reveled in the glory of victory and let out a prolonged primal roar that hurt Peggy and John’s ears. And then the "rex" caught a bit of motion out of the corner of its eye. John had moved a little too close to get one last snapshot. The rex turned toward John and starred at him. John froze. Part of him wanted to run, but John knew that predators are more likely to attack movement. The "rex" took a step toward him. It snorted and then sniffed the air. It smelled fresh meat and the meat was not lamb chops. The rex broke into a run toward John who was a deer in the headlights. Peggy jumped up from her hidden position and fired a bazooka-like device at the rex. The shot struck the behemoth on the right shoulder and a cloud of white gas enveloped the dinosaur. It stopped in its tracks not more than 15 feet from John. And the dinosaur blinked its eyes and sort of smiled. The nitrous oxide that dentist, Tim Jordan, had brought on the expedition had served its first use. The T. rex rolled over on its side, its puny arms punched at the air, and its legs kicked uncontrollably. It vocalized a T. rex sort of laughter. And that is how Peggy Jones saved the life of John Barreiro one morning back in the Cretaceous.
Peggy: (Spoken softly) Are you all right, John?
John: Yes, I think I better go back to the Monarch II and change my underwear.

PHILANTHROPISTS GATHER FOR RESEARCH CENTER DEDICATION

Dateline: Bellevue, Washington April 7, 2007

Moguls, Oscar Rivera, Jr. and Bill Gates gathered at Microsoft Headquarters for the dedication of the Barb Broeski Tennis Research Center. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation credit Oscar Rivera and his Global AHS Foundation with acquainting him with the Broeski Tennis research project. According to Bill Gates, "Post Reunion Withdrawal Syndrome" (PRWS) has reached crisis proportions, worldwide. Melinda and I are delighted to have brought the premier talents of Dr. Barb onto our campus here in Bellevue."

Dr. Barb gratefully acknowledged the financial contributions from the Gates and Rivera Foundations in her remarks at the dedication ceremony. "Too little effort has been made on a global basis to combat this insidious, psychologically traumatizing illness. Our efforts to analyze the short and long term effects of PRWS, and the equally debilitating INO strain of the illness, will be significantly advance by the collaborative efforts of leading psychologists from around the world. We are extremely grateful to make the Bellevue Center our new home."

(Photo: Oscar Rivera Jr, Dr. Barbara Broeski Tennis, FPs, BS, and Bill Gates at the Dedication Ceremony)

Simpsonville, South Carolina
A few of his friends had learned that Leo Restrich had been suffering from unusual bouts of melancholy since witnessing the sliming death of Elvis by the purple aliens in Outer Space. The friends placed a call to the new Barbara Broeski Tennis Research Institute and asked what might cheer Leo and bring him back to his ebullient self. Dr. Barb suggested that Leo needed a new hobby to get his mind out of the depths of depression. The friends, mostly fellow yell leaders and cheerleaders from Alemany, purchased a gift from the Mark S. Sauer Life-sized Models Company of Ventura, California, and had it sent Leo. The motto of Mark’s company is, "Every model as large as life." Leo unwrapped his surprise gift and discovered it was a life-sized model of the {Adrienne}Poirier Comet, reputed to be the size of Texas and Oklahoma combined. The model came in 6,345,848,222 pieces which all had to be glued together. Leo read the part of the directions on the model kit which suggested he use the special Modeling Glue #38f made by Donald A. Soberg Glueworks and Retirement Village for Old Horses so he ordered it directly from Don in Kelseyville, California. And being an old Alemany buddy, Don gave Leo free shipping for 12,000 tubes of modeling glue he would need to make the Poirier Comet whole. Leo laid out all the pieces on his living room floor and started to build the model, but failed to read to the end of the directions that came with the model kit which said, "Under no conditions build this indoors" Leo was in a frenzy of gluing and even had Terry Arteaga Romero who happened to be visiting with her dog, Louie, passing pieces from the floor as he glued from a step ladder. After only 3,299,428 glued pieces and 912 empty glue tubes, Leo discovered he had to remove the roof from his house to continue the project. Moral of story, read all the directions before building a life size model from the Mark S. Sauer Life-sized Model Company unless your living room is bigger than Texas and Oklahoma. If only Leo had called someone practical and sensible like Charmaine Haley before he began the model, I am sure she would have asked him, "Have you read all the directions?" The good news is that Leo seems happy again. At least Teri said Leo was happy when she left Simpsonville after baking him a twelfth batch of tequila cookies.

“Sunlight in a glade among coastal redwoods”
If you listen carefully you can hear the heavenly choir of Alemany Angels
singing in the glade.
Photo: by Frank Bonaccorso, John Muir Woods, October 2004
Don’t you dare bonsai these trees, Karen King?


To: Alemany '66 with lots of love, Happy Easter
From: Frankie Joe and Smokey the Bear at the John Muir Woods
Which way did you say those cheerleaders went, Smokey?

Hey David Surges, is winter officially over yet in Duluth?

In Volume 21 Schief Inpsectore Eugene Raposelli and Sub-inspectore Diane Mottola are close to solving a crime with assistance from the Mutt and Jeff Gang (aka Christi Brecht and Chris Carney)

Newest addition to the Nuns for Fun band.

Volume 19: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:
As revealed by The Shadow
with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso



Special Dedication to a very special friend:
Barbara Broeski Tennis
"The Sheri Lewis Show" featuring the loveable Lambchop,
is an all-time favorite of "Dr. Barb"

Radio Station XERF, Del Rio, Texas
Sound Tech Sandy Savko Clark: Get ready Melodianne, in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - your on the air.
Melodianne Shaw Duffy: Hel-loooooo music lovers this is Sierra Stardust and its time for that good old rock N roll. Our first dedication, Leader of the Pack by the Shangrila’s, goes out to Sharon Zoller Ringleb from all her classmates at St. Ferdinand's. There is probably a hidden message in that song title, but I would not know. (Cut to music)
Melody (aka Sierra): Thanks, Pat for letting me get my feet wet on the first song. I feel so honored to be following in the footsteps of the Wolfman. I can’t believe he has retired from radio?
Pat Lucatorto: I can tell you, that Wolfman was tickled three shades of pink to know you were coming to join the show, Melody. Actually, I better call you Sierra so I get used to the stage name and don't blow it on the air. (music is ending). Aaaaaahhhoooo, this is the Midnight Rider, welcoming ya'll back to Del Rio for some old time rock. Hope you enjoyed your dedication Sherrie Z. and our next dedication goes out to Leo Restrich from an Alemany mystery woman. Leo, here is I Wanna Hold Your Hand by the Beatles. (cut to music).

Pat: And we are back courtesy of those good folks at Bob Carlin Hoola Hoops. Bob and his staff have been making quality hoola hoops since 1972. And remember, Carlin Hoola Hoops is the official maker of hoola hoops for the President of the United States. If we were on TV I would show ya'll this picture I got sent to us by President Hawkes, but unfortunately we are can only broadcast sound waves so ya'll have to trust the Midnight Rider.

For you doubters who do not trust the Midnight Rider, seeing is believing!
President Judith Hawkes displaying radical form
for the Japanese Prime Minister at a recent summit meeting on Maui.
Following the hoopla, the Prime Minister took the Prez to a very serious paint ball fight.

Pat: We have a caller from Las Vegas. Who is this?
Caller: This is Mike Klute. Just want to say, Midnight Rider, that even though we miss the Wolfman, you are a shining light and all of Alemany is thrilled to be able to hear one of our Monarchs playing the music we love at XERF. Keep up the good, good work.
Pat: Thanks, Mike. We try to please. Can I play a song for you?
Mike: Well I am cruising in my 1955 Chevy down the Vegas strip. Could you play an American masterpiece about the Chevy on the levy?
Pat: You got it Mike. I am cueing up American Pie by Don McClean. This is from the Midnight Rider to all Alemany Indians that are listening. Love you all. (cut to music about good ol' boys drinking whiskey and rye!)
Melody: Our next dedication is from Diann Manemann DePasquale to her hubby, Frank DePasquale, here is Brian Hyland singing, Sealed With A Kiss. (Cut to music).
Pat: Aaaaaahhhhooooo. The Wolfman taught me how to howl before he left the show and it's my way of saying, "We love you, Wolfman, where ever you are". The Wolfman is all over the globe opening new child care centers and schools with the great philanthropist of our time, Oscar Rivera. Take care, Wolfman, and you too, Oscar. And now, we have a little trivia question, the fifth person that calls with an answer during the next song has a chance to win a bonsai redwood tree from King Bonsai. This bonsai redwood is cut to perfection with loving care by Karen King, master bonsai stylist and owner of King Bonsai located near the corner of Nordhoff and Sepulveda in Northridge, California. And remember their slogan, "You don’t have to be a King to shop at King Bonsai". Although, come to think of it, King Bonsai does supply the King of Sweden with all his royal party bonsai needs. And now, our trivia question, deals with our sister radio station, Boss Radio KHJ 93. What was the number one song in the 1968 KHJ 93, Los Angeles, Top 300 Songs of All Time? Remember DJ’s Robert W. Morgan, Charlie Tuna, and Humble Harve at KHJ? While you think about that, I am dedicating the number 5 song from that KHJ survey to Bob Johnson from Sierra Stardust and The Midnight Rider. Here is Paul Mauriat playing Love is Blue just for Beej. (cut to music)
Melody: Patrick, we have a caller on the line from Stockholm, Sweden.
Pat: Hello, Stockholm?
Rex Olliff: Hello, Patrick and Melodyanne, this Rex.
Pat: Rex Olliff, the King of Sweden?
Rex: Yes, I was just watering my bonsai trees, Up on the Roof, and listening to your show. My answer is California Dreaming by the Mammas & Poppas.
Melody: Great guess, King Rex. That song was very popular, however, it was #11 which I recall is Dave Gieg’s old football number. Sorry but no bonsai for the King.

The official royal portrait of King Rex Olliff the Good
Looks like Rex did not use sun screen while watering his roof-top
Karen King bonsai trees, but obviously he was wearing gardening gloves.

Pat: Ok, we will give you listener's one more chance. We will take the 7th call during our next song. Our current song is dedicated to Jenny Pacheco Escobedo and Marie Barragan Lewis from their Santa Rosa classmate, Susan Guzman Perez. Susan is sending out, the #297 top song of that 1968 survey, from the group We Five, You Were On My Mind.
(cut to music).
Pat: We have a caller who hails from Eagle Point, Oregon. To whom am I speaking?
Trudy Barela Bridgers: Hello Midnight Rider and Sierra, my name is Trudy, and first I have to say that I miss the Wolfman so much. Please send him my best wishes.
Melody: We will send your best to the Wolfman, we miss him too. Do you have an answer for us Trudy?
Trudy: Is it Light My Fire by the Doors?
Pat: We have a winner. Congratulations, Trudy, you will be receiving an 88 foot high miniature bonsai redwood from King Bonsai because you named the Top Rock and Roll Song of the all time as proclaimed by KHJ in 1968.
Melody: And as far as I am concerned, Don McClean was correct in his neoclassical American Pie, the music did die after we lost Richie Valens, the Big Bopper, and Buddy Holly.
Pat: Well maybe it entered a long protracted upheaval, but following those guys we did have the Beatles, Beachboys, Stones, BeeGees, Supremes, and a few dozen other Motown greats that kept us going into the 70's, Melody. So I would have to dispute that point. But as for rap and hip-hop, it sucks.
Melody: Midnight Rider, do you believe we are out of time. This has been so much fun. I hope this is the first of thousands of shows that I do with you. This is Sierra Stardust signing off with the Midnight Rider and sending the #112 song from The KHJ Top 300 of 1968 to all our classmates from Alemany '66, Up, up and Away by the Fifth Dimension. Good night everyone.


Solomon Sea, East of New Britain Island (Check your world atlas)
Paul Pichotta: This is Maori Cutter to Abyssal Explorer, come in, Mike.
Michael Kieber: Mike, here. All systems are operational, we just passed below 21,000 feet. We are powering up the floodlights. We will be back in touch once we get below 22,000 feet.
Sheri Richards (LA Times correspondent): Thanks for agreeing to let us press types accompany the expedition, Paul.
Jim Poltl: Thanks to your newspapers for donating so generously to this research expedition, Sheri. It costs over $4,000 a day to keep the Maori Cutter and the Abysal Explorer operating at sea.
Ron Phipps: Ayep, but if we photograph a Colossal Squid in its deep sea habitat, the Chronicle and the Times will increase readership to more than pay for this little sea cruise, right, Sheri.
Sheri: Right you are, Ron.
Mike: We just passed, 22,000 feet.
Randall Jensen (San Franciso Chronical correspondent aboard Abyssal Explorer): Oh my goodness, look at that sea mount at 2 o'clock, Mike.
Mike: Wow, let's move in closer. Those look like black smokers. I am turning on the remote cameras, Paul.
Randal: Excuse, me. What are black smokers?

Black Smokers discovered by the Abyssal Explorer

Judy Balzer Bell (Chief Geologist on the Abyssal Explorer): Think of them as miniature volcanoes with smokestack chimneys rising from the ocean floor, Randy. They release lots of minerals and sulfide gases and should harbor a wealth of sea life that feed off the nutrients.
Mike: Look at those giant tube worms and clams!!!! And look over there, a purple and green and yellow and blue octopus. It’s just like I imagined Ringo Starr singing in that Beatles song. Mike sings, "I’d like to be, beneath the sea, in an octopuses garden….."

Giant Tube Worms, Sulphuroides kieberi, named by Jim Poltl after discoverer and first person to photograph this species, Michael Kieber.

Randy: Never mind the octopus. I don’t like the way that bizarre creature pressed up against right viewing port is looking at me? Gad, what teeth.
Judy: Relax, Randy, that glass is 6 inches thick.

What Randy Jensen saw pressed against his viewing port!!!!

Near the top of the Mighty Matterhorn, Switzerland
Bob Johnson: I am not Evel Knievel, Mary! Are you in your right mind? Tell me there is a mistake and that this is not the ski box course.
Mary Ganssle Johnson: Now, now, Beej. It's not as bad as it looks. Take a couple of deep breathes and drink in the scenery. This is your kind of course. And, oh by the way, I took out a $5,000,000 life insurance policy with your grandchildren as beneficiaries, so you have nothing to worry about.

Bob Johnson, just before Mary pointed out the course he would have to
ski-box down in the race.

Bob: This is a death wish. There is no way I am going to drive this. I am taking Dan McMahon up on his offer to teach me how to throw the caber. I quit.
Joe Dispensa: Hey, Bobby, have a chug on this, it will do you good. It calms the nerves. (Joe hands Bob his goatskin bota bag).
Bob: (Takes a long squirt of the contents and starts choking on the 200 proof contents. Frankie DePasquale gives Bob a slap on the back which causes Bob to lose balance, land on his back, and start sliding down the mountain). Aaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!
Further down the mountain, Mike Modugno turns to Steve Modugno: Hey, Steve, look there goes Bob. He is not supposed to be practicing today. The course is not officially open yet.
Bob: OOOOOOOOhhhhhhhh Nooooooooooooo. Ouch! Uuuuf. Aaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiieeeeee!
Steve: If Bob wanted to test the course today, why didn't he ask for the ski box up here? Look at the great line he is taking down the mountain. I think he is the best driver in the world!

At the bottom of the mountain, a shouting Bob: Hey up there can you hear me? Dispenza, throw the bota bag down here. I need another shot of whatever that was. Then I want to try that ride again with the ski box. (Thinking to himself, man that was fun).

The Matterhorn course as Bob Johnson, "butt-scooted" down his practice run.
No problem for an athlete like the "Beej".

Zippy, the bat, the Shadow's little known nocturnal friend, says, "See you in Volume 20. Same bat time, same bat channel"

Next time we will rejoin Kathy Cota and Ruby the Elephant, “On the Road Again” and maybe we will see if John Barreiro got any good pics of the Tyranosaurus.

Are you laughing out there, Pani DiTrapani?

THE "SHADOW" IS BACK, by popular demand!

(Scroll down to Volume 19 below)

For those of you still struggling with accessing the "Extras" section of your DVD, you may scroll down to the "DVDs for Dummies" blog (right below Vol. 19).

The AHS '66 Reunion DVD is still available. Order now, so you won't miss a moment of this nostalgic trip down memory lane. We also welcome your comments, don't be shy.

The Editorial Staff

Volume 18: The Further Saga of Alemany '66:

As revealed by The Shadow with minor assistance from F.J. Bonaccorso

Special Dedication to the Pioneers of American Sports: Abner Doubleday, Dr. James Naismith, and Dick Fosbery



Do the flop and doobly-do-bop.Dick Fosbery, Oregon State University, pioneer of the Fosbery Flop.Fosbery won the high jump gold medal at the 1968 Mexico City Olympics.Can any reader tell us what person from Alemany '66 secretly practiced a forbidden head first belly-flop style high jump? The Shadow Knows.

Flashback to 19 March 1956, La Festa di San Giuseppe, Los Angeles

On this feast day of St Joseph (San Giuseppe), Italian-American communities give special thanks to St. Joseph ("San Giuseppe") for preventing a famine in Sicily way back during the Middle Ages. The fava bean crop saved the population from starvation while all other crops withered in the fields. Giving food to the needy is a St. Joseph's Day tradition. In many Italian and Italian-American communities it is traditional to wear red clothing and eat a Sicilian pastry known as a Zeppole on March 19th. Everyone named Joseph and Josephine get their ears pinched for good luck.

After celebrating the mass, Italians feast at St Joseph's tables where endless food is served. As a seven year old, I was dressed in a sport coat and a red bow tie for mass. Following mass there was an outdoor feast with the large Italian community in downtown Los Angeles. Once it was learned that my middle name was Joseph, my ears were pinched until they turned red and I ran around and even under the tables laden with food to escape pinches. I kept saying, "My name is Frank not Joseph" but that did not seem to stop the pinching. The only thing worse than having your ears pinched is having all the old ladies come up and kiss you cause you were a cute little kid. So my ears were red from pinching and my face red with the lipstick of countless ladies wearing black shawls. When I wasn't being chased by old ladies, I hung out at the pastry table with the zeppoles and the canoles ---mmm, good. I kept asking if the swallows were going to show up at the church, but my grandpa, Salvatore, told me that was only at the Mission San Juan Capistrano. I think I must have met my first Mafia members that day. There were lots of mean looking guys with their hair slicked back and wearing black coats, ties, and felt hats. An accordion played the tarantella and all the old folks danced as if they were teens, at least for awhile. Then they would pull out white handkerchiefs and mop their brows while collapsing into a folding chair. The cigar smoke was thick and the vino was flowing from a big wooden cask. Some of the wine was donated by my grandfather who had a huge wine press in a barn back at his ranch. The wine press was huge in the eyes of a small seven year-old and grandpa always threatened he would throw me in the vat to press the grapes with my feet if I did not behave. All in all, it was an interesting day and I ate about 13 zeppoles. Just wish I could have seen some swallows. So remember my pisanos, take it easy on March 17 for St. Paddy's Day. Pace yourself for the feast day of San Giuseppe. And wear red on March 19th. I am sure that if your wander to the mission in San Juan Capistrano that Father Holquin will be happy to show you a flock of swallows. Tell him Frank sent you and ask if he has any zeppoles to feast St. Giuseppe.

The day before St. Joseph's Day, Mission San Juan Capistrano

Father Larry Neumeier: Why so glum today Art? You are ahead of schedule for the dedication of the new basilica.

Father Art Holquin: Larry, tomorrow is St. Joseph's Day. There are usually a few swallows that act as lead scouts that are in Capistrano by now. But I have not seen a single swallow at the Mission. I am worried that something has happened to our beloved birds.

Larry: Maybe there was a storm delay somewhere between Argentina and California. It's what 8,000 miles from Argentina?Art: That's about right. Larry: Well, any number of things can delay them. Art, let's take a moment and pray. I am sure that St. Joseph and St. Francis are looking after the swallows.

Watch for Cliff Swallows returning to SoCal from Argentina any day now.If you see some, give Father Art a call and ease his mind.

Ruby, The African Elephant, Heads for Green Acres

(That's the Place to Be!)

Los Angeles Zoo, Griffith Park

Los AngelesThe Shadow Press.

Reported by Patricia DeSantis Wyatt.

Ruby, the 46 year-old elephant retiring from the Los Angles Zoo refused to go into a crate to be hauled by a truck to her new open plains home in San Andreas, California. Zoo officials were at a loss over what to do. "We have a wonderful 75 acre retirement location in rolling hills for Ruby, complete with luscious browse plantings, ponds for bathing, and mudholes, the joy of every elephant", said Ruby's chief keeper of 20 years, Kathleen Cota Hunter. Sooooo, I have volunteered to walk Ruby over the 300 plus mile journey to San Andreas. It will be the experience of a lifetime traveling with Ruby along country roads.

Ruby, don't take your love to town and don't get in that truck.

Walking a large African animal to a distant location is not without precedent. In the early 1800's, Etienne Geoffroy Saint-Hilaire walked the first giraffe to be exhibited in Paris from the Mediterranean port of Marseilles all the way to Paris. Zafra, the giraffe was a gift from a North African potentate to the French government. It was a most remarkable publicity stunt and endeared Saint-Hilaire and Zafra to tens of thousands of French citizens who turned out enroute to see an animal never before seen in France. Cota Hunter has enlisted friends from Alemany High School, Class of 1966, to join her for segments of the walk. Famed jockey, high school classmate, and close friend, Mary Chris Checkie Kincaid will join Kathy on the first leg of the journey from Los Angeles to Lancaster. The second leg, beginning at Lancaster will have twins Ron and Don Turkal, the former of Dancing with The Stars fame, join the epic elephantine march. By the time Ruby and entourage reach Bakersfield, "Ruby will be ready for a couple days of rest in my backyard", said Don Turkal. "Besides, my grass really can use some fertilizer. I understand that elephant dung is second only to bat guano in nutritional quality for plants." Among the other Alemanians joining the elephant walk are the Willadsen twins, Patricia and Karen Jean, both of whom worked with Ruby long ago when Ruby was a member of the Circus Vargas. Ruby moved from the circus to the LA Zoo in 1987. Patricia was quoted as saying that she and Karen Jean "plan to ride Ruby together, mahout style, just as they did in the circus". Los Angeles Mayor, Antonia Villaraigosa, commended long-time city employee, Kathy Cota for her devotion to Ruby and to the city of Los Angeles. The Mayor promised to walk the first mile with Ruby, Mary Chris, and Kathy. He also promised to walk the last mile to San Andreas to see Ruby to her new home. Villaraigosa offered a challenge to Governor Swartzenegger to walk or ride with Ruby for the last mile to the PAWS Sanctuary.

The Great Forlorn Swamp, 65,000,000 million years ago.

The Monarchs were excited to see pterodactyls flying and feeding over the Great Forlorn Swamp. But they still had to find the nesting cliffs so they could steal some eggs.

And then, from the platform of the Monarch II, Frank Bonaccorso looked in the other direction with his new Bushnell zoom spotting-scope and saw:

Dueling T. rex!!! Gadzooks.

Frank: Pliny, have a look at this. (Pliny the Elder looked through the spotting scope).

Pliny: I never saw anything like that before, even in the Circus Maximus. What are they?

Dave Nehen: Tyrannosaur rex, the biggest, baddest, land carnivore ever to walk this planet, Pliny, my friend.

Pliny: I would have loved to have given one of those to Nero.

John Barriero: Do you think we dare get closer for some photographs?

Alan Shows: Dare what you will John, I am going back inside the Monarch for lunch. Pat Dolan and Art Fonseca are steaming some Cretaceous clams with skunk cabbage.

Peggy Jones: I will go with you, John. Dinosaurs don't scare me.

Bill Danaher: Take a couple canisters of nitrous oxide with you just in case those rexes get more interested in you than fighting each other. (A gyrocopter is heard approaching and lands near the Monarch.)

Kathy Gordon: Looks like Tim is back from his scouting flight.

Tim Jordan: (Shuts down the gyro motor. And he runs toward the group.) Hey, I found cliffs with nesting Pterodactyls.

Chris Gilmore: Let's have lunch and then I will be ready to climb.(And so the dauntless photographer, John, and brave Peggy set off to ogle the two T. rex up close and personal while everyone else goes in for the steamed clams).

Douglas, Alaska

Ann Turner Olson: (Ann stomps on wooden wharf deck three times) Here Seymore. Annie has some nice King Crab for you. Your new playmate is going to be here soon, Seymour. (Seymour the giant squid pops out of the water at some distance and then turns on the jet propulsion underwater. Three large tentacles rise up and reach out on the wharf to be caressed by Ann). Aren't you precious? You behave yourself and you soon will be in the tentacles of love, because I just got an email that your new bride has been found in New Zealand.

Ann Turner Olson offering a snack to Seymour the Squid

Kaikoura, New Zealand

Captain Paul Pichotta: Deck lines are secure, all engines stop.

First Mate, Ron Phipps: Engines are stop, capt'n. Looks like a few members of the press corps are on the wharf to greet you, Capt'n.

Paul: Someone leaked the news about our catch, Ron. I had to radio back to port to have enough fish on had to offer Henrietta a good meal once we got to port. Ok, I will handle the press.

First reporter: Hello, Captain Pichotta, I am Sheri Richards, Los Angeles Times. How is the giant squid that you captured alive doing?

Paul: Henrietta, or Hennie as we now call her, is quite frisky. Jim Poltl, the world's most renowned squid expert and Smithsonian Natural History Museum collection manager is tending to her every need. She measures 33 feet from head to tip of her longest tentacle. She fed a little on the voyage, but we want to get her acclimated to her sea pen and have her eating full meals soon.

Second reporter: Captain, this is Randall Jensen, San Francisco Chronicle. How long will the squid remain in New Zealand before you ship it Alaska to meet its new playmate, Seymour?

Paul: Oh, I should think a couple of weeks to get her used to a routine and feeding well. If she shows any signs of not feeding we will release her.

Sheri: Who is funding this expensive enterprise?

Paul: The Dick Carvotta Show and CBS will pay all expenses for a mate for Seymour the Squid. Carvotta's ratings went sky high on the night that Seymour took a nip out of his nose on live TV. CBS figures that two squid are better ratings on future shows. Now, one last question and then I have to see about feeding, Hennie.

Randall: Is it true that you are planning an expedition to capture an individual of the even larger Colossal Squid which has never been taken alive?

Paul: We are planning for such an expedition, Randall. How would you and Sheri like to go to sea with us and have the exclusive rights for your newspapers?

Randall and Sheri: Yes!

Paul: Good, maybe we can do some negotiation. Partial sponsorship from your newspapers in return for exclusive news releases from sea.

Henrietta the Giant Squid soon after capture beside the Maori Cutter.

Smithsonian scientist, Jim Poltl caresses Hennie and shows her mouth.

Spring Training Home of the Chicago Cubs, Scottsdale, Arizona

Ron Santo (Voice of the Chicago Cubs): Thanks again, Jim, I appreciate your support for the Hall of Fame. Maybe next year.

Batting Coach, Jim Dantona: It's a real shame that committee left you 5 votes shy of what every baseball fan knows you deserve, Ron. I will tell you one thing though.

Ron: What is that, Jim?

Jim: This is the year the Cubs go to the World Series. No more next year. I guarantee it.

Ron: I'm with you there, partner. How is Sammy Sosa looking?

Jim: His mind is willing, but his body is aching. He has his old swing back, but he has bad tendonitis in his knees.

Ron: You look pretty good in the cage, Jimmy. Thinking of DH role for yourself?

Jim: Dream on, Ron. Gotta, go to work, there are some rookies waiting for me to toss batting practice.

Dick Fosbery and friends in 2007 on his ranch in Idaho.

Although Dick Fosbery did not set a world record in winning his Olympic Gold, his team mate, Bob Beamon, did. Many sports fanatics claim that Beamon's world record long jump was the greatest single improvement ever in a sporting world record. Some sports moments defy all reasonable comprehension-Mickey Mantle blasting a 565-foot home run, Secretariat winning the 1973 Belmont Stakes by 31 lengths, and Ron West, errr I mean Ken Medock, errrr, I mean, Tiger Woods, winning the U.S. Open by 15 strokes. But the feat that may top them all came on Oct. 18, 1968, at the Olympic Games in Mexico City. Between 1935 and 1968, the world long jump record increased exactly eight and one-half inches. Coming into the Olympics, the world record was 27 feet, 43/4 inches, shared by American Ralph Boston and Soviet Igor Ter-Ovanesyan. In the qualifying round at Mexico, Beamon fouled on two attempts, but finally got a legal jump to qualify for the finals. The next day, he took 19 loping strides, hit the board perfectly, stretched his legs and flew through the air like no one ever had. And finally, six seconds after his first step, he hit the sand in the pit-29 feet, 21/2 inches! In one jump he became the first man to jump over 28 feet as well as the first man to jump over 29 feet. He broke the world record by an amazing 21and 3/4 inches. In a footnote, I ran the Jacksonville (Florida) River Run 15K (9.3 miles) in just over 59 minutes in 1988. It was my personal best at this distance and because I was among the top 10% of all finishers for the 3,000 plus runners, I was handed a Top 10% Plaque in the finish chute - by none other than my hero and Jacksonville resident - Olympian Bob Beamon. (FJB)

The "great leap", Bob Beamon at Mexico City, 1968.

The Shadow is pleased to welcome new members ofThe Shadow Super Fan Hall of Fame

Leonard DiTrappani

Charmaine Haley Coimbra